rSlash - r/Idontworkherelady "Officer, I'm a Pizza Guy, Not a Drug Mule!"

Episode Date: July 7, 2021

r/Idontworkherelady OP works at a pizza delivery place, and one day he gets a rather unusual call from a customer who ordered a large cheese pizza. He shows up at the customers house with the pie, but for some bizarre reason they refuse to pay for it, so he just leaves. A week later 2 cops show up and drag him to the police station where they interrogate him over his involvement in a massive criminal conspiracy. They keep accusing OP of trafficking drug money, but OP is like, "Dude, I was just there to deliver a pizza." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to R-Slash, a podcast where I read the best posts from across Reddit. Today's subreddit is R-Slash I don't work here, lady, where the cops think that OP is a drug mule for a massive crime syndication. Our next Reddit post is from enough pizza now. I never thought that my job as a pizza delivery guy was low-risk, but I also never imagined that it would potentially get me thrown in jail. We got a pretty sketchy delivery call to late hour. Our restaurant

is constantly slammed with everyone desperate to eat at a table now that the vaccine's out, so I grab the phone. Before I could even finish my standard greeting, the guy just goes, yeah, it's Mack, I'm ordering a pizza. I'm not much for a small talk either, so I just roll with it and say, good for you, Mack, pick up a delivery. You know, I'm just rattling off the standard questions. He answered the first few questions, but he seemed hesitant or confused. Over the phone, I could hear him argue with someone else. Then he got back on the line and kept ordering like normal, as if none of the proceeding conversation

had ever happened. Whatever. I got his delivery order and hid it out. It was a standard large pizza, no toppings, no extras. They were going to pay cash. I pull up, and it's a scary, run-down, sparsely populated apartment complex. It was mostly populated by broke college students, so I wasn't too concerned or anything. I knock on the front door, and they open the door just a tiny bit.

I called in, hey, pizza! There was no response, so I just a tiny bit. I called in, hey pizza. There was no response, so I called a little louder. Got your pizza out here. Then an alarmed voice from inside said, shh, just come in. Uh-huh, no. Weirdly, I get that request a lot. Everyone from sketchy apartment due to suburban soccer moms

asked me to bring the pieces of the dinner table because they're too busy. Some people even tried to pull this during the pandemic, but it's a longstanding company policy and a good one that entering the home for any reason whatsoever is a hard no. So I said, it can't do that. However, I can leave it out here if you don't want to come to the door. I just need payment first. There was silence, and then some shuffling, and then the door

shut unlocked. The guy was like, what do you mean payment first? That's not what we agreed on. He's talking to me through the closed front door. I was standing there wondering if this was the first pizza this guy had ever ordered in his life, because payment first is basically implied, right? But I'm not looking for any kind of confrontation or trying to be a butthole, so I just say, yeah, so our store policy is payment first. And then this guy erupts, screaming, that's not what Mario and I discussed. So then I thought that maybe he was trying to pull some kind of scam on us. Because nobody at our store is named Mario, and I'm the one who took his order, so I know what was discussed. I decided that if they weren't going to pay,

I had already made a reasonable attempt to deliver, and I could safely head out now. As I'm preparing to do so, another guy, and looking back now, I realized that he didn't even have a pizza box, walked very confidently up to the door, pounded on it like a heavy bag and said, pizza's here. I don't know if the dude in the apartment had ordered two identical

pizzas from different shops, or if our pizza had taken so long that he thought that we weren't coming so he called someone else. Or maybe I just had the wrong apartment, but overall it was just so weird that I decided to go. Especially because Pizza Guy number two was looking at me with a really intense stare. Apparently this guy was really trying to defend his pizza delivery turf. He said something like, can I help you or wrong apartments? I went back to the restaurant and told the story to the chef. We just laughed and then we wondered what could have driven this man to order two pizzas

at once and I didn't think about it for several weeks. Then, a couple of weeks later I was working in the restaurant and a couple of cops walked in. I'm driving this man to order two pizzas at once, and I didn't think about it for several weeks. Then a couple of weeks later, I was working in the restaurant and a couple of cops walked in. They weren't in uniform, but they had badges. They asked if I'd been at such and such apartment complex on such and such day, and I was like, that was weeks ago, I have no idea where I was. So they were like, in that case, you wouldn't mind coming down to talk to us about what you

do remember. But I was like, really that case, you wouldn't mind coming down to talk to us about what you do remember. But I was like, really, I have no idea. And they said, well, that's fine. Let's talk anyways and see if there's something you might not realize is relevant that comes back to you. And they said all this other stuff too, just prodding me. I said that I'm working right now, but maybe I can come later next week. These cops were really insistent, which in hindsight should have set off some red flags.

They were like, well this is a really pressing matter and we'd appreciate if you came in right now. We'll explain it to your boss so there won't be any problems. You'll really be helping us out. Them not being able to talk to me while I was at work should have been the first red flag. But I knew that I'd done nothing illegal, so it didn't cross my mind that I had no reason to worry. Especially since when I got to the police precinct, everyone was extremely friendly, like I was actually doing them a favor. They didn't throw me in a cell or try to intimidate me

or anything. They brought me into a nice air-conditioned conference room and gave me a comfortable chair and asked if I wanted anything to drink and really just kind of chatted with me for about 20 or 30 minutes. To this day, I'm still confused about this. I think they even offered to order food if I remember correctly. I declined their offers because I was anxious to get back to my shift. I didn't need my co-workers getting the wrong ideas. I played along and made nice because they did get the okay from my boss to be away for as long as I needed, but in the back of my mind I was like, didn't you say that this was urgent? We're a short staff at work, so why are these cops talking to me about basketball? Eventually though, and I think that they were trying

to be subtle, but they definitely weren't. They shifted to asking me about what they really brought me in to talk about. They asked me asking me about what they really brought me into talk about. They asked me if I'd made a delivery to a certain apartment complex, and by then I'd had time to think and remember, so I told them that, yeah, I had. I said that I wasn't sure what the exact day was, but it was sometime around then. But then, instead of asking any of the questions

that I expected them to ask, they said, and how long had you known the guys that you were delivering to, kind of confused, I responded, I don't. expected the mask, they said. And how long had you known the guys that you were delivering to? Kind of confused, I responded, I don't. I could see that my answer disappointed them, but it was the truth. They collected themselves pretty quickly though. These two detectives were the same two guys who came to the store earlier. One of the cops kept insisting on the facts as he saw them, and the other kept trying

to bend things in my favor. So the other kept trying to bend things in my favor. So the cop to kept trying to bend things in my favor was like, okay, sure. Not like y'all are best friends or anything, but you at least knew them as customers, right? I wasn't sure what knew them as customers was supposed to mean, because to me, it was synonymous with not knowing them. So I said no, they changed topics. They asked how long the delivery had been planned for. I told them everything had to be ordered the same day unless it was

four or more pies, and I don't remember exactly when they called. But as per store policy, it wouldn't have been more than an hour before it was delivered. Probably even sooner, based on how closely they were to the store. We went back and forth like this for way longer than I was anticipating. They're asking me questions that seemed to imply that I knew something, and me feeling super confused, and giving them visibly disappointing answers. I just kept reminding them that I knew nothing. Eventually, they seemed pretty frustrated, and they were like, stop lying to us man, cut the garbage. Your friends rolled on you, it's done.

And I'm just sitting here thinking, I have friends? But of course, in all seriousness, I was shocked by the change of tone, because I had no clue what they were talking about. And I told them so. They were both like, come on, man, you're just embarrassing yourself at this point. One of the cops kept reassuring me that if I just told them what I knew they could still help me and the other was saying that I was too stupid to seize this last chance. Well, there was no reason for me to sit around and be spoken to like that, so I got up to

leave. Before I knew what was happening, they started arresting me. It was like a horror movie nightmare playing out in slow motion in front of my own eyes. So at this point, I completely lost my cool. I kept really forcefully insisting that I didn't even know what they were talking about, like I'd been saying all along. They weren't having any of it. They kept saying, video tape doesn't lie, man. You want to see the tape before you lock yourself into another lie? The jury's gonna eat this up. Jury, I nearly wet myself.

I don't even turn right on red lights half the time. I said, you had video all this time and you're grilling me to remember what happened, and you could have just shown me a video, what the F? At this point, I knew that I was in over my head. A million thoughts were swirling around, and I was so overwhelmed and scared. I finally said what I should have said way back at the beginning. I said, should I be talking to a lawyer? And they said, do you want to talk to a lawyer? Did you do something that wouldn't necessitate the aid of an attorney?

And the other guy was like, if you want a lawyer, we'll get you one, but I have to say that does not look good for you. And I shouldn't have believed him because my dad has now drilled into my brain that you never talked to the cops, only your lawyer does. But at the time I thought, yeah, I guess asking for a lawyer does make it seem like I did something wrong. Then the cops showed me their video and there were time stamps

and they're saying all this stuff and it was really a blur at that point. But one thing in particular stood out. They said something they'd already said a time or two before, but it hadn't totally sunken in until then. They said, your buddies thought this would be some quick money. They thought that it'd be real slick to order a pizza instead of just calling and saying to bring the stuff up, and that it wouldn't be suspicious if we wouldn't follow up.

I know you're a good guy, you didn't know what you were getting yourself into, but if you're not honest with us then we can't help you. I had told these cops repeatedly about the other guy who showed up to supposedly deliver a pizza. I even pointed the guy out on the footage. Unfortunately the cameras didn't have audio, so they couldn't hear me arguing with the people in the apartment, or more importantly, hear the other guys say, pizza. Because the other guy didn't have a pizza box, and I did, they didn't believe me that

I wasn't the pizza part of the operation. So to recap, apparently the cops had learned that the criminals in the apartment were supposed to get a shipment of money from some guy disguised as a pizza delivery driver. The guys inside the apartment were told something like, that afternoon you'll get a pizza. These absolute morons in the apartment didn't understand the instructions and actually ordered a real pizza instead of just waiting for their cash delivery to show up. Looking back, when I heard that guy argue over the phone, I'm pretty sure he was saying, are you sure you're supposed to order an actual pizza? Because what else would they have been arguing about right then?

So once I connected all the dots, it was simply a matter of proving that my pizza delivery was legitimate. They tried to get a record of the delivery when they talked to my boss, but we're a small restaurant. We only keep tickets for about one week, and we just sign a piece of paper confirming our tip amount every night. So I wouldn't have had a record of this delivery since the guys never paid me. I didn't have anyone but the criminals to corroborate my story, and there was nothing in it for them to exonerate me, or they would have done it by now. But then I remembered, the chef, I told him all about this delivery.

I begged the cops to talk to him. Sure enough, the chef corroborated my story. The cops went through our phone logs, but these guys had called in their order from a burner, so that was of no help. I figured the chef would be enough, but after I'd been at that precinct for nearly eight hours total, they said that they were going to hold me until they could verify that I didn't go in with the decoy pizza, and somehow give them money another way, or until they found the real delivery guy. Finally, after realizing that this was not a misunderstanding that wasn't going to go away, all those years of watching law and order kicked in and I asked for my phone call.

I called my dad and he of course said don't say another word and he showed up with an attorney who had me out within an hour of his arrival. I was formally cleared of all involvement the next day, and I barely even got an apology. None of this is going to show up on my record or anything, but still, you think that they'd be a little more remorseful about what they put me through. Once my boss realized how serious this was, he gave me a couple of days of paid vacation. Honestly, I think that he was just glad that I wasn't some in bezel or serial murderer or otherwise a criminal. Because for the longest time, all they would tell my boss is that I was involved in some kind of situation and they needed my information. So yeah, tread lightly. Being a pizza delivery guy isn't an amazing job, but at least

is not being a cashmuel for some kind of crime syndicates. Alright everyone, never ever ever talk to the cops. This story should be a perfect example of why not. It doesn't matter how innocent you are, you're not gonna talk your way out of being arrested. People think that they're gonna go to the police station and be like, well officer, this is just a big misunderstanding. You see, on that date I was actually doing this instead. Cops don't care, they just assume that you're lying. They're just going to keep asking you question after question after question until eventually they find something they can use against you. Like in OP's case, what if in the process of delivering the pizza, he accidentally trust pass on a someone's property?

As soon as he says, yeah, I was there at this time. Then they say, oh, well, you didn't have permission to be there. So that's trust-passing. Anyways, point being never, ever, ever talk to the cops. It's not your job to prove your innocence. It's not the cops jobs to prove innocence. It is actually no cops job to prove anyone's innocence. The only thing a cop is trying to do is to prove guilt. Just remember, it's your lawyer's job to prove your innocence, not yours. So if a cop ever starts asking you questions, just say, you can ask my lawyer. Down in the comments, we had this story from Sergei Brenn.

About 20 years ago, I knew a motorbike career who was given a job that involved picking up a small package from an inner suburban home and taking it across town. So he did the pickup. On the way to deliver the package, he was doing what most motorbike carriers do, splitting lanes, exceeding the speed limit, running yellow lights, and so on. What my friend didn't know is that the cops had been watching that house. They saw him do the pickup, and they were following him in an unmarked car to intercept him, and because my friend was driving so fast and weaving through traffic, they couldn't

catch him. Anyway, he was stopped at a red light, and all of a sudden, three cop cars came screaming up the wrong side of the road and blocked him in. The cops pulled him off the road, ganked away his parcel and he was questioned. When it became clear that he was a legit career, he was doing a legit job that was called into the company by the bad guys, he was set free. The package was opened up, and it was found to contain a lot of money. The cops put the package back together, and they told him to go in his way.

That is, to deliver it. My friend said, no effing way. It took another hour of refusing to get involved before he was let go. And even then, it was only because the company he worked for threatened to get their lawyers involved. F that. Wow. Imagine getting like shot or held hostage or something like that because cops know that you're committing a crime and tell you to go do that crime so they can catch other bad guys. Also, wait, if they gave the money back and they tell the guy to go back and deliver the package, couldn't the guy actually get in trouble then for still delivering money?

That is so stupid. I'm so glad that guy refused because that guy probably would have ruined his life if he got caught up in all that. Beneath that, we had this story from 7 Campos to Luz. 6 cops held me at gunpoint when I was a bike career in the late 90s. They were looking for someone on a bike that had just robbed a bank. I'm standing there with my radio and my company logo shirt, getting asked the dumbest questions all at gunpoints. After that very tense standoff, it turns out that I didn't match the description of the purpose anyway, except for the bicycle. That was our slash I don't work here lady, and if you like this content, be sure to follow

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