rSlash - r/Confessions I Destroyed a Guy's Testicle

Episode Date: March 28, 2025

0:00 Intro 0:07 Balls 3:10 Comment 4:27 Soda man 7:30 Awful behavior 11:19 Looks and money 12:49 Hiding Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan. You know, for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan, you're not with Fizz. Switch today. Conditions apply. Details at Fizz.ca. The wait is over. The NBA season is here, and FanDuel's the place to bet on all the action. I'm talking everything from point spreads to money lines to player props. You can even pick who's going to win it all. Whether you're betting on a breakout performance

or an underdog victory, tip off the season right with North America's number one sportsbook. Just download the app and bet on the NBA all season long. Please play responsibly. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or the gambling of someone close to you, please go to connectsontario.ca. questions or concerns about your gambling or the gambling of someone close to you, please go to connectsontario.ca. Welcome to r slash confessions, where a dude loses a testicle. Our next reddit post is from Bernsa. This happened when I was around 7 or 8 years old. It was my first year in primary school and I had joined the school with some of my friends from the local feeder school in the area. One particular boy was a year older than us and was repeating the first year

for some reason. He was of German descent, from a very well-to-do family, and a lot bigger than the rest of us. Possibly because he was embarrassed at repeating the year, he was a bit of a bully. He often picked on me and some of my friends. I'm sure we probably escalated things at times too because I know that he was teased for being German. So one day, standing outside class, I kicked him full whack in the balls. He buckled over, but I can't really remember much of what happened afterwards. We probably tucked tail and ran. I can't even say for sure whether he deserved to be kicked at the time or if I just thought

that I was getting him back for previous behavior. Anyway, he missed school for a few days after and I heard some kids saying that he was in the hospital. Soon after that, I was called in to speak to a teacher who, as far as I remember, dressed me down and explained that the other student had gone home and his testicle had swollen up to the size of a tennis ball and it had to be removed. I don't really remember getting into much trouble over it, but I do remember some of the other kids going on about it in banter.

The details are hazy, but I felt so bad and I felt that I was in so much trouble that I never, ever told my parents about it. This was made worse as my dad and the other kid's dad had gone to school together And I only found this out after seeing my dad chatting to his dad at a rugby match that me and the kid were playing on one Saturday about a year later I was freaking out the whole time that they were speaking and Then started feeling guilty that my dad might have been seen as rude by his dad for not apologizing for my actions It didn't come across that way as they seemed like old friends catching up, but I felt so guilty. I felt so awful about it.

I mean, at the time, I didn't realize that it may have an effect on him being able to have children, but I felt like I'd done something so horrible and always expected my family to confront me about it. When I learned about the reproductive challenge this might cause the guy, the guilt was just amplified. The years that followed in primary school were mostly fine. On the odd occasion, he would have a go at me. I remember him having a slightly shorter fuse with me than others, but I think he ended up being okay and less of a bully.

Saying that, he did try to drown me in a river at our primary school leavers camp as I'd pissed him off for some reason, but mostly the in-between years went by without incidents. I left that school to go to a different high school, so I never maintained contact with him. I saw him once during my teenage years and we chatted for about 5 minutes. I remember it being friendly. I never mentioned the incident. I hope he was able to have children.

I'm sorry bro. I'm sorry I never said sorry too. Down in the comments we have this story from Drank Hater Aid. My buddy's girlfriend kicked him in the nuts during an argument. He calls me and asks me to come over. I get to his house and he's on the couch, ice on the crotch, no underwear and a white Fruit of the Loom wife beater. I'm like, what the hell bro, what's going on? He tells me and I laugh. He moves the ice from his nuts. I gasp. I kid you not, his nuts were like two grapefruits. I told him to get some boxers on. He's crying

that just the touch of cloth on his balls hurts too much, but I need to take him to the hospital. Talk about awkward, me walking him into the emergency room. Two dudes, one fully clothed, the other in just a white sleeveless shirt with his butt hanging out, walking like a baby with a fully loaded diaper with ice on his crotch. He had to get his nuts drained? What does that mean? No permanent damage. Here's your odd testicle fact of the day. The reason why testicles are outside the body is because sperm is more ideally produced at a temperature slightly cooler than your normal

body temperature. Thus, by letting them hang free, they can be cooled down a bit for ideal sperm production. Our next reddit post is from Whopper. During my junior year of high school, a ban in California prohibited the sale of soda in public schools. I, seeing a need by many, decided to spend my small savings from my allowance, $17, on three Costco 24 packs. School was selling soda at the time for 75 cents prior to the ban. So I matched the price, roughly making $18 every 24 pack, which was about $13 in profit for a 24 pack.

After my first week and three trips to Costco, I made enough to buy more inventory per trip, minimizing my trips to Costco and cutting into profits. I also added variety. I started with Coke, then added Sprite and Dr. Pepper. At first, I was holding in my locker, but realized heat was an issue. I invested in an insulated bag and had two to three frozen waters inside to keep things cool. And I also helped by chilling the drinks the night before. I was sold out on average before lunch or at the beginning of lunch. Four months in, I noticed sales drop and I was leaving school with inventory. I found out I had competition of others who not only picked up on what I was doing but

started selling flavors like Cherry Coke, Fanta, Shasta and whatnot. By this time, I'd already established myself with faculty and added Diet Cokes and Diet Dr. Peppers per their request. Yep, I paid off faculty with free drinks, which took a hit on profits weekly, but it secured me from getting in trouble with most security guards where I made transactions and classes I had and a few trusted teachers from previous semesters. On average, I only had to spend about 6 to 9 sodas weekly. No big deal. I had the principal and a few vice principals buying as well. Needless to say, competition wasn't something I needed. I had the competition get pinched by faculty once I found out who it was.

Of the six soda sellers, including myself, four got caught. The other gent, I let him continue doing what he was doing because I knew his background and he and his family needed the money. I did get pinched by a substitute in class. I was sent to the same vice principal who was my buyer. All I was told was to be careful and I sat in his office till the next class period started. My end goal was to pay for all senior fees which included cap, gown, diploma, senior night, prom, and senior rank. By early senior year, I'd made enough to cover all fees including my tux rental and my portion of limo for prom night.

I also bought a Playstation 2 and saved the rest as a base starting point for a used car. By the end of my senior year, I helped two juniors continue what I was doing and helped them figure it out and connected them to my faculty buyers. I have zero regrets about it all. I wonder if OP's parents knew about this? Because you have to wonder, are they proud of his entrepreneurial spirit or would they be disappointed that he basically became a soda mafia boss? Our next reddit post is from SwimmingMoment.

I'm in my late 20s and early 30s. I started making good money as a financial advisor and it kinda led me into a bad crowd where we were drinking, doing blow, and it's when I first got introduced to morphine. All while this happened, I started becoming more distant from my best friend, Ben. Anyways, Ben invites me to his 4-year-old's birthday party at his house. It was kind of an attempt to patch things up between us. The week I had was super long and stressful, and I had forgotten all about the party until

I got a reminder from my phone. I was already with my other friends doing our usual thing when my buddy Chad got this new bottle of solution you take orally. I'd never tried it before and nothing happened. I looked it up, and it said it was supposed to take an hour, but nothing happened, so I assumed it was a dud. I ubered to Ben's birthday party because I didn't want to drive just in case the drug affected me. As soon as I got to his house, it starts to creep up on me, and I'm feeling nice and relaxed. Music sounds amazing, all that stuff. I had to go take a dump because it's a common thing that happens to me when I take morphine. When I'm sitting on the toilet, that's when it hits me like I got hit by a bus. My mouth is as dry as the effing desert. My whole body is so nice and

relaxed times 10. I'm not gonna lie, it felt effing amazing. In my head I kept saying, this is amazing, this is amazing, over and over and over. I remember slumping over the toilet and landing face first on the bathroom door. I don't know how long I was lying there, but Ben's wife knocks on the door and asked if I'm okay. I tell her I'm fine, but even saying it, I sound like an actual druggie. I remember I've been in there for a while now, and it looks super suspicious. My whole body feels heavy, and I just want to lay down and enjoy my high. I try to stand up but my legs are shaking like crazy and it feels like I'm

2000 pounds. I manage to open the door after what felt like hours fumbling with the lock. I walk into the main room where everyone's at. I remember the look of absolute horror on everyone's face. Ben's face, his wife's, his parents, everybody. Me, being super high, I say, what? Ben says, pull your pants up! What the hell are you doing? I look down and my dick is out. One of the little kids, Jesus Christ, one of the little kids notices and just screams at the top of her lungs. Me, being absolutely blasted, says, shut up you old b-word to a literal 5 year old. I don't really remember much after that. I just remember Ben taking me home, me begging him to take me to McDonald's like a child and whining and crying when he didn't

and him lecturing me about how much I change and how much of a degenerate I've become. I feel absolutely horrible about ruining that girl's birthday party, possibly traumatizing a bunch of kids, and having my best friend have to take care of me on a day he was supposed to remember fondly. I'm going to quit all drugs and try to make more meaningful relationships. I've apologized to Ben, but obviously he doesn't want to talk to me, which I understand. I just feel like the biggest scumbag ever. I'm hosting my daughter's birthday party in about two weeks. OP, you've given me a new fear. I sincerely hope that none of the parents behave

the way you did. Honestly, you deserve to get your ass beat. I'm amazed that none of the parents behaved the way you did. Honestly, you deserve to get your ass beat. I'm amazed that Ben drove you home instead of dragging you to the front lawn where he and all the other dads beat you senseless. Pre-gaming morphine to a child's birthday? Dude, you got a problem. It seems like OP knows that, but uh, yo, this is really bad. Our next Reddit post is from CheapTennis. I married a 40 year old man when I was 19. We started dating when I was 17. Yeah it was gross but that's what happened. The only reason he married me is because I was hot. The only reason I married him is because he had money.

I actually do have other redeeming characteristics, but he married me because I was hot. I know this. Everyone knows this. It doesn't feel great, but I can deal with it. We've been married 20 years. We have four kids. So we're stable and have lots in common at this point. And we do love each other. But if I could go back and slap myself, I would. What nobody tells you, or they try to, and you don't listen because you're a stupid teenager is that marrying like this means that you will effing owe him, for everything, every single day.

Not just in the bedroom, but in every other matter in your life. The stuff you never imagined someone else trying to decide for you. And you don't even owe him for the money. It's a lot heavier than that. He'll never say it out loud, but you'll know the deal. Fundamentally unequal. He'll pull rank at the most random times and it'll make you feel like you're falling through the floor.

I don't hate my life or anything. I accept that I made this bid and I have to lie in it, but I wouldn't recommend it to anyone else. My oldest daughter is two years younger than I was when I met my husband and I can't imagine. Our next reddit post is from 404notfoundirl. This happened last year and I still don't know if I made the right call. It was around 11pm and I had just gotten home from a late shift.

I live in a small apartment in a not so great part of the city so I'm always a little on edge when walking home. That night felt off. As I was unlocking my door, I noticed a guy standing at the edge of the hallway. He wasn't doing anything, just standing there, but something about him made my stomach drop. I got inside, locked the door, and tried to shake it off. Not even five minutes later, someone knocked. Hard. I froze. It wasn't my neighbor. She texts

before coming over. And I don't really have friends who drop by unannounced. Then a voice. Please, can you just let me in for a second? It was a woman. She sounded out of breath, almost panicked. I looked through the peephole and there she was, maybe mid-twenties, wide eyes, glancing down the hall like she was being followed. I know, I know, stupid move, but I cracked the door open just a little and asked her what was going on. She whispered that there's a guy who's been following her since she left the train. She didn't know where else to go from there. That's when I realized it was the guy that I saw earlier. My heart was racing, but I stepped aside and let her in. I locked the door immediately, turned off the lights, and we just stood there

in the dark, listening. A few seconds later, heavy footsteps passed my door. Slow. Like someone was looking for something. Then, nothing. She stayed for about 30 minutes, just sitting on my couch, shaking. I offered her water and we barely talked. Eventually, she called a friend to come pick her up. When she left, she just said, thank you and disappeared down the hall. I never saw her again. I don't know if she was telling the truth. Maybe she was genuinely in danger, but I think about that night all the time and I can't decide if I did the right thing or if I got really, really lucky. In this story, OP may have definitely saved this girl from some sort of harm, but just so you know, this is the setup for a common home invasion scam.

A woman knocks on your door, seems distressed, asks to come in to either use the bathroom or use your phone or because she's scared or whatever. And then the second you open the door, her boyfriend slash accomplice rushes inside and takes over the home. To, you know, rob you or who knows what. So while it is nice to do a good deed, be careful out there everyone. OP got really lucky here. That was r slash Confessions, and if you liked this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new reddit podcast episodes every single day.