rSlash - r/Offmychest I Stole an Ostrich Egg from the Zoo

Episode Date: January 23, 2026

0:00 Intro 0:10 Old hookup 1:52 Stolen egg 5:29 Death 6:59 Wipe please 7:54 Bully 11:41 Gym confidence 13:33 Boss's daughter Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to R slash off my chest, where O.P. walks in on his great grandmother doing the unthinkable. Our next Reddit post is from Lidi. I caught my grandma and grandpa doing oral. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I just don't know who to talk to about it. I didn't want to see it. Ugh. You all don't understand how disgusted I was. I don't live at home with them. They actually live with my mom and siblings. I live on my own, but I came to visit. I still had a key, so I unlocked the door and went inside and saw my grandma doing the deed to grandpa right in the living room. Toothless and just nasty. It's not funny, but that's the only way I can describe it. They didn't see me, so after the shock wore off, I slowly backed out and quietly shut the door.

That's not what's really rattling me. It's not the thing I saw. It's the fact that it's my grandparents, as in my grandfather and my great-grandmother. My grandmother, as in my great-grandmother's daughter, is dead. So she's slack-jaw, toothless, doing the deed on her son-in-law. She's a hundred years old. He's 77. I effing kid you not. I'm so perplexed.

I'm so uncomfortable. Why are you doing that at a little? 100 with your daughter's man. For F's sake, I just need something. It's still fresh in my mind. Down in the comments, I'm going to read this reply from Bleacher Blonde. They say that STD rates are super high in nursing homes. They just don't care and they passionately hug like rabbits if their hearts can take it, apparently. Our next Reddit post is from Roller Blade Shoes. My family stole an ostrich egg from the Richmond Zoo sometime around the year 2000. I would have been a eight years old. My mom and all my siblings went to the zoo and spent the afternoon there.

As we were leaving the park, the pathway went along this large enclosure that had ostriches in it. But it wasn't a chain-link fence or anything, just a wooden fence with two horizontal logs to keep the ostriches in. As we walked up towards the gate, we noticed there was a nest very close to the fence, and it had an egg in it. My mom told one of us to sneak under the fence and grab it. I don't think I was the one to grab it, but I remember my mom kicking my youngest brother out of the stroller that he was riding in so that she could put the egg in it. Then she threw a jacket over it and we walked out of the zoo. What? The whole way home, my mom kept saying she was going to make the biggest omelet ever. But then when we got home, my little sister and I were carrying it through the backyard and we dropped it and it cracked open.

and it was the most rotten egg I had ever smelled before, or since. So that's probably why there was no ostrich mother nearby. I had kind of forgotten about this event until I was talking to my younger siblings, and we were all like, did that really happen? Was that a fake memory? So I asked my older sister, who would have been a teenager at the time, and she said, I remembered it correctly. Please don't be too mad at me. I would never do such a thing today. and I'm very glad to see the egg was rotten, and we didn't actually steal a baby bird from its mom.

Also, if you're wondering, yeah, my mom is kind of a giant turd, and this is nowhere near the worst thing she did with us growing up. Down in the comments, I checked to see if Opie has any other weird stories from his family, and indeed we do. One time, my siblings found a nested duck eggs at the park with no ducks around it, so my grandmother let us take a few home. And we made a nest and put it in the hot water. water heater closet so they'd be warm. And then we promptly forgot about them for over a week,

and my grandpa was like, what on earth is that awful smell? He was so mad. And another story. At that same zoo, my mom lost her sunglasses in the giraffe enclosure, and they had to send a worker down to get them. But the guy came back with a different pair of sunglasses that were way nicer. So she made us leave the zoo really quickly before they noticed so that she could keep them. And another story. My mom used to take a lot of Ambien and blackout. One morning, she woke up and her car was gone. She didn't remember driving it, so she reported it missing. Well, a while later, the police called her and they were like,

Hey, we found your stolen car, but also, we have some questions for you. Turns out she'd been drinking the night before, and she had taken Ambien and blacked out, drove to the airport, crashed into a fence, and somehow stumbled upon an unmanned parking shuttle bus, and started driving that. She sidestwiped another fence, and this made the shuttle's impact cameras turn on, so they actually had footage of her driving the bus off the lot and to a bar.

She drank at the bar for a bit and then got a ride home from a cop, and that's why she woke up to no car in her driveway the next day. The craziest part about it is that somehow no one noticed the completely whacked out blonde lady pulling up in the shuttle to the bar. She just left it in the bar parking lot, a few more drinks and caught a ride home. She did serve time for that one. Her next Reddit post is from Throwaway. My mom died saving a child's life. And I hate myself for thinking this, but I wish she had just let the kid die. Everyone keeps telling me how heroic she was, how selfless, how she's a saint.

Strangers tell me how proud I must be. And maybe one day I will be. But right now, I'm just angry and broken, and I'm 27 years old without the only parent I ever had. I never knew my dad. My mom was my entire world. She was the only parent I had, the only constant in my life. Now she's gone. And everyone wants me to focus on how meaningful her death was instead of how devastating it is for me. She won't be at my wedding. She won't meet my kids if I have them. I won't hear her voice again or get her advice or feel like someone in the world knows me the way she did. All of that is gone, forever. And yeah, a child is alive because of what she did. I understand that. I know how it sounds. But that child isn't my child. That family isn't my family. I don't know them. I wish my mother was

alive instead of a kid whose parents weren't watching them during the incident. I'm being vague for privacy. I don't care that kid is alive. I want my mom back. O.P., I don't think you should feel guilty about it. I think the way you feel is super valid, and if I were in your shoes, I'd probably feel the same way, too. Our next credit post is from Old Shame. I'm a 20-year-old woman, and my ex-boyfriend is also 20. I'm not asking for relationship advice, but rather I'm sharing something that I thought was insane. I recently found out that my boyfriend doesn't wipe good enough. Whenever we cuddle, I notice a smell, and I can even smell it in his clothes.

He's 20 years old, he's a grown man, this is just absolutely disgusting. I told him that I wanted him to wipe after using the bathroom, because like I said, he's 20 years old and not a toddler. I cannot stress this enough. I told him that I noticed this over the past few weeks, and he told me that I was embarrassing him and that he doesn't care what I think, and that he wasn't going to do it just because I told him to. Yeah, that's what he said.

So I broke up with him because, I'm not dating a grown man who can't wipe himself. Our next Reddit post is from Coffee Addicts Rocks. I was in line at a random grocery store after work, half zoned out, staring at the stupid gum display, when I heard my old last name said out loud. Not in my current life voice either, but that old sing-song way that kids used to do it

when they were about to be mean. I think O.P. means like, O.R. slash! That's a guess, though. I turned, and there he was. the same guy who made middle school feel like a daily humiliation ritual. He used to call me ghost because I was pale and quiet. He'd kick my backpack down the stairs.

And once he dumped my binder in a trash can and told everyone I smelled like wet paper. I remember laughing along because it was either that or cry and become even more of a target. I've replayed those scenes in my head for years. Like if I review them enough, I can edit them into something less pathetic. He looked genuinely happy to see me, like bright smile, eyebrows up, casual, oh my god, hey, it's been forever. He said my name correctly, which almost felt worse, and asked where I'd been. I mumbled something about moving away for college and coming back, and he nodded like we were old classmates who just lost touch. Then he did the thing people do when they're trying to prove their normal now.

He asked about my family, he said he remembered I was really good at art. He even made a joke about how our town never changes. I could smell his laundry detergent or cologne or whatever, and it made my stomach flip because it was so clean and adult, and it did not match the kid in my head. At some point, he said, very casually. I was such a butthole back then. Sorry if I ever gave you a hard time. Not a big apology.

Not specific. Just tossed out like a pebble into a pond. And I waited for my moment. The movie scene where I finally feel powerful, or at least relieved, I waited for anger, satisfaction, tears, anything. Instead, I felt this blank, dumb heaviness, like my brain just shut a door. I smiled because my body knows how to be polite, even when I'm freaking out, and I said, yeah, it was a while ago. That's it!

That was my big line. He paid for his stuff, patted my shoulder like we were buddies, and walked out. I sat in my car after and just stared at the steering wheel until my hand stopped shaking. I hated myself for being nice. I hated myself for not saying the truth. I also hated myself for still caring because he clearly doesn't. He gets to be a normal adult who apologizes in one sentence and then goes home and sleeps. I get to carry around a whole closet full of old shame that still fits me.

I always pictured closure as this clean snap like a thread breaking. Turns out, it's more like realizing the thread is wrapped around your ribs and you've been breathing around it for years. I drove home with groceries I didn't even remember buying and I couldn't stop thinking. If this is what winning looks like, it kind of sucks. Well, O.P, if it's any consolation, I read thousands upon thousands upon thousands of Reddit stories and I can say you are one of the best writers I've ever come across. Your poetic turns of phrase, especially in the last paragraph, are really clever. have to wonder if you're in the creative field or a professional writer or something like that. The line, I get to carry around a whole closet full of old shame that still fits me, is incredibly

poetic O.P. So, I'm sorry about what happened to you, but I'm really impressed by your brain, O.P. You know, I'm not trying to make light of what you went through. This does sound really sucky. It's just trying to give you a compliment. Maybe it cheers you up. I don't know. Our next Reddit post is from Best Pirate. So over the past few months, I've been doing a specific Pilates class three times a week. In this class, I met a lady who first showed up real timid, kind of shy, and dressed in lots of layers, and almost tried to purposefully stay fully covered. Over time, I gradually set hi to her, work out side by side with her, and as the weeks went on, I began to learn more about her. Turns out, she was a married woman with three kids, and her husband was a

stay-at-home gamer. He brought in no income, and apparently always told her that her clothes were getting tight, and that she should consider hitting the gym more often. And I never tried to dig into it, but she vented about it all the time. As time went on, she began to come into class with a smile on her face. She started dressing confidently, and you could just tell that she was starting to find herself, and it was so nice to see. Well, last week, she came in and we did class, and all that went well, and afterwards she said, hey, so I did something crazy. And when I asked her what, she said, I finally decided to leave him, and I wanted to thank you for helping me find myself again and being kind to me. It helped me learn my worth and gave me the courage to stand up for myself

and take care of me for a change. And I honestly didn't realize I made such an impact, which on one side is beautiful, but on the other, I feel like I caused a divorce, but at the same time, it's more so her husband that caused the divorce. I just like to think I helped someone understand their true worth. O.P. Sounds like this lady was so emotionally abused that you were just a normal, nice person, and she realized, hey, wait a second, this is what other human beings are like? Screw that guy. So I don't think it was you specifically. I think it was just her getting out of the house and engaging with other normal human beings. Our next Reddit posted from Function Unused. I am an intern at one of my dad's best friend's law firms. A couple of weeks ago, I went on vacation to London. My boss's youngest daughter has been living a brought in London for a few years now, and he entrusted me to deliver her a couple of things from home, and I was like, of course, no problem. She's a year older than me, and we're friends. We were co-workers for a few years at a local cafe in our village. We're from a very small village where everyone knows everyone. I got there, and I got her the stuff, and she told me that she and her group of friends

were going out for the night, and I should join, and that I'd have fun, and I was like, sure. Eventually, things happened and we ended up back in her apartment and we did it. We agreed to not speak about it again and I completed my vacation as I was supposed to. Now I'm back at work and everything's fine. My boss, her dad, thanked me for delivering the stuff. Yobie, I bet you delivered it to her. And I'm honestly just scared to death that she might tell him one day. He's honestly the best and chillest boss I've had and he helped my dad out immensely and I feel. I feel like. I feel like. I feel like a bastard right now for doing this. O.P., I wouldn't sweat it too much. I don't think most 20-year-old girls are like, ring, ring, hey, dad, you know that intern you hired? I screwed

them. Bye. So I think you're probably in the clear. That was R slash off my chest. And if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.