rSlash - r/Relationships My Gay Husband Came Out as Straight

Episode Date: March 13, 2025

0:00 Intro 0:08 Sexuality 10:33 Secret recording 12:08 Journal Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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I'm a 27 year old man and my husband is 28. My husband just came out as straight. So we've been married for like 3 years and dated for about 2. In total, 5 years of a gay relationship. We're two men, we've always been two men, and I don't think that's going to change anytime soon. My husband and I have a rather healthy relationship for the most part. Of course we have minor arguments every now and then, but what relationship is perfect? In the end, we always resolved them and our affection would continue as normal. This is kind of why I'm really confused by what's going on with us.

Why now? I'm a Christian. I know a lot of people don't like the idea of that, but gay Christians do exist. My husband was agnostic, not necessarily an atheist, just wasn't completely on board with any religion. And that's fine. I would have supported him if he found peace in literally anything. He didn't need to become a Christian, and honestly, as selfish as this sounds, I wish

he didn't. I know this makes me sound like a terrible person, but he changed so drastically afterwards and I miss the man that he used to be. It was a slow start. He asked me about verses from the Bible, we went to church, he even fasted for Lent. Christmas this year was much more than just presents, and I was happy that I had this piece of me to share with him now. I was raised religious and struggled with my identity. If it weren't for other queer Christians, I would have left Christianity.

I was glad that I still had these things that we could bond over, but it kept ramping up. All of a sudden, he's going to church more than I am, which is perfectly fine, is always carrying a bible with him and will randomly cite a verse when we're having political discussions. I've noticed his views have started to shift towards the right as well, and recently retweeted someone saying, your body my choice. You're a twink! Women's reproductive rights don't concern you in the slightest?

It kept ramping up. He started agreeing with the whole LGBT minus the T crowd and started spewing harmful rhetoric about drag queens, as if we aren't friends with a bunch of them. When I told him that drag queens are much less likely to harm children than some pastors, he lost his mind saying that I was a heathen and that his friends were right. This is the part that caught my attention. What friends? I asked him what he meant byen and that his friends were right. This is the part that caught my attention. What friends? I asked him what he meant by that and he started backtracking, saying that he was tired and

that we should go to bed. I was tired and arguing didn't seem like it would do us any good right now, so I put a pen in it and we got ready for bed. Our bedroom has a connected bathroom and usually we keep the door open. He takes a shower and makes sure to lock it, which was weird, but I didn't say anything about it. If he wants to set this boundary down, that's fine, but he could at least communicate it, you know? The next day is Sunday, and he's already out of bed and I'm assuming at church. I get up and got ready, but once I arrived, I realized he wasn't there. That confused me, so after the service, I called him asking him where he was.

He tells me he's in church, but I told him I was here too and I didn't see him. He clarifies he means this OTHER church. This was news to me, especially because he never brought it up and still carried our bible. I told him to send me the address and I'll pick him up so that we can get brunch, but he tells me that he doesn't want his friends seeing me. That hurt. I asked him if we could at least meet up and he said that he'll see me at home. After a few hours, he finally comes home. He says we need to talk. I agreed. I wanted to ask him why he didn't want his friends seeing

me and as I opened my mouth to ask the question he said, I'm straight. I stared at him for a bit, and he continued, explaining that his church helped him realize that he wasn't going to see the kingdom of God if he continued living in sin, and that he needed to leave me as soon as possible. He told them about the pastor comment that I made last night, and they said that I was a devil trying to lure him away from Christ. He started repeating a lot of the same rhetoric I heard from other Christians growing up, and it really upset me.

He even said that I could be saved, and that I already had the traditionally masculine look, and that I just needed to steer away from homosexuality. I feel like I'm in an alternate reality right now. I'm being told by the love of my life that I'm a devil that needs to return to Christ because I shut down his homophobic rhetoric. My gay husband is being homophobic. I'm sorry, but not once in the five years we've been together did he realize he was suddenly straight.

It just doesn't work like that. It's not like we're in some other universe where comp homo is a thing, right? I told him that he needed to leave and that we could discuss arrangements afterwards. I still want him, I love him, but I have no idea how he could look at me with a straight face, hehe, and tell me all that. He started arguing saying that he didn't want to leave and that we could be friends, so I told him I wouldn't be friends with a self-hating queer for the life of me. He packed a bag and left. His location shows he's at some random house I've never been to, but I assume that's one of the churchgoers he's friends with.

I don't even know what I'm supposed to do from here. Did I seriously just lose my husband? I don't understand how this could happen. What can I do now? I miss him already." Then five days later, Opie posted an update. I talked to his family and our friends about the whole thing. I explained we were separating because of his newfound faith and how he's acting.

I told them about the stuff he said, and they're all worried for me. I don't think that I'm in any sort of danger, honestly. I did talk to the church about this, and they told me that the church he's attending is notorious for this sort of thing. One of them will show up after a service and wait outside and if someone is walking out alone they'll come up to them and start chatting. They'll pretend they go to that church until they talk to the person enough times and then invite them to their church.

Apparently my husband was attending my church even on days where I wasn't, so he was alone a lot. It's really predatory, and it low-key pisses me off that he was enjoying my church and it led to him being taken away from me. I've had limited contact with him over the past few days. He came over last night saying he needed to talk to me. He didn't appreciate me contacting his parents, and assured me that he's fine mentally. I wanted to start asking all the questions I've come up with since he left,

but I didn't want to overwhelm him. I know he didn't cheat on me because that was the first question I asked. More so, are you leaving me because there's somebody else? His response was that he didn't want to leave me, but living in sin wasn't what he wanted anymore. How did he figure this out, you ask? After grilling him for an explanation, he finally admitted that he TRIED to cheat. The guy who kept coming to my church and basically recruited him was apparently SO attractive that he would listen to anything he said. So he tried to cheat, failed, and went the full 180 and has still decided gay is the

ultimate sin. Not the fact that he tried to have an affair. This is actually going to drive me crazy. Finding out he wanted to cheat but didn't is almost worse because it's like seriously? You tried and got rejected? That's embarrassing for you and doubly embarrassing for me. I asked him if they knew that he was a married man, and he simply told them that I was his gay roommate who turned him, and now that he's straight again, I've gone off the

deep end. He's an actual effing liar. He showed me some Bible verses, ones that were just blatantly different from the verses in my Bible, and kept trying to convince me that I need to change too. He said that he still cares about me and wants to be friends. I asked him what about our actual friends and he said they're too far gone. He just kept talking and I was done with it. He isn't the man that I fell in love with and it pisses me off. He wasn't even dressing the same anymore. White dress shirts and slacks and the most

boring hairstyle ever. He didn't look like my Anthony. The more he talked to me, the more it was clear that I didn't want to be with the man that he is now. He left and, for the second time in our life, he walked out the door without saying I love you. And I was fine with that. This morning I talked with my lawyer and I'm going through with a divorce. After I was done, I stopped by where he was staying and knocked on the door, half wanting whoever owned the place to be there when I gave him the papers, half because I didn't want him coming to my home anymore.

When the man opened the door, I realized this was who he was talking about, and it took a bit to keep my anger in. I asked for my husband, and when my husband saw me, the look in his eyes made it clear that he wasn't expecting this out of me. I made it clear to the other guy that I was handing my husband, my gay husband, divorce papers to end our marriage. The gay one between two men. Us, we're those two men. Because I don't know who needs to hear this, but if you wake up next to a man for three years out of your life, chances are you're a homosexual. So sorry to break it to you. I won't be able to go into details of the proceedings themselves, but I'm going to completely distance myself from him as

best as I can. His actions have been horrible on my health, and his family and friends can handle him better than I can. I'm going to miss the man he used to be, but I have my people surrounding me. I'm going to be okay. I hope for his sake he'll snap out of this one day because the self-hatred isn't healthy. But when he does, I won't effing be there. You know, the sad thing is, since this guy is already proven to be a cheater, more than likely what's going to happen is he's's gonna marry some, you know, straight church lady and then immediately download whatever the gay dating apps are and cheat on her non-stop because since he's in a straight marriage, he's still straight, right? Also while reading this, I was wondering, which do you guys actually prefer? A mutually like agreed upon breakup where

you both still care for each other and you shed tears and you hug and you say, I'll always love you and you break up and that's it? Or this super messy, terrible, fundamental betrayal breakup that's just an absolute train wreck? I think I would actually prefer this style of breakup because then it's way, way easier to move on. Oh, OK, you're a cheating moron.

Well, then see our next reddit post is from Dizzy Feed. I'm a 27 year old woman and my 28 year old husband secretly recorded us and sent it to my ex. I just found out that my husband of two years secretly recorded us during the act and I'm freaking out. He sent it to my ex that he's always been openly jealous of. I knew that he could go a little over the top sometimes, but this honestly is making me insane. I'm not sure what to do. I'm not sure what to say. I found out from logging into his Instagram and seeing their DMs. My ex was angry at the text, but blocked my husband right after confronting him. This

exchange was around May of last year. I'm really scared and I'm panicking. LMAO. What do I say to my husband? I know I need to confront him, but I'm just so scared. I can't believe he'd record us without me even realizing. What if he has more in his gallery? I'm so worried. I'm so scared. I don't know what to do. Oh, gee, I honestly can't tell which one's worse here. Is it recording your partner without their knowledge or consent? Is it sending that video to another person without their consent? Or is it being so obsessed with your ex while you're married that you send them adult content to make them pissed off and jealous?

I think it's the second one. S adult content to make them pissed off and jealous. I think it's the second one. Sending content to someone else without their consent, that's got to be the worst of the three, right? Any one of those individually would be enough to break up with this guy. Altogether this feels criminal. It's got to be criminal, right? OP, dump them, file a police report, and move on with your life.

Our next Reddit post is from ThinLove. I am a 43 year old woman and my fiance is a 56 year old man. I read his journals and I don't know if I can marry him now. Before I start, yes I know that I am a huge jerk for snooping in his email and I definitely found trouble. I accept that. I was working on his computer and his Gmail was open and I saw my name so I opened it and it was a Word doc that he had journaled. Curious of course, I searched his inbox with my

name and saw his entries and read them. Some of what he said has devastated me and shaken me to the core. We've been together almost three years, the first year on and off and was rocky. We've been living together since summer. He's not home and I haven't brought this up yet. I think I might faint and need some space. Over the past 10 months, these are some of the things that he's written about me. There are moments in my dark thoughts where I feel like being with her is a compromise for me.

Like this somehow diminishes me and that I'm settling for her because I've ruined all my other prospects and I'm too old to find someone else. At times, I wish she stayed out of my life. I wonder if I had stayed on my own if someone better would come into my orbit. There's so much to deal with, so many bad feelings in darkness. I feel like I'm thinking about Lauren a lot. And for context here, OP's name is not Lauren. But who's to say that she would be any better?

The reality is that I met her on a tour and F'ed her a day later. What kind of woman is that? I feel like I've pissed my life away and this is all that I'm entitled to. I've pissed away all the good things in my life. Someone like OP would have never been able to get to me. When I was younger, I had many opportunities to be with women like her, but declined. I am uncertain about whether this is a good thought pattern to have. My mind wanders to places like what it would have been like if someone like Lauren had been in my life instead of OP. Lauren has the advantage

of existing in my mind as an ideal. We never really got the chance to know each other outside of two nights and a week of texting and talking on the phone. I know that she has a drug past, but has been sober for over a decade. I don't think she was promiscuous. Most guys that I know that know her in the old days indicated that she didn't have a lot of men in her life. That's not to say that there hasn't been a lot of darkness in her life. It would have been easier to be with her. There weren't all these other men

in her orbit like with OP. She was never married so there was no divorce. She's not as emotionally damaged as OP. In some ways, I feel like being with OP is some sort of a karmic thing. Like, this is what I deserve for being non-committal for most of my life. I have my own damage. Everyone likes to think that they're a good person, but there are moments when I'm not so sure about myself. Hold up. This guy has a one night stand with a woman and then judges her for having a one night stand. Judge yourself dude! It takes two people to have a one night stand! OP if I read these journal entries that would be it for me.

It's all super gross. He practically worships Lauren, a woman that he was with for two whole days but he sees you as some sort of like karmic punishment. I sentence you to 20 miserable years of being married to OP you monster. What? I'm also seeing notes of, I don't know, narcissism maybe because he's talking about people being in his orbit and he had so many opportunities and the universe is deeply concerned with his love life and what he deserves. Dude, get over yourself. You're just some dude.