rSlash - r/F-youkaren BEHOLD! I AM MEGA-KAREN!

Episode Date: July 31, 2021

r/F-youkaren I'm trying out a new subreddit today that has really grown in popularity lately! This subreddit is all about the worst that Karens have to offer, with their entitlement, screaming at customer service workers, and just all-around douchiness. I had to use my normal voice on a lot of these posts because I was afraid of hurting my vocal cords, lol. Using the Karen voice for 20 minutes nonstop would be like toying with the dark arts. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to our slash, a podcast where I read the best post from a cross-reddit. Today's subreddit is our slash FU Karen, where we read about the worst that Karen's have to offer. Also, just a heads up, this is a new subreddit that I'm covering, and pretty much every single one of these posts is just Karen's story after Karen's story. And typically I read stories in my Karen voice, but I'm not going to read a full 15 minute episode in nonstop Karen voice because I'd be afraid of hurting my voice to be honest with you. So just keep that in mind, some of these posts are gonna be read in my normal voice. Hey, I loved your Toeferky dinner recipe that you shared.

How long have you been vegan? Hey, thanks, I loved making it. I'm not a vegan though, I'm sorry, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Oh, vegetarian? No, I just don't like the taste and texture of most meats. Oh, so you're like pretending to be a vegan because it's cool and in. I've been a vegan for three years now and it was the best decision I've made in my life. It's not hip or cool, it's important. Good for you, that's great. I'm not pretending to be a vegan at all.

In fact, I'm quite open about eating beef on my profile. There's public posts at state that. I just like tofu more than most meats. Tofu is strictly for vegans and vegetarians. You're basically admitting to appropriating from us and stealing what we need for your own selfish use. I'm going to request to the admin that you're removed from my group. With all due respect, I'm not appropriating anything.

I'm eating food just like you are. You absolute moron. Alright, so my wife is Chinese. I've got to offer some context here. Tofu is a food that's native to China and Chinese people have been eating tofu for literally thousands of years. And in China, tofu isn't really seen as like a vegetarian alternative, it's just one more ingredient.

They've put it in lots of stuff, they kinda use it the way Americans use potatoes. So like meat and potatoes, mashed potatoes, french fries, it's the same thing in China. Stir fry tofu, meat and tofu, bake tofu, they tofu in countless different ways. There's even tofu drinks. So in actuality here, if anyone's appropriating culture, it's Karen. Because tofu isn't a vegan food, it's a Chinese food. And then like on top of this, why get keep tofu? Imagine having so much time on your hands you're gonna be like, you eat tofu and you're not a vegan? Who cares? It's a beam. Why are you gatekeeping a beam? We're viewing PetSmart, one star. My husband and I have shopped here consistently for years,

but we'll use a different location from now on. They will literally lock the doors right in your face if you show up just two minutes after closing. Yeah, Karen, because nobody in that store wants to work for free. The second these employees are off the clock, they immediately stop caring about your problems. I mean, to be fair, they never really cared before, but at least when they're paid, they pretend to care because they're paid to. Alright, so this next story is a letter that a Karen sent to a local bookstore and it's really long. And normally I wouldn't read something so long,

but it's just so insane that I'd be crazy not to read it because this is just, this is like a Karen manifesto of insanity and just utter detachment from reality. And because of its length, I'm not gonna do it in my Karen voice because I think that speaking in the Karen voice for that long would tempt the dark once. Dear Mr. Holiday, I'm writing to let you know that yesterday I was disappointed to leave your bookstore because of your mask requirements. I'm a 56 year old woman with a master's in library and information science. I have a bachelor's and fine arts as well, and I care about people.

Deeply. I always have for my entire life. I did not vote for Trump. I am also part of the rapidly shrinking populations that still reads books on printed paper and uses a paper planner. I seek to support local businesses, especially bookstores because they seem to be a dying breed. However, I can no longer tolerate this theater that is the mask. The only mask effective at stopping the virus is the N95, and even that is in 100% effective. Please seek to understand that this virus, which, according to the CDC, has a less than 2% mortality rate, is being used as a political tool to divide and polarize people, families, and communities. The general population of benevolent, kindhearted, and caring people is being purposefully manipulated

to destabilize society, shutter local economies, and small businesses such as your own. Eliminate access to broad and sweeping ranges of legitimate information and up-and-life as we know it. Today, when I chose to leave your store, I felt alienated, isolated, and deeply saddened to be turned away. As I was turned away, so was a potential referral, repeat customer, and a member of your community. I've lost family to COVID, one person who's died, and others who have been terrorized in a complete isolation because of manipulative untruths and propaganda pushed upon us for over a year. My teenage son has fallen into a deep depression as a result of the perpetual peddling of fear and subsequent isolation. He started using drugs and struggles

to find hope for his future and his life. I gotta stop this story here. What makes this Karen think that that's because of the COVID quarantine? And not because that's just what it's like to be a young person nowadays. Planet Earth is on fire and the dream of owning a house is pretty much unreachable. So yeah, I don't blame kids nowadays for being pretty depressed. Anyways, back to this woman's crazy letter. He has a friend who committed suicide over the isolation and terror imposed upon him, his family, and his community.

I know not your story, but I do know that we as Texans, uh-huh, make sense. And US citizens have all suffered loss in one way or another as a result of this unprecedented abuse of power. The lockdowns were certainly not just about death due to COVID. I found your window book display ironic. Because before long, if we allow this bizarre agenda to manifest in a complete fruition, there will be a new form of separate but equal, a new form of segregation, a new form of Jim Crow. Forgive the anonymity of this correspondence. There's so much hate and derision, so many accusations and ugly assumptions made about those who don't believe in the mask, or the safety of the not FDA-approved experimental

vaccines that I don't feel comfortable revealing my identity or contact information. I sincerely send you a wish for healing, kindness and prosperity. Together we stand, divided we fall. Please seek the truth because both it and humanity is right in front of you. Not behind a mask or a government mandate, and we're all trembling in our foods and looking at each other's sideways, just like the powers that be desire. Signed a librarian in Austin, Texas. Alright, so first off, down in the comments someone points out that 2% of Americans is 6.5 million people, which is approximately the equivalent of the entire state of Indiana just being wiped off the map.

This woman's letter is so like deranged and fractured that I'm struggling to even make sense of it. She said, when I chose to leave, but also, S.I. was turned away. So, which is it? Did she leave because she was standing by her principles? Or did she leave because she was thrown out? Also, she cares about people so deeply, but she doesn't care about people enough to wear a mask. Okay, and like, if the N95 mask is the only mask that she thinks works, then shouldn't she be wearing the N95 mask instead of no mask? Right, this woman isn't saying that the virus doesn't exist. She's kind of like acknowledging that it is.

She's even acknowledging that it's killing that many people, so she knows it's a deadly virus. Her problem isn't that the virus is killing people. Her problem is that she doesn't want to wear a mask because why exactly? Because it's scaring people? I think because it's scaring people. Okay, right.

Because wearing a mask is much scarier than actually dying from the virus. Oh man, and last but not least, can we maybe not compare wearing a mask to actual Jim Crow laws? Lady, are you, are you really trying to say that wearing a mask so that you don't murder other people is as bad as deep South segregation during the Jim Crow era because that's a yikes from me. Call it a hunch, but I'm pretty sure that black people during Jim Crow laws had it much worse than you did, Karen.

Hmm, which is worse. Wearing a mask or being lynched by an angry mob because of your skin color. Hmm, posted to Facebook by someone whose name is Honest to God, Karen. Hello Facebook, today I'm here to rant about the new Loki series on Disney Plus. It is disgusting. It teaches our kids that it's okay to be sex, fluid, and bisexual. These things are not real and do not exist. This show is brainwashing our kids and I have to ban my kids from Disney Plus to stop them

from watching this. It is outrageous and I am wasting money on my Disney Plus subscription. I want a refund. I demand that this Loki series gets taken off Disney Plus right now. Loki is hashtag cancelled. This one. This one with things that being bisexual is imaginary, but she has no problem with like wizards and superheroes and people flying around with giant lighting hammers and men and robot suits. Also, yeah. Can you imagine the headlines breaking news?

Marvel, the most successful movie franchise in history, has been canceled by some Karen on Facebook. So sorry, but no more Avengers movies, no more Thor, no more Loki, because Karen on Facebook has a problem with it. I was working in a movie theater in France, and a customer started an argument with my manager who's a highly functioning alcoholic and doesn't give an f-about pleasing Karen. She stupidly said, the customer is King, to which my manager replied, we're in France. We decapitate kings.

Hello, if you don't be a sheep and wear a mask, I'll tip you an extra $15 cash. I'm just trying to make sure the people aren't sheep. Hey Timothy, I'm sorry, but my health is worth more than $15. I'm on my way now. Okay, you'll be getting a bad review, idiot libdard. Thanks, I left your food on your porch, Merry Christmas. Have fun living on unemployment after I get you fired. What, what an OP deliver, was this like DoorDash?

Does this guy want people to sneeze all over his food? News headline, a white woman in Rally North Carolina called a black woman the inward and said that she would do it again because she felt forced into using the racial slur because she thought the black woman was being too loud at a restaurant. Alright, so down in the comments, obviously people are blasting on her and someone posted her actual apology.

Here's this racist woman's Facebook post. Tonight on WRAL TV News, there will be a news article about me using the inward and a conflict with three rude, loud, obnoxious, black women. I would like to apologize to my family, friends, and other patrons in the bar at North Hills Bonefish. The TV reporters came to my house today because they found out my name, which could only happen if the restaurant gave them my information. The woman taped me and apparently shared the video all over social media.

I suffer from extreme anxiety, which is not an excuse. I'm ashamed of my actions. Okay, all right, so she's... she says that she's ashamed of her actions, but she apologized to every single person except the people that she calls the inward. I apologize to my family, friends, and other patrons in the bar in North Hills bonefish. So literally every single person who saw this happen except the three rude loud obnoxious black women. Oh my god. This is so racist and clueless. I actually feel a little bit uncomfortable reading it for this post. This woman's literal argument, which is posting on social media by the way, is,

Well, I wouldn't have to call you an inward if you didn't act like an inward, inward. Alright, so this next post is posted to Craigslist, and I don't know if it's real or not, but if it is, this is insane. Wedding date went in for my mother-in-law, $1,000 in Hudson Valley. Hello, I'm looking for a wedding date for my mother-in-law from Friday evening to Saturday evening for a wedding in Hudson Valley in August. She needs constant attention and supervision. She'll probably wear white and try to escalate small dramas.

Your job is simply to distract and de-escalate. Flatter her for two days and make an easy $1000 required qualifications. You must be a good conversationalist, a good de-escalator, a good dancer, experience with narcissists a plus, able to pretend you happen to be a guest interested in sitting and dancing with my mother-in-law. Able to give her your undivided attention. Ideally, you'd be in the age range of 40 to 60 years old.

She's 51 slim and attractive. You must have your own suit to wear. We will provide background information, conversation topics, a hotel room, your own of course, food and travel expenses. Please send a photo of yourself in a quick blurb indicating your interest and qualifications. You'll also need to be okay with us running a background check on you just for safety's sake. Down in the comments, everyone is talking about how great of a deal this is. A thousand dollars is a thousand dollars. Our next post comes to us courtesy from our slash am I the butthole. Will I be the butthole if I report my new neighbor for anti-social behavior?

I own an apartment in a very desirable building with extensive maintained grounds. These grounds are purely ornamental though and never uses a garden. Most residents have balconies, however, some of the one bit apartments don't. Here regardless, in my two years of living here, I have never seen anyone use the ground as if it's their own personal space. We've been experiencing a heat wave, and for the last four days, I've noticed a woman's sunbathing on the grass. She brings a blanket and a book, and she's out there for hours reading it a bikini top and shorts on the first day.

I asked her if she lived in the building, and she said she did, having recently moved in. Later on, I saw her access the building with keys, so I don't think she was lying. She was literally out there from 10am till 4pm. Today I saw her again, and I let her know the gardens weren't to be used that way. She told me she was a resident. I think she ran because I know most of the owners in the building. And she was under the impression the outdoor space is communal. She mentioned that her realtor had told her that, and it was a huge reason as to why she moved here.

I was a little intimidated by her, so I didn't argue too long. I just reinforced that the grounds were not for sunbathing. Later, I shared a photo of her for my window and shared it with all the residents in the WhatsApp group to remind others to call out this anti-social behavior. Some residents agreed, but others said that I was being weird. Someone added the new tenant to the group and she posted a long message apologizing if her attire made people uncomfortable, but she wasn't going to stay inside a 90 degree heat when she has green space right outside. I'm considering reporting her to the landlord if she continues. Am I the butthole? There are plenty of other parks nearby. And then OP Posts in an update.

Firstly, for all those calling me a Karen, I'm a 29-year-old man. I am not unhappy or alone. English is not my native language, and I'm not based in America, so we may have different understandings of the word antisocial. In my country, annoying your neighbors is antisocial behavior. Her lying outside half naked makes our building look tacky. She makes it look like a university dorm. This could lead to apartments losing value. I know she rins because there's a great demand for apartments on this block and it's

a big deal when one is for sale. I don't imagine she lives in a flat with a balcony. I don't think I'm being classed as either because these apartments are all very expensive and she must pay expensive rent to live here. I also don't think that she would pay towards ground costs, her landlord would. I wouldn't mind so much if she placed her blanket slightly further away from the front lawn because she's on full display for anyone approaching the building. I don't get why she can't go to a park, she's already come to her being half naked in

public, so why not a park? I will accept that I shouldn't contact her landlord about this, and perhaps there was no need to photograph her. But I still maintain that sunbathing out front in public view is tacky. And it's as serious annoyance to neighbors everywhere. Alright, so when I started reading this post, I just automatically assumed that OP was a woman because duh, we're on R-slash FU Karen, and let's be honest,

it sounds like a Karen, doesn't it? But the fact that this is a 29 year old guy taking pictures of a woman's sunbat without her consent and then sharing that picture with other people is super creepy. Also down in the comments, Little Bab says exactly what I was thinking. I am not classist, but this peasant renting in my high society building is making it look tacky because she's classless. Also, people are pointing out something that I actually personally miss when I was first

reading through this story. OP said that he was intimidated by her. Now why would a 29 year old guy be intimidated by a half naked woman? People are pointing out that that word intimidating is probably a dog whistle to signify that she's a person of another race and that's why he thinks property values will go down. I know we're not on that subreddit, but let's go ahead and do it anyways. OP, you are the butthole. I'm giving you 3.5 out of 5 buttles for being classist, probably racist, and just overall

a complete and total Karen. Sure you're a dude, but still, you're a total Karen. With you, when star. This place is trash. You can see from the response what type of establishment this is. And then the owner replies, Karen, you've never even been to my restaurant. You left a one star review because you lost an internet argument with my family member on Facebook. You're a sad, pathetic human being and just know that we feel bad for you. Oh, what?

Down in the comments we have this story from General Furbies. I work at a garden center. We got a one star review because a customer won the plans that were being sorted by us that were donated for a deceased little girl's memorial garden that we were installing. Um, hello. Can I buy those plants, please? Um, sorry, ma'am, but these are for a dead little girl's memorial. Yeah, and she's dead, so what does she need them for?

Never, ever again, give Bakery Plus your business. I've been a loyal customer to their business for 15 years, and I purchase over five cakes a year, but they don't need my business based on today. So I walk in with my mesh mask on. They told me I need a real mask and to go outside. The lady, whose double mask brings the cake outside and puts it down on the bench. I'm like, so you know, masks do nothing, right? I ask if they'll put on their website when they'll stop requiring masks.

She says, well, I guess when COVID is over, I start laughing and told them they just lost a loyal customer. She said, good, we don't need your business anyway. So I know that my entire family will boycott them. I have a list of local businesses that I will never give an ounce of my money, too. This Karen is posting this on Facebook as if to somehow scare other potential customers away of my money too. content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.