rSlash - r/Pettyrevenge I Poisoned a Lunch Thief

Episode Date: August 5, 2025

0:00 Intro 0:09 Lunch thief 1:31 Comment 1:38 Another one 2:29 Dog poo 5:35 Comment 6:26 Drink on face 7:42 Comment 8:09 Spoilers 9:40 Car thief 11:24 Shopping cart 13:00 Top comment 13:31 Job description Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to r slash petty revenge, where OP feeds a food thief her menstrual blood. Our next reddit post is from Talebull. At least twice a week, my homemade lunch would disappear from the fridge. The thief had the decency not to take the box, which I found empty or almost empty every time. I was new and quickly discovered by talking to my colleagues that it was the work of a misogynistic jerk with whom I obviously didn't get along. He wasn't new to this, but the management never did anything. Fine, I'm a petty person and I have time to spare. I started bringing decoy lunches that I put in the fridge and I would eat a sandwich that didn't need to be refrigerated.

After two weeks, I started talking to everyone, including him, about this new wellness method I discovered and I was following to the letter. Oh Jesus. Collecting my menstrual blood to eat it. I even showed a video on my phone where I was preparing the meal and emptying my menstrual cup into it. I'm well aware of the severe risks associated with getting into contact with someone else's blood, so rest assured this was not true at all. I just wanted to get him to believe it. It is possible, however, that he ate my feet's dead skin.

Anyway, he took the week off after that and our shared fridge became a safe place to store our food. The top comment from Boomer Duke brings new meaning to lunch period. Also, we have this story from Intellectual Dimwit. I did something similar once. I always kept a can of Pepsi in the fridge at work. I would always keep a can in there. As soon as I drank one, I would replace it with another, so I always had a can of Pepsi in the fridge at work. I would always keep a can in there. As soon as I drank one, I would replace it with another so I always had a cold one ready.

So to everyone else, it probably looked like the same Pepsi was always sitting in the fridge. At some point, someone started taking it once in a while. Then it became more frequent. So I put a note in the fridge that they weren't free Pepsi's and that they belonged to someone. They still kept disappearing. So then I took a can of Pepsi and I rubbed the lip of the can all over my sweaty balls and left it in the fridge. After two days, it disappeared.

Then I made sure to let everyone in the shop know that whoever took my Pepsi got a free taste of my balls. They never disappeared again after that. Our next Reddit post is from Very Cute. This happened a couple of years ago when I bought my first house in a chill little neighborhood. Everything was great, except for one thing. My back neighbor, Rick. Rick's the kind of guy who owns two grills but no shirt, drinks Coors Light in the driveway

at 10am and thinks property lines are just a suggestion. Rick also had this massive golden retriever named Duke. Duke was cool, friendly, but had a very specific habit. He loved to drop the nastiest logs right in the middle of my lawn. Not near the sidewalk, not behind the tree. Dead center like it was his sacred spot. Every damn day. First couple of times, I figured maybe Rick didn't realize it, so I walked over super polite and asked if he could maybe keep Duke on a leash or at least scoop the poop

when it happened. Rick, wearing a tank top that said, Weekend Warrior, looks me dead in the eyes and goes, It's all nature, bro! You don't own the earth! Oh, we're doing that. So I tried the normal stuff. I patched the vents, put in a motion-activated sprinkler, even tried some citrus deterrent. Nothing worked. Rick actually laughed when he saw the sprinkler and said, Nice try, but Duke's built difference. Cool. I'm built different too. Here is where the revenge starts.

I started collecting Duke's turds in a Home Depot bucket. I lined it with a trash bag, used a scoop and added a little water for aesthetic reasons. After about two weeks, I had something that looked like a cursed soup. One Saturday morning while Rick was out, I took that bucket and painted the border of his yard. I sprinkled it like fairy dust right along his deck and around his precious fire pit area.

He came out later that day, sniffed the air, and literally went, what the hell is that smell? I was sitting on my porch drinking coffee like smells like nature, bro But wait, it gets better. We have a neighborhood Facebook group I started posting lost dog poop updates every time Duke hit my yard Found steaming hot dog present near my mailbox if this belongs to you, please collect your property before it fossilizes Thanks, then I started putting up tiny little do not-here signs made out of popsicle sticks and toothpicks complete with glitter and googly eyes all over the lawn.

I made them in weird passive-aggressive haiku form. Dear Duke the Pooper, this is not your golden throne. My grass feels betrayed. Rick was not amused. He actually stormed over one day and yelled, are you trying to make me look bad? I just blinked and said, buddy, I don't need to try. After all that, the neighborhood fully turned on him. A couple of other people came forward and said that Duke had been leaving surprises in their yards too. Rick ended up having to build an actual fenced in dog run and started walking Duke on a leash

like a normal human. And me? I still make those little haiku signs for fun. Down in the comments we have this story from Faces. I had a neighbor that did this. After repeatedly asking them politely to keep their dog out of my yard, I started picking up the poop, putting it in a bag, and leaving it in their driveway. They still didn't change. I left the bag on their front porch. Still no change. I finally started throwing it from my shovel all over their front yard. Think of a bunch of poop

confetti on their grass, flower beds, on the siding of their house, you name it. It finally stopped. I saw a funny TikTok the other day that just consisted of a guy using a shovel to pick up dog poop that was in his yard, going to the neighbor's house, and then flinging it with his shovel like a catapult into the side of the guy's car, where all five individual pieces of the dog poop stuck to the side of the car. Simple but effective. Our next Reddit post is from Second Souls.

I'm a 28 year old guy, and I was at a music festival that I'd been looking forward to for months with two friends. There's no assigned seating at the outdoor venue, and there were a few hundred people. While the opener was on, I went to get three drinks for me and my friends. A beer can in one hand, and two open plastic cups in the other. On my way back to try and find my friends, the main artist was starting. The cheering and music was amazing. The energy was exactly what I'd been looking forward to and the crowd was all trying to

get closer to the stage. I was bummed and I spilled a little bit of my drink on myself and another girl. She wasn't happy and tried to say something to me, but I couldn't hear her. I apologized the best I could, knowing she likely couldn't hear me, and I tried to continue through the crowd. When I turned away, she grabbed my hand and wrestled two of the drinks from me, only to throw them on the floor, spilling more on both of us and everyone around us. I couldn't believe what was happening and looked back at her trying to understand why.

When I saw her and the grin on her face, I knew why. So I took my third drink, the full beer can, and poured it on her head. I then immediately turned around to head back to the bar and get more drinks. Down in the comments, we have this story from Additional Dish. A long time ago, I was doing a table dance. Like actually up on the table. Yeah, I was a stripper. So as I'm gyrating down to eye level, one of the guys pushes his beer bottle under me,

hitting it with my crotch. I look over my shoulder and see his smug face, so I understand that it was intentional. I turned around, beckoned him closer, picked up the beer bottle, and emptied it on his head. Then I got fired. Our next Reddit post is from Azu Steve. I used to work in a comic shop and we had a lot of regulars who would come in every week, whom I got to know fairly well.

There was this one guy who had mentioned that he liked Stargate. So one week he came in and I mentioned to him that I'd started rewatching Stargate from the very beginning. I also mentioned that I'd never seen the last three seasons or any of the spin-offs, so I was excited to see them. The first thing he says is, oh, so you don't know about… a big spoiler. I was like, whoa, no spoilers! Which should have been enough, but it wasn't. Every week he would come back in and spoil it for me even more. And every week I would tell him to please not spoil it for me. This went on for about two months. Between the regularity

of it and the smirk he'd get on his face every time I asked him not to tell me spoilers, I knew that he was doing it on purpose. So one week, he came in and bought a big pile of comics he'd ordered. I waited for him to pay, and then instead of bagging them up, I fanned them all out on the counter. You see, I read a lot of comics, especially back then. I read every new comic that was published by Marvel and DC as they came out. So, it just so happened that I had read every comic that he had just purchased. I proceeded to point to each comic and spoil every single one.

He didn't talk to me about Stargate after that. Man, people are so weird. You discover a mutual hobby, liking the same show. Why be a jerk to a potential friend? Our next Reddit post is from Train Dodger. I woke up one night to the sound of my 95 Honda Civic trying to start. It wouldn't start because the thief hadn't found the kill switch. There's a lot of car theft in my city, and those old Hondas are easy targets, so I'm

glad that I had that installed. I ran outside in my underwear and just shouted from the porch as deep and as loud as I could, Hey, what the F are you doing? And then two people ran out of the car and down the street. The shouting woke up my roommates, and they came downstairs to see what was up. We peeked around, but the thieves had run off. Then, a few minutes later,

I hear the engine trying to start again. So I shout for my roommates to come back, and we all ran outside in our underwear and pajamas. One of us was holding a skateboard, the other one had a bat. So we're all just standing on the porch, not trying to get physical, just shouting at them. This one thief yells back from another Honda

parked just a few feet away from mine. No, this is my car, we're trying to get away, it's my car. I don't know what came over me, but I shouted back, no, that's my car now, that's mine. And they just were like, uh, okay, man, and ran off. I couldn't believe that worked, but I think it only worked because of my three other roommates with the underwear and the skateboard and bat. I called the police right away and I stayed outside watching for the thieves, but they

didn't come back. The police checked, quote, their car or my new car and found that it was stolen, of course. So that owner got his car back, I guess. And I'm so glad that I had that kill switch. Can't say I blame those thieves for running. Getting beat is bad enough as it is. Getting beat by three guys in their underwear is so much worse. Our next Reddit post is from imbibrenny.

So this happened a few days ago at a grocery store. I was waiting patiently in my lane, and beside me was the priority lane for like senior citizens. There were a couple of elderly people sitting on the chairs provided specifically for them while waiting for their turn. Pretty normal setup. Now some guy casually walks up and cuts right in front of the seated seniors. I speak up and say, hey, they're already in line. And this guy, without even looking at me goes, I don't see them standing in line though.

Real smug. Real dismissive. The elderly folks looked uncomfortable, but didn't want to cause a scene. So I shut up and I simmered. A few minutes later, we're still in the lanes and I notice his cart is stacked with what looks like camping gear such as a sleeping bag, paper plates, marshmallows, instant noodles, a portable stove, etc. And there it was, a single can of butane gas.

And right there, I saw an opportunity. The guys blabbering on the phone, totally distracted. So I casually leaned over, plucked the butane from his cart, and slid it into mine. He didn't notice. He checked out and left. I paid for my stuff, including his butane, and walked away. Somewhere out there, this man arrived at a campsite, probably boasting about how smart and quick he is. And when he tried to fire up that portable stove, no gas, no hot food, no coffee.

Just crunchy noodles and the sweet taste of consequences, hopefully. The top comment is kind of funny to me. Thank you for this nugget of petty revenge. You made the world a better place. Except you didn't, actually. You made the world a slightly worse place. You increased the overall amount of misery and unhappiness in the world. Not to criticize OP. I think this is a fine, petty revenge and kind of a funny story. But, I mean, this is evil. It's like 0.5 out of 10 on the evil scale, but it wasn't a good act at all. Our next Reddit post is from Mean Repair.

Several years ago, I worked a sales job that I hated. I was brand new, barely given any training, had like a half day to learn how to operate their system. One of my coworkers who sat next to me was one of the top sales reps in the department. The purpose of sitting a newbie and someone like her together was so the newb learns. But teaching junior reps is technically not in her job description. That leads me to a day that I have a potential sale on the phone and I got stuck on product knowledge due to my newness. I asked her a simple yes or no question and she tells me, Sorry, it's not in my job description to help you.

I ended up trying to find someone else for help and by the time I got the answer, the prospect already hung up. Shortly afterwards, I left the company and found my footing where I currently have been nearly the last decade. We got a new sales rep on our team last week and guess who it is? She knows who I am too. A few minutes ago, she just asked me a product related question, and I said those same exact words back to her with a huge smirk on my face. Sorry, it's not in my job description. Haha, finally, justice is mine!

She lost the sale because of the same reason I lost mine to top it off. My boss is probably going to talk to me about this later, but I don't care! That was our slash petty revenge, and if you liked this content, be sure to follow my podcast, because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.