rSlash - r/Confession I Embezzled THOUSANDS

Episode Date: June 28, 2026

0:00 Intro 0:08 Loophole 2:03 Brain damage 3:57 Packages 6:06 Tiny notes 8:52 Over dose 9:40 Adopted 10:38 Found money 11:38 Triplets 12:42 Big refund Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with Eye Gaming Ontario. Hey, I'm Mike Barrenholz. On my new show, funny you ask, trivia starts the conversation, and then things immediately go off the rails. I ask a question. My guests think they know the answer. Sometimes they do. More often, they do not.

And then the conversation takes a turn. One trivia question turns into stories about career highs, painful bombs, and behind-the-scenes moments that probably should have remained private. You'll hear confidence, misplaced confidence, bold guesses, wrong answers, quick laughs, and the slow realization that maybe this was, is a bad idea to say out loud. If you like smart comedy, sharp conversations, and trivia that exists purely to melt people's brains, this is Funny You Ask with me, Ike Barrenholz. Follow Funny You Ask with Ike Barronholtz on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Welcome to R-slash Confessions, where OP admits to a massive embezzlement scheme. Our next Reddit post is from Burner Onyx. Okay, so I'm a 22-year-old woman, and my job could be at stake

if someone found out about this. I recently started working from home in the finance sector. My job consists of taking a lot of calls. We do a lot of overtime, as we can't just hang up on the calls. Mind you, calls can last from two minutes to two hours depending on what the customer needs. I was sitting there a couple of weeks ago, and it was 45 minutes past my off-cue time. It was a Friday night, which is drinking night, and your girl was thirsty. The call was looking like it was going to be at least another 30 minutes because there was a couple of different things the customer wanted to do. Well, here's where it gets bad. I had just had a customer before this one who got a call and had to go, which gave me a bright idea. So the way our system is set up, we can see the

customer's phone number on the screen. With guilt in my veins and Long Island iced tea on my mind, I picked up my phone, set it to private and the customer says, oh, I'm getting a call, got to go. said he'd call back. I'd muted the mic on my phone so he couldn't hear me, and I hung up as soon as he picked up. I got to leave and have a drink, and I didn't have to continue talking to a rude customer. I was ecstatic, never told a soul. But whenever a customer is extra rude or talks down to me or calls in and goes on for too long, I call them. It works like 90% of the time. I hate that this is me and I do feel bad. I just needed to tell someone. O.P., I am shy. I am shod. I am If I went through five minutes of AI chatbots and terrible piano musac waiting for an actual

live human to talk to, and then I got a phone call, there's no way I'm answering that phone call. The President of the United States could call me while I'm talking to a customer service wreck and I'd be like, yo, leave a message. There's no way I'm sitting through all this again. Our next Reddit post is from Charleston. I had a serious head injury in 2009. It killed me. Obviously, I was brought back to life. Lots of freaky stuff. happened at the time, as one would expect from serious permanent brain damage. I was in the hospital for three days, not expected to leave alive, but I did. I have permanent amnesia. I lost every personal memory I had. I don't even remember my mother's face. Hell, I don't recognize my own face.

Anything before 2009 is sketchy at best. It took five years to come to terms with the new reality, and the realization that I'd lost the ability to feel fear due to my amygdala being permanently damaged. I'd lost the emotional connection with my now ex-wife. Losing an emotion has left me feeling that I'm no longer human. A person who can't feel fear is a monster. There are less limits on doing anything, which is not as good as it sounds. Physically, I am human, but losing that emotion has made the other emotions I've left heightened. Love is extreme, but so is anger. I take great efforts to avoid hate because I don't know how I could stop it.

Anger is almost impossible to come down from. When I'm angry, I see red. I can hear blood rushing in my ears. I feel like I'm going to explode and it takes an extreme effort to suppress that rage. I'll usually sit quietly gripping a desk or squeezing my fists until I can get to a level of comfort. I hide this rage. No one really knows how volatile I can be. I don't want people to be afraid of me, but they would be if they knew. O.P.'s situation kind of reminds me of Star Wars, where you're not allowed to embrace anger or hate because it'll allow the dark side to take over. So Opie has to take this kind of meditative approach to stay on the side of light. Our next Reddit post is from Fun Collidescope. I used to work at inventory at Best Buy. If you ordered an item on and our store was the closest to you and we had it in stock, the order would be fulfilled by us.

I'd go around all day finding products, boxing them, slapping a label on them, and throwing them in a big pile that get picked up by a UPS truck every day. Didn't take long for me to realize Best Buy's system didn't check what packages UPS picked up because it was just scheduled UPS pickup. UPS didn't care what was in the pile. So I just started boxing up MacBooks, cameras, smartwatches, whatever, and some slapping my own personal UPS label on the boxes and threw them in the big pile. Sure enough, the UPS guy would just scan it all into UPS's system with Best Buy,

having no idea what actually just left the building. Our loss prevention guys would freak out and be so confused how stuff was just disappearing. Sure enough, everything I'd stolen would show up the next day because my house was like half a mile away from Best Buy. This went on for about four years. Never got caught. I did kind of hint at this loophole to my manager during my last few months or so working there. Down below, we have this comment from Blue Edelon. My uncle worked for the USPS in New York City a long time ago.

One day, the freight elevator got stuck and couldn't go to the basement. The repairman came and they found the bottom of the elevator shaft was filled with empty expensive designer watch boxes. Someone had been stealing them for years and just tossing the empty boxes in the elevator. Then another story from valuable ground. I worked at Best Buy for a few years. The guy that did the shipping was sending iPods to his house by the dozens and selling them online. The inventory manager goes looking for them one day. A hundred iPods gone. He pulls up the camera and they see the shipping guy grabbing them. As they start building their case against him, he rolls up in a

brand new sports car. They were able to trace all the packages to his mother's house. They walked him out in handcuffs in front of all the other associates. Our next Reddit post is from Relative Ad. I've been a plumber in the Kansas City area for 22 years, and I started as an apprentice in 2002 when I was 19. I'm good at my job, licensed, insured, built my own company, and I employ four guys now. I'm a normal person, and I go to church sometimes.

I drank Miller Light and watched the Chiefs like everybody else. But for 20 years, I've been leaving notes inside pipes, like little pieces of paper that are rolled up tight and wrapped in electrical tape so they last. I slip them into fittings, behind access panels, inside walls right before the drywall goes up, like places nobody will find for years or decades, maybe, or maybe never. I've done probably 3,500 jobs in 20 years. Residential, commercial, remodels, new builds, and I've left probably 4,000 notes. Kansas City, Overland Park, O'Lath, Lee Summit, Independence,

even some jobs in Lawrence and Topeka. There are notes and walls all over the metro. I think a significant percentage of the greater Kansas City plumbing infrastructure contains cryptic messages from me. Most will never be found. They'll just exist in walls forever, but some will someday. The best one I ever left was in a house. Big new construction.

Rich family. Like really rich. I was doing the rough end for a basement bathroom, and I left a note that said, There's no treasure here. Stop looking. Then I left another note six feet away that said, You're getting warmer. Then another by the sump pump that said,

Cold, very cold. There's no treasure. But if someone ever finds all three notes, they're going to be hunting through that basement for years. I think about it a lot, and I hope they find them in the wrong order. I've probably got another 20 plus years of plumbing in me, so that's another 4,000 notes. By the time I retire, there will be clear. close to 10,000 notes in walls across the Kansas City Metro. My legacy. People will remember

Arrowhead and the Nelson and the Liberty Memorial. They'll not remember me, but I'll be in their walls. I'm in their walls right now. If you're a plumber and you're thinking about starting this, do it. It's the best part of the job. The pay is fine and the work is fine. But hiding a note that says, you should have listened to your mother behind someone's water heater, I think that's why I get up in the morning. Kansas City, if you ever tear open a wall and find a weird note, just know that it was me. Sorry, and also, you're welcome. Also, check the crawl space. On a somewhat similar note, I heard a story a while ago about a surgeon who burned his initials into a woman's organ after operating on it, and then he got sued. Now, I don't think OP can get sued for this,

but it's kind of similar. Our next Reddit post is from Dangerous Show. So I'm a firefighter, and about two years ago, we got a call to a house for an ambulance assist, but we got there first. We walked in, and there were two guys on the sofa passed out. We copped very fast that it was a heroin overdose, so we needed Narcan to reverse the effects of heroin. My colleague went out to the truck to get some, and me and another guy stayed. I noticed a wallet on the table full of money. As soon as I had the chance, I put it into my trousers pocket before anyone saw it. There was $2,000 in it.

I feel kind of bad, but we saved their life. This comment from J.C. Cubed. Damn, bro. You should have been a cop, not a firefighter. Yeah, then it wouldn't be called theft. It'd just be called civil forfeiture. Our next Reddit post is from Way Patriarch. So I've been thinking about how I was adopted,

and I just realized that I totally pulled an Annie on my parents. Now, they aren't Mr. Warbucks rich, but they're comfortable. They had taken me in as a foster kid when I was 11, and I really liked them. So about four months into them fostering me, I wrote them a whole song with choreography about wanting a family. Mind you, this was the work of an 11-year-old, so it wasn't exactly a Disney Channel-worthy performance, but it worked. A couple weeks later, they told me they wanted to adopt me, and when I asked them

later on why they chose that, they told me it's because my song and dance really touched them. I totally annieed them. But hey, at least it works. I must not be too terrible of a songwriter after all. So you tricked your parents by being a sweet, adorable kid? Sounds to me like you did exactly the one thing that could have worked. Our next Reddit post is from Pineapple Cultural. I found money in an ATM and now I regret returning it. I show up at a Wells Fargo ATM and there's 300 bucks sitting in the cash dispenser. No one's around, as if someone made a withdrawal, and then forgot to take their money. I waited about 10 minutes to see if anyone came back, but no one did. I was with my 9-year-old, who was excited and asked if we get to keep it. I told him that the right

thing to do is to return it. However, this was a Sunday, and we would have to wait until Monday. Good opportunity for a lesson, right? Kind of. I go in on Monday and explain to the manager what happened. They told me no one had contacted them yet, but they'll put it back in the bank, and if someone comes and asks, they'll look at the balance at the end of the month or something like that. No pat on the back, just a simple, thanks, and the bank absorbs the cash with no real outcome. I could have used that $300, but I guess it's an important lesson for my kid, still. Our next Reddit post is from Floating NPC. My whole family doesn't know that I lost track of which triplet was which. I know I was lazy. I helped take care of babies when I was young,

and I never thought taking care of triplets is extremely hard and time consuming. A family member sometimes asks which baby is which, and my wife says their clothes are color-coded, but in reality, I already got the babies mixed up. No one, including my wife, has the attention to detail to know which is which besides the clothes. I don't have the same time and patience with the extra steps my wife does, so whenever it's my turn to care for the babies, I do what's convenient, and sometimes I get them swapped. When they got a bit older, they basically chose their own names. Only one kid responds to one name. And now that they've grown a lot, it's easy to know which is which, but no one really knows who is the original, Blossom or Bubbles or Buttercup. The top comment is,

as a triplet, my parents have confirmed that they don't know if we were mixed up or not at some point. Our next Reddit post is from Nurse Kristen. I bought a bunch of scrubs online, and after they were delivered, I returned about $60 worth because they didn't fit. I noticed my bank account like a week later go from barely anything to being $6,000 richer. I realized it was the Scrubs company that sent it. I was living with my boyfriend at the time, and we were applying for a mortgage soon, so I decided, well, if they take it back, fine. But I'm not going to call and say anything, since it'll just make our finances look a bit better when applying for a mortgage. I was really scared for a while that I would be in trouble for not reporting it, but I ended up using it towards our down payment, and it's been about seven years now since that happened, lo! And a similar story from Wingo Tango. One time, I sent myself $1,000 through Venmo so I could move it to another bank account without waiting days for the bank to process the transfer. The money sent, but was never withdrawn from my original account. I waited a week, and deactivated my Venmo.

It's been at least five years, and nothing happened, and I'll never use Venmo again, just in case. That was R-slash Confessions, and if you liked this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out

new Reddit podcast episodes every single day. Hey, y'all, it's Kelly Clarkson with Wayfair. Ever order furniture online and wonder, what if? Like, what if it doesn't hold up? That sofa was four days old. You should have ordered from Wayfair.

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