rSlash - r/Maliciouscompliance I Outsmarted my Smug Professor

Episode Date: September 12, 2026

0:00 Intro 0:08 Theft 4:29 Exposure 10:19 Second date 12:35 Formatting Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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encounter with an uptight security guard. Our next Reddit post is from Radio Supply. I was shopping and checked out at self-checkout. Note that the reusable bags were available for purchase right by the self-checkouts. I had to buy a 20-cent paper bag to accommodate some lightweight purchases because I had a heavier object meant for my sturdier reusable bag and hadn't brought any others. When I got to my car, I took a minute to Bluetooth my phone and look at my receipt. Then the front-end clerk knocked on my window. She accused me of stealing the paper bag. I showed her my receipt with the 20-cent paper bag charge on it, thinking she meant that one. But she insisted I'd stolen the reusable one. She then asked me sternly to come inside and talk to her manager. One thing people ought to know

is that almost every corporate retail establishment in North America, at least, prohibits employees from chasing or apprehending thieves. And this would have been the pettiest theft in the store, aside from like a CD or some small earrings. So I was about to get her in trouble. I don't like dunking on minimum wage workers, been there, barely survived. But she really needed to know just how unsafe her actions could have been if she pulled that on someone else who's a lot more hot-headed. So I went in with my receipt, purchases, and bags. I waited for the manager, with whom I'm acquainted as a regular shopper, then explained what had happened. I had to ask the employee to stop talking over me and let me finish, as the manager had asked for my story first, and I wanted to finish speaking.

The manager had to ask her to stop talking too. I explained straight away that I'd bought the reusable bag the week before and of course brought it to reuse this visit. The manager was like, well, duh, that's what they're there for. I'm all right? Great, glad to have that settled because the employee assumed I'd stolen it and that's what led to me coming inside to speak with her. When I'd explained what had happened with the employee,

I reminded the manager that her employee had no business following customers out to the car. and I had come in as a small favor to help her learn not to do that again for her own safety. The manager agreed, and we had some chatty goodbyes, in which I included the employee so there were fewer bad vibes. The employee wasn't there for the next few weeks, so I asked my friend who worked there what had happened. Apparently, she was canned for violating that safety protocol, because she'd been warned about following people and accusing people of theft and tag swapping when she was supposed to be at the tills. It's too bad, but I hope she pivoted into being some sort of plain clothes, loss prevention ghoul instead.

Gotta work with your motivation and skill sets. Down in the comments, we have what is, in my opinion, an even better story from Lord Jibis. When we were in high school, my friend got pulled up for shoplifting while we were in the store. He hadn't grabbed a basket, but when he saw some snacks on offer, he couldn't resist buying him. His hands were full, so he put a donut that he grabbed in his pocket so he could rearrange everything in his hands, then took the donut back. out of his pocket. The security guard comes over and demands that we all go to the manager's office.

We comply because this was our local shop, best not to get banned. We get in front of the store manager and the guard, nose in the air, orders us to turn out our pockets. We do, and naturally, our pockets are empty but for our phones, wallets, and keys. The guard insists that he saw my friend taking stuff off the shelf and loading up his pockets. The manager tells him that it's a bit irresponsible to give off the appearance of stealing, and he should have asked one of us to help him instead. But he was still in the store, so he hadn't done anything wrong and was free to go. The guard said, no. He demanded that the manager get the police involved or he's quitting. That this time he 100% saw a crime being committed and won't keep letting the little turds get away with it.

The manager told him not to come in tomorrow. It's been nearly 20 years, and I still think about how that man was so convinced that he had seen something, he probably hadn't, that he threw away his job over it. Honestly, the security guard seems like that type of person who pretends to be a cop and goes around fake arresting people. You know, the type where it's less about doing a good deed and keeping social peace, and it's more about just having authority and proving people that you're right and they're wrong. Our next Reddit post is from The Amazing Luke. I run a small fitness consultancy business. I've done so for the past few years. Since Setting it up, I largely rely on word of mouth for most of my business,

so I typically don't have to deal with a lot of difficult clients. But I recently had a run-in with a woman who genuinely made my blood boil. Let's call this woman Gigi. This woman, Gigi, sent me a DM a few weeks ago, said she was looking to lose weight and tighten up her physique for summer. Gigi didn't really fit my usual client demographic, usually 30s to 40s. She was young, mid-20s, and boasted a decent follower count. She seemed to be a local influencer of some description.

This piqued my interest. I thought perhaps I could benefit from her connections to boost my business somewhat. How wrong I was! The initial consultation over text was pretty standard. I asked her for some details about her past exercise history, diet, etc., before getting to work on her meal and exercise plan. Then, it moved to the matter of payment. I'd mentioned pretty early on that I typically charge $50 for my plans,

but either she didn't read that or decided to feign willful ignorance. When I reminded her of the price, she said, and I quote, I was wondering whether you'd be interested in getting yourself some exposure instead of payment. I hate to say it, but at the time, I was seriously thinking of taking her up on her offer. However, after talking to some of my friends, I snapped out of it, resolving to be firm with the price instead, which she accepted, albeit somewhat begrudgingly. Looking back on it now, I'm kind of. of stunned that she genuinely expected me to give it to her for free. But I guess that's how the

influencer economy works these days. The plan consisted of exercises and recipes mainly designed around helping her lose weight. Usually, I advise most of my clients to try and maintain light to moderate calorie deficits. Not only is this overall healthier, they tend to suck a lot less than dramatic calorie reductions. So, they're easier to maintain in the long run. I explained all this to Gigi, said that she understood it meant progress wouldn't be immediate, and as such, I thought that we were on the same page. A week later, I woke up at 5 a.m. to an Instagram call from Gigi. Half awake, I picked up the phone.

You're an effing scammer. You think this stuff is some kind of joke? I was still in a daze, so I weekly asked her what was going on. I just wait in after a week on your BS plan. I'm up half an effing pound. I asked her to slow down and breathe, which seemed to calm her down, albeit temporarily. I explained to her that we had been through this before and that weight loss isn't a linear process and that scale measurements can be offset from anything from water weight, clothes, time a day, etc. You're just covering yourself. Cut the BS right now. Oh well, I tried. Guess you can't talk sense into an unstable influencer at 5 a.m.

I've got a swimwear collaboration I need to shoot this week, And you effing lied to me, your plan didn't effing work. Influencer to English translation. I successfully got something for free, and now I need to rip into you for something that I didn't get for free. Bear in mind, this girl is by no means overweight. Her BMI was already comfortably in the healthy range, but I guess an influencer's work is never done.

On the verge of tears, she continued, Do you know how screwed I am? I followed your plan to the effing letter, and look where it effing got me. Based on her tone and the time of the morning she called, she was almost definitely on the receiving end of three to four margaritas, comfortably, which definitely wasn't in the plan. But I didn't feel like pointing out the obvious.

An hour later, she messaged again, still unhinged, but slightly more coherent. Refund me immediately. And post a public statement on your page admitting your plan doesn't work and that I was right to call you out. Do it by noon, or I start tagging every local gym and every brand that's ever worked with you. I sat with that for a minute. Then an idea came to mind.

I refunded the 50 bucks within the hour and posted the following, word for word, as requested on my business page. Public statement as requested by at Gigi. I refunded the client in full. My standard plan prioritizes sustainable, moderate deficits, and long-term adherence rather than dramatic one-week scale drops. The client reported following the plan, quote, to the effing letter, and still gained half a pound in seven days. Therefore, by my client's own stated metric and timeline, the plan did not produce the immediate

results she required for her swimwear shoot. She was correct to call this out. So for context, we live in a small, tight-knit city where everyone knows each other, particularly in the business community. I wanted to make sure that any other potential brand. Grand collaborators knew who they were dealing with. I left it at that. No extra commentary.

No screenshots. No mention of the 5 a.m. call, the margaritas, the original request for free work, or the fact that she was already in a healthy BMI range. By lunch, the post had been screenshoted and circulated in a few local fitness groups. People started asking the obvious questions under her posts. She tried to walk it back that he twisted my words, then deleted her original rant, then went quiet. The collab still happened. From the photos that went up, that half-pound gain was

invisible. My page, meanwhile, picked up a small but steady stream of new inquiries from people who specifically said they wanted the boring, sustainable version. I never heard from Gigi again. It's just like the saying goes. Exposure is a dish best served cold. Our next Reddit post is from Creeping Demon. I work as a server slash bartender at an upscale restaurant where we're known for the quality food that we serve, as well as a more elevated dining experience. It's literally our whole thing, and my job is to guide people through the menu, make suggestions on their preferences, and engage at a certain level without being overbearing. That being said, I had a dude come in tonight, and the first thing he says to me when I greet him

is, hey, just so you know, this is our first date, and we aren't going to want to be bothered. Okay, no worries. He gets a drink while he waits for her, and when I bring it over, he again reminds me that they're going to want privacy during their meals. I say it's all good. I won't invade your privacy, but please, if you or your date need anything, just flag me down. I'll be happy to assist you or get you anything you need. Now the date comes and asks me a few questions about our craft cocktails and wine, and this man is visibly annoyed that we're taking a few minutes to decide on something. I drop off her drink, and when I ask if they're ready to hear the features, he quickly says, no. All right, buddy,

malicious compliance time. I take their order, say very little words, drop off food, and check in without saying anything. I just give little thumbs up hand gestures here and there. He never flags me down or anything, so it's all good. I grab their plates, silently drop off the dessert menu, and as I'm walking over to ask if they want dessert, he just shakes his head and hands the menus to me. Coolio, I drop off the bill. Then my favorite parts. As I'm taking payment, I engage and ask his date if she enjoyed everything. She meekly replied, well, to be honest, the food was really good, but the service was lacking. I've heard great things about this place and the service, and I just feel like you didn't really explain the menu or check on us to see if we needed anything. So I just

told her, your date told me multiple times not to bother you to, and if you needed anything, he was to flag me over, so I assumed you were fine. The look of disgust on her face was priceless. The cherry on top was he tipped 10%. So I dropped the receipt in eye shot of her so that she could also see that he was a cheapskate. She slid me some cash on her way out and they did not grab the same Uber together when they left. Our next Reddit post is from double preparation. This was sophomore year, some gen ed English class that I only took because I needed the credit. My professor, Dr. H, was known across the whole department for being insane about formatting.

Not the normal MLA or APA stuff. He had his own extra rules stapled onto the syllabus on top of that. Font, margins, spacing, where the page numbers had to go, all graded completely separate from the actual writing. About three weeks into the semester, someone asked what happens if you don't follow the formatting rules exactly. He said, word for word, because I wrote it down out of spite, that if you follow his instructions exactly as written,

you get full formatting credit. No exceptions, no partial credit for close enough. Cool, noted. So that weekend, I actually read the formatting section of the syllabus line by line instead of skimming it like everyone else did. Two things jumped out. First, it said the title needs to be centered. It never said what the title had to say, just that it had to be centered. Second, it said your name needs to appear in the hitter. It never said how many times. For my next essay, my title was just the word essay. huge font because there was no size limit listed either. My hitter had my name in it 11 separate times because technically that still satisfies your name needs to appear in the hitter. I also put page numbers on every single page including a blank work-sighted page that had nothing on it except the number seven. Turned it in feeling pretty proud of myself, honestly. I got it back and he had docked me formatting points with a note that just said, unprofessional presentation. Next class, I raised my hand and asked him to point to the specific rule I'd broken.

He couldn't because I hadn't broken a single one. I had just followed them further than anyone expected anyone to. Then I brought up his own quote from a few weeks earlier in front of the whole room. He was obviously annoyed, but couldn't argue with his own words without looking ridiculous in front of 40 people. So I got the points back. By the next essay, the formation section of the syllabus had basically doubled in length and every loophole I used was individually closed. 10 out of 10 would exploit a poorly written rule again.

This top comment from Yuntar, I would have titled my essay, centered, because the title has to be centered. That was our slash malicious compliance, and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day. Where some see heroes and others see egos. Bloomberg sees the era of billionaire athletes. While others follow the noise, we follow the money. Learn more at Bloomberg.com.