rSlash - r/Offmychest I Almost Killed My Husband with a B*** Plug

Episode Date: November 22, 2024

0:00 Intro 0:07 My son 2:53 Family tea 8:38 Cheater 10:44 Swing 15:49 Comment 15:55 Finances Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by Melissa and Doug. Wooden puzzles and building toys for problem solving and arts and crafts for creative thinking, Melissa and Doug makes toys that help kids take on the world. Because the way they play today shapes who they become tomorrow. Melissa and Doug, the play is pretend, the skills are real. Look for Melissa and Doug wherever you shop for toys. Welcome to r slash off my chest, where OP knocks out her husband with a butt plug. Our next reddit post is from illeconomics.

Alright, so picture this. It's the mid-90s, I'm a middle schooler, and pranking my friends is practically my hobby. One day, I was hanging out with a couple of my buddies. Let's call them Derek, Jamie, and Sam. We were riding bikes after school, just goofing around, when Derek suggested that we make a quick stop by his place so he could feed the dog. I had read about a genius prank in Mad Magazine, and suddenly I knew exactly what I wanted

to try. The prank was a classic. You lift the toilet tank lid, position the fill hose just right so it sprays water at the person who flushes it. Since the water doesn't fill the tank, the float bulb won't rise, and the water keeps spraying until someone turns it off or fixes the hose. It was foolproof. Or so I thought.

As we get close to Derek's house, I put on my best, desperate act. Man, I really need to use the bathroom! I said, pretending to squirm. Derek told me no problem, he just needed to let the dog out and give it food and water. But then he said something that threw a wrench in my plans. To be honest, I need to go too. I panicked a bit. If he went before me, my prank was ruined.

Luckily, he let me go first. I practically bolted upstairs, holding myself for dramatic effect, and Derek pointed me down the hall to the bathroom. Once inside, I lifted the toilet tank lid, positioned the hose just right, and closed it back up, picturing Derek's reaction as water would spray out. I then went back downstairs trying to look as casual as possible. A minute later, Derek ran up to use the bathroom while the rest of us waited with our bikes outside. He came back down like nothing happened, so we hopped on our bikes and rode to the park. I tried fishing for any sign that he had noticed the water, saying,

Man, you took long enough. He just shrugged, said that he had let the dog out to take a quick piss, and that was that. No mention of any water, no reaction at all. After a while, I forgot about it as we spent the day hanging out, and I even got to chat with a girl that I'd had a massive crush on. Life was good. Then came Monday.

During class, I noticed Derek looked a bit out of it. After lunch, the PA system crackled, calling Derek to the office and announcing that he'd be leaving for the day. He looked confused, grabbed his stuff, and left. The whole class heard Derek grabbing things from his locker outside. But then, he didn't come back the next day. Or the day after that. In fact, he didn't come back at all.

We all wondered what the hell had happened. Finally, Sam, who was pretty tight with Derek, broke the news. Derek had moved away, just like that. My heart dropped. Derek was one of my closest friends, and it didn't make any sense. Sam explained that Derek's parents had been out of town that weekend, leaving him to check on the dog. Apparently, when Derek had gone to the bathroom, he flushed without noticing anything, and the prank went into full effect. The water kept spraying out all day Friday, then all through Saturday and Sunday, flooding the entire bathroom, then the hallway, and eventually causing the ceiling to collapse

into the living room and water to completely flood out the main floor and the basement. When Derek's parents came home on Monday, they found the aftermath of the disaster. They had no choice but to pick up and leave as their house, which was already on the verge of being condemned, was now finished for sure. The house has since been demolished. I felt my stomach drop and my face go pale as it all clicked together. My harmless prank had basically destroyed their

entire house and I was the reason that Derek and his family had to pull the plug and move away. He was a good friend to me. I never told anyone the truth and I still feel a pang of guilt every time I think about it. I never told anyone the truth, and I still feel a pang of guilt every time I think about it. I never saw Derek again. Down in the comments, people are asking why Derek never noticed the damage over the weekend, and OP explains, Derek was actually staying with his grandma that weekend and would only swing by to feed the dog, who had a little set up out in the backyard.

The dog food was kept in the back entrance, so he never even went fully inside the main house after the first day. I've thought about this so many times, and the details still blow my mind. But yeah, the house was definitely destroyed by the time his parents got home. Also, OP adds in an edit, and Derek, if by some crazy chance you're reading this, I just want to say I'm sorry. We were young and dumb, as I'm sure you remember. From shooting each other with BB guns, to jousting with sticks on our bikes, to launching roman candles and bottle rockets at each other, we did some pretty crazy stuff.

But this prank went too far, and I genuinely regret the mess that it caused. I never meant for it to be more than a harmless joke, but it ended up way bigger than I could have imagined. I'm truly sorry for how it turned out, and I hope that life has been kind to you since. Our next reddit post is from throwaway. My wife and I made the mistake of getting married too young, so she constantly stressed with our daughter and chores. I don't help enough, so after work the only thing I have to do is make dinner and do laundry

while my wife has to do all the hard stuff alone. She's always throwing this in my face and most of the time I can accept it since it's a valid argument, but sometimes I just lose my patience and yell back. Last week was one of those times and I said something really hurtful and she started smacking me and I tried to sit down because that usually makes her less angry and then she just starts choking me. I can't remember if I tried to get away or if she pushed me, but either way she told me that I hit my head on the counter and then the floor and I passed out.

My daughter was in the room and saw everything. She had never seen my wife hurt me in any way, so she was hysterical when I woke up because she thought that I died. Things have been pretty neutral between me and my wife for the past few days. But my daughter hasn't moved past it. She keeps looking at the bruises on my neck and she follows me everywhere when I'm home. I know my wife feels like a horrible mother now and my daughter won't talk to her unless it's necessary. I am so afraid that this will become a core memory for her.

Why did I even argue? I feel like such a bad dad for not being able to keep my wife stable, but I'm just afraid of her and she knows it. I love my wife despite everything, but I don't know if my daughter will ever see us as truly happy together after this. Yo OP, you're straight up being abused. Your wife choked you out and gave you a head wound that knocked you unconscious in front of your daughter and you're like, oh I love her, why did I provoke her, it's all on me,

it's all my fault. Nah man, you gotta get out of this relationship. She's a danger to you physically and a danger to your daughter psychologically. Our next reddit post is from Deleted. I never thought I'd be sharing this, but here I am. I'm 40 and my wife, Lena, is 34. I've spent most of my life struggling with anorexia. It started when I was just 7 and it consumed my adult years. I never really dated before I met Lena. Anorexia just killed my social life it seems. I had no motivation to date either. Many people don't know this, but this disorder absolutely

destroys your sex drive. I felt drawn to Lena from the very start. She was confident, outgoing, and she loved everything that was smaller, like me. At 5 foot 0, I was always the shortest guy in the room and I thought that her attention was a blessing. She's the only woman I've ever met that found this attractive. When we first started dating, Lena was obsessed with my body. I remember the way her eyes lit up whenever I lost weight. She would say things like, you look so delicate, so beautiful. And I felt flattered even when I knew that I was severely underweight. Her admiration was intoxicating and I felt so desired for the first time in my life.

Lena would encourage me to restrict my eating, always excited whenever I'd share how little I'd consumed. I still remember how she would praise me after I starved for days. I'm so proud of you baby, she'd say, and I felt like the happiest man alive. At some point, I got hospitalized again. The doctor said that I had a week to live. It took every ounce of willpower to choose recovery, and I finally began to gain weight and strength. As I healed, something shifted in our relationship. I was no longer the fragile figure she admired.

I was becoming healthier and with that, I sensed her excitement waning. Then I discovered she cheated on me. I found out by accidentally checking her texts one afternoon and I was horrified. She cheated on me with an anorexic. This anorexic girl sent my wife multiple nudes and my wife complimented her the same way she did with me. But this isn't the worst part. When I scrolled all the way up, I found out the girl she was chatting with is literally 18. She's cheating on me with an effing child! I imagine a lot of you will say that she's 18, so an adult and there's nothing wrong with this, but I feel like if lower ages were legal, then my wife would go lower.

I was disgusted! When I confronted her, she didn't seem remorseful at first. Instead, she claimed, I have issues. I'll work on them in therapy. I'll try to be attracted to normal bodies. Those words stung more than I can express. It was a harsh reminder that her attraction has always been tied to my illness, not to who I am as a person.

That's when we broke up. She tried to tell me that I'm ridiculous and that no one will ever love me like she did, but I just didn't care anymore. Even if she apologized, I still would have left. I'm not going to date a woman in her 30s who wants to screw teenagers with a deadly disorder and likes me best when I'm starving myself. You know, I've heard of feeders, which is the term for people who like to, like, they really like overweight people So they feed their partners as much as possible I've never heard or even imagined of this situation where someone would

Starve their partner as much as possible for physical attraction people are strange Honestly, oh gosh, this is a really dark thing to say, but this is where my brain is going. I have to wonder if this isn't an anorexia fetish and if instead this is just, oh gosh, if this is a fetish for children. Because, uh, maybe the reason why she's attracted to you because when you're small you look more like a kid? Maybe?

I don't know. Our next Reddit post is from MissHertz. I just overheard a surgeon having intercourse with a newly graduated registered nurse in a call room. The surgeon is in his 50s, married, and his office is full of his family's pictures on the wall. Lots of pictures of him and his wife all over the office. Yeah, and he had intercourse with the newly graduated registered nurse, who's 20. She's super cute. I overheard them banging the bed while I was next door.

Which the surgeon knows I may or may not be in the next room, but he chose to do it anyways. His wife is also a surgeon at the same hospital. I just want to get this off my chest while I'm waiting to get my in and out burger. Then Opie posted an edit. I won't tell HR, but I might tell his wife and let her know that this is what I've heard and she can put the puzzle together herself. I'll see her at work soon. So I clicked on Opie's profile to try to see if there was some kind of update.

You know, hopefully I could find some fallout regarding the wife finding out. But instead of finding an update post, I just found pictures of OP's In-N-Out Burger with the title, After a 12-hour shift in the operating room, this is what's healing me. And it's a picture of burgers and french fries. So I like how OP's got her priorities straight. OP wanted to get some In-N-Out and the surgeon was also going in and out. Our next Reddit post is from a non-cheese grader. I saved a girl from sexual assault and I still think about it every day.

I'm a 27 year old woman and this happened when I was 21. I was at a house party with a fair amount of teenagers present. I was there hanging out with a couple of people my age. There were only two other girls, both maybe 16 or 17. At some point in the night, I was sitting by the bonfire alone and separated from the group. I noticed one of the girls was sitting between two guys and I didn't think to listen to the conversation until one guy got up and started making a lot of exaggerated gestures towards the other guy who was sitting. I listened and I caught on that guy number one was trying to convince the girl to sleep

with guy number two. The girl was protesting in every way. She was slurring her words and moving in slow motion. I was frozen until the guy standing started tugging on her to stand up. The guy who was sitting started talking about the room that they could go to. Every alarm bell in my head was going off. I felt a rush of blood drain from my face. Being drunk made the feeling worse, I'm sure. I ran inside to find this girl's friend and told her, you guys need to go now. She didn't question me, didn't say anything, just went outside

and got her friend and left. To this day, I don't know how she instantly knew how serious it was, but I am so thankful she didn't brush me off or something. She saved her friend. Afterwards, I stayed around a bit to sober up, but I kept my distance. I was so shaken. I told the guy I was there with what happened, and he didn't seem to think that it was a big deal. He said the people involved had known each other since they were kids and it was fine, that they were all drunk. But she was way more drunk than those boys were. I never spoke to

any of those people again. Our next reddit post is from throwaway. I caused my husband to pass out from a butt plug. Me and my husband need to get this off our chest. We've made a binding agreement with blood to not tell anybody we know about this. But also it's so funny we can't not tell someone. So my husband and I decided to spice things up in the bedroom with some butt stuff. As we were getting into it, I figured I'd take charge and use a butt plug on him. I was nervous because it was all new to me, but my husband encouraged me. Unfortunately for him, I got a bit too caught up in the moment and accidentally shoved the

whole thing in, with one push, no warm up. My husband yelped, left up in shock, and stumbled out of the bedroom. Picture me laying there folded up like an origami, not knowing what was happening. Moments later, I heard a muffled, I'm stuck! Meanwhile, I'm tied to the bed, so I had to wiggle my way out of the restraints. When I finally freed myself, I sprinted downstairs to find him butt naked and unconscious in the laundry basket. Apparently, he had fainted from the shock and had fallen head first into the wash bin. So much for spicing things up. Now we just need to add bruised egos to the laundry list of lessons

learned. Also, a lot of people have asked how I managed to insert the toy while tied up. I had leg restraints on that looped behind my head. They were adjustable and they were tightened so that my legs were held up near my head. I hope that's a good visual. Also, down below, Itachi asks, so tell me, did you have to go to the ER to get the butt plug removed? And OP says, no, I removed it. That was r slash off my chest and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.