rSlash - r/Relationships My Husband is Stalking His Hot Coworker

Episode Date: February 24, 2024

0:00 Intro 0:10 Terrible husband 5:46 Divorce 9:01 Journal 11:49 Without me Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to r slash relationship advice where OP's husband is secretly obsessed with his hot, young co-worker. Our next Reddit post is from Like A Sunset At Noon. My husband, who's 31, got reprimanded at work for making a co-worker, a 23 year old woman uncomfortable. And somehow, this has set him off the deep end. Me and my husband met in college, got married in our mid-20s, and we're raising two kids. He's hard working, loving, and has a healthy and large circle of friends and family who think of the world of him. So I cannot overemphasize how caught off guard I am the last few months.

One of my close friends has another friend who works in the same company as my husband and reached out to me to basically recap an incident that happened a few months ago. Maya is a 23-year-old customer representative who's been working there for a few months in their company. A few months ago, she went to HR to file a complaint over my husband ogling at her and making her feel uncomfortable. He also apparently called her Pocahontas. Another co-worker, an older, more established person in the company, vouched for the disrespectful way that my husband spoke and acted towards her, and how she had to tell my husband off. My husband got reprimanded and written up.

When I asked him, he didn't deny what happened, and instantly assured me that his job wasn't in any real danger and how I know the boss loves him and they go way back. I told him it's not about that, it's about what on earth possessed him to harass a girl at work. He excused it by saying that his eyes wandered and he didn't mean to offend her when he nicknamed her. I called BS on that and told him that he didn't even sound sorry. He told me he was sorry but he learned from it and it wouldn't happen again. My friend later told me that Maya was freaked out over a very expensive, anonymous set of gifts

that were sent to her apartment. And how there was no proof, but Maya knew it came from my husband and that during work, my husband didn't cross any lines, but that poor girl still felt icked out whenever she had to share a room with him. My friend told me that she herself saw my husband checking out Maya during lunch or during meetings and that only Maya got those types of stares from him. I hated having to do this, but I checked my husband's bank accounts and his cell phone to maybe find a purchase order. There was nothing out of order except for a major transfer to one of his friends. Almost $8,000. Yo, what? I confronted him and he said that his friend just needed

some help and how I know that this friend is in a tight bind and how he has kids and Christmas was coming up. I couldn't argue and had to swallow my worries and bad feelings because he kept reassuring me that everything was fine at work. In January, Maya reported him to HR again, and this time my husband told me the same day, likely because he knew that I'd find out otherwise. He was acting like a victim, saying that Maya would act like his friend one moment and then get him in trouble the next. I told him to stop lying, to stop making excuses,

and to stop insulting my intelligence. I screamed at him to get out of the house and to stay gone. Then it's like his brain broke, or I don't know, the real him came out, maybe? He went on this demented rant about how I don't have to worry that I'm his wife, the mother of his kids, and how everything is airtight, and what's his is mine. And how his attraction to Maya was just animalistic, and how someone like her would never threaten my place. I was stupefied as I heard my husband

go off on this sick tangent, including referring to this poor girl using slurs. I kicked him out, and couldn't even stand to look at him for two weeks. A day later, he tried taking it back, saying that he was stressed, and he felt like everyone was attacking him, but I couldn't stand to speak with him, much less look at him. He promised to work on himself and us,

and said that we could go to couples therapy when I'm ready. And in the meantime, he'll give me distance. I told him he needs to see a therapist by himself, and he didn't argue back at all. He even confessed that he did send Maya that anonymous expensive gift and his friend had put in the order. It's been three weeks. He's gone on two sessions with a therapist and we're scheduled for our first session

of couples therapy at the end of February. Thus far, he's shown that he's willing to put in the work to get better. But how do you get better from that? Is there even a point to couples therapy? I feel so lost. I don't recognize the person I married, but I also don't want to break up our family if there's a chance that he can get reformed. Yo. OP. 8 thousand dollars? Your husband is secretly dropping 8k on a woman who is like on the cusp of filing a restraining order against him.

What did he buy? Damn, I'm dying to know what he bought her. Let me check the comments. Maybe she said something. He showed me the receipt for what he bought, which was an assortment of high-end jewelry with flowers and chocolates. Wow. There's not even an ounce of subtlety there. This dude is trying to get laid. There's no, there's no two ways about it. He's straight up trying to cheat. Also, OP clarifies that she is a very beautiful woman. OP clarifies, if my memory is correct, Maya is the first Native American woman that he was friends with since I know him. Also, he definitely has a fetish for Native American women. Man, there's no coming back from this. I think at most relationships,

just giving $8,000 to someone else or spending it without consulting the other person is grounds for splitting up. But to also spend it on expensive chocolates and jewelry and flowers is crazy. Our next Reddit post is from Throwaway. Me and my husband have been married for five years, together for seven. We also have a three-year-old kid. After having the baby, I struggled a lot with losing the baby weight and adjusting to being a parent. I also had the baby blues at first, which was tough.

I wasn't really focused on my appearance, and instead I was trying to figure out our new routine and our way of life. But then my husband started making these little comments about my body and instead I was trying to figure out our new routine and our way of life. But then my husband started making these little comments about my body and how I should start working out and wearing makeup again. It made me feel really awful and I worried that he might start looking elsewhere because we weren't being intimate anymore. He even suggested hiring a nanny so I could have more time for myself but I wanted to be there for our baby full time so I turned down the offer. That made him angry and he started acting cold towards me. Months went by without any hugs, kisses, romance, or any kind of affection.

My self-esteem hit rock bottom. Every time I looked in the mirror, all I saw were the flaws that my husband pointed out. By this point, our son was already two years old, and I desperately wanted to win my husband back. I thought that if I got in shape again, he would show me love and affection, and our marriage would be saved. I craved his attention so much, and it hurt to see how much things had changed. But you can't force someone to be affectionate. I took matters into my own hands

and hired some help. With more free time, I started going to the gym, taking swimming classes, getting my hair and lashes done regularly, and eating healthier. And guess what? I've lost a ton of weight and I feel amazing. Suddenly, my husband started touching me, kissing me, buying me flowers, and treating me like the complete opposite of how he treated me before. You'd think that would make me feel better, but for some reason, it made me feel worse. All I could think about were the hurtful things he said to me when I was at my lowest and how cold he was towards me. I get that you can't force attraction, but why couldn't he just hug me or give me a

kiss on the cheek even when I was overweight? Why couldn't he love me as a human being and the mother of his child? When my self-esteem came back, I got really angry at myself for putting up with his behavior for so long. A few days ago, I told him I wanted a divorce because I don't think I can move past how badly he treated me. He apologized and promised to change and proved that he can be better. But honestly, I'm not sure if I can trust him again.

What if I gain weight again or have to deal with health issues? Will he treat me like garbage again? I've talked to some friends and family about the whole situation and some say that I should give him another chance, while others say that I should leave him. So I'm turning to Reddit for some advice. Yeah, this one's pretty rough, OP. A woman gives up her body to incubate a baby for nine months and then goes through childbirth and this dude can't spare some hugs and kisses for

the mother of his child. That is cold. It kind of feels like he was intentionally punishing you by withholding affection to get what he wanted, which is awful. Also, one month later, OP posts a pretty long update, which is fairly dry, so I'll just summarize. Basically, she sat down her husband, gave him the laundry list of problems that she had with him, suggested therapy, which he actually declined. So, OP decided to move forward with divorce.

Our next read, it posts us from throwaway. My husband has kept a semi-regular journal throughout our four-year relationship. He doesn't keep it hidden, and up until now, I've always respected his privacy. We had a heated conversation, and my gut told me to read his diary after he left for work, so I did. He wrote several times that he hates me, and at one point, when I was sick, he said that he hoped that I would die.

When I read those words, I packed up me and our baby and went to a friend's place where I'm staying now. I took pictures of all the pages. I told him I just need some space to cool off after our conversation and I'll be home soon. I booked an appointment with my therapist and I contacted a lawyer. We had a rough patch recently that lasted about two weeks. It was a dark time, but we pulled through.

There was no violence, no moments where I was afraid of him, just sincere conversations about difficult feelings. The notes of hatred correspond with that rough patch. The rest of the journal is tame, and it reflects the man that I know and love. Mostly little self-pep talks around work and family stuff, goals, habit tracking, etc. He sent me several warm messages since I left. He says that I'm glad that I'm taking space for myself, that he looks forward to reconnecting when I come home, that it's okay to have little hiccups and that he loves me.

I was sure that our relationship was over the moment that I read that he hates me. Or even the moment that I felt the need to violate his privacy. But the warm messages and the rest of the journal have me wavering a little. that he hates me. Or even the moment that I felt the need to violate his privacy. But the warm messages and the rest of the journal have me wavering a little. I understand the need to blow off steam when things are tense and journaling is a healthy way to do that. But never in even our darkest moments have I fantasized about his death. Splitting up maybe, but this feels so sinister. I don't know how I could ever feel safe around him again Is this just healthy venting and I'm overreacting here or is this a man that I need to protect myself and my baby from

Man you guys sometimes I really have difficulty Understanding what the people in these stories are thinking I can't imagine Hating someone's guts guts but then living with them and then being in relationship with them every single day. I also can't imagine your partner secretly hating your guts but then wanting to be around them. I mean not to blame OP. I'm not trying to like victim blame here or say that she's responding in the incorrect way. It's just oh man I have a hard time wrapping my brain around it. Man if my wife told me she wished that I was dead, it would sting.

I would miss her, I'm sure, but I certainly wouldn't want to be around her anymore. I don't know, this is a rough one, OP. I think you're better off just cutting your ties and moving on, because I don't see how you could possibly come back from this one. Wishing you were dead? What the- how could you- what is he gonna do? Strangle you in your sleep? Please move on! Our next Reddit post is from Get A Life. My wife is in some kind of crisis. Her work is closed and she's being paid, but she's home with our kids right now, including one three-year-old. She gets breaks on Monday and Friday with

childcare. We went into having kids knowing that she wanted to be a working mother. So this has been an adjustment, to say the least. So one day, she spent a long day with our kids and the next door neighbor kids, and when I came upstairs from work and she asked for a break, I didn't respond well. I made excuses and didn't offer help, and for the first time in years, my wife lost her temper and cursed at me. Like an idiot, I dug in and thought that I was right. I admit that we both said some unkind things. But after Reddit humbled me and she made me sit down and write a list of things that I did for the family versus what she did for the family, she had a longer list, so I apologized. She accepted

and I figured things would go back to normal. But they haven't. My wife used to include me in parenting our kids. I did dance pick up on most weeks and bedtime was split. I gave baths, made dinner, all that stuff. Since our fight, my wife hasn't asked me for any help with the kids. The first morning I woke up on what was supposed to be my morning with the kids. I figured she was just trying to be nice or trying to prove a point, but it keeps happening. She also didn't send them down to say good night last night. Normally, my wife does this silly game where she sends my son to ask me to read

five books and then we negotiate down to like one or two and then race upstairs. Last night, I heard her racing him and came up to find her doing bedtime yet again. The kids haven't even noticed. It's like she's replacing me. Yo, what the- what am I reading? What is this story? When we were fighting, I said something really dumb that's living inside me and festering. My wife was being nasty and said, you wouldn't see the kids a quarter as much as I do if

I didn't arrange it and I'm done managing you. I defended myself. I'm not an absent parent and I said something along the lines of, I'd like to see how long you can manage without me. Consider my foot officially in my mouth. She started running again. She's cooking really healthy and often. Every night I come home to my perfectly happy Stepford wife doing it all without me

and I feel empty inside. How do I, oh, OP, how do I fix this? I don't even know where to begin. At this point, I want to beg her to go back to how things were. That wasn't what we agreed on. OP, you're a dipshit. I shouldn't curse, but you're a moron.

Your wife has started making dinner without you. Okay, then make dinner. My wife doesn't send the kids down to kiss me goodnight. Okay, then make dinner. My wife doesn't send the kids down to kiss me goodnight. Okay, then go kiss them goodnight. Are you stupid? Are you daft? If you want to be involved in your family's life, then just go be involved in your family's life. It sounds like what has been happening is that OP's wife basically forced OP to be involved in his family's life, and now she's just not doing that. So OP is just sitting around, what do I do?

My wife isn't sending the kids to play with me, so what does that mean? Am I even allowed to play with the kids? Dude, just go play with your kids, you moron. That was our slash relationships, and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast, because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes

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