rSlash - r/Maliciouscompliance I Gave A Cop A Bottle Of My Pee

Episode Date: April 16, 2021

r/Maliciouscompliance OP is a trucker who has to make a pit stop every 2-3 hours to relieve himself. During one of his regularly scheduled pit stops, he has to go in a bottle instead of off the side of the road. Well, a cop pulls him over and suspects that he's up to no good, and the cop demands OP prove that he wasn't doing anything illegal. OP happily complies by handing over a bottle of his warmest, freshest brew! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Background I'm a long distance truck driver, and most of the time, it's more convenient for me to do my business on the highway shoulder. That way, I don't have to drive around and around just to park and use the restroom. I just take a quick 30 second emergency stop, do my business, and then drive off again. I'm sure I'm not the only over the road truck driver who's done this. It's very common. Side note, according to the law, we have to carry logbooks to calculate our driving and on-duty time. This is relevant to the story. So this happened just a few hours ago, somewhere on the I-40 Westbound in

New Mexico. I was suddenly in need to relieve myself badly, so as usual, I pulled over to a clean, wide, highway shoulder, then I put my logbook to off-duty. I have a habit of being very meticulous with my driving times, which means that when I'm not doing anything, even for 30 seconds, I put my time in off-duty. I try to save as much driving time as possible. Those multiple 30 seconds can add up to a lot to avoid doing 34 hour resets too soon. I looked at my passenger side when noticing multiple cars passing by. It turns out there's a nearby road with the view of the highway, so if I do my business here, people can see it. So I went with Plan B, I pissed in a bottle, sealed it, and sewed it for trash later. Just as I finished doing my

business, I heard a knock on my passenger door. This is very weird because I'm on a highway shoulder where people shouldn't just be randomly walking around. It turns out that it's a cop. I switched my logbook to on-duty inspection and go to answer the cop. Before I could say anything, the cop has to see my logbook. FYI, it's part of a cop's job to check whether we comply with the rules or not, so I show it to him. The cop question why I was off-d duty for 30 seconds to one minute every two to three hours almost every day. I explained myself that I have to relieve myself every two to

three hours give or take. The cop didn't believe me and assumed that my truck had a problem, and that's why I had to stop every two to three hours. I repeated myself about my bladder issue, but the cop still didn't believe me. He said, Unless you have proof that you're actually relieving yourself, I'm afraid I have to give you a ticket for false usage of a log book. Cue malicious compliance.' I told the cop to wait a moment and I went back inside my cabin. I grabbed every single bottle of urine that I've been collecting today and the previous day. I put them all on a plastic bag and, as an extra measure, I grabbed the newest one which was still warm. I put them all in a plastic bag and as an extra measure I grabbed the newest one,

which was still warm. I showed the whole back to the cop, plus the warm bottle, and I told him this is the newest one that I made just a few seconds ago. Then I asked if he would like to hold it for further inspection. The cop had this mixed look of disgust and horror. He was literally gagging, so I put the bottles back inside my truck so he could recover. Then the cops said, I was expecting a doctor's note or something like that. What you showed me was disgusting. But you asked for proof that I was, in fact, relieving myself.

I was holding back my laughter so hard that my cheeks started hurting. Then he gave me back my logbook and told me to have a good day and drove off. Have a good day indeed. Down in the comment, the user fast asks, what did you log the lapping time as? And OP replies, off duty, malicious compliance. Good answer, OP, but I think an even better answer might have been off duty, pissing off the cops. Our next reddit posted from Chain Smoker Magic, so I work as a mover for a very small moving company. My boss, Mike, is a really nice guy.

It's really just a two-man operation, with me working as a subcontractor under him and a few regular guys that we call in for bigger moves. It's really physically demanding work sometimes. But typically typically our customers are super nice and the pay is pretty good. Most people are just happy to have someone else to lift their heavy stuff and get it to the truck. And we're also super careful to not damage the buildings or the stuff that we're moving, which most people appreciate. Not this lady, let's call her Darcy. So Darcy booked a move with Mike and she told

him that she had a small storage unit that she wanted to load up into a 20-foot truck. We said no problem. As the date of her move approached though, so did a huge snowstorm. Days before her move, the news started reporting that the weather was expected to take a severe turn for the worst. That wasn't uncommon for that time of year in our state, but also something not to be trifled with. We called Darcy a couple of days before the move to see about First, that wasn't uncommon for that time of year in our state, but also something not to be trifled with. We called Darcy a couple of days before the move to see about rescheduling to avoid the storm, but she said that she absolutely had to move that day.

No other days would work. Now smarter movers probably would have canceled, but after talking, Mike and I thought that it was no big deal. We move in snow all the time. It just meant that we would have to dress appropriately and be extra careful not to endure ourselves or damage the property. Cut to the day of the move. We get to Darcy's storage unit, expecting a 10x10x15 foot standard storage unit full of

your usual stuff based on what she's indicated on the phone. That's a pretty easy job to get done in the 2 hours that she's already paid for. As we pulled up, the snow was already coming down pretty heavily. And the first thing that made us nervous was the truck. Instead of a 20 foot truck like we were expecting, there was a huge 26 foot truck. Darcy greeted us by the truck and showed us to the storage unit. Okay, so this is our unit. We shut down our business and I'm moving it out of town to pursue other opportunities

and I need all this loaded up in two hours. The last movers I had unloaded all this stuff in about that long. Mike said something about the truck being bigger than she told us. Yeah, this is the biggest truck that you all had. Last time we used another company and it was much bigger. I'm worried about getting it all, but you guys will have to figure it out. I need all of it! Now, this was a huge storage unit, like the kind that you would store cars or farm equipment in. When we opened it up, it was filled with what appeared to be the contents of a couple

of pretty decently sized businesses. A dozen of those huge Florida ceiling filing cabinets, several desks, office chairs, and some really huge glass tables. And all of it was incredibly heavy. Now our company's safety guidelines for weight limits are 100 pounds per person, but there's really no practical way to enforce that in the field. So we usually just wind up using our best judgment, even if the item is over that limit. Nearly everything in that storage unit was over the limit. but we did have our equipment, and we were pretty confident that we could handle everything weight wise.

Mike and I are both pretty strong, but in my estimation, this was definitely going to take longer than two hours. Mike told her that we would do our absolute best. Darcy sat in her truck nearly the whole time that we were working so she could stay warm. That was perfectly understandable since it was negative 2 degrees Fahrenheit outside and the snow was coming down pretty hard, though she'd occasionally rolled down her window to offer up critiques. Mostly about how much time we were taking up and down the metal ramp of the truck, which

was now covered in ice and snow. About an hour into the move, Darcy gets out of her truck and starts chatting with Mike about her previous movers, and how they did damage her stuff, but they were so fast. It was weird. She went back and forth between complaining about them and praising them for their speed. And she kept referring to them as the professional moving service that I hired, which really bugged me. Because the way she said it seemed to be implying that

because we weren't a big national company like Mayflower, then somehow Mike and I weren't professional movers. Despite the fact that this is literally our full-time jobs. So many of us think one day we'll find a way to buy our first home. But what if there was a faster way to turn one day into one day soon?

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At this point, we're far enough into the move that we could tell this was going to run long. Mike decides it's a good idea to let her know that it's probably going gonna take a half hour longer than expected. Darcy was not having this. She got upset and started saying how we were just trying to get more money out of her that we were dilly dallying. Then she started saying the professional movers got this stuff done in two hours, so it should take the same time to load it. Mike explains to her that unloading always takes less time than loading, because you're moving into a bigger space and you don't have to pack and pad the stuff to fit it into the truck. I also mentioned that there's literally a blizzard coming down and we're only going

to go a little bit over time. Darcy gets quiet and starts seething. Mike can tell how angry she is and lets her know that we won't charge her for the extra time since it's not her fault the weather is sucky. He also brings up the other company damage her stuff and we haven't. I do not care! You said two hours I expected to be done! Just get it done! I'm going to leave you guys a terrible review. She stomps back to her truck without saying a word. I'm usually pretty chill, but I was already getting increasingly mad at this woman. Her yelling at my boss and calling us lazy when we were risking

our health and safety to move her stuff into Blizzard was just too much for me. Mike thinks about this for a moment. Customer reviews are super important to small businesses. The booking site we use highlights the last handful of reviews, so a bad one takes forever to stop showing up. I'm expecting Mike to try to keep her happy, but instead he just grins and turns to me. He says, Effet, you heard her. CUME LITIOUS compliance. She wanted everything loaded in two hours.

That's exactly what we do. The front half of her truck was neatly loaded up, with everything padded and stacked tightly forward as sealing to keep it from moving on the road. I pride myself on my ability to load a truck properly and safely without wasting any space. The second half of her truck was the worst, jankiest truck that I've ever loaded in my life. We're talking huge, heavy office furniture, haphazardly stacked on top of each other at the weirdest angles. Heavy stuff on top of each other at the weirdest angles. Heavy stuff on top of light stuff really just anything to get the truck loaded in the door closed.

We even stacked really heavy office chairs on top of the glass table tops. By the end of it, the truck looked like an MC as your painting of an office. I just want to be clear, we've never intentionally damaged a customer's property and we never would. We pride ourselves on our professionalism, courtesy, and specifically our ability to get your stuff where it's going safely. But this particular combination of unsafe conditions and this lady's outright disregard for our safety and feelings was just too much. And technically, we didn't damage anything.

Nothing was broken when we closed the truck doors. But literally, the first bump in the road or decently tight turn was definitely going to cause hundreds, maybe even thousands of dollars in damage. We closed the truck door and walked over to Darcy's truck to let her know. Mike went to Darcy's truck. He told her we were done, and he wasn't going to charge her at all for the move. She insisted, I'm not poor, I don't need your charity. But Mike said that it was clear that she wasn't happy

and he didn't need her 150 bucks. That's right, we charged 75 bucks an hour, so the extra half hour that we needed to do the job correctly would have cost her a whopping 37 bucks. He cancelled the job and refunded Darcy what she'd already prepaid. As we drove away in Mike's car, I looked at him. I said, you realize that by the time she gets where she's going, she's looking at a lot of damage furniture, right? She's gonna hit us with a bad review and maybe even try to sue. Mike said, she was worried about paying an extra 37 bucks, I doubt she'll risk more money on hiring a lawyer.

And besides, you can't leave her a review on the site if the job gets cancelled. We just gave her exactly what she wanted. And besides, it's worth losing the money I would have made just to see her face when I said that I don't need her 150 bucks. When he dropped me off, he still paid me for my time because F that lady. My boss, Mike, is a really nice guy. You know, this reminds me of one time when I moved. It's not really a funny story, but it shows that some people are just really nice people out there. My wife and I were moving out of an apartment, and like all moves, it was super stressful.

We had hired movers to move stuff for us because we were away at college, so we didn't have any nearby family you could help us. Anyways, the movers finished moving out. The apartment was empty, we had already paid them and tipped them, and their work for the day was completely finished. They could have left whenever they wanted to. However, you know how when you move out of an apartment, you always want to give it a thorough cleaning because you want to get your deposit back, right?

So my wife and I had been cleaning the apartment as they were moving the things out, and basically at this point, the only thing we had left to do was vacuum. However, we just could not get our vacuum cleaner to work. These two movers, even though they'd already been paid and could leave whenever they wanted to, stuck around for like 30 minutes and just fixed my vacuum cleaner for free.

I was amazed and I was like, geez, why are you guys being so I was amazed and I was like, geez, why are you guys being so nice? And they were just like, eh, don't worry about it. We want you to get your deposit back too. And then they flipped the switch to the vacuum cleaner and it turned on. So, you know, it's not like an amazing story or anything,

but it's something that I always remember because some people out there are just really cool dudes. Our next Reddit post is from Tic-no. Many, many moons ago, I was in high school in a small town in the central US. We had an open campus, meaning that we could leave for lunch, and a popular lunchtime event was to go to McDonald's in a larger nearby town. We had a 45 minute lunch period, and in 45 minutes, you could drive to McDonald's, go through the drive-through, and stuff your face on the way back.

Of course, there was also the school cafeteria. However, this cafeteria wasn't actually at the highest school, it was at the middle school. And this cafeteria served the high school, middle school, and elementary school, busing students, and to eat their lunch. My senior year, the administration set up a new schedule, and one thing that it did was during the lunch period by five minutes. Maybe it wasn't a big deal for a song, but for the folks that drove to McDonald's, you could do it in 45 minutes, you could not do it in 40 minutes. We complained, but it fell on deaf ears. So someone came up with a brilliant idea, eight of the school cafeteria. So suddenly, when only about 30% of the high school students ate at the cafeteria,

that number nearly doubled. The result of this was at the elementary school, who ate after the high school, had to stand and wait for us to finish. So us high schoolers would be eating in the cafeteria, and then nearly a hundred hungry kindergarteners would be standing outside waiting to come in. There wasn't anything the cafeteria could do. they just didn't have the capacity for more students. And there wasn't anything the school could do either because they can't tell us to not eat at the cafeteria.

They were legally obligated to provide a lunch to the students who wanted one. This strategy was very effective, and they restructured the high school schedule to give us back those five minutes less than two weeks later. Our next Reddit post is from Shadow of Light. When I was a kid between the ages of 7 to 12, I'd routinely wake up at 5 to 6 in the morning with no alarm, perfectly rested, and I decided to just play some runescape before school. I was home-schooled at the time, so I had a couple of hours before I was supposed to start. For some reason, my mom had a problem with this.

So naturally, she decided to tell me that I can't wake up at 6 o'clock anymore. So I had the same thought that you're probably having, which is that she's being stupid. But of course, I wasn't brave enough to tell her that, so I went to my bedroom and sent my alarm for 6-0-1 instead. When my mom woke up the next day and found me at the computer, she, of course, started screaming at me. I waited patiently for her to stop, and then proudly announced that I had not disobeyed her, I had woken up at 601 instead. My victory was short-lived because I got my butt beat and I was grounded. I was never allowed to wake up early again, and of course,

I'm now a lazy adult who would rather sleep in as much as possible. Man, stories like this really bugged me because basically everyone who's close to me is an introvert. My brothers and introvert, my moms and introvert, like 5 out of 5 of my closest friends are all introverts. Me, I'm an extrovert, so I don't really need that much alone time, but for real. Why can't people just let introverts be introverts? O.P. wasn't hurting anyone by waking up early, so what's the harm? That was our slash malicious compliance, and if you like this content, check out my Patreon where I publish extra episodes. Also, be sure to follow this podcast because

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