rSlash - r/Relationships My Dad Is Having An Affair With a Girl My Age

Episode Date: May 9, 2021

r/Relationships_Advice OP makes a shocking discovery when he finds out that his father is cheating on his mother. To make matters worse, his father is dating a girl who's young enough to be his daughter! In fact, the girl went to OP's high school and was one grade below him. It turns out that his father was cheating on his mother while the mom was caring for a sibling who had a life-threatening illness. OP doesn't know how to feel because the father doesn't even act guilty about it. What should he do? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Visit Mitsubishi-motors.ca to learn more. Welcome to R-Slash, a podcast where I read the best post from across Reddit. Today's subreddit is R-Slash relationship advice, where OP discovers that his father is having an affair with a girl his age. I'm a 27-year-old woman, and, and my 28 year old husband loves to remind me that he protected my reputation by marrying me whenever he wants his way. I come from a Muslim family, but I live in the West and my parents are liberaling comparison to my extended family. They've given me a lot of freedom, but there were still a few rules that I knew I should never

break. One of them was not getting pregnant before marriage. I never thought that I would break that rule because I was never really interested in dating or passionate hugging. I had always went into wait until marriage, which was partially due to my upbringing, and partially because the idea of having lots of casual passionate hugging just never appealed to me. That was until I met the man who would later become my husband. Looking back, I behaved totally out of character for the way that I normally am. I still have no idea why I did what I did, or what my thought process behind any of it was, but I very quickly threw out a lot of values that I held, because I enjoyed the attention that he was giving me.

For six months, it was like I was completely intoxicated by him. Then, I found out that I was pregnant, and reality came crashing down very quickly. I was terrified to tell my family or my boyfriend. My friends suggested that I tell my boyfriend first, so I could come up with a game plan before I had to tell my family. I was an ugly, crying mess when I did finally tell my boyfriend. His family is also Muslim, but they make even my parents look super conservative and traditional by comparison. So he didn't seem to understand why I was so upset and scared. When I finally calmed down enough to explain how strict my extended family was, he told me that he would speak to my parents for me, and he would tell them that we were going to get married before any of them found out

that I was pregnant. I didn't think that he was serious because we barely knew each other. He had been very clear that he was only in it for the fun, and he was someone who didn't intend to ever commit to one woman. And it wasn't like his family would hate him for having a baby, but he kept insisting that this would be a perfect solution, and he wanted to fix things. We've been married for two years, and things have been going much better than I ever could have hoped for. Our families get along great.

My parents really like my husband, which I never thought would happen because my dad wanted to kill him when he first found out. Our son is happy and healthy and we get along for the most part. The only issue I have is that my husband likes everything his way. Also, he's never been in a relationship where he's had to compromise because his girlfriend's always just did whatever he wanted to keep him happy and interested. So this has given him a false sense of always being right. Whenever we have a disagreement, he loves to say that being married was a compromise

and that he protected my reputation so at least he could do is give me this one thing. It's never just one thing though. In our entire marriage, he is only back down three times, and two of those times were when I was pregnant, and only because a sister gave him trouble for stressing out the pregnant lady. The other time, I started crying during an argument and he was so shocked that he agreed just to get me to stop crying. Disagreements aren't the only time that he brings up the fact that he saved my reputation. I'm starting to suspect that he's getting off on the knowledge that, despite the fact

that I could have slept with other guys, I never did before I met him. I have lost count of the number of times that he's brought that up. I feel like I need to figure out a way to stick up for myself and not back down when he tries to use this to get his way, and ideally a way to get him to stop bringing it up altogether. If anyone has any suggestions on how to achieve either of these, I would really appreciate it. I'm not buying this BS story that he can talk to about how he saved you. Are we supposed to believe that he wouldn't have any trouble meeting a woman when he had

a baby out of wedlock? OP, your husband is being toxic and spoiled, and it sounds like he might be becoming entitled. To be frank, your husband is manipulating you, and you're letting him manipulate you. I mean, I don't want to make this sound like a cheer fault, because it's not. But you have to stand up for yourself, OP. My dad is having an affair with someone who's my age. I'm kind of reeling. My mom doesn't want to talk about it, and she just says that I don't understand what it means to be married.

Maybe I don't, but I really, really, really don't think this is right. My dad, who's 49, and my mom, who's 47, have been married for over 20 years. They have me, a 21-year-old guy and my younger sibling. My sibling was diagnosed with cancer eight years ago, and it was a big, big journey to make sure the sibling got through it. It took a big toll on the whole family. My mom gave up her job to look after my sibling full time. It took two years of

constant back and forth, but we got lucky and my sibling is thriving now. My dad has a high-powered job and always worked a lot, but he always made it home for dinner. But then, about a year into my sibling's treatment, he started working late, or going to golf club one night a week. Then, over time, it was two nights a week, and for the past few years, it's been half the week. It's always sort of been clear that my siblings' illness didn't exactly bring our parents together. My mom was totally focused on my siblings' illness, and she wasn't always very present for me emotionally, but my sibling was so sick that I understood. And once my sibling became well, my mom's been

great. I asked my mom a few years ago if she and dad were happy, and she said that marriage is more than just romance and rainbows, and they had a life together. Which didn't really answer my question, or maybe it did. About a year ago, I finally discovered that my dad was having an affair, and that it had been going on for a while. Basically, I found a document that indicates that he pays for an apartment on the other side of town. There was just this moment when I realized, and my mom saw me figuring it out, and she just shook her head and didn't say anything. Two days ago, I found out who his mistress was.

It's a girl from one of my classes in school, Izzy. She actually used to date one of my best friends when we were 16. My friend was distraught when she broke up with him. Now I realize that Izzy broke up with my friend because she'd met my dad. He was paying for her apartment and they've been having an affair for five years. I confronted my dad and he just told me that it was none of my business. That his relationship with my mother had evolved when my sibling got sick, and that his sexual needs had upgraded, and that Izzy can meet them in a way that my mother can't. WTF? He told me, and my mother later confirmed that he told my mom that he was planning to

have an affair with Izzy before the affair even started, and that my parents set up ground rules so that Izzy would never come to my house and he would still be home X number of nights a week, and they also agreed that my father wouldn't spend over a certain amount of money on Izzy. My mother gave my father permission to do this, and that's been the situation ever since. My mother just said that she didn't want to discuss it and that relationship changed over time. My dad said that he would go and stay at his apartment for the rest of the week while I cooled off, but when he came back on Monday, we wouldn't be talking about it again. I've been living at home during the pandemic because my university has been shut down, and I haven't exactly got anywhere else to go. Plus, my mom doesn't

want me to leave. Also, my younger sibling is still in school and doesn't know anything about this. I'm physically kind of nauseous about this whole thing, and I don't want anyone to know. My dad is just a total creep. I haven't spoken to Azean a long time, but I remember that she was really quiet and very clever. She's also very beautiful. Her parents had a messy divorce during the last couple years of school, and I remember her being very upset about it. I can't believe that she put five years of her life into this relationship. My friend really loved her, and he's been to good two years trying to win her back. I don't know what to do. I need a roof over my head, but I don't want to look at my dad's smug face again.

I hate how my mother can't look me in my eyes. I feel like my younger sibling knows that something's up, and I don't want to lie. It's like the house that I thought was made of bricks is actually made of straw, but I don't know if I had the spine to blow the whole thing down. Would we be better off? Internet people, I really need a fresh perspective. Alright OP, so I think the most important thing to understand about your situation is that you can't control other people's relationships. You can't control the relationship between

your mother and father, you can't control the relationship between your father and Izzy. The only thing that you can control is your relationship to those around you. It's entirely up to you to decide how you move forward with your mother and father. Now if you ask me, cheating or no cheating, the real problem here is that your dad basically abandoned his family while your sibling was sick. Your younger brother, a sister got cancer and his response is to go bang some 16 year old girl. Opie, if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't care if my mother agreed to that or not.

I would completely cut my dad out of my life. And then your dad has the ball to say that he refuses to discuss this with you anymore, like you're some sort of child. I mean, technically your dad is right that it's not your business, but just because it's not your business doesn't mean that you're not allowed to form an opinion on it. If you decide that your dad's behavior is disgusting and you never wanna talk to him again, then that's your rights.

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Life's calling again. New series now streaming on Paramount Plus. I'm a 26 year old woman. My siblings, a 22 year old brother and a 29 year old brother, told my abuser that I had his child, and now they want my forgiveness. I was in an abusive relationship with this guy, Nick, who I'd known since I was a kid. The relationship ended when Nick injured me and we went to the hospital.

There I found out that I was pregnant, and I told the nurse that Nick hurt me. My friend, Tom, let me stay with him after that. Nick was always very jealous and possessive and hated Tom because he thought that I might cheat on him with Tom. However, when Nick started talking about the baby tying us together, Tom suggested that given Nick's certainty that I was cheating on him anyway, I tell him that Tom was the father. It worked and it got Nick to leave us alone. Tom is also friends with my brothers, Jack and John. Tom and I decided to tell my brothers the truth, including that Nick was severely abusive.

They swore they wouldn't tell anyone, and we trusted and believed them, but shortly after Nick came back. He demanded a DNA test, and went through the legal system to get it. We then had to go to court, and I had to submit proof that I was being abused so that Nick could be deemed unfit. I just barely managed to pull this off, and there's still room for Nick to get custody in the future if he meets a few requirements. My brothers admitted that they told Nick because they said he had a right to know and they felt that my previous actions were underhanded. I told them they were idiots and I spelled out the consequences of their actions, before telling them both to stay out of my life and the life of my child.

It's been about a year since then. Jack and John have apologized more than once, but it's usually with an addendum that they were right, and that their only mistake was not warning me, followed by them asking why I haven't forgiven them yet. There was this family thing tonight that my child and I were supposed to go to, but given that it was just us, my brothers and my parents, I decided not to attend, because I knew my brothers would just badger me about it. After tonight, my parents have gotten strict with me.

They said that I need to forgive my brothers. Whatever I have to do or say, just stop missing family stuff over my issues with them because it's not fair to my brothers to keep them in the dog house. It's not fair to my parents for them to be caught in the middle, and it's not fair to my child to deny them a relationship with their uncles. My parents said that if I don't make peace with my brothers, they're done inviting me to things, because they're sick of me either ignoring my brothers the whole time or bailing on the event altogether if I can't avoid them. Should I be more open to forgiving my brothers?

Is there a compromise between playing happy families and avoiding them entirely? O.P. Unfortunately, I think I've got some bad news for you. At the end of the day, the one and only thing that really matters here is that you protect your child. The fact that this guy abused you indicates to me that it isn't safe at all to have your baby around this guy. So you have to ask yourself, would forgiving my brothers and spending more time around

them endanger my kid? And unfortunately I think the answer is yes. Clearly your brothers still think that they're right and they still value their relationship with your abuser. So since they betrayed your trust once before, it's completely reasonable to assume that they'll do it again. I know that it's painful to cut off your entire family, but until you can completely trust your brothers, I think that's what you have to do.

So OP, I think the right choice here is to hold your ground and not forgive your brothers until you know that they're truly 100% sorry. My birth parents who bailed on me are flaunting my success around town. How do I get these fools to shut their traps without bringing attention to it or sounding like a drama queen? My brother and I were the products of an affair. My parents won and my brother, they didn't want me. My father stayed married and my mother took off with my brother, they didn't want me. My father stayed married, and my

mother took off with my brother, leaving me with friends as a toddler. She said it was because I was ugly. My father knew about me, but he didn't care when I went into foster care, and I stayed there until I found out who they were at the age of 18. I've read the court papers regarding my foster care. They just didn't want me. My childhood was horrific. My father did maintain contact with my mother and brother. I've always lived 30 minutes away at most for my birth parents in the same area. Coincidentally, my grandmother was my neighbor. She found out who I was through gossip and what's in photos of me growing to my birth

parents as a joke. She knew about the abuse and did nothing. She's dead. I left home at 17 and was homeless and I've done everything myself. My full and half siblings from both sides have been well looked after by my parents. At the age of 18 I've reached out to them. My father had remarried and made plans to see me repeatedly, but he never showed up for any of them.

He said it would upset his new family. My mother had a bunch more kids and has basically forgotten about me. I contacted them when I had my son, but I heard nothing back. And recently, I've been in the media fair a bit and my friends have told me that my parents have been bragging about me and taking credit for how I look and my successes. My mother's side of the story is now that I was cruelly ripped from her breast and forced into foster care. She compares herself to the Irish homes of unwed mothers and forced adoptions. Oh, whoa is her. My father is now an example of the injustice of the court system against fathers, and now this is just further proof. Oh, whoa is him. They talk about how I look like them and how I wouldn't be where I

am without them. That my nieces and nephews I've never met are just like me and how I should give them the same opportunities I had in my career. How, that's what we do for family. How, I need to grow up and get past it. I blocked them after they asked for things, but this nonsense spreads easily and I'm sick of being whispered about. I don't want anything from them, I just want to be left alone. They want me to meet the other grandkids at parties and they've apologized at the government or their family or god or the great spaghetti monster has kept us apart. If I contact them, it's further fuel to the fire.

If I don't stand up for myself, I look heartless and cruel. I don't want to leave town yet because my son is finishing school soon. I just want them to stop. Any advice? OP, your family is some of the most toxic people that I've ever heard about. And unfortunately, I genuinely don't think there's anything you can say or do that will suddenly make them start acting like decent human beings. They've never even shown you a shred of kindness, so why would they start now? They say the best revenge is a life well lived.

So I think the best thing that you can do is just completely cut them out of your life forever and just live your best life. That was our slash relationship advice, and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.