rSlash - r/Pettyrevenge She Tried to Ruin My Wedding, So I Ruined Her!

Episode Date: July 16, 2022

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Welcome to R-Slash Petty Revenge, where a parking spot thief gets karma. Today's episode is brought to you by Manscaped, the global brand for men's grooming and hygiene products. When I record R-Slash episodes, I do it in an airtight sound booth, so trust me when I say that I really don't want to be stinky. Imagine farting in an airtight box. Yeah, not pleasant. So that's why I'm happy to be sponsored by ManScape, which specializes in caring for a guy's stinkiest regions, your pits, your butt, and your balls. Yep, that's right, they've got ball deodorant, cuz who wants stinky balls? Not you, and certainly not your partner, either. Their performance package 4.0 comes with a bunch of stuff. Body wash,

shampoo and conditioner, the aforementioned geodaran and ball toner, as well as a nose trimmer and hair trimmer for keeping your lower regions under control. Order now and you can get a travel bag and underwear thrown in for free. Go to manscape.com today and get 20% off plus free international shipping plus two free gifts when you use the promo code R-slashit checkout. Our next reddit post is from Shinnia. I work from home full-time and I rarely drive unless I'm grocery shopping or out front appointments. In my complex, there are non-reserved parking spots and reserve parking spots in an underground garage, all of which are not assigned. As long as you

have a reserve sticker on your vehicle, any of the reserve spots are fair game. I have a non-reserve sticker because they're like 40 bucks cheaper than the reserved pass. I was coming back from an appointment and I turned into my neighbor's reserve spot so I could back my car into the open non-reserve spot behind me.

Lowen behold, a male Karen in his rusty 2007 ROV4 starts honking at me for being in his spot, telling me that I can't park there because I don't have a reserve sticker. I told him I was only turning around. I probably should have let it go, but his Karenness pissed me off so much. As I was getting on the elevator, I quickly realized that he only wanted to park there because it was right next to the elevator. A light bulb went off in my head. I made my way to the rental office, which is in the same building and asked to upgrade

my parking pass. It's an extra 40 bucks, but it's well worth the petty revenge. I'm waiting for my neighbor to leave for work tomorrow so I can move my car into his spot and leave it there for God knows how long. There are perks to working fully remote. Down in the comments we had this story from Swade. Several years ago I lived in a tower apartment complex. Parking was ample, provided that you paid, but there were no assigned spots.

You can imagine this led to a fair amount of jockeying for the primo spots. Now personally, I don't mind walking. I would rather have a reserve spot farther away because I know that it'll be there and I don't have to waste time searching. So I'd always head back as far as possible and just take whatever I found. Six months later, some contractor like Comcast or something had an oversized truck with orange cones around it for a couple of days. I thought nothing of it.

After all, I was parked far away from the Primo spots, which is where the Comcast trucks should park too. But after a few days they left, leaving a single cone behind to block the parking spots. When I saw the single cone clearly labeled Comcast placed in the middle of the spot, I thought, that's weird, they must be coming back next week. But they never returned. Instead, the spot that had previously held the cone would always be occupied by a black Audi.

And it was easy to tell because the Audi had a personalized license plate. Now as a fan of reserve spots, I didn't mind. However, this particular person would use their cone to upgrade their spot whenever they could. So, if they saw a better open spot when they could, they tossed the cone down and returned to take the spot in the evening. Well, you can imagine, within a few weeks, they were almost at the very best parking spot right next to the trash room in the elevator's up.

I'd been watching their progress, so I waited until they finally had their cone in the absolute best spot, and during prime parking hours no less. Did I take their spot? No, of course not. That's a good way to get your car keyed. Instead, I drove past it on my route towards the back, parked, and walked to the elevator. Glancing around to make sure the coast was clear, I simply grabbed the cone, walked to the trash room, and tossed it into the dumpster. As you might imagine, the primo spot was taken by someone else. And I got to see the black Audi with the personalized plates parked in the back near me.

Their eye are, I'm sure, was directed at the person in their spot, not at some random person who had watched their climb and fall from the back of the parking lot. OP, another funny solution would have been, instead of just throwing away the cone, instead move it farther away every single time you see it. Our next Reddit post is from Salty Wet, so yesterday I was returning home with a heavy bag of groceries. As I approached my apartment building, I saw a delivery man with a parcel trolley waiting at the door. I decided to open it for him so we could get him while I checked my mailbox. As I entered the building, I heard him get on the

elevator, and he must have heard me enter the building as well, but he didn't bother to hold the elevator for me. No big deal, I'll just wait for it to come back down. The elevator stopped on the fourth floor, and I noticed that it stayed on the fourth floor for a lot longer than it normally should. Almost like it was stuck. After a moment, it started moving, except instead of going down to me, it was going up, and it stopped at the fifth floor. Again, it was stopping for an unusually long time. It was at this point that I realized the courier must have been holding up the elevator doors with this trolley, so they couldn't close, meaning the elevator won't move on.

Annoyed because I have a heavy bag of shopping, I live on the 7th floor and we only have one elevator. I was even more incense when I saw the elevator carry on going further up and holding it other floors. At this point, I've been waiting a good couple of minutes, so I decided to take the stairs up to the 7th floor. However, I ran as fast as I could. Why? Because the elevator was coming down from the 16th floor, and on my way to the 7th floor, I pressed for the elevator on each floor that I passed. If he enjoyed holding up the lift, then he could spend extra time in the lift on the way down as well. I waited in the stairwell and I listened to the elevator stop on my floor. Doors open, doors closed, stop on the sixth, and so on.

When it hit the fifth floor, I could just about hear the courier say, for F's sake, as he realized no one was getting on. I was out of breath and had a good sweat going on, but it was worth it in the name of pettiness. Opie, that's a pretty good move. But the real FU would have been to go up to the seventh floor, hit the button, wait for it to open up, then with the guy still in the elevator, step inside, and while maintaining eye contact, hit every single button, and then leave. Our next Reddit post is from Beard Guitar, a little background. My wife and I purchased our house a few years ago, and the day that we moved in, our neighbor, Roger, called the cops on us for moving in too loud.

We weren't playing music or even talking amongst ourselves. It was just my wife and I moving our belongings into our new house. The cops came, I explained that I was just moving in and they apologized for bothering us. Roger, in all of his retired, proud boy glory, comes out of his house immediately after they left to let us know that he's the one who called the cops, and to say that he was setting the tone for our new life. Even still, we were super cordial with this guy because we wanted to make a good impression

in our new neighborhood. It was our first home and it was important to us to make it homey. About a year or so later, our first sun was born. We let our property fall to the back burner while we adjusted the parenthood and a few newspapers piled up in the driveway and in the rain, they sort of melted onto our driveway. This was all on our property, keep in mind. Roger comes knocking on our door to complain. I tell him that I'm sorry and that we let it get away from us. I explain that we have a newborn son and I would like to get to it ASAP. He digs in and starts telling

me how when he was a new father, he didn't let anything affect his property and he tells me that I'm being lazy. I said, then why don't you pick it up if you're so worried about it? To which he says, no, I want you to pick up your effing mess. I was trying to be semi-corgial still since I'm not interested in a necessary conflict with my neighbor, so I told him, fine, I'll get to it, Andy left. Later that year, Roger comes over one day to ask if he can trim the tree that hangs over my fence onto his side of the fence, and I'm fine with it it so I say no problem. He casually mentions how one time a 17-year-old kid who was friends with his drug-adicted son broke into his garage. So he hit the kid in the head with a baseball bat until he became R-word and the police came and he was cleared of all responsibility because it was a break-in.

He's smiling and laughing while telling me this. Noted, I think to myself. This guy is an effing piece of garbage psychopath. Well, a couple years later, we had a few more minor run-ins, but nothing too significant. At this point, my wife and I had her second son one month ago. About 10 days ago, my son isn't even three weeks old at this time, and I get a notice on my door saying my lawn is in violation of my city's code. I mowed it 2 days before my son was born, so it's been about 3 weeks since I mowed and it's been raining since.

The note says that I have 48 hours to comply. I call the number on the card and I get no answer, so I call the non-emergency line to verify what my responsibility is because of the vague wording on the door hanger. It's because one of the types of grass on my lawn is over 12 inches tall. I told them I'm a new father and I asked for an extension to deal with it later. They said, don't even worry about the lawn, just take care of the baby. So now with some newfound confidence, I mow my lawn in a spiral shape, leaving lots of grass remaining as a middle finger to whoever called the cops on me about my lawn.

A couple days later, Roger talks to me over our shared backyard fence and asks about my lawnmower and if it's busted or something. I told him, no, I just have more important priorities than mowing my lawn, and I tell him about my new son, and then I asked if he was the one who called the cops on me about it. He says, yeah, he was the one who called code enforcement, but not on me. He called about my new neighbors on my other side, a really nice Mexican family who's always diligent about their lawn and always working outside of their new property.

He says that code enforcement must have happened to notice my lawn when they went to follow up on his call next door. At this point, I say something along the lines of, look, I'm a pretty cool guy, if you have a concern about my property then you can speak with me directly. He swears up and down that he didn't call on me and that it was just a coincidence. Whatever. About a week after that, yesterday he knocks on my door and I already know what's coming. I answer the door kind of chuckling and greet him. He says, hey, so you said I could talk to you if I had an issue with your property. I tell him, yeah, by all means.

He gestures to my unmodelon and asks me what it's about. I say, it's kind of like a middle finger to whoever called code enforcement on me. Roger is I rate. He starts getting upset that it's a middle finger to him, and I say, but wait, you told me that you didn't call code enforcement on me, so it's not a middle finger to you. He ignores me and restarts his sentence the same way, so I cut him off again and say, I specifically am telling you that it's not a middle finger to you, Roger. He says, if it's a middle finger to me, then this means war.

Over what I ask him, laughing. He's getting bigger and huffier by the second and tells me that I'm a lazy piece of garbage and my property is in shambles, which it isn't. And that all the other neighbors mow their lawn. I remind him that I have a newborn son and that my lawn can suck my dick for now. He puffs up as big as he can and says, oh I never had this issue when I was a new father. I tell him that I don't care at all what he did as a dad. Ironically enough, his drug addict son lives in the house on the other side of him and

causes trouble in the neighborhood regularly. Cars peeling out, people screaming at each other, drug addicts always waiting outside, etc. Now he tells me that he's going to call code enforcement on me every day, and I tell him to get the f off my property. He says, make me, so I tell him that I'm calling the cops, and he says do it, so I grab my phone and start dialing. He walks through the sidewalk and keeps yelling at me about how I'm lazy and not fit to own my own property.

The cops come and speak with us, very anticlimactic. They did make sure to let him know that he needs to get off my property when I say so, and that's all that I wanted from them. Our next reddit post is from Obbs Not Main. Me and my half sister, Heather never really got along. We're both 24. My father left my mother for her mother, and we were born the same month 20 days apart. It's always been weird. It doesn't help that Heather's mom hates me and my mom. By extension, Heather and I didn't have the best relationship. She's always tried to one-up me even though we both have a similar economic background. So now my fiance and I got engaged last month and we had our engagement party this Saturday. We originally planned it as a casual slash formal event. So nice dresses, but not I'm going to the

Met Gala ball, nice. More like we're going to a good restaurant, nice. Anyway, my cousin hits me up saying that she wants to show me something. It was a picture of the dress that Heather was going to wear. Oh my god. Okay, so OP shows a picture of the wedding dress and this looks like how do I describe this? It's like a Disney princess wedding gown. It's like the full white wedding dress and this looks like, how do I describe this? It's like a Disney princess wedding gown. It's like the full white wedding dress that's like inlaid with gold across it that's like spilling over the bride's chest. It looks really, it's a wedding dress, man. It's a wedding gown.

It's straight up a wedding gown. Okay, back to the story. This dress. Jesus Christ. It can only be described as opulent. It was long and white. Strapless with sewn-in crystals and golden accents. I'm pretty sure it's a wedding dress, but I can't be 100%.

This made me really mad, so I decided screw that. I texted people telling them there's been a change of plans. I said, instead of casual formal wear, I decided to make it a costume party. My mother's side of the family goes crazy for Halloween, so they were immediately on board. I told my father via text and asked for him to relay the message to Heather and her mother. I did this knowing full well that he would forget

or leave it to the last minutes. Saturday comes along. Guests start showing up. Most of them in costumes. Some people didn't have time to get one. We just provided them with fun hats and cheap wigs. Heather, my dad and her mother came like one hour late. As soon as Heather realized that everyone was either wearing elaborate costumes or weird accessories and she didn't stand out, she lost it. Especially when my fiance came along and said, Your fake bride dress looks amazing for a cheap costume.

She left crying and her mother and my father told me that I was being childish. And I could have just told Heather about it myself and not asked my father. For those interested, my fiance was dressed as bubbles and I was dressed as Mojo-Jo-Jo. My mom and aunts win as Abba. Opie! The fact that your fiance called her fancy over-the-top opulent dress a cheap costume proves that you're marrying a good one. Our next reddit post is from NERD Law. Yesterday, I got an urgent voicemail on my personal cell phone from a lady at ARS services insisting that I call back no later than 4.30 pm. This was at 3 pm.

I'm an attorney, and I do sometimes get time sensitive calls and voicemail messages on my personal phone. But I have no clue what ARS means or who they are or what cases they were calling about. So I call back, and it's a debt collector. They're trying to bully me about some credit card debt that my ex-wife of 8 years has incurred with him demanding that I get a message to her. I asked them why they were calling me and leaving a message like that, and they were rude and hung up. They wouldn't pick up when I called back. So I used an Android phone rediler app and called them through the night and left over

600 voicemails for them last night. It should be a fun Monday morning for them. Happy Monday, ARS! That was our slash Petty Revenge, and if you like this content be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day. every single day.