rSlash - r/Relationships My Boyfriend Has a Findom Mommy

Episode Date: August 10, 2025

0:00 Intro 0:09 Findom 11:05 Specs 15:02 Humiliation Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to R slash Relationships, where O.P.'s boyfriend has a financial domination fetish. Our next Reddit post is from Hurt But Hopeful. My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year and a half now, and besides this one issue, we get along swimmingly. I love this man so much, and I know that he loves me, but he's hurt me for the possible last time. This is the third time he's done this, and I'm sick with rage and don't know what to do. So I'm his first serious relationship. ever. Before we got together, he was messaging Camgirls since he was 17 and sending them money. He's a real sweetheart, but not too social. I was the one who made the first move and asked

him out. A month into our relationship, I was on Twitter and connecting my contacts. I added his email and an account with the handle at Steam for Mayhem came up. Curious, I clicked on the account and I was shocked beyond belief. I don't have the energy to go into what the fin-dom community is like, but do a quick Google search and you'll get the idea. For context, guys, fin-doming or financial doming, is basically when you let someone dominate your finances. So my understanding is you send your dom money, and that gives them power over you, and then the dom talks about how useless you are or something. So basically, you just give away all your money. Okay, back to the story. That's what his account was like, and he also had

pictures of himself in submissive clothing. The account hadn't been used in two years, but I was still upset about it. I talked about it with him, and he was extremely remorseful and said that he was too embarrassed to tell me. I forgave him and said that if he had questions or concerns to talk to me, and that I wouldn't judge him for his past. He deleted the account. Cut to six months later, I have his phone, and I'm using it to find a place to go to breakfast. An email pops up, thanking him for a transfer of $100 to PayPal. We are not rich people, and he had recently been complaining about finances that day, but wanted to take me out because I wasn't feeling well.

This made me feel worse, as I did something I never did with any of my other boyfriends. I snooped hard. I found out that he had been sending money to multiple women and asking them to do or say certain things for the past month. The snooping took a week to do, and, I waited to see if he would come clean and talk to me. He didn't. I broke down and confronted him and he denied it to me in my face. I didn't talk with him for three days before he came over and talked with me and said that he has a problem. That it was hard to adjust and that he didn't tell me

because he didn't want to lose me or leave me. But I had fallen for him at this point and I had really deep feelings for him. I still do. He blocked his fendom and I gave him an ultimatum. this again, and I'm leaving. Because of my lost, trust, and paranoia, I did something that was really uncool. I added my fingerprint to his phone so I could access it more quickly. I never used it. A week ago, I told him about it, and he was visibly upset, but not too angry. Something about his reaction didn't sit right with me, and it made me extremely suspicious. Cut to last night. We were dog sitting for a friend. I forgot to mention that we don't live together, and I haven't trusted him since I found out about the last incident. I'd been having conversations with him that

I felt like he was hiding something from me and that he wasn't being open enough. I asked him every day and he said nothing was wrong. I looked through his phone while he was sleeping and found videos that he had paid for. I was so sick I couldn't sleep. I couldn't believe he did this again and lied to me again. He found me on the couch and asked me if I was okay and all I could do was stare at him. He knew instantly. He immediately confessed and admitted that he was wrong and made a huge mistake. I asked him to show me the messages and was appalled at what I saw. I almost kicked him out of the house the messages were so bad.

I read them aloud and he just hung his head in shame. Going through more messages, I found out he video chatted with one of them and talked about me very negatively, but also that he felt kind of guilty about what he was doing. I'm not sure if that was part of his kink or not. He apologized over and over, and I just can't grasp why he did it again. We're going to see my family for Thanksgiving. Then we're going to New York. Then to Disney World for Christmas.

He calls me every day. We hang out together every day. He talked about moving in together for the past six months. He's been doing this since August. We talked for over two hours, and we came to the conclusion that we want to work it out, but that he needs help. He gave me all the passwords to his social media, emails, and bank accounts. His request, not mine. Yo, this just sounds like more fendomming.

Is he tricking his girlfriend into fendomming him as well? I messaged the women and told them that I wasn't upset with them because they were just doing their job and fulfilling a fantasy. They apologized and gave me their condolences and understood. They blocked him, and he blocked them and deleted their messages. He wants to go to a therapist tomorrow and talk about this because he says he really doesn't want to lose me because he was stupid. I just don't know.

I still love him, but he's hurt me multiple times. I know this subreddit is quick to say give up, but I really think if we get help, things will be okay. But this hurts a lot. I don't want to go through this again, and I don't know if a therapist will help. Then one year later, OP posted an update. I wasted another year of my life by trying to help a person that never helped themselves, and I'm paying for it in every way imaginable.

I introduced him to the R-slash Stop Fendom subreddit. We went to therapy three times. I tried avoiding it. I tried confronting him. Nothing worked because he never stopped the cycle. I was going to study abroad in Asia in December, and I didn't need this on my mind before I went. So very impromptu on November 16,

Hey, my birthday! I decided I couldn't be with him anymore. I was sick of feeling used and lied to about something that he didn't need to lie about. I didn't have solid proof. I just had it mentally because I felt like he was hiding something from me. And he wasn't trying to fix our relationship at all, even though he swears up and down, he did. Instead of handling it well, he shows me an engagement ring his mom gave to him as I was breaking up with him and begged me to stay again. We didn't speak at all while I was in Asia, and I wish it'd stayed that way.

I came back early January, and our lease wasn't up until February, so I decided we could live together until then. While he was at work, his old phone kept going off, so I looked at it. I fully acknowledged that since we weren't together, I had no right to go through his phone. But the stuff I found makes me feel no guilt whatsoever. If anything, I'm proud that I can see him for who he actually is. I found out that he went to one of the doms that he was cheating on me with in L.A. and never stopped talking to her, even before we broke up. And he was in $15,000 of debt from sending multiple Dom's money.

Side note, he always told me one of the traits he doesn't like about me is how badly I handle money. Ha ha, projecting much. After I saw this, I puked, packed a bag, and left. I texted him that I was leaving, and unless it was about the apartment, I never wanted to hear from him again. We've been avoiding each other since. I've been slowly moving my things out and putting them in storage,

and I just feel emotionally defeated. I went through three months' worth of messages and found a few interesting things other than the nudes, videos, and pretty subpar texting. He acknowledged that he lied, and that he had an intimate connection with her, to which she replied, that's called deceit, not cheating.

He said that he was glad to be with her, glad that he can finally make someone happy, glad that he can please his goddess. Glad to be free, he was upset that I never understood him. Wow, what a goof, lull. He's so deluded and addicted to this lifestyle that he genuinely believes she cares about him and that he's in the right.

He thinks she's actually his friend, while she goes out to dinner with her boyfriend with his money and using him for emotional support. She's getting paid thousands of dollars to stroke his ego though, so I think I would understand that you have to keep your customer happy. She got 500 bucks off that L.A. visit, which is pretty impressive if you ask me. I feel like I should say that I respect sex workers and everything they do, a lot. But this specific dom is manipulative and has no boundaries.

She's a half-baked amateur at best, who really has no clue on how to even pretend to know what she's doing. She gives actual doms a bad name. Anyone who's a proper Dom and actually cared about their subs well-being would never do the stuff that these two concocted. Like her sending me a picture of her butt, saying she only did it because he asked her to. Her asking him how he's going to spoil me today, and him telling her that he's going to take me to get my nails done as a surprise. Him telling her how unappreciative I am of his gifts because they don't feel genuine, which they weren't, lull. I never consented to any of this, and this has messed me up for life. But get this, she's an advocate for mental wellness.

What a joke. She praised him for getting out of a toxic relationship, and was glad that he could be free from all of my nagging, and that I wouldn't hold this over his head anymore. But he never told her that I was the one who actually ended the relationship. But, yeah, he never changed. He talked a big game, but is so... deep into his addiction and himself that he's willing to risk everything for it. I should have

listened to everyone's advice and left when I had the chance. I shouldn't have moved in with him. Instead, I was emotionally abused by a narcissist who felt that he did everything he could. That's a direct quote that he said to the Fendom that he never stopped talking to for the past six months. Wow, this is a kink that I am very, very glad that I don't have. Because I like having my money. So do you guys think this guy was using O.P. for his Fendom fetish? Were these just normal fights that a couple would have? Or was he creating situations that would cause O.P. to criticize him and to try to control his life to play into the whole Fendom thing? I don't really know. Our next Reddit post is from Mesphira. I'm a 30-year-old woman and my boyfriend is 37 and he uses my poor eyesight and

glasses when we passionately hug. I've been with my boyfriend for a couple of years now. On the surface, we have a good relationship and he ticks so many of my boxes. My friends love him, my parents love them, and they always say how lucky I am to have found him. But there's one aspect that's been bothering me for years, and I'm finally realizing how much it impacted me. I'm extremely near-sighted. My prescription is negative 14 slash negative 15, and without my glasses, I can't see my hand if it's an arm's length away. So I'm basically blind and dependent on visual aids to function. Over the years, my boyfriend and I have somehow developed a norm in our relationship that taking off my glasses became his way of initiating intimacy. He never asked or said anything. He would just remove my glasses.

I have asked if I can please keep them on for the time being, but he doesn't listen. Sometimes he takes them away before I'm even awake. If I reach for my glasses and they're not on my nightstand, I already know what's coming. Afterwards, he gives them back and it's become our unspoken pattern. Now, that part I don't mind so much. I can put these down as his kinks. But the part that bothers me are times where he's held on to them as part of foreplay and making me beg in a way that he found playful and teases me on how thick my glasses are.

I hated it. It's demeaning and makes me feel a little humiliated about my eyesight. It stopped feeling okay a long time ago. The more I think about it, the more I realize he's always in control when it starts, when it ends, and when I get to see again. A few days ago, I finally said something. I told him very nicely that I didn't want my glasses to be part of our love life anymore. And what's been happening made me feel vulnerable, like he was taking advantage of my dependence on. them. I even said that it was starting to feel like he was exploiting a disability. I literally can't function without them on my face. It's not kinky, it's just disabling. He got defensive immediately, told me I was accusing him of something horrible and attacking his character. We argued and fought for hours. Both of us angry and eventually went to bed without resolving it. The next

morning, when I woke up, my glasses were gone. When I asked for them, he said, Since you think I've been taking advantage of your disability, let's see how it really feels to be disabled, and left the house. I eventually found them in the kitchen, with one of the arms broken, and one of the lenses had fallen out. And after crying myself back to sleep, I spent the day trying to fix them. Now I'm here typing with them crooked on my nose, one hand holding the frame together to keep the lens in place, trying to figure out what just happened. I genuinely love this man, and he's been amazing in so many ways. But for some reason, needs me blind and powerless to be intimate with me. But I've lost trust and sense of safety.

However, a part of me really wants to fix this, move on, and make this work. How can I approach this going forward? This is really gross. He's intentionally putting O.P. in a vulnerable position, and essentially holding her hostage. I mean, that's kind of an extreme way to put her. But it's, but also kind of not, because can she get away if she's effectively blind? And then punishing you by destroying the glasses afterwards, this is just straight up abuse. O.P. isn't just near-sighted. She's suffering from rose-tinted glasses here.

Not to blame her, she's definitely the victim here. I'm just saying she's got to go. I don't know why she loves this guy. I don't know what she sees in him. Because regardless of how good he is, he's still an abuser. Our next credit post is from Velvet Faye. My boyfriend is 35, and I'm 31. We've been together for three years, living together for one. We've been friends since high school, so there's a long history between us. Over the weekend, we went camping with friends, and two things happened that really shook me. First, we were setting up a bug net together. He had been drinking, and suddenly started taking it down.

I assumed he was adjusting it, so I helped remove a part that was stuck. I saw him putting it in the bag, so I asked what he was doing. Then he snapped, you took it down so we're not using it. I was confused and said, wait, I thought you were taking it down. I was just helping. He got snippy, handed it to me, and said, whatever, so I quietly put it back up. Later, I was starting a fire to cook and casually asked a friend to grab me a stick to move some logs. Out of nowhere, my boyfriend jumps in and says, I'm no idiot, but here. Then starts aggressively messing with the fire using an axe.

He turned to me and said, This is the hot part of the fire. This is the cooler part. You effing got that. I was stunned. You effing got that? I just stood there silently. When my friend returned with the stick,

my boyfriend started loudly saying that I talked to him like he's an idiot. At that point, I told my friend exactly what he said to me, with him standing right there. He tried to defend himself. I told him to shut up, and he stormed off to take a nap in the car. Later, he came back to camp and ignored me completely. Talked to everyone else. Not a word to me until we got home the next day. We drove separately. Then he said, sorry I lost my temper. I took a shower and when I got out of the shower, he said, we should have a talk. Then proceeded to say that I'm mean to him. It led to an argument. He said he was drunk and anxious all day and regretted saying that as soon as it came out of his mouth. I brought up how this is a pattern. He lashes out, minimizes it, or turns out. tries gaslighting me into believing I behaved the way he did and not him, and apologizes vaguely. He said he'd stop drinking again and wants to fix things, but I don't know if I believe that anymore.

He said it before. I feel humiliated, confused, and emotionally exhausted. I'm trying to do better at not just cutting everyone out of my life when things go wrong. Has anyone been in a relationship like this? Did it get better, or did you leave? I think the only really relevant part of this Post is when OP says that this is a pattern and he's been doing this for years, which means this is just part of his personality. So if you can live with it, then you can live with it. But why would you want to? Because if he hasn't changed so far, he's probably not going to change in the future. That was our slash relationships. And if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.