rSlash - r/Offmychest Sister-in-Law is Stealing Our Underwear

Episode Date: March 23, 2025

0:00 Intro 0:08 Sexting 0:49 Wife and sister 6:14 Liar 11:25 Family credit Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting this summer, you can fly direct from Toronto to Berlin exclusively with Air Transat. Now all things Berlin feel closer than ever. Air Transat. Travel moves us. Welcome to r slash off my chest where OP gets sexed messages from her dad. Our next reddit post is from Pryor Snow. My dad accidentally sexted me. He sent a message, can't wait to take that butt again Kelly. Which would be merely embarrassing if my mom's name is Kelly, but it isn't. It's my aunt's

name. When I told him to check who he's messaging, he quickly told me that my mom sometimes roleplays as my aunt. He said that he isn't cheating on her. I just don't know how to feel right now. Well, I think feeling grossed out is a pretty good start. Also, maybe confusion over which is worse, your dad cheating on your aunt or your mom roleplaying as your aunt? Either way, I think I'd probably tell my mom in this scenario just in case. I'm terrified to tell my wife what her sister has been doing. The event that drove me to post here happened 4 days ago, so it's still kind of fresh. For some context, I'm a 28 year old woman and my wife is 25. Her sister, my sister-in-law, is trans, 22. And the entire family has been supportive of

her, my wife and I included. This is important. Anyways, my mother's birthday was on the 16th, but since she was away with my dad, we decided to have a birthday party with her at our house on the 23rd. Everybody came, my sister-in-law included. Now, I feel I should mention this. Any time that my wife and I had to get together with family at our house and her sister came too, she would always dip off away from the gathering and disappear somewhere in the house. She's very introverted at times, so we'd all think that she just went to play with the dogs or watch TV. That's what we thought.

But on the night of the 23rd, we were all ushered back inside to light the candles and sing happy birthday to my mom. I said that I'd go find my sister-in-law since, again, she went off somewhere. No big deal. So I walk upstairs and I notice the door to the master bedroom. It was closed when I thought that I'd closed it and the light was on when I thought that I'd turned it off. I saw the light from the space under the door.

So I open it, thinking that I was wrong and I go to turn the light off. Before I could reach the light switch, I saw my sister-in-law standing in my wife's closet trying on her lingerie. She had one of the drawers to her lingerie dresser on the floor and she'd been taking some out, trying it on and then putting it back. I didn't say anything out loud because I'm a pretty intimidating person so I just made a noise with the door and she spun around and slammed the closet door. I mustered up the courage to finally say, my mom is ready to sing happy birthday, they're all waiting for you, and stood outside

in the hallway until she came out. As I was following her back, that's when it clicked. All those times when she had vanished in our house, this is what she was probably doing. I was horrified and sick to my stomach. My wife had clear boundaries about keeping our bedroom off limits, so we've always kept our bedroom door closed. We never thought anything of it. I'm very protective of my wife and her space, and I fought the urge to say something all

night. But I never did because I wanted that night to be about my mom. It worked because nobody suspected anything wrong and the party carried on as planned. Ever since then, my sister-in-law has been texting, apologizing, saying how she's been having a hard time passing and this was her last resort option. This doesn't make sense since my wife has offered many times to take her shopping and help her and I've always supported that. My problem now is, after I tell her what happened, what do we do?

Where do we go from here? This is clearly a trust issue now, so how do we rebuild that trust with someone we deeply care about?" Then, OP posted an update. Late yesterday afternoon, my wife came home from her friend's house. She was there helping her friend do some DIY stuff in her kitchen in the days after my mom's birthday. I sat her down and I knew that she could tell something was wrong because she was holding my hand. I told her everything. I didn't beat around the bush. Actually, my exact words were, your sister has been trying on your lingerie. I walked

in on her doing it the other night at my mom's party, and I've been trying to find the words to tell you. We were stunned with the thickest silence ever, and then my wife just went, what? I repeated what I said, and then I included the specific thing she was trying on, the brand, color, everything. That's when it clicked in her that I was being serious because she knows that I know what she wears. She stood up and started panicking, asking if her sister took any of it, if it's been washed since and if she said anything.

I told her, no, it doesn't look like she took anything. Yes, I washed it the day after you left to go to your friends. And yes, she apologized a lot through text since then. I showed her the messages and she started bawling, saying how she doesn't understand why her sister didn't tell her what was going on. She then started apologizing to me, saying how I didn't deserve to walk in on that. I tried to divert the conversation back to her, telling her how this was ultimately about what she wants to do.

She asked me to show her where she was rummaging, so we went to her closet and I showed her. I could see the color drain from her face and her energy shift. She ended up tossing whatever her sister tried on and I helped her do so. We then went to shower since she didn't want to be alone in her thoughts. She also expressed to me how she felt violated and that her privacy and intimate life had been plundered through and doesn't even want to go back in her closet right now. I don't blame her at all. By the way, this also mows over any of your comments claiming that she probably wouldn't care. Well, she does care and she's humiliated.

As for confronting my sister-in-law, we've decided to talk to her together at our house, with me being my wife's support. What we're going to say, outside of asking her the obvious questions, isn't planned yet, but we do know how to bring it up, so that's a start. We're hoping there's no dark motive behind this and something we can slowly build and move past, but only time will tell. I'm seeing down in the comments a couple of posts saying, sisters share clothes. And don't get me wrong, I don't have a sister. I've got three brothers so I don't have much context here. But I'd be very surprised if the typical sister shares lingerie.

That does not seem likely to me. Our next Reddit post is from Magalie Throwaway. I'm a 28 year old woman and I've been married to my husband who's 32 for 3 years. We have a 1 year old daughter together. Up until recently, I thought that I could count on him when I truly needed him, but last week he proved me completely wrong. I had been feeling off for a couple of days, fatigued, nauseous, just generally unwell. Then one morning I woke up with a fever, chills, and a deep sense that something was really wrong.

I was so weak I could barely get out of bed. Taking care of our daughter felt impossible. I called my husband at work and told him I needed him to come home. He promised he would. An hour passed. Then two. He kept texting me saying he was just finishing up something and would leave soon. Then he claimed he was stuck in traffic.

Then he said that he was on his way but had to stop for gas. At this point, my fever was getting worse and I was struggling to even sit up without feeling dizzy. I told him it was urgent. He reassured me that he was almost there. But something felt off. So I texted one of his coworkers, someone I knew that he was close with. The response I got sent a chill down my spine.

He hasn't left yet. He's still here. I was furious and terrified. I immediately called my neighbor, a kind older person. She came over right away, helped me get dressed and drove me to the hospital. Turns out I had a severe asymptomatic urinary tract infection that had turned into a serious kidney infection. My heart rate was dangerously high and the doctors told me that if I had waited much

longer I could have gone into septic shock. Septic shock is a life-threatening condition that occurs when the body's immune system overreacts to an infection leading to dangerously low blood pressure and organ damage. Two hours later, while I was lying in that hospital bed, shaking from fever and hooked up to an IV, my husband finally decided to show up. I didn't even want to look at him. He tried to explain saying he didn't realize it was that bad and that he was just trying to wrap things up at work.

But I can't get over the fact that he lied to me over and over while I was at home struggling to stay conscious. If my neighbor hadn't been there, I don't know what would have happened to me. I feel so betrayed. If he could ignore me in a life-threatening situation, what does that say about our marriage? About our future? About our daughter's safety if something ever happens again? I don't know what to do. Would you be able to trust your partner out for something like this? I don't know. I don't know if I could, OP. Not showing up when you need them is bad enough as it is because that's like the number one requirement for being in a relationship. But also, why all the lying? Why did he do that? What was the goal? What was the point?

So the way I see it, it's like a double betrayal. You could have literally died because he just didn't tell you the truth." Then Opie posted an update. I'm feeling better and finally back home after a few days in the hospital. My parents came to pick up my daughter and took care of her while I was away. They live 4 hours away so I hadn't asked for their help earlier. I didn't really get an apology from him, just a bunch of excuses. He said he didn't think that it was that serious, and I should have just gone to the neighbor if it was really that bad. I didn't argue, not because I agree,

but because some of the comments I got made me realize some things. People asked if I'm the type to cry wolf, and that's why he didn't come. In five years of being together, I've only ever needed him to take me to the hospital once, when I gave birth to our daughter. He wasn't there when I was sick, and if he had come home, he probably wouldn't have done much anyway if it didn't need a hospital. But then someone asked me what I would do if our daughter was in my position and he acted the same way. That hit me hard. And as drastic as it sounds, I don't want to be with him anymore. I don't think I can ever trust him again. I've made an appointment with the lawyer, but of course, divorce takes time.

I'm looking for an apartment, but the housing shortage is a nightmare. Since I live in a rural area though, there's still hope. I haven't told him yet. He's acting like nothing's wrong, so I'm doing the same. I even saw comments suggesting that he might not have actually been at work, maybe using it as an excuse for something else. So one night, while he was sleeping, I checked his phone. I didn't find proof that he wasn't at work, but I did find messages to women. Multiple flirty ones. And Tinder. These messages have

been going on for months. He was also sending TikToks to his friends while I was sick, laughing and joking around with no real concern for me. He told me his boss refused to give him time off. I found no evidence that he even asked for time off or discussed my condition with anyone. I'm starting to suspect that he lied because if he really did ask, it would have been illegal for his boss to deny him leave where I live. At this point, I don't feel like confronting him. I just want out. I ignored the red flags before. The small lies, broken promises, and I shouldn't have. I thought he'd be there for

me when it mattered most, but I guess I was naive. I never thought anyone could let me down like this. I'm not telling him I'm leaving until I'm ready. Just like he didn't tell me that he wasn't coming. Our next Reddit post is from KindaSortaLosingIt. I've been married to my husband for nearly 17 years, together for 20. I knew that prior to our relationship, he struggled with money issues and it's a huge trigger for him. So what did I manage to do?

Take over the bills a couple of years ago and completely screwed it up. Credit card debt, juggling zero interest cards, all that jazz. My credit has been on a slow and steady decline. I have been trying to keep things out of his name, so his credit is okay. I have so much guilt and shame. I was so stupid to let it happen. I use shopping habits, expensive hobbies, and poor, poor financial habits

as a way to cover up my anxiety and depression. I lost my mom, we've had a lot of medical debt, travel for my mom and medical reasons. None of these things are excuses for lying to him though. I'm so overwhelmed and guilty, he has no idea. On Friday, we're going to sit down to review finances while our kids are at school, and I'm gonna come clean. I have no idea how he's going to react. It might be bad, as in divorce. But even best-case scenario, he's never going to trust me again, and I don't

deserve his trust. He didn't deserve any of this. I've totally betrayed his trust, and it keeps me up at night. Part of me is ready to come clean and be honest. The other, cowardly part of me wants to keep up the charade. I'm finally going to be brave and honest. I feel sick." Then one week later, OP posted an update. So my husband has a very high intensity job and travels frequently.

I took over the bill so nothing would get lost in the shuffle when he was away from home and he could focus on what he needed to focus on. Insert joke here, right? I was a complete wreck last week. I barely slept, was physically anxious, and was both absolutely dreading Friday but also couldn't wait for it to just get here already. Fortunately, my husband was on a work trip and my kids were busy with basketball, friends, theater, etc. and were barely home.

I barely ate and lost like 3 pounds that I've been stuck on. NOT recommended for a diet plan. Friday we planned to each work a half day and then have some lunch and look at our budget for the year. Tax returns were pretty decent and my husband got a good annual bonus so it made sense to see what was what. He was already talking about throwing some money in a CD or investment and I just felt ill. Friday comes and he comes home with In-N-Out and a chocolate shake for me and I just lost it. Full on sobbing. It freaked the hell out of him and took me like 10 minutes to get myself under control.

Then I spilled it all. I started with I love you and I'm sorry and just let it fly. That was not my plan. I had a whole thing written down to make sure I didn't miss anything, but that didn't matter at all. To my husband's incredible credit, he just sat there in shock and listened. Then he definitely under-reacted and went directly to WILL FIX IT TOGETHER mode. He wanted some time to absorb what I'd said and then wanted to work through our accounts one by one to see what was actually up.

And he wanted to do this alone. Then we'd come up with a plan. I let him be and did some cleaning and laundry. After about 45 minutes, I heard him leave the house with a door slam. I wasn't about to chase him down after he asked for space to process. I did look at the computer and it was a list of all of our outstanding balances. I assumed it would be $60,000 of debt based on my rough math, but I'd forgotten a couple that I had on autopay. $96,000 in debt that he had no idea about. He messaged me a while later to say that he was

going to stay at his mom's for the night and would be back to pack a bag and that he would rather not talk yet. I respected that and made myself scarce. He came home the next day and we manufactured some time alone to talk by sending the kids out to run errands. The oldest can drive and loves any excuse. The heart to heart was basically this. I screwed up royally here. But he shouldn't have checked out completely and let it get to this point. He's going to take over our finances. We're going to do a HELOC or a second mortgage for all the recurring stuff and buckle down

hard. We'll review everything together at least twice a month. We'll do marriage counseling together. I agreed to absolutely every term and condition. I honestly thought that he wasn't going to come back. Things are chilly at best right now and I'm so desperately sorry and sick over the hurt that I caused. At the same time, there's a deep sense of relief that whatever happens, I'm no longer lying about it and everything is in the open. Maybe he'll decide that we can't move on, but I'm going to own whatever happens.

So the debt here... Man. Jesus. The debt here is bad enough on its own. The lying is also bad enough on its own. But on top of all that, I think that OP has some kind of, let's be honest, like addiction that's approaching gambling addiction levels of problematic. Unfortunately, we don't know how long this happened over. You know, she said she's been together for 20 years, so maybe it took 20 years to pile up which isn't as bad. But if she pulled this off in the past like two or three years, that's crazy.

I think OP should literally lose access to credit cards and debit cards and be on basically a weekly allowance system. Now I know that some people are going to get probably triggered by that because men controlling women financially is like a sensitive topic. But to be clear, if the roles were reversed, if OP was the sensible one and the husband was the one off spending $100k, then I would also say the husband needs some kind of financial restriction.