rSlash - r/Offmychest I Conditioned Myself to Find Monsters Hot

Episode Date: April 21, 2026

0:00 Intro 0:07 Saved my life 2:58 Reverse 4:02 Fiancé's friend 6:52 Abandoned 9:12 Fear fun 12:12 Unalive Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Amazon presents Laura versus Fruitflies. Swarming your fruit and terrorizing your kitchen. These little freaks multiply at a rate that would make a rabbit say, yo. Chill. But Laura shopped on Amazon and saved on cleaning spray, countertop wipes, and fly traps. Hey, fruit flies, your baby boom ends here. Save the Everyday with Amazon. Welcome to R slash off my chest, where a strange coincidence saves O.P.'s life.

Our next Reddit post is from deleted. Earlier today, I was walking home from school when my uncle George passed by in his car. He saw me and told me to get in. He's not my biological uncle. He's my dad's childhood best friend, and he's always been an uncle to us. It was super hot today, so I got in. Now, my house has two different entrances, one that I normally walk to and one that you drive to in the back. When we got to the back, my uncle found a white van parked outside and he told me to wait.

None of my parents' cars were home and there were sounds coming from inside the house. I'm the youngest of my siblings and the only one living at home, so honestly, it was super scary. Uncle George called the police while I called my dad. Ten minutes later, which felt like an eternity, the cop showed up and there were four guys inside the house and they were stealing stuff. The van was full of our stuff. we got to keep everything that was stolen, but I was honestly still scared. They were all so much bigger than me. Usually when I'm walking, I have my earbuds in playing music, so I wouldn't have noticed anything, and would have walked straight to them and God knows what would have happened.

I literally could have been R-worded or even killed if it wasn't from my uncle. I kept thanking him over and over again, and Dad thanked him as well, and he's like, nah, it's not a big deal. The top comment from Weary Apricot reads, I work in insurance claims, and one claim that haunts me was for a homeowner's claim filed for body cleanup. A young teen came home and walked in on the house being broken into. I'll leave it at that. Glad you're safe. My house got broken into when I was little.

Luckily, no one was home when it happened, but basically the only piece of evidence that was left behind that was semi-useful, I guess, was that there was a cigarette left on the kitchen floor. And that's such a minor detail. To be clear, no one in our family smokes so it was definitely, definitely from the robber. But like, so first off, me being a dumb little six-year-old, I was like, ha, we got him. The cops will test that cigarette for DNA

and he'll be behind bars. Of course, this was rural Orange Virginia. And if anyone knows what Orange Virginia's like, you know that cops do not have resources to DNA test a cigarette. Second, it's just like such a douchy F-U to us, our family. Obviously, breaking into our home and stealing is sucky enough as it is. But then to leave a cigarette on the kitchen floor is such like an unnecessary middle finger to us?

Like, why be extra douchy? Why not just throw it away outside? And then finally, the guy could have burned down our house with that careless action. So this dude was like a mega douche. You know, obviously people who break into houses are not good. people to begin with, but I am annoyed by the layered insult this guy did to us. Her next Reddit post is from Signal Editor. So I'm a 24-year-old guy, and I work with this 23-year-old girl, and she always comes to me for advice. Work stuff, personal stuff, whatever. The problem is

she never takes my advice. Like, I could tell her the sky is blue, and she would go check just to prove me wrong. So around eight months ago, I got tired of it, and just started telling her the opposite of what I actually thought. Told her not to apply for the senior role because she probably wasn't ready. She applied the next day and got it. I told her the project idea she had was too risky and it wouldn't work. She pushed back hard, presented it to management anyway, and they loved it. At this point, I'm just her hype man in disguise. She thinks I'm pessimistic and unhelpful. I think I'm the most influential person in her career. The worst part is, last week, she told her friend, he never believes in me, but I prove him wrong every time. She quite literally thinks she's winning. I cannot correct this. I will not correct

this. We are both thriving. Our next Reddit post is from Heartbreak account. It turns out I should have been worried about the friend of my fiance that everyone told me not to worry about. This is hard for me to write. The man that I thought was the love of my life has decided to be someone else instead. My fiance and his friend grew up together. Their families were close. When I first met him, I was worried because of how close they were. But he, along with everyone else who knew them, assured me there was nothing between them. They're like brother and sister. And I was stupid enough to believe it.

Last week, I got assaulted at my job. One of my eyes was swollen shut and it hurt like hell. I'm a nurse and I was assaulted by a patient that I had administered naloxone to. I was at home resting and my fiancé was with me, until he found out that his close friend was in a small car accident. A van backed into her car in a car park. She wasn't even inside the car, but my fiancé lost it when he found out. He left our flat to be with her even though she was with her boyfriend.

She wasn't heard, but my fiancé said he thought she was, and it made him realize that he loves her and can't lose her. He told me he confessed his love to her, and she said she feels the same, and it broke something inside me. I don't even know why I'm writing this. It won't bring them back. Yo, O.P., I know why you're writing this because this is brutal, and you got to get it off your chest.

This one stings, man. You're sitting there with a black eye given to you by a total stranger, and you get abandoned because someone's in a minor finderbender. It kind of reminds me of something that happened to me recently in a much, much, you know, less severe way. I was eating something spicy, and somehow I like flicked the thing I was holding and a little projectile of spice flew up into my eye and I kind of sort of pepper sprayed myself with the spice. And, you know, my wife immediately jumped to my age.

She, you know, guided me to the sofa and got eye drops from my eye and my five-year-old daughter ran to get tissues and was, Daddy, are you okay? Daddy, is your eye okay? Just being really concerned. And it's like super minor, you know, I wasn't dying, but it was really nice and it felt, you know, know, nice to be cared for in a moment when I was kind of, you know, suffering and vulnerable. And like, I mean, it's kind of silly, but that's the stuff that matters. It's easy to be happy during the good moments. It's the bad moments, the hard moments, the painful moments when your relationship gets tested.

I mean, if you're not going to be there for someone you love when they're hurting, then what's the point? I don't know. To be clear, I'm not saying my situation is, you know, identical to OPs. O.P. definitely has it worse than me. It just kind of reminded me that you've got to be there for people you love. otherwise just, I don't know, don't even pretend. Our next Reddit post is from Kaleidoscope Cool.

I once went on a hike to somewhere in Malaysia with my ex. I'm not an experienced hiker, and I told him so. He kept pressuring me to go on the trip with him, since hiking was his passion, and he said that I was a bad girlfriend for not agreeing. He said that he had restaurant food with me that he didn't like, and he does things with me that I want to do, so I should go with him for hiking.

I caved. I know it's stupid of me looking back. I didn't realize how stupid until I left. I got tired after a few hours, nauseated, stopped to rest. I said I wanted to go back down. He said, we paid so much for this trip, and he continued pushing me. I said no. Then he got upset and left me where I was, saying once more how bad of a girlfriend I was and how unfit I was, so lazy I was that I didn't train for this hike. A few hours passed by. A local Malay guide spotted me and asked me how I was doing. I said I felt nauseated and my friend left me alone here. The guide gave me his electrolyte drink and helped me carry my bags down. When I was finally down,

he also gave me a ride to my hostel. I wanted to pay him for his help in the ride, but he refused. The guide simply said that the so-called friend of mine was no good, and to repay him, I should take his advice and not be around my so-called friend anymore. The guide told me that, What he did was a small act of kindness, and what could have happened to me in the forest was like getting kidnapped. He only carried my bags and gave me a ride. That's a basic courtesy he extended to everyone. Only when I read the news story about the Austrian climber who abandoned his girlfriend to die, I realized how bad my ex was. I could have died there, just like the girl in the news story. If the elements were harsher, or I had met with something worse, I could have died. I let him push

my boundaries and do things that felt physically unsafe. My ex put me in circumstances that could have killed me, and it took me years to realize this. I learned something new down in the comments. Apparently, this happens often enough, a couple breaking up on a hiking trail, that it has a name. It's called an Alpine divorce. Well, yes, I suppose leaving your partner to die would be a good reason to divorce someone. Our next Reddit post is from a polite frog. I started cranking it to the basement monster to cure my fear of the dark. And now, I can't watch horror movies without getting turned on. Exactly what the title says. Ever since I, a 24-year-old guy, was a kid, I've been afraid of the dark. I always imagine a big, hairy, spidery monster chasing me down and ripping me

apart violently. Think Wild Mike from Barnyard, but with significantly longer limbs, big blue eyes, and black hair instead of brown. In my late teens, I figured out, I'm attracted to men, and in my early 20s, I figured out that I am homosexual. Growing up, we always had a basement, regardless of which house we lived in, and I'd imagine that thing chasing me up the stairs. At some point, while looking at online adult content, I stumbled across something similar to Wild Mike, and therefore similar to the basement monster I always imagined, and it got me wondering. At some point, for some God-forsaken reason, I started imagining it effing chasing me down and doing me instead of killing me.

Obviously, this was far less frightening than it killing me, so I kept thinking about that as I ran up the stairs. It worked really well. Within a couple of weeks, I'd stopped running up the stairs altogether and stopped my bad habit of slamming the door behind me. I thought it was hilarious, but I'm not so far gone to not know that it's shameful, so I've never told anyone about it. I'd think to myself as I went up the stairs things like, oh no, that would be terrible.

Or step monster, what are you doing? Stuff that would make me laugh to help prevent myself from being frightened of it. The problem with doing all that, though, is that it's cemented itself in my mind. Over the last few years, fear has become a big part of my preferences. So, in addition to occasionally having a wank to the thought of doing it with this thing, I also can't watch horror movies or listen to horror podcasts without getting at least a little aroused, which isn't a terrible problem to have, but it takes me out of the scared hid space that I'd like to be in when I consume that kind of media. Someone in the comments pointed out that he has Pavloved himself and it's true.

I did something similar in college, but to a much lesser extent. Whenever I felt really crummy or had an upset stomach, I would pleasure myself to try to feel better. Now, that just means that I get horny every time I get a gastrointestinal bug or dinner sits weird. Another person says, I did this to myself. I started doing that when I had a migraine to try to help it. Now I get wet when I get a headache. Opie, I wouldn't feel so bad. There's at least one other weirdo out there like you.

That guy who writes all the monster erotica, I feel like you and him could really hit it off and be best buds. Our next Reddit post is from Hecatal. I was going to end my life today. I was going to spend my workday carrying on my normal routine while deciding how to do it with the least amount of collateral damage. Write my letter and be gone from the world. I'm at a point in my depression where the thoughts have completely consumed me for reasons I won't go into. 8 a.m. came around and I usually call my partner to say good morning. and just to hear his voice. Normal routine, I had to keep it up. He made a remark about wanting to hear his

voice and decided that it was a fun moment to sing the alphabet followed by, well, I think that covers most words, ridiculous, I know. But he's a silly person and it's one of the 100,000 reasons I love him. The silly moment hit me hard and I thought to myself, okay, I can't do this to him. I went about my day, desperately trying to shake off the intrusive thoughts. I get to work, struggling with not knowing, what I was going to do next. I had a missed call. I thought it's strange as I knew my partner was at work and doesn't usually call me. I called back and he exclaimed that he had a free moment and only wanted to call to tell me that he loved me. We exchanged words and I left for the bathroom for a full on meltdown. This is not something he does. Not because he doesn't care, but because it's not his love

language. It's mine. So I got off work, made him an Easter basket, and bought all of his favorite things to grill, and now I'm sitting outside grilling dinner for him. For once in a long time, I can hear the birds, I can see the blue in the sky, I can breathe. I don't know if the thoughts will be back or when they'll be back. This doesn't solve the problems I desperately need to talk through in therapy, but he has given me a reason to live, at least for today. Today, I'm alive. If anyone out there is struggling, with thoughts of self-harm, I'll give you what I believe is the most important statistic here, which is the majority of people who unsuccessfully attempt to end their lives do not attempt a

second time. So by that reasoning, if you could make it through that one darkest day, then you'll never want to do it again. That was R slash off my chest. And if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day. Rosen lasagna, medium power, 15 minutes. Sounds like Ojo time. Let's play. Feel the fun with Play Ojo, the online casino with all the latest slot and live casino games.

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