rSlash - r/Relationships My Young Nephew Keeps Trying To Sleep With Me, His Aunt

Episode Date: January 12, 2021

r/Relationships_Advice In today's episode, OP is confronted with a real pickle (so to speak). Her young teenage nephew has suddenly developed a huge crush on her, and he's begun to act in really inappropriate ways around her. He makes flirty comments, takes opportunities to touch her, and tries to be around her as much as possible. OP wants to behavior to stop, but she doesn't want to ruin the kid's reputation in the family by bringing his parents into it. What should she do? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Gamlin' Problem, call 1866-531-2600, or visit connectcentario.ca. Welcome to R-Slash, a podcast where I read the best post from across Reddit. Today's subreddit is R-Slash Relationship Advice, where O.P.'s mother abandoned her and then comes back 16 years later. My mother who abandoned us in the middle of the night

came back after 16 years. And it's killing me inside that my 17 year old brother and father are too forgiving towards her, and it makes me resentful towards my own brother and father. So my mother and father were high school sweethearts who got pregnant at the very early age of 17 and had me a month after their prom. We lived in a rural place that's not big enough to be called a town, but still larger than your average village. Anyways, they settled themselves into a farmer's life after graduating and had my brother seven years later. And then, my mother left us when my brother was only a month and a half old. To this day, I can

still remember waking up to get ready for school and finding my father on the ground kneeling over and crying holding one of my notebooks. I was just a seven-year-old kid at the time and seeing my father curled up like that made me cry too. And that's when my father got a hold of his emotions and righted himself to pick me up. In my mother's hurry to leave, she literally took a notebook from my school bag and wrote her half-ast excuse to why she was leaving us. How she never wanted kids, how she shouldn't have gotten pregnant, and how things should

have turned out differently. And how this small town was smothering her. She had to get away because my little brother was like a noose that wouldn't let her breathe. I learned what she wrote in that notebook a year or so later when I found it in the drawers. When she left, she took our truck and had someone deliver us a truck a month or so later without even sending a word or anything. Just some guy came and said, here's your truck, my father was a mess afterwards. He didn't take care of the farm, he stopped eating, and he started drinking.

Because of that, I had to stop going to school to take care of my brother. Meanwhile, my aunt, my mom's sister, finally made my dad bounce back and you could see he was sad for a lot of years afterwards. And still, even a decade later, he would get all withdrawn around the anniversary of her departure. So, my life was that I'd come back from school, do the dishes left over from breakfast, and take care of my brother until he was a few years older. It was in that way that I slowly became the woman of the house, so to speak.

I took the food, do the dishes, and take care of my brother after school, and my father would spend nearly all of his waking hours trying to manage the farm. We weren't the richest people around, but with only one depressed adult and two small kids, we earned more than what we needed, and we even saved up a bit of money for my brother's college fund. My father insisted that I should go to college as well, but I was spending too much time on domestic and farm related stuff to actually focus on my studies. And if I have to be honest, I love the farm, the animals, and taking care of my brother. Anyway, nearly a year ago, my mom returned to visit her family. She was apparently planning on settling back here permanently.

We knew that she modeled for a few years, which got her a job at some sort of magazine, we heard this from our auntie still called her from time to time. She tried calling us a few times as well, but I refused to talk with her, and I think she was too ashamed to ask to talk with my brother. Anyway, when she came back, she had apparently earned enough money to buy a new house in some land. A few days later, she and my dad ran into each other at the town center. My dad said he told her all about my negative opinions of her, but apparently she said that I owed this to her. She tried playing the emotional regretful parent on me with her crying at all, but I didn't buy it. Or rather, I just wish she never came

back to disturb us and she kept living in our airy, breathable, big city life and let us the hell alone. My brother wasn't there at the time because he was at his first year in college. He was admitted by our early enrollment thanks to him being the lovable genius that he is. I knew my dad was still in love with her. I tried setting up on a few dates before but that never went anywhere. Well, this summer they started dating again to my dismay and my brother's joy. My dad invited her over to dinner when my brother came back from his summer break and we had a family dinner. I wanted to warn my brother about her, but seeing his enthusiasm I couldn't break his

heart. So I just stayed civil and didn't speak unless spoken to. My father had kept that notebook for more than a decade, but I decided to burn it when I was 19. My father and I had a pretty big fight about how I had no right to burn it, but I said that it was better than my brother accidentally finding it and reading about how his mother thought that he was a news around her neck that wouldn't let her breathe. And he caved after that. And now whenever I see her in our house talking with my brother who looks up to her like a genie finally granted

his wish, I remember what she wrote and the rage and hatred that goes through my very soul is becoming that fricking news that won't let me breathe. My brother and I had to talk this morning about me being cold towards her, and it turned hated when my brother said, why wouldn't you be happy? I finally have a mother. We finally have a mother. And I shouted back at him, I was your mother, not that whore, and I didn't have a mother. And with that, my brother stormed out of the house crying, and seeing him cry made me cry while my father tried to mediate between us and failed. The fact is, I can't tell him that I hate her because she detested us, her own freaking children, because if he hears that, that'll just hurt him more.

She abandoned and scorned the loveliest most innocent looking baby with sky blue eyes, and she was supposed to be a mother to him. I was only 7 years old when I started looking after my brother, and changed his diapers for the most innocent looking baby with sky blue eyes and she was supposed to be a mother to him. I was only 7 years old when I started looking after my brother and changed his diapers for the first time with my aunt showing me how it's done. And I didn't resent him, I loved him like a brother and I loved him like she was supposed to. And these comments people make about her now that she's back or just salt in the wound

about how much we look alike. Even my brother once commented about how much we look alike, how we smile alike, and how she probably looked like me when she had him, and it took all my willpower to not snap at him. I know that being this bitter cold person will drive my brother away, and I know I should stop if I wish to preserve this blissful moment for my brother, even though she's the cause of it, but I can't help it. The worst part is that since she's come back, she's not the heartless piece of garbage

that she was when she leapt us. She never raised her voice when I cursed her or told her to leave us alone. Or the time when I asked if she was avoiding me because I shouldn't have been born at all, and by avoiding me, she was avoiding her biggest mistake. I once even asked her if she thinks about the news when my brother hugs her, and she just looked like she was punched and got teary eyed, but only apologized and didn't try to defend herself. I can't even enjoy hurting her, she doesn't fight back. She's not the monster I made her out to be, at least she isn't anymore. And the worst part, the worst part today made me resentful and tired, like I don't even have

the strength to feel emotions. I actually understand the resentfulness now. Am I truly just like her for resenting my brother for forgiving her and calling her mom when I raised him myself with a depressed father at home when I was just a kid myself? Or the fact that my father accepted her back so quickly makes me seem as a weak-willed man and makes me question the respect that I have for him?

Did I resent the fact that I stayed here on the farm not going to college? Before my mother left us that I have for him. Did I resent the fact that I stayed here on the farm, not going to college? Before my mother left us, I skipped a grade. Would I have excelled in college and found a new outlook in life that would have made me more like my brother and father and be happy instead of being resentful? I have vented quite a bit and I'm sorry and thankful to you guys as I think it let me unwind a bit. So my question is, what am I going to do now?

Alright, OP. Let me unwind a bit. So my question is, what am I going to do now? Alright OP, first things first, let me just say I'm really sorry that this happened to you. Your mother robbed you of your childhood, and no, you are not just like your mother. Your mother abandoned her family, meanwhile you stepped in and cared for your family. You are ten times the woman she will ever be. Now as far as your relationship goes with your mother, father, and brother, I think this is important to understand. Everyone has the right to process their emotions their own way. You hate your mother, and you have

every right to do so. If I were in your shoes, I'd probably hate her too. That being said, your father has a right to love and forgive his wife. Also, your brother has a right to love and respect your mother. Just because they're experiencing those emotions doesn't mean that you don't have a right to experience your emotions. But it's important to your family to understand that the reverse is also true. Just because they're quick to forgive her doesn't mean that you don't have a right to be angry. Your father and brother both need to understand that if you don't want to forgive your mother mother then that's your prerogative. Here's what I would recommend OP.

Have a sit down conversation with your father and brother and let them know that while you respect their decision to forgive her, you're not there yet and you may never be. Infocise that you want to maintain your relationship with your father and brother even though you may not want to build a relationship with your mother. You seem to be pretty close with the guys in your family, especially your brother, so I think that they'll respect your wishes. Once that's done, just take some time away from your home to process your emotions and figure out what you want to do next. This is a big deal with big emotions and you shouldn't feel pressured to figure everything out right now.

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I hope there's electrolytes for taste too. And I'd be like, you're not gonna believe this. Elevate how you hydrate and keep it smart with smart water alkaline. I'm a 27 year old woman. How do I handle my 15 year old nephew by marriage being sexually inappropriate with me? I feel like such a creep even posting this, but I don't know what to do.

My 46 year old sister-in-law's oldest son is 15, and as such, is going through all the awkward puberty things. We'll call him John. When I met my husband, who's 36, John was 8 years old. I've always been really close with all the nieces and nephews, and it's been a bit of a running joke in the family that I'm one of the kids since I'm closer to their age and their parents. As a result, I've always been more of a friend to the kids, a safe place they can come and talk about awkward things rather than any sort of parent or strict disciplinarian. Over the course of the last year or so, John has started being a bit inappropriate with me. For example, he's now taller than me, and he wants me to comment about how he finally

has a better view, meaning my boobs. When he said that, I was shocked, gave him a good punch in the arm and said, do you talk to your mother that way? And in response, he says something like, my mom doesn't look like you. Another time I was in a sister's room room and we started talking about boys and the birds and the bees. She's 14 and she feels like I'm going to save place to talk openly about stuff like that. My nephew walked in and started asking questions as well.

I didn't really think anything of it because I thought it was a good opportunity for us to all talk openly about the things they were learning about in school's sex education. I didn't want them to feel awkward or ashamed of their bodies that they had any questions, so I did my best to answer them respectfully, because I know that it can be embarrassing to talk to your mom or dad about that sort of stuff. But then, John started asking pretty explicit sexual questions to which I responded by saying, oh, I don't know if that's my place, maybe ask your dad? He then started asking me what I like sexually, if I let my husband, his

uncle, do certain things to me, etc. I have voided answering by saying, women are all very different, so it's important to learn what your partner wants, etc. without being graphic or specific. But I felt a little uncomfortable and told him it's inappropriate to ask someone, especially his aunt, questions like that. I've also overheard his friends refer to me as his hot aunt. He'll also go out of his way to touch me, not inappropriately necessarily, but asking for hugs when he sees me, or he'll put his hands on his hips and move me if he needs to get around me and I'm in his way, tickling, teasing me, or pulling my hair.

He always used to do that sort of stuff when he was little and I would babysit him. We've always just had this playful little relationship, which is fine when he's aed, but it just feels weird now. I haven't voiced my concerns to his mom or my husband because I'm afraid I'm reading too much into this. And it'll make me look like a creep if I find it creepy. Does that make sense? Like it's probably just innocent and I just find it weird because he's older now.

I don't know. OP, honestly, it doesn't matter if it is or isn't innocent. What really matters here is that your nephew is making you uncomfortable. So as far as I'm concerned, you have a very clear course of action here. Step 1. Take your nephew aside and set clear, concise boundaries. It's not okay to do this, I don't like it, it makes me feel uncomfortable. Please stop. And then if he keeps doing it, escalate to his parents, because they'll shut them down really quickly.

Trust me, OP, you're not doing this kid any favors by letting him push boundaries, whether intentionally or unintentionally. In fact, that's one of the best lessons you can give him. One of the worst things about being 15 is it's the horniest and the most socially awkward you will ever be in your life. So this poor kid is just constantly horny and doesn't have anything to do with it, so

he's just kind of experimenting. And the way that you're responding is giving him data about what he can and can't do. So every time he pushes a boundary and you let him push that boundary, he's learning that that's okay behavior when it really isn't. I'm a 27-year-old guy and my ex-piancée cheated on me with my 25-year-old male cousin. Now my family wants me to forgive him because he's sick with cancer. I'm a 27-year-old guy and I don't have any siblings. But I do have my cousin, Kevin, who's two years younger than me and we literally grew up together. I spend a lot of time with my dad side of the family.

My mom is deceased and my dad never remarried. So I hung out with Kevin most of the time and we did everything together. We fought, played, cried and laughed together. I've always been very close to my grandparents as well, so I was very comfortable being around them. When I was engaged to my ex-fiancé, I used to bring her over to my grandparents' house all the time. Her, me and Kevin would spend her time doing things together. I noticed Kevin would try to take part in our personal conversations and try to attack along whenever we went out for dinner. I set some boundaries, but he just kept stomping over them. He changed. He tried to pick fights with me and claim I'm forgetting about him and

prioritizing my ex over him, and I didn't know how to deal with this so I just kept my distance. About two months later, I heard from my aunt about Kevin constantly meeting up with my ex and she told me she was worried something was going on between Kevin and my ex fiance and she was right. It turns out that my ex and Kevin got together and I was being kept in the dark while I was planning our wedding and handing out invitations. I felt like an absolute idiot! I couldn't handle my anger, so I stopped everything and cut contact with Kevin and the family, except Dad because he needed me. It's been over a year now.

I heard that Kevin was in and out of the hospital, but I don't know why. That is, until my aunt reached out to tell me that Kevin has his liver cancer and wasn't handling it well. I drove my dad to visit him once, and I saw my ex who's now his girlfriend there, and I left right away. I've kept my distance recently. I started getting calls from family members asking, did you hear about Kevin? My grandmother called me wanting to arrange for a family dinner on Christmas and because Kevin got out of the hospital. And she wanted me to come, hoping that I would solve my issues with him, seeing that I might not be able to do it later. But I refused. She told me I needed

to have some empathy and let go of the past, because what happened to him was enough for me to let it go. They started pressuring me from all sides. I told my grandparents that I won't sit with my ex-fiancé and the person who wronged me at the same table and pretend to be a happy family. They replied that I was resentful. That he's my cousin no matter what happens. These are the same people who allowed my ex into their home after what she did, and they sided with Kevin and said they only allowed my ex into the house for Kevin's sake. And now they demand that I make things right with him because he clearly deserves more

sympathy than I do. I'm deeply hurt, and I can't imagine sitting at the same table with the people who hurt me most. What should I do with this point? I think everyone is being unfair and just ignoring what Kevin did to me. Down in the comments, what became of you says it better than I ever could. I'm sorry, but if you shoot yourself in the foot, it doesn't matter if you get cancer. You still have a shot foot. Your cousin chose to screw your fiancee.

And the repercussion of that is that he doesn't have a relationship with you, cancer or not. I feel like if you're able to justify it to yourself and able to live with your own choices, then stand your ground. I do the same thing. And frankly, I'd go low contact with the rest of the family that thinks it's cool to minimize my own trauma because he's family. Oh, he's family? Family doesn't screw your fiance. I agree, OP. Screw your cousin. If you want to forgive your cousin, don't do

it for your cousin's sake. Do it for your sake. That was our Slash Relationship Advice, and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day. That was our Slash Relationship Advice, and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.