rSlash - r/Maliciouscompliance "I Want Cold, Hard Cash For X-mas" "LOL OK"

Episode Date: January 17, 2021

r/Maliciouscompliance In today's episode, OP's grandma has a habit of giving out crazy gifts. Eventually, one young family member gets sick of his grandma's antics and demands that she gives him cold, hard cash for Christmas. Good ol' grandma is happy to comply and gives him $1,000 frozen into a gigantic block of solid ice. You should know by now that you should never mess with grandma! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Visit Mitsubishi-motors.ca to learn more. Welcome to R-Slash, a podcast where I read the best post-traumatic cross-reddit. Today's subreddit is R-Slash malicious compliance where a stuck-up customer gets what's coming to him. Our next reddit post is from Eric with a C. We moved out of our apartment two months early. Since we couldn't get anyone to move in for just those two months,

we run the hook for the two months of rent, which was a fortune to poor college students. We were told by the onsite manager that we be responsible for the electricity bills in the apartment over the next two months, despite already doing our official move out. No, they can't be changed back to the landlord's name. Fine, I'll pay the electric bills,

but I'll make sure they're zero. So when I left, I turned off all the breakers. I still had the keys because we were supposed to mail them back to the property manager at our expense since I guess he lives far away and only comes into town at the beginning and end of each semester. A few days later we realized we'd forgotten some items in the bathroom and since the apartment was on my way to school, I decided to swing by and grab them before mailing the keys back. When I walked in, I was startled to find someone inside.

It was the property owner with a box of tools looking very dirty. Apparently the hallway lights weren't working, which is a violation of building safety codes, and she couldn't figure out why. The security system also seemed to be non-functional. It looked like something at Tripp the breakers, he said. I said, yeah, that's something was me because the electric bill was still in our name. He pointed out that not powering the hallway light was a safety concern, and also that having the power off could ruin the refrigerator.

I pointed out that I couldn't care less about the safety of an apartment that I didn't live in. I already had a sign move out documenting saying all the appliances were in good shape. And also that him being there was technically a landlord violation since we were still paying rent and he hadn't given us notice that he'd be entering the apartment. We looked at each other for a few seconds. I was wondering if I was technically trespassing or not since I'd already signed move out documents. He was probably thinking about how much time he had wasted for something like 13 cents

worth of electricity, and how he couldn't really stop me from simply dropping by any day after school to turn the breakers off again. Finally, he said that he'd take the electricity bill out of our name. I grabbed my Lufa, left, and didn't hear anything about it ever again. Most importantly, I never paid another cent, except of course two months of rent, but small victories. Our next Reddit post is from Artificial Serotonin. I'm prefaceing the story with the information that, one, my grandma has too much money.

Two, my grandma has too much time. Three, my grandma has too much freezer space, and four, my grandma is super petty. I have a cousin who's always wanted all sorts of interesting things for his birthday. Grandma loved that. Absolutely effing adored it. She gave me a blow in the butt turtle ocarina ones and I love it. That should explain her gifting style for you. Now as my cousin grew up, he was less and less inclined to entertain my grandma's whimsical

ideas and started requesting more mainstream presence. Grandma hated that and still found ways to make them whimsical. You want a guitar? Okay, but it'll have hippie wood burning patterns on it. You want bid sheets? Sure thing, but they'll have tie-dye prints all over and be made of silk. If it was possible to make a gift whimsical, grandma would do it. We all knew this and started getting awfully specific in what we requested until one year my cousin threw his hands up and said, I don't know, just give me cold hard cash. Bad move, very bad move.

My grandma has chest freezers, the kind that are 4 feet deep, 4 feet across and 12 feet long. Grandma also lives in a little foresty cottage plot, which means grandma has access to all sorts of gardening tools and tinkers. So grandma being grandma found a big bucket, a huge amount of little plastic seed bags and got to work. My cousin, of course, was very excited to finally get a normal gift and was grinning at grandma thinking he finally won the game. That is, until grandma brought out a two-foot by two-foot by two-foot, squared ice cube full of cash.

It wasn't frozen together either. Oh no. Grandma had gotten creative and layered the fricking ice gradually, freezing the cash all day throughout the entire cube. This thing was icy, white and dripping when she brought it into the room, and Grandma proudly announced that since he wanted cold hard cash, she gave him exactly that.

This mad woman froze the equivalent of $1,000 in the ice and mixed money. There were coins and dollar bills and little seed bags near the center of the ice cube. It took the block about a week to mill because my cousins birthday is in January and his mother refused to let it mill in the house for fear of water damage. So they put it in the garage where it slowly melted. More of the story, don't screw with grandma and her whimsical presence. Our next reddit poses from Burn the Oil.

I'm a bartender at a little hole in the wall watering hole with a very regular and very loyal customer base. I had last night off, so I met up with a friend at another bar for a few drinks and some food. After supper, we decide to walk to the bar I work out to cap off the evening. We get there, and there's a good energy going on. The music is a bit louder than usual, and there's maybe 10 patrons in the bar. We have this one customer who's extremely wealthy, and it's nothing for him to spend two to four hundred dollars a night multiple

times a week buying everyone rounds. As such, he's treated like royalty around here. So I'm sitting there having a really good time enjoying a beer and decide that I want to add a song to the jukebox. I grab a $5 bill and walk over, only to notice 63 credits showing on the screen. No big deal, I think. I'll just put my $5 in, request a few songs, and leave the 63 credits untouched. But noooo. Our wealthy regular, let's call him Jack, sees me perusing the jukebox and comes up and physically pushes me away from it.

I ask him what the F.E. is doing and he says those are his credits. And no one's allowed to touch the jukebox until he's used them up. I point out that I have my own $5 and no intention of using any of his credits. Nope, not good enough. No one is allowed to touch it until he's done with them. I know it's not worth arguing, so I step back and he starts requesting songs until he's used up every single credit. Each song costs 2 to 5 credits, so he's put in a lot of songs.

Each song gives you the option to pay an extra 2 credits to have your song played next, but I noticed that he wasn't using it. This particular brand of jukebox has an accompanying phone app. I didn't have it downloader prior to last night, but I do now. I calmly sat down on my table with my friend and put my plan in motion. I go to the App Store, find the app, download it, install it, create an account, and purchase $10 worth of credits. I request two songs and pay the extra two credits to fast-track them.

I sit there in quiet anticipation, and I can see that Jack is starting to get into the groove with the music you requested Be it non-rock. His heart gloriously sings when bomb bomb bomb by Sam the Wom comes on. No big deal guys, his song must be next. Nope, it's one of be by the Spice Girls. Do you love driving or do you just want to get there in one piece? Mitsubishi made Super All-Wheel Control for whatever you prefer. On any road, in any weather, it gives you the control you need to drive like you want. Whether that's for fun or just to

get their safe and sound. Super All-Wheel Control from Mitsubishi, it's the real definition of control. Visit Mitsubishi-motors.ca to learn more. Hi, I'm Pete Davidson and if you're like most people you may be asking yourself, well hey Pete are you here to up my hydration game? And I'd be like, hey you that's exactly right with new smart water alkaline with antioxidant. And you'd be like, okay cool but there's no way there's a higher pH right? And I'd be like, there actually is! And you'd be like, okay, cool, but there's no way there's a higher pH, right? And I'd be like, there actually is. And you'd be like, that's rad.

I hope there's electrolytes for taste too. And I'd be like, you're not gonna believe this. Elevate how you hydrate and keep it smart with smart water alkaline. He sits down, dejected. I quickly purchased another $20 in credits and request baby by Justin Bieber. Live in Lebeda, Locke by Ricky Martin, Axel F. by CrazyFog, and FOIL by Weirdo Yankevich. And I fast-track every single one of them.

Partway through FOIL, I noticed Jack sulking in his chair, so I purchased another $20 in credits. I get never gonna give you up by Rick Asley, who let the dogs out by Baja Man, Numa Numa by Ozone, Pass Parley Americano by Alanda Be Cool, and Star Wars Container March by John Williams. They're starting to realize that something is up, so Jack and a few staff who were on last night convened with the jukeboxes right to figure it out. At this point, the Container March is playing. They turn the jukebox off and then turn it back on again. Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do hand with the app open and shoves it in my face with a how-epping dare you yada yada yada I quietly get up down my last mouth full of beer, put my jacket on, and walk out without a word. I walked down the street to the greasy spoon that our staff and customers are

regulars that do to its proximity. I sit down, order a beer and a burger, and proceed to lock back into the app. I purchased another $10 worth of credit and fast-track all I went for Christmas by Mariah Carey and Mickey by Tony Basel as one last bite me to Jack. I can only imagine the fallout I'm gonna face on Monday afternoon when I show up to work, but whatever. My $40 was no less valid than his and no one customer gets to comedy of the tunes for the entire night and physically block anyone else from touching it. Our next credit post is from Ukraine and Archi. A long, long time ago, in a city not far away, I had a terrible summer job. Right after high school, my friend and I were looking for practically anything to make money and his older brother told us about a job he once had working for this guy

washing windows. Now, this guy owns what appears to be a semi-legitimate business. He has a full shop and garage where he stores cleaning products, big fancy tubs that use sonic waves to wash blinds in a new and, at the time, working truck. He was also a hardcore penny-pinscher and bought the cheapest, worst insurance he could on that truck. Initially, when we got hired on, he would meet us at the shop at 7 a.m. and give us the work orders and write out with us for on the job training. After a couple of weeks, he would just leave the work orders in the office and then leave

us to our own devices. Now, I want to preface this by saying that we weren't lazy. We got paid hourly like 9 bucks an hour, but we also got commissions based on the number of individual windows we cleaned in a day, plus how many windows required a ladder. They paid an extra 50 cents each. So if we knocked out 3 to four jobs in one day, we would take home approximately $14 to $15 an hour. Another important fact is that this was right after high school, so we were both 18, and for whatever reason, the Boston bother to ask

or check our hiring paperwork to confirm this. Well, after a month or so, our boss finds this out, and it turns out that his insurance on his truck has a clause that anyone driving has to be at least 25 years old and have a clean driving record. Or his monthly payment triples. So he makes it very, very clear to us that we are not to drive the truck. And if he finds out we're doing it anyway, he'll fire us and dock any bonus pay from our final checks. Legally he can do that because it's a bonus, not hourly. I need to emphasize the fact that he was so freaking delusional that he never paid attention to anything. So, one day we come into the shop and see a stack of about 15 jobs. However, he didn't schedule anyone else except for the two of us that day. He never actually scheduled himself because

he expected the shop to just run itself. Cue malicious compliance. He liked a micromanage, but simultaneously, he never picked up the phone if we called him. So despite calling him numerous times, let him know we can't do anything. We just end up sitting in the shop and listening to the radio for most of the day. This was also only a year or two after smartphones came out. So things like streaming music and movies

or playing games in your phone was essentially not exist unless you had a spare $1,000 lying around to buy a fancy new iPhone 2. Fast forward about 5 hours and the boss calls one of us to ask how things are going, how many jobs we'd finish and if we needed help to get anything completed. We explained that we'd been sitting at the shop all day waiting for him to come in so we could get started. Well, at this point he goes fricking ballistic and starts tearing us up one side and down the other about wasting his time and money and blah, blah, blah. Why didn't you call me? Who else is there?

Has anyone finished any of the jobs? Needless to say, that was our last day there. But we threatened to report him if he didn't pay us for the time we sat in the shop that day. So we still got paid almost a full day's wages, and from what I heard within a year or so later his shop folded, so when when I guess? Our next breaded position from Jewer Chain. I was playing at Uno the other night with my wife and brother. We've been playing for a few hours at this point and having an absolute

blast. As most long Uno sessions go, there have been multiple alliances, all broken, reestablished and betrayed yet again. In this particular round, my wife and brother were at each other's throats, just really doing everything they could to hurt each other. Insults were flying, and the sheer number of reverse cards that were played honestly defied physics. And there I was, caught in the crossfire. Two superpowers at war, and I'm the third world country caught in the middle. Then the fateful moment happens. My wife slaps down a red floor and triumphantly announces, oh no, my brother is SEAVED. He could not allow her to win. It's my turn and he looks at me and says,

keep it red. Now, see, here's the problem. Before my wife, Unod, I've been sitting on two skip cards for a while and I was itching to play them. So when my brother indicated he was going to hurt or using red, all I heard was red. And I happened to have a red skip. So I slapped that card down so hard that the table quaked. Boys, the utter disbelief in both my wife and brother's faces is a look that I'll cherish until the day I die.

It was in slow motion that my wife laid down her last card, which was a red seven. We laughed for a solid five minutes after that. That malicious compliance is still being mudded about at my house, and in any group chat that contains me and my brother. It was a glorious day. 11 out of 10 would keep it red again. glorious day. 11 out of 10 would keep it read again. That was our Slash from Licious Compliance, and if you like this content, check out my Patreon where I publish extra videos. Also, be sure to follow my podcast because I put on your Reddit podcast episodes every single day.