rSlash - r/Maliciouscompliance I Knocked Out a Dirty Cop Who Beats His Girlfriend!

Episode Date: July 23, 2021

r/Maliciouscompliance OP works as a first responder in an ambulance. One day while driving back from a scene, he spots a crying woman on the side of the road. He and his colleague stop to care for her, and it's immediately obvious that she's showing signs of domestic ab*se. It turns out that her boyfriend is a cop, and when he shows up he starts throwing around his authority and threatens to arrest OP for obstruction. OP gets to enact some malicious compliance by opening up the ambulance doors and knocking the cop on his butt. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to R-Slash, a podcast where I read the best post from across Reddit. Today's subreddit is R-Slash malicious compliance, where a caring gets extra extra extra crunchy ice cream. Our next Reddit post is from Acrobatics Source. I like to keep fit, so after each work day, I usually go for a run in the nearby park. When my day is over, I slip into the women's room to change and then leave immediately. Except, there was this one day a few weeks ago where another coworker, Becky, was having trouble running macros in Excel. I don't know the details of the document, but suffice to say, it was the final piece of the puzzle for a big account.

So after I changed into my workout clothes, I heard Becky call me over and asked me for help before I left. She's a good kid and new to the company, so of course I stopped to explain a few things. That's when Becky's team leader, Lewis stops me and says that I shouldn't be in the office working in my workout clothes. I'm not wearing anything too amodest, but I am wearing clothes suited for running, so a sports bra on shorts. I don't want to brag, but I'm in good shape and rather well endowed. Louis is sort of a middle manager who isn't powerful enough to be a kingmaker, but

just powerful enough to cause a stink about company policies. He's also a repressed prude. I explained that I was just leaving. I'm not hanging out to work, I just stop to help out Becky. Louis is hearing none of it. He insists that I either change back to my work clothes or leave their premises immediately. I'm not going to let Lewis push me around, so I apologize to Becky and leave the building. Later on, I learned that

that night was a deadline for some client deliverables and that Lewis' team didn't make the deadline, causing the company the account and lots of money. We're talking six digits annually. Lewis was fired for losing the account and lots of money. We're talking six digits annually. Lewis was fired for losing the account and for making Becky do part of the project that she wasn't qualified to do and that he was supposed to do himself. Becky's still with the company and she and I have been paired together in a mentorship program. I wish I could say that I jog past Lewis sitting on a bench in the park every evening, but things don't always tie up that neatly. Good news, Lewis.

Now that you're unemployed, you can wear whatever you want. Good luck on your job, Hunt. Our next Reddit post is from CantStanger. I work in building operations for high-rise office buildings in sunny Southern California. I maintain electrical systems, plumbing, HVAC, basically anything in the building, I fix. My background is in HVAC, with plenty of certifications and experience in how things work. The building I'm currently working has covers over the thermostat to prevent tenants from messing with them.

Anyways, Mr. VIP puts in a call that he's way too cold. I go up to his office, and find that his thermostat has had the cover pry it off and set to 68 degrees and then half put back on. I check my gauge and it's operating properly for being set at 68 degrees. I adjusted back up to 72, which is a standard temperature and I let Mr. VIP know that someone messed with a thermostat and that's why he was so cold. Halfway through telling me this he cuts me off and says, I don't care about the thermostat, I want these vents shut down, I don't want to feel any air. I try to explain it'll be a lot more comfortable in a few minutes and shutting the vents is not a good idea in the summer. Well, Mr. VIP is not having it. After all, he's very important, and knows better than me how comfort cooling works, despite

my over-decade of experience. And to top it all off, he's an absolute grunt about the whole thing. After he cut me off for the third time, I finally had enough and said, okay, no problem. You want the vents completely shut, and he responds, yes, if I feel any air blow on me, we're gonna have issues that your boss will have to sort out. So I shut the vents completely at the damper AC box. No air was coming out. After all, I've dealt with very important people in the past, so I know how to handle them.

I put a note in the work order. Mr. Very important asked for no air to come out of the vents in his office despite my objections. So I shout the vents as per the tenants' request. If you're not aware, the West Coast is going through a gnarly heat wave right now, so naturally Mr. VIP puts in a call that his office is too hot. I accept the call, but I go on my way doing my normal duties, which I'm very busy with, because we just had one of our four people on our team leave. So it takes me three days to get back to Mr. VIP's office, and he's losing

his mind at how hot his office is. And to be fair, his office was like a sauna. I'd be pissed too if I had to work in that office. I asked if he once his bins opened back up to allow the air to flow into his office and cool it down. The dude looked like I just kicked his dog when he realized that closing the bins was his demand and that I tried to talk him out of it. I opened the bins back up and leave. Apparently, he didn't like being called out like that and he called the property managers to complain. I'm not sure what they said back to him, but I certainly got a good laugh out of the whole

thing. Okay, so you guys don't know this, but my desk is right next to the HVAC in my basement, and my microphone is really, really high quality, so whenever the AC is on, it picks it up and it's super noticeable. So whenever I record audio for a video, I have to turn off AC for the entire time. So that means I'm basically just sitting here sweating so I can deliver a high quality audio to you, the viewer. Or in the winter, I'm freezing my Tushiav because there's no AC going.

I actually have a drawer in my desk that's filled with fuzzy warm socks for that specific reason because it gets super cold when I record in the winter. So as I'm sitting here literally sweating while I record this audio, if you could show your appreciation by hitting the like button on YouTube or by giving me a 5 star review on Apple iTunes, then I would really appreciate it. Also, to those of you who are concerned about my well-being, don't worry about it, we're actually trying to look for a new house so we can move to a place where I can work without having to turn off the AC.

Our next reddit post is from Visit Magrathy. Briefly during the pandemic, I worked as a manager at a New York City ice cream chain. One night, as I'm scooping out ice cream, I hear a customer getting annoyed at the window and starting to get snappy with the cashier. So I head over to smooth out the situation as the manager. The woman is mad because the hot fudge on her hot fudge Sunday is hot and it's going to melt her ice cream. I explained to her that hot fudge is indeed served hot, but she insists so I make her a new Sunday with magic shell

topping instead and let her keep the hot fudge one. By the time I returned with a replacement ice cream, this customer is stirring her spoon through a different cup of ice cream that she'd already ordered. Obviously, she was about to complain about that one too. The flavor she ordered was called Graham Crunch, and she told me there wasn't any Graham crunch in it. She said she orders this flavor all the time, and she knows that I'm intentionally stiffing her.

I tell her that's just how that flavor of ice cream is, and I don't make the ice cream that way, but she is not having it. She wants me to fix it. We've got some crushed graham cracker topping in the back. So as she's berating me, I just walk away from her and grab the entire container and come back to the window with it. At this point, we've got a line of people down the block because this lady has held us up, so there's lots of witnesses to what I was about to do. Without breaking eye contact with her, as she continues

to tell me that I'm wrong about the ice cream that I scoop six days a week. I open the lid of the Graham Cracker container and empty the entire thing over her cup of the offending ice cream. Graham Crackers are everywhere! Her ice cream is now definitely crunchy. She loses her mind at this and starts yelling at me that she knows the owner and she'll get me fired. I tell her, yeah, Steve's a nice guy and she responds with, I've known Steve a long time. To which I respond, oh, well, the owner's name is John. Get out of here, and don't bother my employees for free ice cream again.

Now sufficiently embarrassed in front of a long line of customers, the lady leaves in a hub, and indeed never returns. Hopi, I love how your response to this lady is just UNLEASH THE GRAM CRACKERS! Our next credit post is from Chair Cavalry. I'm a paramedic. A few months ago, we're coming back from a routine patient transfer. When, at an intersection, about four blocks away from base, I noticed a woman sitting on the side of the road with her arms wrapped around herself and her head down. I nudged my partner, who's driving, and we flip on the lights and I see her head come

up real fast, and she looks terrified. I exit the vehicle, and she relaxes when she sees the ambulance. After I approach, I notice bruises on her wrist and other similar signs of domestic abuse. She seems hesitant to get up off the curb and enter the ambulance, so I decide that I would at least pull the cot out of the back and give her something a little more comfortable than concrete to sit on. Now a few important details. All the cots that we use are striker-powered cots.

You've almost certainly seen those before. They're bright yellow with black handles and side panels. These cots have a motor and battery built in to allow us to raise and lower the cot at the touch of a button instead of throwing our backs out having to physically lift the cot up after loading someone in. As soon as I release the cot from the ambulance, I hear police sirens behind me. It's a city police car, which is weird because we hadn't requested police and we were outside the city in the share of jurisdiction. We had merely informed dispatch that we were stopping to check on a woman at such and such intersection. The woman says something like, oh God he's

here and rushes past me. She dashes past me and pretty much hurls herself into the ambulance sitting on the bench seat. The cop approaches us and he's pissed. I put two and two together and slammed the ambulance door shut. Let's call this cop police officer Steve or POS for shorts. The cop comes up to me and says, is she in there? You know damn well who I'm talking about. You mean my patient? I'm afraid I haven't gotten a name yet.

Open those doors. I need to talk to her. You are not using my ambulances in interview room. You can talk to her at the hospital. We go back and forth like this for a few minutes. At some point my partner came back to see what the holdup was, but when he overheard my stonewalling, he went back to the cab to call our chief. I continue my routine of denying delay until a a pair of deputies who were likely specifically requested for this by the chief arrive. Oh good, now I have witnesses.

You see, we'd stopped on a hill. I had hit the release tab on the cot, and because we were facing up on a hill, it was trying to slide backwards. However, I had to close the door so swiftly that I didn't bother pushing the cot back against the stops and locking it in place. Emboldened by the presence of the two deputies, the cop got in my face. Get out of my way or I'm gonna have to charge you with obstruction. Okay, I step out of his way and he opens a double doors.

Between the cot, the monitor, and the jump bag, I'd say those doors were holding back close to 160 pounds. All of which comes barreling out of the back of the ambulance and hits that cop square in the chest. He goes backwards and falls on his butt. One of the deputies laughs aloud. The other cop walked up and kneeled down beside the guy and said, your ship captain is gonna be here in 5 minutes. I would not be here if I were you. The cop gathered himself up, scalded me, and stomped off. There isn't much that I can say about the aftermath because the trial isn't settled yet, but we all know how well charges stick to cops. The woman is now living elsewhere, the cop is still a cop, and I've been getting pulled over at least twice

a week ever since then. However, the video footage of him getting body-checked by that cot remains one of the best things that I've ever seen. It seems weird to me that cops would be jerks to first responders, because if a cop ever got shot in the job, then you'd think that you'd want to have a good relationship with first responders, right? Not to piss them off. Like, imagine you're lying there on the side of the road, bleeding out from a bullet wound, and the EMT who comes up to you is like, hey, aren't you that cop who keeps pulling me over for no reason? Our next reddit posted from nicotine Amy. I work at an amusement park, and we have this ride called Moby Dick. This ride is 100% controlled by the operator. A

couple of weeks ago, this woman and her friend came up to my ride and making fun of one of the kids that was on the ride. She was saying so many hateful things about how the kid looked. Without even looking at the woman, I told her to stop, and this is how it went down. You're literally making fun of a 7-year-old. You need to stop or you won't be allowed on the rides. But it's true, look at him. Don't disrespect the other guests please, it's not okay." Karen's friend said, stop it Karen before you get us in trouble again. Whatever. When the ride was finished, I started letting the next group of people in.

As the people walk in I say, don't pull down the bars and pick any seat you like. I let a group of young boys in before Karen's group and they sat on the end seats. Karen marches over to the kids yelling at them to get out of her seat because she paid to sit at the end. I said, Miss, please stop yelling at the kids or you'll be removed from the ride with no refund and tickets. Do not tell me! Stop it, Karen, just sit in the middle. The Karen can play the whole time while walking to the middle seats and then pulled down the bar. I was thinking that maybe it was time to call the manager over, but I didn't want to bother

them with her. Once I got everyone seated, I closed the seat bars. When I was checking the seats, Karen's bar was a little on the loose side, so I pushed it to make it tighter. You're trying to kill me. First, you left my seat open, and now you're making it so I can't breathe. I ignore her and keep checking the seats. When I finally start the ride, I slowly rock it back and forth.

Karen starts screaming to let her off, so I just make the ride go faster doing full circles. Halfway through the ride, Karen screams, stop the ride you f***ing B word! She wants me to stop it. Fine, I'll stop the ride so that she's upside down. The other six people on the ride weren't scared that it stopped. Karen started screaming bloody murder, crying and begging to be let down. The people watching on the sidelines who had seen Karen complain started laughing. 30 seconds later, she's still hanging upside down and still screaming for me to let her down. So I set the ride on the fastest setting. I even let the ride run longer because the kids were having

fun. After I stopped the ride, I shouted out a warning. Wait for the bars to fully open and stay above your head before getting up. Stay seated. Karen pushed the bar up and started to stand up, but the bar fell back down and smacked her in the head. Her friend laughed at her and they got off the ride together. So based on this description, I think I have a pretty good idea of what this carnival ride is. I think it's the one that shaped like a boat, which would make sense because it's called Moby Dick, and like it rocks back and forth and eventually it swings all the way around and it can sort of suspend an air upside down. That was the last carnival ride I've ever been on because the last time I went on it I was like,

okay, yeah, I think I've definitely reached the age where this is more sickening than fun because this ride doesn't stop and like the next 30 seconds, I'm gonna puke on myself. That was our slash malicious compliance and if you like this content be sure to follow my podcast because I put on your edit podcast episodes every single day.