rSlash - r/Relationships Should I Give My Child $70,000?

Episode Date: June 22, 2020

r/Relationships_Advice In today's episode, OP promised that he would match whatever money his son spent in buying a new car. Well, in a shocking twist, the teenage son ended up earning over $35,000 in the stock market. That means that OP has to add his own $35,000 to equal $70,000 for a new car. Should a teenage boy really get a brand new $70,000 car? Or should he break his promise to his son and do something else with the money? If you like this podcast and want to see more, follow my podcast for more Reddit content! 🔔 Subscribe: https://bit.ly/2E3A8i6 💬 Discord: https://discord.gg/Rtwc9ZC 🎧 Podcast: https://link.chtbl.com/rslash ⚓ Send me a voice message: https://anchor.fm/rslash 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rslashyt/ ♪ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@rslash0 🛒 Merch: http://bit.ly/rSlashMerch Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Enjoy the classic taste of the holidays at Tim's with the new non-alcoholic Bailey's flavored holiday menu. Whether you're hanging holiday lights or driving up to your folks, you can enjoy your Tim's and Bailey's anytime, anywhere at participating restaurants in Canada. Welcome to our slash, a podcast where I read the best post from a cross-reddit. Today's subreddit is our slash relationship advice and next a word from our sponsors. I'm a 23 year old female and my 24 year old boyfriend wants to move in with me. I want him to live alone first. My boyfriend and I have been together 10 months.

He lives with his parents and younger brothers, no sisters. Before current events, he was over my place basically every night. A couple of nights ago, he said that he wants to move in with me if I'm up for it. I've been to his place more than once and I've seen how their dynamic works. His mother does everything for all five men in that house. Cooking, cleaning, the works. Basically, all they have to do is put their laundry away after she washes, dries, irons, and folds it.

The reason the parents aren't forcing them to contribute is that this was the parent's agreement. He works, she stays at home. So she raises the kids and runs the household and he pays for everything, with one of the clauses being that as she's doing everything there's no need to involve the boys. As a result, my boyfriend can't do anything. I don't know how much of this is actual cluelessness and how much is him trying to get out of stuff, but he's told me completely sincerely. And I check this with his mother, that he can't even fry an egg. Which is why, when my boyfriend suggested moving in together, I said I wanted him to live alone first. His plan was basically to go straight from his mother's house to my flat. I told him my hesitation, which is that he can't do chores.

He then offered to pay more rent, 75, and exchanged for me doing all the chores. I said no. I don't want to be his mother or his maid. I want to be his girlfriend. Then, I told him that I wanted him to live alone. Go from his mother's house to his own place, figure out how to do all the things he's never done for himself, learn some basic life skills, and then revisit us living together. This has caused a huge argument, biggest we've ever had. He's taken me saying that he has no

life skills as an insult, which it kind of was to be fair. And has basically said that clearly, I don't want to live with him at all, as I've pushed the moving in time back and have only said we'd revisit after a few months of him living alone. And I did say revisit because I wanted to make sure he actually knew what he was doing and wouldn't immediately switch back to offering more rent for no chores. This was all a couple of nights ago and he's just stopped talking to me. He's at his mom's, he's online, he's talking to mutual friends who have said he's responding, he just won't answer any of my

calls and texts. He's told our friends what happened and they're all on his side, saying that I was really mean and cruel. I love him and I do want to live with him eventually. I just don't want to live with him if I'm doing everything and the one thing I don't want is him paying extra for me to do all the housework. Is there some sort of compromise or some option I'm not seeing? What can I do to fix this? And then OP posted an update. He called me and agreed to talk.

He then basically said that he was never going to be willing to learn to do anything. And even suggested dividing up the chores then I do my have and he hire a maid to do anything. And even suggested dividing up the chores, then I do my half and he hire a maid to do his half. Suffice to say, this was something of a turnoff and by the end of the conversation we broke up. Opie, that was a good call. That guy didn't want a girlfriend, he wanted a mommy with benefits. And those type of women only exist on PornHub, not the real world. I'm a 46 year old man, and I promised my 18 year old son that his mother and I would match whatever he saved for a car upon his high school graduation. He ended up with a lot more than we could have predicted, and now we don't know what to

do. When he turned 16 and got his license, we allowed him to use an old car from a relative. At that time, my son had around $5,000 in savings. We made him a promise saying that we'd match whatever he ended up with a graduation. Reasonably, we thought he'd maybe double that to $10,000 through jobs and we matched that for a reasonable $20,000 car. He now has $35,000 to use for a car. He said that he did have a little over $10,000, but that he bought smart stock options in April and now will have around $35,000 after tax. Personally, I don't think he did anything besides get stupid lucky.

He's insisting that we follow through with our promise and match that. Financially, it's not a huge dent for us since he also surprises with the nice merit scholarship that he did earn. The problem arises and that we really don't want to break the promise we made to him, but we also strongly believe that an 18-year-old driving around in a $70,000 car is a very bad idea. He can't even take it to school until a sophomore year and the insurance on that will be a nightmare. What I'm asking is, what the better course of action be to break the promise and likely face resentment

or keep it and cough up the money. Thanks in advance for the advice. Okay, so first off OP, the fact that your son managed to make $35,000 by the age of 18 probably means that no matter what happens, he's going to be a okay. Dumb luck or not, it sounds like your son has a good hint on his shoulders and it's obvious that his parents support him. But yeah, I agree, an 18 year old really doesn't need a $70,000 car. The insurance on that is gonna be INSANE and 16-25 year old males is the highest risk group for car accidents. I think the best, fairest thing you can do is give him $10,000 towards a car.

But the remaining $15,000 instead invested into a long-term account for your son. Explain to him that you're just human, that you made a mistake, that he wildly exceeded your expectations and you just can't justifiably give him that much money. But you don't want to go back on your promise, so instead you set up a long-term investment account form. By the time he hits retirement age, that 15k could grow to $50, $75, even over $100,000. I'm a 26 year old female, and my 27 year old boyfriend ran off in the middle of the night with our newborn son. As the title says, we have a newborn son who is 2 weeks old, to recap the period leading up to this event, we had the baby on Thursday and came home on Saturday. Roses,

everything was absolutely beautiful. Our relationship had never been stronger and we were so, so happy. More in love with each other and with the little one than we thought possible. On Sunday, we decided to pop a bottle of champagne. We both haven't drank for 9 months. I have one glass and he continues saying, we can get drunk now. I didn't want to get drunk, but I didn't discourage him since he hadn't drank in months. We used to drink together nightly. He ended up quite belligerent by the end of the night and it resulted in tears on my end since he was acting out of character. The next morning, he sincerely apologized and said that if he ever got drunk like that again, he would stop drinking.

That evening rolls around and we have a glass of wine with dinner. I didn't want another, but he continued to finish the bottle, and another. Drunk again, more tears. I explained to him while he was drunk. The conversation we had the night prior about him not doing this and he broke down and came to bed and promised not to again. After a week of being home, my mother begins to travel to us to visit us for two weeks to help us get settled with the baby.

This visit has been planned for five months and was not a surprise. In the two days she's traveling, my boyfriend begins to transition from happy new father to protective new father. It is a difference, but he's very confident in his new role and feels that his life has changed and he's very happy. My mother arrives at 8am on a Monday and proceeds to say hi to us, although quite exhausted, and ghosts sit on our porch to decompress after 48 hours of travel. My boyfriend comes to me and says that she was disrespectful when she arrived. I question him and say, I'm pretty sure she's just tired.

Let's let her rest and then we can all have a conversation about boundaries and more when she's rested. He agreed and moved on with the morning. I didn't think anything else of it. At around 9.30am, just 90 minutes after her arrival, she passes him in the kitchen and he raises his voice and exclaims to her about how she will not be disrespectful of him in his house, and more. I begin to ball and beg him to stop. My mother completely taken her back, goes outside crying.

My boyfriend is livid! I can see it in his eyes. I try to calm him down and go to check on my mother, who I then try to calm down. He comes outside and asks to speak to her and I leave them alone. In hindsight, I shouldn't have done this. And after about one minute, my mom comes back inside yelling and crying. I'm done, I'm done, and tells me she's going to go back home. I try to speak to both of them, but I can't stop crying. I had a baby 10 days ago at this point.

My mother packs up to leave and does. For your holiday season, real Canadian superstar has more legendary ways to save than any other major grocer. Until December 6th, get a free Jumbo point set when you spend $300 or more. Plus, PC Optima members can get select PC or no name cheese at $3.99.

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My boyfriend thinks he's done the right thing and protected his family unit. I'm devastated that my mom is gone as I wanted her help in guidance with the newborn. He is confident in his decision. In the next two days, this confidence doesn't wane and he says he had to hurt me in this situation to maintain his family. We went to bed around 11. We'd argued some earlier in the evening, but when bedtime rolled around, we were actually on good terms and I went to sleep pretty hard because of that. I wake up to a stranger shouting my name, and I look over, and the baby isn't in his bed.

I run out, and a policeman is in my house. The shower is running, the door is open. The policeman informs me that my boyfriend took the baby and ran out of our apartment building into a house up the street and rang their doorbell. The officer asked me to come with him, and he took me to the house where my boyfriend went. There were many officers outside asking me questions about different things. The consensus was that my boyfriend thought someone was going to kill him so he took

the baby and ran. The officers took me inside the house, gave me the baby, and then let me know they were taking my boyfriend to the hospital for an evaluation. The officers took me to a hotel for safety. The hospital ruled the case a mental break and that he was fine. He seemed fine when I picked him up and we went home. As the day went on, he got more and more paranoid, so I called the police when he went to work. He insisted that I had bugged the house and that the neighbors were in on it. That my mom called

her pediatrician and more. The police suggested for us to separate for the evening and he stayed home and the baby and I are in a hotel again. What should I do now? He's continually paranoid now. I have a baby to protect. I don't feel he's being rational in our home. Please help.

Thank you for reading this. Oh, P. That's a super scary situation. I don't know what's going on with your boyfriend, and I'm not a medical professional by any means, but it sounds like he's having some kind of like mental episode. Please do not go back to your boyfriend until he gets some kind of professional help. I really think you should fly to your mom and spend some time there, and in the meantime, could you maybe call your boyfriend's parents or his siblings and try to get him some professional help?

Because he clearly needs guidance and he's not suited to be around a newborn baby at this point. I'm a 31 year old male and I told my 30 year old girlfriend that she's not a trophy wife or status symbol and that we're similar in attractiveness. She views this as me calling her old and ugly. A bit of background, my girlfriend and I are 30 and 31 respectively. We've been dating for about a year. I work as a high-level engineer at a good firm and my girlfriend works as a payroll specialist at a good firm too. I make significantly more than her, like three times as much.

Things were good in our relationship until I showed her my retirement savings. She now doesn't see the point of working and it started framing our relationship in that. She's the beautiful one and that I'm the nerdy engineer who was lucky to have her. Before when we met, she was all about making her own way, eventually starting her own company with her sister in sourcing and recruiting. But now she jokes about driving her Range Rover and wearing Lulu Lemon and going to yoga. We were having a discussion about this trophy wife stuff and she brought up that I was nerdy back in the day while she was very popular. I told her she's not a trophy wife that, yeah, she is attractive, but it's not a huge difference between us. I told her it had been the case that I met her when she was 22 and I was my current age, then sure,

but she isn't 22 anymore. After I said that, she just started crying like crazy. She started saying that I think of her as ugly and used up and that the best years are behind her. She just told me that if I'm not happy to be with her, why am I even here? So stop wasting her time'm not happy to be with her, why am I even here? So stop wasting her time. I tried to talk to her, but she was in no state for a conversation.

I don't know what to say guys, for me, I just wanted to say that I think we're of similar attractiveness. Like, I don't think anyone when they see us turns her head and is like, Oh, she's with him because of the money. Or man, he's so lucky to be with her. I think it's mutual. If anything, she was the one who pursued me for my attractiveness. What should I do? I like the fact that we both work and I don't want to change the dynamic, and I don't want

her to think that she's above me and that I'm so lucky to have her. I want her to think of us as equals, and in my attempt to do that, I heard her feelings. What's the next move? I think there's two likely cases here. In one case, your girlfriend actually does see you as her equal, but when she saw your salary, she became insecure, so she tried to comfort herself by saying, well, it's okay,

I bring more to the relationship because I'm prettier. The other case is that your girlfriend is a conceited, entitled jerk who expects you to just pay for her way through life and do nothing. If it's case one, then don't worry about it. She was just feeling a little insecure and you guys had a little fight about it. If it's case two, then she's probably not the type of girl you'd want to get married to.

This next post is an update from a previous story I read. In that story, OP was a first responder and his wife kept tying her boots, which led to an insane fight. You can find part 1 to this story in a previous R-slash relationships video. It sounds a little ridiculous as I say it now, but trust me, it's a really good story and I strongly recommend you go watch it before listening to this. My wife and I started talking again. We had a very serious conversation

and I did apologize for what I did to her running shoes. And then I told her that I had to speak some truth and wouldn't her to promise me that she wasn't going to roll her eyes and interrupt me, scoff, or get sarcastic with me, which she did. I told her that I wasn't kidding about my boots, that while most of the time I caught geriatric transports, falls, and nausea, There were instances where response time was of the essence, and I didn't have time to play around with my boots in the middle of the night. I told her that there have been times when my intervention has been critical in saving a life. When my training has helped me recognize an underlying emergency, or when

a call I made ensured that a patient was prioritized upon arrival at the hospital. I explained that a lot of the stuff I see I don't tell her about because I don't want to get her nightmares or make her worry about me. She actually listened and didn't dismiss what I had to say. She responded that she was trying to help by keeping things neat. I responded, but you're not. Sweetie, I'm not trying to be mean, but you're not helping. You're hindering me.

One day, it may be the difference between life and death. I need you to not touch my gear. It's where I know where it is, it's where I can easily find it in a short amount of time, and if you move it, you're impeding an emergency response. I don't care if it looks neat, it serves a function. It doesn't look pretty. If you wanna help me, please leave my gear

where I put it. A few nights later, I had my gear where I put it. A few nights later, I had my friend Officer Rich come over. Officer Rich was one of the two cops that did CPR on the victim that night. The three of us sat in our deck and had a few social distancing beers. He talked about getting there, doing CPR, giving Narcan, waiting for the ambulance and getting her back shortly before we got there. He then pulled out a few photos of car accidents that I had worked. He showed them to my wife and pointed out, this car went into a tree. Your husband crawled into

the wreck, put a collar on the driver, and stayed in there giving him oxygen until we could get him out. Your husband pulled a three-year-old out of this wreck. Your husband recognized that the driver had a stroke and took her to a stroke center which likely saved her life. After that, I told her I had something I wanted to show her and I asked for the same promise I'd asked earlier. When she agreed, I showed her a video on YouTube of a police body cam from an overdose. This video showed how critical time is in getting someone back and the training someone goes through in order to get the drug, do CPR and utilize an AED.

I told her, I'm not trying to attack you, I don't want to have a fight, but I want you to understand what I go through. That I hope every call I go on is transporting a boo-boo because otherwise it means that if I don't do everything right, someone could die. If I don't get out that door as quickly as possible, someone could suffer brain damage while they're waiting for me to give them oxygen. If I'm upset and shaking because I had to waste time opening my boots, I might miss something critical and someone might not make it. She acknowledged that she understood and told me that she hadn't

really thought about the danger of what I do until the other night when she saw the photos of the wrecks. I told her that I think she has OCD and needs to see a therapist because it's hurting her marriage. I listed examples of her throwing important things out, moving things without permission and messing with my gear. I offered to go together and said I'd be willing to work on things together. After I pointed out the pattern, she agreed that it was time to speak to someone. She wants to think about whether she wants to go together or by herself. But she promised me that she's going to try to change her patterns. I brought up her saying that she thought I was going to hit her and she acknowledged she's been with a few guys who flew off the handle with little provocation and it scared her.

That she'd never seen me get that angry and it triggered her because she didn't think I was capable of blowing up like that. She's been very emotional lately and she's been going through mood swings. She's been worried about me going on calls. The other day she started crying and said, I hope you know how much I appreciate what you do. Knock on wood, since we had the big talk, she hasn't touched my boots. Is everything resolved, not by a long shot, but she seems to have a new appreciation for what I do. Thank you for all your responses. I wound up not showing her the thread because a lot of it was pretty harsh towards her. I recognize I cherry-picked incidents that didn't put her in the best light and there's a lot more to her in our mayors than that. She's the person I chose for the rest of my life and I want us to work.

OP, I'm glad you came to an understanding because you seem like decent people. And thanks for posting an update because that wraps up the weirdest argument I've ever heard about a pair of boots. That was our slash relationship advice and if you like this content then follow my podcast because I put out a new Reddit podcast every single day. every single day.