rSlash - r/Relationships My 15-yo Cousin Falsely Accused Me of Touching Her

Episode Date: December 3, 2024

0:00 Intro 0:09 Age difference 2:33 False accusations 12:27 Ex in bed Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices...

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Help turn off hesitation. Turn off doubt. Turn off fears. With your support, the YMCA of Greater Toronto helps people turn off whatever's holding them back. So they can let their potential shine. Help turn on confidence and connections and possibilities. From youth shelters to job training, mental health counseling and beyond, the YMCA offers hundreds of programs that empower people to shine their brightest. Welcome to r slash relationships when OP's life gets destroyed when he's falsely accused of a very serious crime. Our next reddit post is from throwaway. I'm a 28 year old guy and my bum of a brother who's 26 just announced that he's dating
Starting point is 00:00:46 an 18 year old girl. My brother is a leech. He's the baby of the family and nobody ever does or says anything that might set him off. Every single amazing opportunity that's come his way he's dumped on by being lazy, sleeping, playing video games, etc. He still lives with our parents and he only hits me or the family up when he needs money. This is the basic gist of who he is. There's this girl that we've known since childhood, a family friend.
Starting point is 00:01:14 She's in her first year of university and somehow she and my brother have gotten together. I have no idea when they started talking, but I do know that she is way too young and naive to be dating someone like my brother. I've seen him single-handedly destroy other women's lives by infecting them with his lifestyle. It's no coincidence that women he's dated have all either quit their jobs or dropped out of school once they started dating him. She's a smart and driven young girl with a passion for journalism and she does not
Starting point is 00:01:44 need the influence of my brother in any capacity. I literally just drove up to her parents home and told her who my brother is, why she doesn't want to date him, what will happen if she dates him and I finished by telling her that she can do what she wants to do but just wanted to make sure she was informed before she starts getting more serious with him. I forgot about it and I got a text a day later from my parents and my brother and then the rest of our extended family asking me why I was actively trying to ruin my brother's life when he was trying to get back on his feet. They're all angry with me for pushing away a source of
Starting point is 00:02:18 happiness for him. I've seen this exact story play out a million times. He gets this burst of energy where he says he's going to change and starts getting money and help from family and then just blows it all away again because of some kind of health issue or the job market is bad or something else. Is there even a point for me to try to explain this to my family? I feel like they're all so blind to who my brother is. OP, sometimes if you tell someone, hey, don't touch that stove, it's hot. They'll think, oh, okay, I won't touch that stove, it's hot. But some people just have
Starting point is 00:02:52 to touch the stove and get burned before they learn their lesson. So you've done what you can here, OP, but I wouldn't worry too much. People are gonna do what they're gonna do. Our next Reddit post is from Cy3one. I grew up in what was probably the most normal of normal households. Parents worked a lot, but they still managed to care for me and my three older sisters. We were never super close as a family, but we never had any issues either. The same goes for my extended family. They always lived a few hours away, but we saw each other during summer holidays or Christmas and always got along great.
Starting point is 00:03:24 But when we got older, we naturally grew apart as everyone had their own lives. I'm 31 now. Back when I was 22 and attending university, I got a phone call from my mother that turned my life upside down. I remember that I didn't even answer at first because I was gaming with friends. But she called again immediately after the first call. This was an unwritten rule in the family. If you call twice like that, it's important. Like someone died important. So when she called again, I excused myself and answered, only to hear chaos on the
Starting point is 00:03:56 other end. Like people were arguing. But when my mom realized that I'd answered, it sounded like she went to another room and closed the door. I just asked what was going on, and I heard that she was crying. My memory of this conversation is a bit blurry, but she basically asked me if I had something to confess regarding Emma. Emma is my cousin on my mom's side and 7 years younger than me, so she was 15 at the time. At that point, I hadn't even seen Emma for several years.
Starting point is 00:04:24 I just said, no and asked what this was about. My mom just cried even harder and started accusing me of sexually assaulting Emma back when we were children. That Emma had told everything to my sister and that my sister told my mother and my aunt. Emma told them that back when she was 9 and I was 16, she had been playing in my room when I came in and started feeling her under her clothes and kissing her. My mother screamed at me to say something, but I couldn't even speak. It was all so absurd.
Starting point is 00:04:56 I remember thinking this must be some bad joke. The last thing I remember saying was that it wasn't true and that Emma was lying. But then my mom went on saying how could Emma give such a detailed description of where and how? Then she kept asking something like, did you do this? Did you do this? And I just screamed back at her, no, each time. It all ended with my mom putting me on speaker and both my mom and dad saying that they don't want anything to do with me and to never contact them again. Two of my sisters texted me later that day pretty much saying that I'm disgusting and then blocked me. I know it's weird, but after that call, I went to have a long shower.
Starting point is 00:05:34 To this day, I still don't know why I did that. After calming down, I started calling and texting everyone, even Emma. No one answered and the ones who hadn't blocked my number by then quickly did so. The only thing I heard back was from my father who texted me to stop contacting them and that they need to heal. That was 9 years ago and I haven't spoken to anyone in my family since that day. To say that this messed me up is an understatement. I was living in a haze for weeks after that and hardly ate at
Starting point is 00:06:05 all. It didn't help that this was right before I was supposed to defend my bachelor's thesis and I was already stressed out. Luckily, my co-writer sensed that something was up and saved me by controlling the conversation so that I got the easy parts. Without him, I'm sure that I would have failed. Needless to say, no one came to my graduation. Then started the worst period of my life. I spent the first year expecting cops to knock on my door and arrest me. I didn't land any jobs, just living off of my saved money. I drank a lot and did oxy.
Starting point is 00:06:38 I also grew resentful and violent. The only reason I didn't hurt anyone is because no one was around. My neighbor called the cops on me once after I smashed a glass, but I managed to convince the officers that I had just dropped it, and they went away since there were no others inside my apartment. Instead of sleeping, I spent my nights planning how I could hurt Emma and make sure that no one ever found out. I even thought that I could actually do the things that she accused me of, but do much worse on top of that.
Starting point is 00:07:08 I know, I'm not proud of that. I landed my first real job in late 2015. Only then did things start to improve. I focused all my time on my job as it gave me something normal to do. Recovery was a slow process, but I drank less. I'm now sober going on four years, and I smiled more. I lived cheaply and earned good money, so I made a point of buying myself a nice gift for each of my birthdays.
Starting point is 00:07:33 A VR headset, a motorcycle, Legos, etc. And last year, I moved out of my awful apartment and bought a small house. It was an old dream of mine to have my own garage and a garden to care for. This has boosted me even more. So my life is okay now. I still got problems. I've been on antidepressants for the last few years, and while they help, it's not in a happy way. They simply remove the dark thoughts and replace them with dead ones. My trust in other people is close to non-existence. I've tried dating, but have only been on two dates with two different women. It's really hard to speak like a normal
Starting point is 00:08:10 person when it comes down to it. And what would I tell a potential partner when she asks about my family? Oh, you know, they accused me of a heinous crime and we're not talking anymore. But I didn't do it, I swear! My field is very male-dom dominated, so the only woman I really speak to is my therapist, who I like a lot. A few days ago, I received a text from my mother. It felt unreal, and I was scared to open it at first, so I just stared at the notification for hours before opening it. Yesterday, another text followed. Hi, OP. It's been a long time since we talked. We miss you and want to know how you're doing.
Starting point is 00:08:48 Then she wrote a long text about my sisters and how my nieces and nephews are getting big. I didn't even know that I was an uncle. Then she said, know that we love you and always will. Signed, Mom and Dad. Then the second text read. Hi OP, we understand if you don't want to talk to us after what happened, but please listen.
Starting point is 00:09:08 Last month, the subject of you was brought up at a family gathering. During this, Emma was downplaying everything that had happened to her. It got so awkward that she finally admitted that nothing happened and that she probably just dreamt it. We were all appalled by this. When we last spoke, we wanted to protect Emma and did the only thing that we thought that we could do. We know that's not excusing how you were treated. What Emma did was wrong and we're all angry at her. We've called everyone that knew and told them the truth. We all want to speak with you and your sisters want you
Starting point is 00:09:41 to meet their families. Please write back if you can find it in you to forgive us. Signed, Mom and Dad. So yeah, that's my situation right now. I haven't answered, but they no doubt know that I've seen it. Truth be told, I'm seething. So many old, terrible memories are now stirring again. I don't want to forgive them and I wouldn't trust myself to be in the same room as them right now. Part of me wants to call my family and unleash everything on them, to guilt them with everything I went through until they hit the rock bottom, then dedicate my life to make my cousin's life as miserable as possible. The other part of me wants to ignore them and continue with my OK life with my motorcycle and my garden to
Starting point is 00:10:25 keep me company. I don't have any friends. The only people I speak to are my coworkers, but we're not really close. I've called my therapist's clinic, but they told me she's on vacation and won't be available for weeks, and I don't want anyone else than her. So that leaves internet strangers. Please, where do I go from here? Do I ignore them and continue as is, or do I answer?
Starting point is 00:10:48 And if so, what do I even write? I'm pretty sure that meeting them in person would be a bad idea for the foreseeable future, but I'm not even sure how my life can improve from picking up on those threads. As embarrassing as it may sound, I've dreamt about the day when they apologize, with them throwing themselves to the ground and kissing my feet. Texting seems so anti-climactic now. Then OP posted an update. I've met my therapist.
Starting point is 00:11:14 I was first scheduled for September, but she managed to move it and we've had talks so far. She's also read the original post and many of your comments. While she would have preferred for me to confide in a colleague of hers, in the end she said that she was glad you guys told me to calm down a bit and wait. She knows first hand how I can get when I'm angry. I won't go through everything that we talked about, but it comes down to that I may respond to my parents at some point, but if I do, it won't be anytime soon. I've started writing everything down that I once said to my family, and then my therapist and I will go through those things continuously.
Starting point is 00:11:49 For those who have asked, they haven't tried to contact me further. I will not be updating this issue anymore. Nor will I be commenting unless it's something very important. I don't want to be rude and I appreciate all the support, but it really is draining sometimes. I'd like to end by saying thanks again to all the people who have been wishing me well and checking up on me. And for the people writing to check that I'm still alive, don't worry, you don't have
Starting point is 00:12:12 to do that. I'm off work for a while and I'm not on the computer much. I'm busy painting my garage. OP, I would start by sending Emma a bill for 10 years of therapy. Pay that, then MAYBE you would consider being in the same room as them. But personally, I would just cut my losses and move on. I have actually done that before. We just completely removed someone from my life when they did something, in my opinion, really bad. So sometimes that's just what you got to do, man. Cut them out of your life entirely.
Starting point is 00:12:40 What's so crazy about this story to me is that the parents didn't even try to hear OP's side of the story. They didn't seek to understand or gather evidence to find the truth. They just picked a side, accused him, and then cut him off entirely. Our next Reddit post is from throwaway undecided. My boyfriend is 30 and his ex-girlfriend is also 30. His ex spent the night in MY bed with my boyfriend, but he recorded it to show that nothing happened. How do we overcome this? I'm extremely hurt, but to my boyfriend's credit, he was very upfront about everything. He texted me immediately the morning after to tell me everything. My boyfriend, James, broke up with his ex-girlfriend, Winnie, about two years ago. They chose to stay friends, and this has caused some issues between James and I,
Starting point is 00:13:28 mostly because Winnie just can't get over the breakup. She thinks that she and James are soulmates and she just refuses to accept that he stopped being in love with her. So, a conversation they'll have very often is James literally spending hours going over the logic of why he broke up with her. He tries to reassure her since they're still friends and she's hurting, but I've witnessed some of these conversations and he's loving but firm. I suspect some of you will say there's something going on, but there really isn't. James is definitely over her. James and I moved in together just two weeks ago, and this has caused Winnie to be worse
Starting point is 00:14:06 than ever. Like, she relapsed with depression and crying fits. They're happening constantly again. I went back to my parents' place this weekend because I had to pack my car full of some more of my things, and I spent Saturday night there. Winnie must have known this because Saturday night she showed up at our place, crying, wailing, the works. We have a doorbell camera, and I got a notification as soon as she was at the door.
Starting point is 00:14:30 I didn't see it right away, but as soon as I saw it, I texted and called James and checked our indoor camera to see what was going on. This is where James messed up, and he admits that he messed up. He didn't text me the whole night while Winnie was there. So all I knew was that Winnie showed up, I checked our indoor camera that we keep in the living room by the front door and it was turned off. This is normal, we only turn it on when we're away from home. But I was extremely upset and distraught because I was imagining the worst. I trust James, but I didn't understand why he wouldn't answer my calls, and he admits that it was horrible of him. I was ready to break up with him Sunday morning, but he texted
Starting point is 00:15:11 me and immediately let me know that Winnie had come over. He said it sounds really bad, but she spent the night, but nothing happened and he set up our indoor camera in the bedroom to prove it. I didn't want to believe him, but I did watch the footage and even though it shows both of them laying in bed, it's true that Winnie was just crying while James was consoling her. There are some things he did that bothers me a lot. At some point, he kissed her forehead and he hugged her and held her close several times. I'm honestly speechless at that, but I understand he knew there was a camera on him the whole time and he knew that I would
Starting point is 00:15:48 see him doing that. So I guess he doesn't see that as cheating? So basically, James is asking me for understanding and for forgiveness. I have proof that nothing happened, but it still hurts. This isn't how I imagined us starting our life together. What are the healthy next steps for our relationship? OP. The healthy next steps is to realize you DO have proof that something happened.
Starting point is 00:16:13 You have proof that he hugged another woman IN YOUR BED and kissed her. Kissed her on the forehead but still a kiss is a kiss. You're really deluding yourself into thinking that nothing was happening. Yo, if I slept in a bed with another woman, my wife would blow a gasket and same for me. I mean, if she slept in the bed with another man, I would flip out. So, OP, girl, you gotta wake up here. This is at minimum emotional cheating and in my opinion, more likely, James is trying to prepare you for cheating basically. He's getting you used to the idea of them sleeping together. So next time when they do sleep together, something will happen.
Starting point is 00:16:51 That was r slash relationships and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.

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