rSlash - r/Maliciouscompliance Whatever You Say, Boss!

Episode Date: April 26, 2021

r/Maliciouscompliance Get ready for your daily dose of malicious compliance! We've got a Karen who gets a dose of reality when she tries to buy a starfish that she would undoubtedly fail to care for, a tough biker guy who gets the sweetest drink imaginable, and a disgruntled worker who swindles thousands of dollars out of his employer due to their stupid policy. If you like this content, subscribe fore more daily Reddit videos! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The best adventures are the ones we share. So explore together with the 2023 Defender 130, featuring increased cargo capacity and room for eight adults. With unstoppable off-road capability, excellent on-road dynamics, 21st century connectivity and luxury interiors, you'll be capable of great things. The 2023 Defender 130, Adventure, Share Widely. Contact your Land Rover Authorized dealer for details.

Welcome to R-Slash, a podcast where I read the best post from across Reddit. Today's subreddit is R-Slash Milicious Compliance, where a care needs help with her chocolate starfish. Our next Reddit post is from CyberDizzy. I used to work at a well-known pet store a few years back, and I was the person my co-workers came to if they wanted any advice on aquatic animals, reptiles, birds, or any small animal. I was in the backroom cleaning out the cricket bins when one of the newer employees comes

to me looking really frustrated. After talking with them, I learned there was a woman on the floor who wanted to purchase our chocolate chip starfish, but apparently knew nothing about saltwater tanks. And she was being unreasonable and had gone through two other associates already. Is that a real thing? Chocolate chip starfish. Wait, hold on. There's an animal called a chocolate starfish.

I think of all the names in the animal kingdom. That one is the worst. So now we've got a planet named Joranus and an animal named chocolate starfish. I hated doing cricket, so I happily went out to go meet the Karen. When I got there, Karen said, fine, at least someone who might actually help me. I went this one here. I looked in our car and I noticed a small box of aquarium salt and a five gallon tank. I said, I'm sorry you were having trouble, ma'am. Since I'm just walking into the situation though, we have a few questions we'd like to ask people before selling them live animals. So I'll just run through those with you quickly so we can get you on your way.

Ha, fine. Whatever, hurry up. Perfect. What size salt water aquarium G have set up at home and what fish do you currently have in it? Like I was telling the other kids, I don't have one already. Don't you people listen?

I have this one in my card and I have this salt right here. I'll set it up when I get home. I went this starfish for my kids. That was literally the only things that she had in her card. She didn't have filters, heaters, substrate, hides, nothing. Got it. So, man, the issue here is that you have to have your aquarium set up ahead of time before

you purchase fish, if that makes sense. Also, a tank that size cannot handle this animal, so if you just follow me I'll show you the size you need. She follows me to the tanks and I point out a 55 gallon tank. Are you kidding me? Did you see the size of that starfish? No, I want this 5 gallon tank. Well, unfortunately, that's not an option. You'll also need a bit more than just a tank and some salt. Fine, what do I need to get out of here?

Here's where the malicious compliance kicks in. I grabbed another card and I started grabbing all the basics you need to start a salt water tank. Which, for those of you who don't know, is everything but cheap. She was following me around to kept trying to yell at me, but any time she would say something I'd interject with, oh this tubing is on sale, good for you, or oh your kids will love this substrate's color, and she would just get redder and redder in the face. About halfway through, I'd gotten $500 worth of stuff and she yelled at me for being incompetent, and for abusing animals by not selling them to loving homes, and she's stormed off. I put everything back with a huge grin on my face, and I called our sister locations

to warn them about a potential Karen hitting their way. Good job, Opie. I think it's pretty obvious that you saved that chocolate starfish's life. I wonder if that Karen was planning on just filling up the tank with tap water, and then just dumping all the salt into the tank and just calling it a day. Our next Reddit post is from Revolo. Years ago, I worked for a big Canadian coffee and donut shop, mostly working the evening shift.

If you aren't familiar with a Canadian brand coffee shop, the cream and sugar are dispensed by a machine that's calibrated by an amount determined by corporate. If you're accustomed to Starbucks or Dunkin' Donuts, the amount of sugars and creams that you need to order may need to change depending on how much you actually want. One night, we had these three bikers drive in, and you could tell they'd been on the road for a while. Their ringleader was your stereotypical biker. Tall, wide shoulders, big beard, covered in leather.

His friends were shorter, but otherwise they still had the whole tough but tired look going on. My coworker was in the back working on a soup in sandwich, but it's only three people and it's been a slow night, so no worries. I just need to get these tired boys some caffeine and wish them a good night. The ringleader said, I would an extra large 12 and 12. Are you sure? Did I stutter? Okay, but that's only. Then one of his friends said, did he stutter? No, no he didn't. So off I went to make him exactly what he asked for. I grabbed a cup and I put it under the sugar dispenser while I pressed the time-stri button four times. That's 12 extra large shots of sugar. Then I went over to the cream dispenser and did the same thing. Now, fun fact. The cream and sugar dispensers are pre-set to

dispense 1-12 of the cup size that you're selecting. So, by the time that all 12 shots of cream are were dispensed, this cup was basically full. I stirred the creamy sugar mixture around before I poured in an 80-bit. I stirred the creamy sugar mixture around before I poured in an 80 I stirred the cream. I stirred the creamy sugar mixture around before I poured an 80 bitty splash of coffee in his cup just enough to bring it up to the safety line of the cup. I tried asking him if he wanted me to heat it up or anything, but I basically got the same exact runaround from him and his friend. Obviously, the guy knew what he wanted, and he didn't need me to tell him what he was ordering. They grabbed the rest of their order and drove out into the night. Now, you would think that was the end of the

story. The big, angry biker man got his nasty sugar cream drink, and he left me sitting there wondering if the rest of the world had been drinking their coffee wrong this entire time. But no, I was lucky enough to be working the next afternoon when he came back in. Mr. Ringleader came back in all by himself the next day and shuffled up to the counter. I could tell that he must have been embarrassed because his voice was a lot softer this time. He knew that he messed up. The glorious aftermath is that he apologized,

and he confirmed the drink had been utterly disgusting. It turns out that he was used to Starbucks, and they used way smaller measurements for their cream and sugar. Once I knew where he was used to ordering from, I made him approximately the same drink using our measurements and cinnamon as way. I only wish that I could have seen this face

when he took that first sip. Down in the comments, everyone's talking about what they order at Starbucks, and I'm completely lost. I don't drink coffee, and I never go to Starbucks, so I don't know what a 12 and 12 is, I don't know what a venti is, there's someone down here talking about a triple, triple, I have no clue what that means. And there's a conversation going on about how some guy orders 20 shots of espresso like it's a big deal. And I guess that's a big deal,

but I honestly couldn't tell you. Keep in mind my wife is Chinese, so I've been to China a few times, and every time we go there, we go to tons of Chinese tea houses. And as far as I'm concerned, there's not a cup of coffee in the world that can compete with authentic Chinese tea. I have a cup every day while I make our slash videos. Hi, I'm Pete Davidson, and if you're like most people, you may be asking yourself, well, hey Pete, are you here to up my hydration game? And I'd be like, hey you, that's exactly right, with new smart water alkaline with antioxidant. And you'd be like, okay, cool, but there's no way there's a higher pH, right? And I'd be like, there actually is. And you'd be like, okay, cool, but there's no way there's a higher pH, right? And I'd be like, there actually is! And you'd be like, that's rad! I hope there's electrolytes for taste too!

And I'd be like, you're not gonna believe this! Elevate how you hydrate and keep it smart with smart water alkaline. Your business has grown fast, from opening your first location to planning an expansion in no time. And with your business platinum card from American Express, you can access spending power and payment flexibility to fuel your growth. Sarah, the contractor is here with the plans. American Express, don't do business without it.

Terms and conditions apply if it is visit mx.ca slash business platinum. Our next reddit posted from Naik Galan. Years ago I worked at a busy corporate sit-down burger restaurant. One day I'm hustling through the lunch rush and I have six college guys sit down. One guy flags me over and loudly pronounces that they're ready to order right away. What are you guys having, I ask? Guys, the same guy says with a smirk on his face. Guys, that doesn't sound like a very professional greeting to me. I work at a restaurant too, and if I walked up to a table and asked what are you guys having,

my manager would definitely let me know that was inappropriate. The other guys at the table look kind of uncomfortable at this exchange and just silently sit there. The main guy looks around at all of them and keeps going. Why don't you come up to us again and do it right? At this point, I'm looking around at my massive section of tables and getting the distinct feeling that I'm going to be at this table forever. I'm trying not to lose my cool, so I smile. Sure, I say. I take several steps back and walk up again. Gentlemen, how you all doing? Are you ready to order? The main guy smirks and nods. I look directly at him. How about you, Chief? What are you having today? Some of the other guys laugh.

He looks angrily at me, but he orders his burger and a drink. I get everyone's order and hustle off. I return with drinks a little while later. I set everyone's drinks down and I do the main guy last. Here you go boss. I leave before he can say anything. Through the course of the meal, I call him a different nickname every time. You need a refill, pal? How's your burger, buddy? Need more ketchup, bro? Can I get that plate out of your way, dude? Hehe, any dessert for you, Amigo?

Need me to split your check, brother? Make sure to leave me one sign copy, Muchacho. So by the end of the meal, this guy is boiling. His friends are loving it though. As time goes on, the rest of them keep looking at me expectantly. What nickname will I use next? Finally, they all get up to leave. The lunch rush has ended so I'm chilling at this point. I casually walk up to them. Thank you, gentlemen, for coming in. The rest of the group is smiling. I look at the main guy, and you have a fantastic day, Hoss. The rest of the guys cheer. They all head out. I grab all their receipts on

the table. Surprise, surprise. The main guy left me a zero for a tip. I didn't care. It was all worth it. Opie, I wouldn't sweat it. Based on how this guy acted in your first interaction, I literally don't think it would have been possible for you to get any tip out of that guy. Maybe if you'd given him a lap dance with his burger or something. Our next Reddit post is from my posting name. Years ago, I was an inside sales rep for a company in a very niche market. The company had about 50 branches across the country of various sizes.

The smallest company was literally just one guy who processed local orders and used hot shots for delivery. Meanwhile, the largest had about 50 employees. In my branch, we only had six workers. I was literally the first salesman with a background and anything even resembling sales that my branch had ever hired. Previously, they only hired socially awkward industry professionals, and they were doing all the selling for over a year until I came on, so expectations were high. When they hired me, we had somewhat heated negotiations over the compensation plan. The job offered 42,000 base salary with a commission, so I was expected to make about 56K, and the cap was 65K. I asked what I was meant to do after I hit the cap to which they replied

Continue to do your job as if I wasn't going to have a problem with generating new business for free I said that I was gonna need a bonus structure beyond the cap If they wanted me to do any more hunting after that point I made it clear that I'd service my accounts when they called But they were gonna be disappointed if they expecting me to make outbound calls looking for a new business hunting after that point. I made it clear that I'd service my accounts when they called, but they were going to be disappointed if they expected me to make outbound calls looking for a new business after I maxed out my compensation plan. And that I would definitely enjoyed the extra time at home with my family. They said they understood and they hired me.

I worked almost exactly 40 hours for almost two months before I had jury duty and I missed today. My check was about 150 bucks like compared to what it had been, so I complained to payroll. That's when I found out that I was making 21 bucks an hour and was not, in fact, pulling a salary. Presumably, this was to force me into the office as they didn't have remote access to a local network that logged our hours. I didn't even get a pro-rated Christmas bonus because that counts as benefits, and you have to work 90 days to receive those.

Cue malicious compliance. I discovered that if I let the house 30 minutes earlier, my 80-minute commute would be cut down to less than 25 minutes. So instead of showing up at 8.30, I was there at 7 o'clock with the warehouse guy, sending emails. I started working through lunch as I ate in my desk as opposed to burning an hour off campus around the break room. I also discovered that if I stayed until 6.30 I'd get home by 7 as opposed to leaving

a little after 5 and getting home around 6.30. With the overtime, I was clocking north of $2,000 more than the intended every month. And oddly enough, no one even noticed until the internal auditor verified the W2s and noticed that I made significantly more than the branch manager. I didn't hit my commission cap until late November, so I spent the rest of the year training with the tech or the warehouse guy who were both stoners. They tried to put me on the same salary comp that I'd originally agreed to, but it was enough of a pay cut to qualify for constructive dismissal.

So I got to quit and still collect unemployment for a month before I found another gig. Our next reddit postage from Magnus. I worked in a building where I was a fire marshal. It offered no extra money and a small amount of extra work, but someone has to do it. I was also the first aider, and I somehow got landed with arranging the Christmas night out, so maybe the building manager saw me as an easy mark. The only advantage that I had was that during a drill or real event, I had absolute power. Anyone not swiftly following an evacuation order was called up for disciplinary action.

We had about 12 random fire drills per year, and my job was to ensure that the building was clear. Basically, it was my job to pop my head into each office, toilet, kitchen, etc., and make sure no one was left behind. 5 minutes tops. Anyone booked into the building that wasn't registered by me was in trouble. The drills were a surprise to me as well, which made the test more realistic. The building manager was a dick.

He wielded his small amount of power as much as he could, and he loved to report people for tiny infractions. During one drill, he hid in a cupboard, and then called me into his office for failing to ensure the building was clear. Apparently, some people may run and hide from a fire instead of leaving the building. He wagged his finger at me and told me to do better next time, or I would lose the martial roll. The building manager told me that, henceforth, I had to check out hiding places too. I later found out that he had no power to make that rule. Cue malicious compliance. The fire alarm went off for the first time after my failure to check the cupboards. Everyone left, crossed the road, and stood at

the assembly point in rain and wind. I searched the top floor very carefully. I opened up large cupboards, I opened up boxes large enough to hide a person, and I looked under each desk in case someone was hiding. Then I went to the next floor. By now, people were cold and wet and unhappy, but the building manager refused to let them in. The building manager knew the fire drill was coming, so he addressed for the weather. However, everyone else was mostly just wearing light clothing. I finished the ground floor and went to the basement, which includes the boiler and piles and piles of old junk. Clearing the basement took ages because I was very thorough and very

slow. I left the building and then I escorted a massive sod and people back into the building. I was massively unpopular until I told everyone that I was just following the building manager's rules. That basically turned into the equivalent of angry villagers turning up a castle Frankenstein with torches and pitchforks. People were furious at him. Someone reported the building manager to the site safety officer who went ballistic on the building manager. He scolded the building manager for forcing me to remain in a potentially burning building for way longer than necessary. Also, the company had to let people go home and change clothes or else the union threatened to get involved.

The building manager got heat from all sides, the workers, the union, the management, and the site safety officer. Most of the time, if it's just you complaining, nothing really gets done. But if the correct people are inconvenienced, then things really change. That was our slash malicious compliance, and if you like this content, check out my Patreon where I publish extra episodes. Also, be sure to follow this podcast, because I put on new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.