rSlash - r/Relationships I Caught My Partner Cheating On Me On Tinder!

Episode Date: April 3, 2021

r/Relationships_Advice In today's episode, OP has a boyfriend who is constantly using Tinder, even though they've been in a committed relationship for 3 years. At least, she THINKS they have a committed relationship. When OP catches her boyfriend in one too many lies, she decides that enough is enough and it's time to end their relationship permanently. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Today's subreddit is R-Slash Relationship Advice, where OP discovers that her husband has been having an affair. I'm a 22-year-old girl, and my 31-year-old boyfriend of three years won't stop using dating apps. I think it's time for me to leave. Since we met, my boyfriend has been on an off-tender. I've been very clear that it hurts me, but he always defended by saying that he just wants an ego boost. A few months ago, we had a major argument about it where I threatened to leave, and I honestly thought that was going to be the end of it. I was pretty naive, really.

Also, I should note that as X before me left for this very reason. I feel like an idiot for thinking that he'd ever change. Today I woke up and realized that he'd been using my phone and his email was logged in. I noticed that he'd gotten an email from an app called Hinge. Just to give you an idea of the kind of app this is, the description read, the app that was designed

to be deleted. Great, my stomach instantly dropped. I logged into it with this phone number, and he had put up profile pictures of him that I had taken while we were on dates together. In his description he's got things like, we'll get along if you like Chinese and have a dog, if you're silly and comfortable and over-share. He also put in a strict preference that he wants to be matched with Hindus and Muslims only.

I am a white British girl. I knew something was going on yesterday, but I wasn't sure what. He was acting differently, and it was making me so anxious. He had the nerve to tell me that I must just be hormonal. I think the worst part is his reaction to all of this. He heard me crying, active concerned, and then saw me with his phone, at which point he just took his phone from me and went back to bed. That was about an hour ago, and the only interaction I've had with him since then was him asking me to open the bathroom door.

Not to see if I was okay, but because he had to pee. This post sounds like a joke at this point. I'm obviously hurt by the fact that he's on this thing, but because he had to pee. This post sounds like a joke at this point. I'm obviously hurt by the fact that he's on this thing, but I think that I'm more shocked by his total lack of guilt or response at me being upset. I'm so angry, and there's nothing I can do with it. I'm so embarrassed about the situation that I don't even want to tell my friends or family how he's treated me. And I can't even talk to him about it because he's refusing to address it anything's

wrong. He's still in bed. I don't know what to do. He's brought myself a steam down so much that I feel like I can't live without him, but I know that I can't stay in this situation. Should I even bother trying to talk to him or should I just leave? I've taken screenshots of everything and initially I was going to send them to his family but I thought against it. The thing is, if I leave, there's literally

zero consequences for him. He gets what he wants, he gets the freedom to go on random dates with no guilt. It just seems so effing unfair that I'm the one left heartbroken and he gets the party it up. I know that the majority of replies are going to tell me to leave and I can't argue with you there. But how do I quell this need for closure and revenge? And then OP post it an update. So within an hour after I had initially written that post, I got myself and my stuff together, packed it in my car and left. It felt impossible. There was a lot of stuff and I was a wreck, but I managed it in the end. The whole time, he was just laying in bed pretending to be asleep, which made me angry more than anything. I felt like he couldn't care less. We've been living

together for two years, but fortunately in September, I decided to get my own student apartment. Obviously, I knew that things weren't going well, and thank God I made that that decision because now I have a place to stay. While I was sitting in my car on the driveway getting ready to leave, I got a text from him saying, I'm not going to insult you by asking you to stay or to come back, but could you please leave the keys to the house? I had already left them, but that last dig at me made me so mad and hurt. No apology, no goodbye, just leave the keys. I guess that's my closure. You know, sometimes I think to myself that I wish we had some sort of like relationship court. I mean, I don't know how something like that would work, it's way too ridiculous to ever implement, but it just feels so unfair. I mean, look at it this way. If you go to work,

and you work for an hour, and they don't pay you, that's considered wage theft, and you can literally take your employers to court and sue them for that hour of work that you should have been paid. And the courts will agree with you, right? Like, if you work when you're supposed to be paid, and you don't get paid, then they give you the money, right? But conversely, if you like invest your heart and soul and just everything into a relationship with someone, and you spend two or three years of your life building a relationship with this person, and then at the end of it, they just throw it away

by cheating on someone and just treating you like garbage, you have no recompense. There's nothing you can do. So, it feels like there should be some sort of court where you could take your douchey ex to court and be like, well, you're on her, she cheated on me, and she told all of her friends that I was terrible in bed. When in fact, I'm great in bed. As a matter of fact, I like to call my first witness one of my exes who will testify that I was great in bed. And then a jury of

your peers would be like, yeah, she was a total jerk and she deserves to be punished somehow. I mean, obviously it's ridiculous, like I said, this could never exist. It just, it feels weird that of all the terrible things that you can't get away with. The one thing that you can be just an absolute scumbag in is relationships and you can get away with anything, right? You can literally cheat on your boyfriend or girlfriend a hundred times and there's zero consequences. But if you go five miles over the speed limit, you get a ticket?

I don't know, it just feels so weird to me. I'm a 26 year old woman. How do I explain to my 29 year old boyfriend that he's not exactly a catch? My partner and I have been dating for three years. We live separately but close by each other. His apartment is significantly smaller than mine because I have roommates. But his apartment is also so much groser than mine that even though we get privacy, I hate being there. We've had many talks and tears about this and things change for a few days, but then he goes right back to how he used to be. being there. We've had many talks and tears about this and things change for a few days, but then he goes right back to how he used to be. His reasoning is that he means to clean up,

but he gets overwhelmed and is hard to keep up with. He can't explain himself much either. He thinks he's lazy and beats himself up about it and he gets depressed, and then he can't clean and the cycle continues. He refuses my help because he thinks that he should be able to do this on his own. But he can't, he literally can't, for the record, he has what I think to be undiagnosed ADHD and depression. He doesn't sweep up his cat litter so the entire hallway is crunchy. I don't think he even owns him up. I only just got him into regularly taking out the garbage.

He leaves his dishes crusted for days or weeks depending on how often he uses them. When he does need to use something, it's only then that he'll clean it until the next time he needs to be used. Which means he has no clean dishes ever. His apartment building is infested and run down to begin with, which isn't his fault, but how he keeps his apartment attracts even more pests to his place. He constantly has a fly swatter at the ready to kill things crawling across the coffee table. He never throws out anything, even though his complex has a giant garbage and recycling

center. That old Amazon box from summer, you have to climb over it to get inside his apartment. All of his clothes stay on the ground, except for his work clothes. Those, he just shakes them off and puts them on. He doesn't wash his sheets until it gets to the point where I refuse to get in them. Then, he washes the sheet, but doesn't think to wash the pillowcases, blankets, etc. Also, both of his sinks don't work. Old Renfrew is sharing joy for the holidays with gifts for everyone on your list, Also, both of his sinks don't work. much more. Whatever presence you pick, we know they're going to love them. Visit a store today or shop at HoltRenfrew.com.

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turn off. He knows that I refuse to move in or move further in our relationship until he gets this under control because I refuse to take on the emotional and physical toll of cleaning up after him or doing the thinking for him and having to tell him exactly what to do and how to do it. I've been coming over less and less to the point of almost not coming over at all. He knows the reason why and it hurts him so he tries to be better but there's been almost no significant changes. I look at work him versus home him and I waffle back and forth on if he chooses to be better, but there's been almost no significant changes. I look at work him versus home him, and I waffle back and forth on if he chooses to be this

way. Or if he has mental health issues, it was starting to affect his work before COVID locked everything down as well. So now the divide is blurring. I'll spare you the, he's so awesome, our relationship is great, Spiel, because it's hard to justify how good everything is against how gross his apartment is. It's baffling!

I've asked him to look around and name things to clean, and he just doesn't see the levels of the problem. Like, okay, he sees that he has to take out the garbage. But, he doesn't see that the liquid spill coming out of the garbage needs to be wiped up and disinfected. It's so confusing how the aftertid had come to this. OP, I think I agree with you. It sounds like your boyfriend has some kind of mental health

issue that he's kind of struggling with. So at this point I guess you kind of have to ask yourself, is he worth the effort of trying to go through this together with him? Because it sounds like he needs therapy or just some kind of professional help. Alternatively, if you move in with him, it sounds like you're gonna be living in a pigsty non-stop unless you do all the cleaning. My husband confessed that he's been having an emotional affair, and it's breaking me. I've been married to my husband for nine years and we have a son together. Last week, he confessed to me that he thinks that he started an emotional affair with a coworker of his. He said that this has been going on for a few months and that he didn't feel guilty.

He said that he never touched her romantically, but he had feelings for both of us. He said he would of course choose me over any woman, but still I've been hurting since I found this out and I don't know what to do. This other girl is in her mid-20s, she doesn't have any kids, she's so pretty and she has a piece of his heart. I don't know what I've been doing wrong for him to catch feelings for another woman. This is devastating to me. Honestly, I would prefer to be a just passionately hugged or had no feelings for her whatsoever. That would be easier. I don't know how I can get past this. We have a family that I don't want to break up

and I still love him. And he says that he's ending everything with her, but now I feel broken. I don't know if I can trust him again. I don't know what to do. And then OP adds in a clarification. My husband said that he didn't feel guilty because it was an accident and he didn't intend for anything to go as far as it did. There were a lot of messages exchanged between them and he said they went on two dates. He also said they sexed and shared nudes but there wasn't anything physical. He said that he'd end the affair but right now we can't afford for him to quit the job. He said that he was going to stop seeing your outside of work and said that he's already blocked her on everything. OP, let's be clear about this.

Sexting, sharing news and going on dates isn't an emotional affair, it's an affair affair. Man, it's crazy though, how does Guy sext a girl and send her nudes by accident? He must have really clumsy fangers. Man, that happened to me once, I was just like walking down the road, I dropped my phone, and BAM! I sent a bunch of dick pics to teenage girls. Quick disclaimer, I am NOT sending dick pics to teenage girls, I'm just pointing out how stupid this sounds. OP, between him calling this an accident and him not feeling guilty, I can pretty much guarantee you that there's more to this story. Down in the comments, I saw someone using

a phrase that I'd never heard before, but I really like it in this instance. OP, I think that you're getting trickle-truthed. The reality of the situation is probably much worse, but he's giving you the PG version to see how you react to it. I'm a 24-year-old guy, and I don't want to come off as weird to my guardian angel, a 40-year-old guy. Most of my life after high school was just me skipping from job to job, either because of my inability to perform the job, laziness, or just plain rudeness on my part. This probably has a lot to do with a lack of a good relationship with my father. I struggled, even in childhood, to find anything that I'm passionate about. Often, when I try something new, I'll get really excited about it, and then be done with

it after a week or two. This pattern has led to severe depression and terrible relationships in most parts of my life. I have a few friends who are close and supportive, but they're also keenly aware of how untrustworthy I am, just because I changed my mind about who I am and what I believe so often. About a year and a half ago, I went to get my haircut at a barber shop near my house. I had never met the barber and he had never met me, but he asked me a few questions and

I grudgingly answered. He stopped cutting my hair, looked me in the eyes and said, You just need to be a barber. I laughed and he reiterated, No, I'm serious. There's a school right down the street. You need to be a barber. Flash forward a year and a half, I've graduated barber school, and I have a job cutting hair.

I've never been more excited or passionate about anything in my life, aside from getting married. The process of getting to this point has been insanely difficult, but also extraordinarily fulfilling. I've never felt this way. It's like, no matter how much life sucks, I always have comfort in knowing that I'm on the road to becoming a better barber. To put it simply, this is the first time I've stuck with anything for more than eight

months and I feel like I'm just scratching the surface. During every step of the process of becoming a barber, this man has been like a guardian angel. He not only directed me to the school, but somehow got my tuition rate lowered by speaking with the school owner without my knowledge. He encouraged me every time that I felt unsure or afraid and he let me say next to him for hours on end at his shop. And he taught me everything that I didn't learn at school, like his tricks of the trade and special secrets that he's learned over the years. My wife was ready to divorce me, but this man and his wife counseled us and helped us make it through that year of barber school. And the icing on the cake, he secured a job for me cutting right next to him at his

brother's barber shop. This is just a sampling of the pure graciousness this person has shown me. Every time I'm around him, I want to express to him how thankful I am and how I just want to make him proud. It's like he's the father that I never had. But for some reason, I'm afraid that he'll be put off if I thank him. I'm not sure what it is. I feel like I owe this man everything that I care about. If it weren't for him, I'd be working in McDonald's single and probably suicidal. No hate for McDonald's workers, it's just not for me.

I just want to show him that his grace hasn't been taken for granted. I want to make him proud. I know this is probably really lame for this sub, but it's so hard for me to wrap my head around how to repay him or to thank him without coming off as weird. He has a son of his own, and I don't want to make him uncomfortable by making him feel like I look at him as a father figure. I don't know if that's wrong or not. Any advice is welcome, please. Opie, that's a super wholesome post, and I'm glad you found someone like that in your life. I think that if you want to show him your appreciation, just write him a letter. That'll give you plenty of time to think of the right words to say.

That was our slash relationship advice, and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day. That was our Slash Relationship Advice, and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put on new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.