rSlash - r/Maliciouscompliance "Hit Me HARD!" "lol sure"

Episode Date: June 13, 2020

r/Maliciouscompliance In today's episode, a creepy martial arts instructor shows up at a school to teach kids about self defense. The guy is incredibly smug, and to make matters worse he gets a bit touchy-feely with some of the girls that the's teaching. So, when he spars with a girl student and he tells her to hit him as hard as she can, she does exactly that and lands a kick square into the family jewels. Be careful what you wish for, Mr. Karate guy! If you like this podcast and want to see more, follow my podcast for more daily Reddit content! 🔔 Subscribe: https://bit.ly/2E3A8i6 💬 Discord: https://discord.gg/Rtwc9ZC 🎧 Podcast: https://link.chtbl.com/rslash ⚓ Send me a voice message: https://anchor.fm/rslash 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rslashyt/ ♪ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@rslash0 🛒 Merch: http://bit.ly/rSlashMerch Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Your business has grown fast, from opening your first location to planning an expansion in no time. And with your business platinum card from American Express, you can access spending power and payment flexibility to fuel your growth. Sarah, the contractor is here with the plans. American Express, don't do business without it. Terms and conditions apply visit mx.ca slash business platinum. Welcome to R-Slash, a podcast where I read the best posts from across Reddit. Today's subreddit is R-Slash malicious compliance and next a word from our sponsors. Our next Reddit posts this from Yawks and Toth.

Right after school, me and the other three students with maximum grades got hired immediately in an airport company. Our job was to run a simulation program in order to train some specialized personnel. The job is quite easy. It's basically a set of exercises or routines to run over and over on the simulator. And it's really, really, I mean really well paid for an 18 year old's first job. The only problem is that the program for the simulation was incredibly clunky and slow, and the actual routines had to be prepared on another machine entirely.

And the fun part. Apparently, no one knows precisely how to create these exercises. We just had to run the simulator, so we just received these exercises, loaded them onto the simulator and pressed start. But 60% of the time they didn't work at all, and that was infuriating and wasted a lot of time. So we, the young smart guys, jump on board and decided to help out. Actually spending a lot of our free time helping creating these routines and trying to

fix the common problems. Well the percentage of functioning routines jumped up to almost 100% and the simulator ran smoothly for months. My boss at the time was one of the best human beings I've ever known, and surprising no one he was promoted. His substitute on the other hand was one of the worst human beings I've ever known, and surprising no one, he screwed up. I'll just focus on the part that concerns me, but he screwed up all around. One day, one of those routines wasn't working out at all, and we just couldn't figure out why. Our boss gets called because half a day's been wasted already.

Instead of trying to help, he jumps on us and starts yelling that we're incompetent in front of all the other people. He goes on a long rant, which doesn't solve anything and the training day was called off. Now is when I remember that my job is to run the simulator, not to create the routines. So malicious compliance kicks in and well after that day we just stop giving a flip. Now every day, if the new exercises come in and doesn't work, we just send it back and wait for a functioning one, which sometimes didn't arrive at all. This happened a lot, and I actually spent literally months at work being paid to do nothing,

using the time-studding for university at the workplace. And the best part is that my boss was fuming because the training schedule went to garbage and he can do anything at all. After some time, the boss's boss noticed that something was clearly very wrong, went into his office, and absolutely trashed the guy. Then, the boss's boss came to us and asked if we wanted to do the extra job of creating the routines for an extra payment, and we said yes since we already knew what to do. Our boss didn't say anything at all after that, so basically I got a long paid vacation and went back to work with a higher salary.

It was... glorious. Our next reddit post is from T-bone. My parents had this problem with a guy parking a tractor trailer on their land. He lives right across from one of their Peacons groves. The grove has well spaced trees all in neat rows. The grass is mowed super short. The ground is really flat. It looks like an ideal place to pull your rig if you don't know better. The ground is so flat because they use mechanical harvesting. Bumps and grooves can cause the machine to leave Peacons laying on the ground. A 2-inch deep groove from a big truck like

that can hold thousands of dollars of pecans and will until it's fixed. Oh, and you have to fix the grooves by hand. It's a big deal when someone screws with your livelihood like that. So, the guy parks there one time. They get it, he probably doesn't understand he's causing so much trouble. Dad goes down, explains the damage he's done, tells him the grove is private property and not to do it again. The dude, we'll call him dude, agrees and apologizes. Dad goes howman fixes the damage midweek. Next Friday, there's the truck again, same spot.

Dad, not about to put up with this, calls the sheriff department. The cop comes and the truck moves. Dad fixes the damage midweek. Next week, no truck. One week later, the truck is back. Repeat complaint for trespassing to Sheriff. The dude claims he forgot. He drives over the road, and the home depot where his car is parked is 30 miles away. It's convenient for dude to forget because he saves his gas in time by driving his employer's rig and

parking it on my parents' land. Also, he doesn't get nailed if there's drugs in his cab. Because no other driver gets assigned his truck. His motivations are clear as day. The dude clearly doesn't forget every time he's home, but this is what he claims the deputies sent down on the complaints. After 7 times of calling the Sheriff's Department, he finally gets a trespassing citation. No fine is levied.

He drives his car 2 weeks in a row, and the following week the truck is back. At this point, my dad is fixing the damage so often he's keeping a tractor and blade on the property so it gets done faster and easier. He calls the Sheriff yet again. The Sheriff himself comes out this time. The truck leaves, and the sheriff comes to see my dad. The sheriff says that the enforcement problem is that it's hard to explain to a court the harm when pictures hardly show any damage, and dude always apologizes and moves the truck

when the deputies come. He says getting the dude for trespassing under those circumstances is going to be tough, but he's on this and we'll see it through for my parents but his office is 30 miles away. And there aren't that many deputies out patrolling. And then the sheriff bless his little elected heart says, but if there was something different like a theft of services going on, cue malicious compliance. The next day, signs go up on 80 trees in a row, 8,000 feet, they're 100 feet apart. The sign reads, Simi Parking, 500 bucks an hour, Pre-Pay, Violators will be Toad.

The dude doesn't pay the signs any mind. The dude does, however, pay the Toe truck and the deputy quite a bit of mind. He comes running and screaming, waving his arms as they're hooking up his truck. Well, before my dad called to have him towed, everything was documented, including having the share of himself drive by and take several pictures of the truck parked with the clearly visible signs. Everything's put on hold while Dudes' employer, who owns the truck, drives out. After three hours, Dudes' boss gives up and writes a check

for $7,800 to cover parking and tow truck fees. That actually covered the tow truck, all the repairs, printing the signs, and beer for about a year for my dad's Tuesday poker gatherings. Salute. The dude who still lives there does not park in the pecan grow. still lives there, does not park in the pecan grove. His boss payroll deducted his checks for two years. Down in the comments, Mlaka Force says, People think because my trees are next to the road on private property that they can come steal my fruit. I'm going to use your dad's logic and put up a sign for a hundred dollars a pound. I'll let you know how it works out. And then Elliot Strange replies to that, shoot, it doesn't even matter if they're near the road.

My friends grow starberries for themselves and people walk 15 meters from the sidewalk to the patch to steal them. It only stopped when they paid a local kid to hang out there during the day and spray people with a hose. Fishman replies to that, I'll bet that kid was having a ball. I get paid,

and I get to spray people? Yeah, no kidding. For a 13-year-old boy, that's like the dream job. Our next reddit post is from Mincella. When I was about eight or nine years old, my mom suddenly decided to teach my sister and I to hold our farts until we entered the bathroom. I have no clue why, maybe she got tired of us letting one rip when the urge came upon us. This might have been a very useful skill to have, because as a child, I used to hold my farts the whole school day and let them go like a bat out of hell the minute I walked through the door at home. Unfortunately for her, I thought farts were the funniest thing on earth, and that they

should be used with a close family as a tool for my own humorous needs. So she randomly tells us from this point forward we're only to fart in the bathroom. We lived in a single family home with only one bathroom, so I would hold my Farts all day until I heard her not only air the bathroom, but sit on the toilet and start using it. I would then open the door, stick only my button to the room, and let go of the farts I'd been holding. I would then close the door and say, excuse me, and walk away to laugh. After a few days, the only part in the bathroom rule was ditched.

And, apparently, this is a fairly common occurrence in some households. Bet on the NFL with Bandual, official sports put partner of the NFL. Download the app today to see why we're in North America's number one sportsbook. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario, gambling problem call 18665312600 at visitconnectsantario.ca. For your holiday season, real Canadian superstar has more legendary ways to save than any other major grocer. Until December 6th,

get a free jumble point set when you spend $300 or more. Plus, PC-oplamant members can get select PC or no-name cheese at $3.99. Conditions apply to fly for details. Down in the comments, or a doctorate says, my mom did the same thing, except we were to fart outside. She used to like to sit in a particular chair in the kitchen

that was right next to the back door. It took less than two days of us running up to the back door and putting our butts against the screen and letting it rip. Right next to where she was sitting to end that fiasco, our next Redditdit post is from Jazby. Kids are awesome at malicious compliance, but it's a two way street. My kids can be picky eaters at times. My wife made some damn good chicken soup, but the kids were complaining that there were veggies in their chicken soup. They hate veggies. Veggies make them sick,

and they went in my wife to pick them out of the soup. We tried to tell them that good chicken soup needs veggies to taste good, but they were being stubborn. I'm sure other parents can understand. I told the kids, if you really hate the taste of veggies, I'll make soup tomorrow. And you guys can make sure I only put stuff in you like. They like that idea, at the time. The next day, I got the pot filled with water, all the typical soup ingredients out and gathered the kids. I asked for their approval on every item. Chicken, yes, salt, yes, black pepper, no. Gross, too spicy, celery, no. I can't even stand the smell. It went on with that, with them rejecting parsley, bay leaves, and other veggies. The total contents of the pot ended up being chicken, water, salt, noodles. After the soup was done cooking, I served it up and they excitedly started to eat.

A few funny faces later and one of them said, It tastes weird, this is a very good, I said, but I only put in everything you guys approved. I think from now on I should make the soup, right? They looked at each other and said, can we have mom soup instead? Since that day, they haven't complained about finding veggies mixed in the food. Sure, they almost always eat around a carrot or green pea, but they understand that it adds flavor. This might be the most wholesome malicious compliance I've ever read, and now I kinda want chicken noodle soup. Our next reddit posted from Antipodico. In the sixth grade, I bore witness to a stunning example of malicious compliance. Several grades of classes from my elementary school were called to the gymnasian for some lessons

on self-defense. We were to be given some very rudimentary examples of how we, as children, can fight off an attacker if there are no other options. The instructor was a man who had a long martial arts title and was unbearably smug about it. Sure, he'd made some big accomplishments, but he would take every moment available to deliver his lengthy champion title verbatim. Damn, if I can remember what it was, it might have been a willful effort on my part to erase it. He was instructing us on how to basically go belly up like a distressed turtle and kick off an attacker. We weren't really understanding how this was feasible, and we were asking a lot of questions about it. He got tired of the questions and called up a volunteer to demonstrate the self-defense technique. He called upon Alice, a girl in

my class. He didn't just tell her how to get into position, however. He was putting his hands on her and getting her to lie belly up on the waxed gymnasium floor in a way that was truly creepy and invasive, even to children who might not understand why. He gave her long stares and made some quiet remarks to her that we couldn't hear, but the expression on her face said, yuck. I was only 11 years old, but I got the gist of the situation and thought to myself, this guy is effing gross. She had her legs up to kick, was making kicking motions, but

clearly swarming away from making direct hits to this man. It wasn't enough for him to just have the kids understand the technique. He needed to demonstrate his martial arts prowess. He said to her, no go ahead and fight me. This works on an amateur, but I'm a blah blah blah lengthy title. He couldn't have known, but my entire class knew that Alice was a competitive swimmer. She had swimming skills beyond her years and all the medals and awards to prove it, complete with a muscular development of someone who has spent years mastering their sport, particularly in her legs. Alice sees the opportunity to fight off the man who was clearly throwing up some problematic indicators of his own predatory nature. She kicked him a few times, clipping a shin or a thigh as

he artfully dodged her full-on attacks with a big grin on his face. She then triumphantly planted her sneaker directly into his crotch, with a force grin on his face. She then triumphantly planted her sneaker directly into his crotch, with a force that made both her and this man arrayed in the face. He let out a strangled yell before crumpling to the ground. He dry heaved a few times too. He was in medical distress and some adults rushed to get him help. To the children though, we just saw a guy get kicked in the balls by a kid, and that's comedy, gold, and elementary school. He was helped out of the gymnasium amid the roaring, belly-aking laughter of over 100

children. Astoundingly enough, to me at least, Alice was facing punishment for what happened. Detention was already assigned, and suspension was up in the air. Thankfully, Alice's mother rose up with a fury of a thousand women scorned after hearing Alice's testimony of events. Alice faced no suspension, and to my knowledge did not attend any afterschool detention sessions. For the rest of the school year, she was recognized as the ultimate badass and reigning queen of justice by testes. Our next next Reddit post is from Casey.

My buddy and I were hired to be a glorified help desk, support hand holders for a special project. Senior management at a large corporation had their laptops upgraded, including new software they'd never use and major upgrades of software they'd previously used. We're talking maybe 20 people spread across three buildings downtown all within walking distance

of each other. My job was to sit in an office and take calls for any issue. And I mean any issue that popped into their head. The only thing more entitled than senior management are their admin people. My buddy's job was to actually go to their desk and hold their hand with whatever issue they had.

Oh, and read the Epping Manual was not part of the support plan. He was great at it. After the first couple of weeks, things settled down and we received very few calls. So my buddy was sitting at a desk doing nothing. After a few days, one of the admin assistance complained that he was doing nothing and was a bad influence on those around him. We asked for a different desk, but none was to be found.

He tried looking busy, writing up documentation. The same person complained, saying his job is support, so if he's not supporting, everyone knows he's doing nothing and that looks bad. It's bad for morale. What the hell? He technically doesn't even work for your company. So I realized that our service level agreement said that we had to respond within 30 minutes. It was always much less, especially if he was in the building. So I told my buddy to f off, go shopping, sit and start bucks and read the paper.

No one but me knew where my buddy was at the time, and I was the only one who dispatched him. So I said to my buddy, do whatever you want, as long as you drop whatever you're doing to be at the person's desk within 30 minutes. And if they called for help, occasionally they would ask how long it would take and I would say, our service level agreement is 30 minutes, he'll they called for help, occasionally they would ask how long it would take, and I would say,

our service level agreement is 30 minutes, he'll be there before then. And sometimes they would say, isn't he in the building? And whatever building the person was calling from, I would say he's in the other building furthest from him. And they would never check with anyone at the other building, because they really had no way of knowing where he was. Only I did, that was my job. So my buddy went to the movies, went clothes shopping, shoe shopping, sat in the park, etc. The busy buddy admin assistant called about the problem one day and said, I never see him at his desk anymore, where is he? I said, he's much busier now. His morale, and I'm sure your staff's morale must be much better now.

No one ever found out about our malicious compliance. The managers he helped loved him and wanted him to stay on. He said no until they tripled what he was making. About a year later he was made a manager, and about six months after that, he had that admin assistant fired. The morale really improved around there after that. That was our slash malicious compliance. And if you like this video,

then hit that subscribe button because I put on new reddit videos every single day.