rSlash - r/Storiesaboutkevin Idiotic Kevin Thinks All Dogs Are Boys

Episode Date: January 21, 2021

r/Storiesaboutkevin I've read a lot of stories about some incredibly dumb people, but this Kevin is pretty far out there. For some strange reason, this Kevin thinks that all big dogs such as pit bulls, retrievers, and Rottweilers are boy dogs. He also thinks that all small dogs like poodles and yorkies are girl dogs. Dude, you need to go back to biology class. If you like this content, hit the subscribe button for more daily Reddit videos! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Gabby here is a meditation instructor who just created her business website. Just need to choose a domain. Hmm, meditativeminds.ca or.com. That Canada goose looks grumpy. Also, why is he here? Well, Gabby, he's here to tell you that 85% of Canadians prefer supporting local business on a.ca over a.com. And.ca it is. Now repeat after me.

Oooooom. We'll workHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH and how dogs work. Our next bread of posters from Sail Desire. I'm hugely obsessed with history in the musical Hamilton, which has made me come to realize just how many kevans I know. We were outside of a store and she handed me a $10 bill to go get something for her. I said, hey, who's that on the bill? My mom said, I don't know.

It's Alexander Hamilton. That's Alexander Hamilton? Yeah, but he's not black. After I took a moment to collect my thoughts, I said, Mom, you do realize Hamilton wasn't black, right? Then why did a black actor play him? Mom, Lin-Manuel Miranda isn't black. I don't know why she thought a founding father

from the 18th century would have been black, or how she believed Miranda was a black man, but yeah. Our next red posted from Kyvera. From 2015 to 2018, I dated and lived with an abusive Kevin. Here are some short highlights of our time together. He claimed to be a mechanic and loved everything about trucks. But he put water in my gas tank to make it go further. When I panicked and called my father for help, he accused me of not understanding how cars

work. He told me we could live with this aunt when his aunt really told him that we could watch the house for a week while they were away on hospital treatments. We then had a very awkward two days of me asking why everyone was so frustrated with us. He adopted a dog who was advertised as being highly highly aggressive due to being from a dogfighting ring. And he tried to have the dog sleep in our bed on it's first night.

Kevin got bit in his sleep. His fault really, not the dogs. He once showed me a slap together, obviously satirical video of Obama that made him say stuff like, I did 9-11 while his entire background and appearance would change with each word, and Kevin claimed that this was proof that he was a criminal. He thought that he could outrun his mother's greyhound. After the race, they never found that dog again sadly. He once turned this dog on without clearing it off and went to the bathroom because it doesn't heat up that fast. He started a fire. Thankfully, I'm the child of two firefighters, so I handled it. He had left... he had left cardboard food boxes on the element that he had turned

on. His bank account got hacked three times because he kept falling for fishing emails. He was 22. And yes, he once looked me right in the eye and asked me, is Canada a third world country? Yeah, based on my understanding, that's why Canadians are so obsessed with maple syrup. Canadians are so poor in starving all the time that the only way they can survive is to come up to maple trees and literally suck the syrup right out of the tree. If it weren't for maple trees, all those third world Canadians would have starved to death a long time ago. Our next Reddit post is from me, Awe.

My next door neighbors have two pit bull dogs. They're super cute and they're giant teddy bears. Well, that isn't until you try to come onto my porch or their porch and they don't know you. If that's the case, they'll stay in their barking their heads off, but ultimately do nothing, I'll bark no bite, so to speak. So I was outside getting ready to start shove Link's snow. My husband was gathering the garbage to take out, and then he would be out to help.

The dogs were out on their porch for a bit, and I was talking to them, and I was calling them by their names, Duke and Princess. Some guy who doesn't live in the neighborhood was out for a walk, I guess. He stopped, and asked me why I called them that. I said it's their names. He said, yeah, but why do you name them that? I explained that they're not my dogs, they're my neighbors' dogs.

That I just know their names from speaking to my neighbors. At that point, I started trying to look busy while cursing my husband under my breath for taking so long. I'm nervous about talking to strangers during a pandemic. I glanced up and the man is still standing there just looking at the dogs. I said they just bark and they can't get out and even if they did their harmless, you're fine. The man said, well this is just so ridiculous. He pauses and I try to

ignore him. After a few seconds he said, who the heck would name a pit bull princess? I sighed and said, why not? I was thinking he was going to be one of those pit bull hating people that found it stupid that anyone would give a pit bull a nice name. But instead, this grown man looked at me and said, princess is a girl's name. I was confused and said, yeah, she's a girl. This full grown man looked at me and laughed. Not some quick, hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee

Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee Pityles can't be girls. I just said, uh, what? He repeated himself. I said, how do you think Pityle puppies are made? This man told me that breeds weren't made or even breeded. Two dogs had babies. And their breed was assigned depending

on things like gender, muscle mass, and other physical and personality traits. Pitbulls, dobermans, rotwriters, labs,ievers, and some others are always boy dogs. Pomeranians, Poodles, Yorkies, and other small dogs were females. This man seemed to be older than me, so I'm guessing he was in his 50s. He seems sober and put together, but this man thinks that a bunch of breeds are only male and another bunch of breeds are only female. I then ask him to explain crossbreeds like Labradoodle and Puggles. He looked at me like my hair was on fire. At that point I just quit. I went inside and told my husband

that a crazy guy was outside and we should just stay in for a bit. Down in the comments, more gain of Avalon adds this. I thought dogs were boys and cats were girls, but I was about 5 years old when I thought this. It's scary that someone that age doesn't know these things. Yeah, and I would love to hear this guy's explanation for Labredoodles, so does he think that they're like, trans dogs or something? Our next reddit post is from Star Trek Voyager Fan. My uncle is a mega-kevin.

I don't want to share too much, but this post gets fairly popular. I'll share the story of how my uncle has died nearly three times, and possibly how he keeps dating psychos and carons. So this story takes place a few years ago. I'm the oldest of all the cousins and siblings in the family, so I'm supposed to keep everyone safe. I'm having a nerve fight with my cousin in the basement when Kevin walks down the stairs with a giant box. He calls us over and opens the box. Inside is a collection of real-life anime katanas which could slice a person's head off. I ask him what the hell are you doing since all my cousins are under the age of 10.

He responds by telling me that I can go play with my barbies and that he and the men will play with the swords. I scream for my mom and she comes down and takes the katanas away. We made him get rid of the whole box, but not before we found out that he was not only collecting katanas, but also hunting rifles. Long story short, I now know why the downstairs mirror was shattered. He admitted to shooting it, not thinking that it would break. Next we have the story about my uncle dated a psychopath. Around the time this happened, I was about five or six. My uncle met this random woman who we'll call Jackie. Jackie was fine for the first few months until my grandpa started to pass away.

Jackie and my uncle were starting to have issues. They lived separately and whenever Jackie would clean up around my uncle's house, stuff would go missing. It started with small amounts of change from the ass tray by the front door and he finally broke when she stole an antique statue that he got from my grandma and grandpa. He was mad and demanded his stuff back. She refused, and he had to get the police involved. Gabby here is a meditation instructor

who just created her business website. Just need to choose a domain. Hmm, meditativeminds.ca or dot com. BAM! That Canada goose looks grumpy. Also, why is he here? Well Gabby, he's here to tell you that 85% of Canadians prefer supporting local business on a .ca over a .com.

Then .ca it is. Now repeat after me. Whooooom! We'll work on that friend. Go local, choose success. Choose .ca. Where can a vehicle from Mazda's electrified lineup take you? From running errands.

To running 5 kilometers. From powering up. To winding down. Electrify every moment with the 2024 Mazda CX90 available as a plug-in hybrid or as a mild hybrid in line 6 turbo. Learn more at Mazda.ca. As I mentioned earlier, my uncle is an idiot and he continued to allow her to clean his house. She started breaking his belongings and he contacted the police again this time they broke up.

A week later, my grandpa died and the whole family was devastated. Jackie showed up in my mother's door and demanded an invitation to my grandfather's funeral. My mom told her to stick it and slam the door. Two weeks later, my grandpa's funeral happened and what do you know? Jackie shows up with my uncle. This morning invited a literal psychopath to his father's funeral. Now you may be thinking, is she really a psychopath or just a Karen?

Well, Jackie and my mom got to a huge fight. My mom was still trying to help my grandma overcome her husband's death. Jackie had the audacity to fight with my mother in front of my grandma in her wheelchair and my grandpa in his casket. We had her escorted off the property and we thought that was that. Oh boy were we wrong.

When me and my family left, there were three separate foot-shaped dents in my mom's car. We were allowed access to the security tapes and we watched as Jackie took high-heeled kicks at my mom's car. We took her to court and we won. She went to jail for three years. Thankfully, we haven't heard of her since. For another story, two years ago, we signed my uncle up for a class on how to use a smartphone. He tried to drive there by himself, but he missed the meeting and ended up on the opposite side of town. He got angry and quit the class, retreating to his basement to play with a toy nerf gun we got him as a replacement

to his rifle that we found in the garage. A few weeks later, my mom tried to call him over the phone. The phone that he didn't understand was ringing and instead thought that it was his smoke detector. The next week, we tried to get his new girlfriend to teach him how to use the phone. She decided that instead of teaching him the basics, it would be a good idea to teach him how to use Facebook. Worst idea ever. A week later, we had to convince him to stop talking with an online internet bot like it was a therapist. Not even joking. This man thought that he was talking to a real person. And this real person kept responding with, I'm sorry, I do not understand, type stop to end this conversation. Now it was my turn. I chose to teach him how to text with my mom.

He barely grabs that concept into this day. He can only text with a grammar of a four-year-old. I've been trying to like literally get myself into the Kevin brain space to imagine why he thought that the mirror would not break when he shot it with a frickin' rifle. And the best thing that I can come up with is, did he think the bullet was gonna bounce off the mirror because the mirror is reflective?

Surely no, he couldn't be that dumb, right? Our next reddit post is from Orphan's Idaan. I met and quickly fell in love with a Kevin when I was a freshman in college. We decided that things were getting serious and moved in together. All of this was a mistake, but I've learned quite a lot from the experience. I have tons of stories about Kevin, but today I'll tell you the tale of how our car got stolen. Kevin has somehow always had amazing strokes of luck, which I think in hindsight is the only reason why he's in existence today, because the boy ain't bright. He lucked out and somehow bought a 1987 Accura Legend with 50,000 miles on it for $1,500

in great condition. There's only one problem with this. Kevin is a horrible driver. To the point where he ruined that car. One of his friends once told me, oh, if you let Kevin drive that car, it's going to end up being a $1,500 car. He's driven it over curves and destroyed tires. He's driven the wrong way and one way traffic a few times, including rush hour.

He's even smashed out the driver's side window in a fit of rage. Eventually, he would turn that poor car into a horseshoe by running a stop sign and getting it T-bone because he was crying. At the time I was dating Kevin, we live within walking distance of our university on a semi-quiet street behind a wall green and a tiny house that can only be described as a shack. This tiny house was behind an even tiny apartment quadplex, four tiny apartments just big enough to be considered livable.

I worked for Walmart as a call center operator within what I would consider walking distance, but others probably wouldn't. If I walked to work, it was a 30 minute walk. Kevin did not work. In fact, he never kept a job longer than it took to get his first paycheck. After Kevin got the car, he drive me to work. He would never let me drive. There was one night where I was cooking and I needed a few last minute things.

Kevin volunteered to go to Walgreens and usually he'd walk. It never took more than five minutes, but on this night he decided that he would take the car for this 60-second drive. He comes back after some time the night proceeds as normal, or as normal as a night gets when you're dating a Kevin. The next afternoon I'm getting ready for my shift to E-E Old Call Center. I took my time getting ready since Kevin would be driving me to work. You know how it is. Well, when we walked out the door, the parking spot where the acure would be was surprisingly empty. This was after he smashed the window out of the driver's side door, so I assumed that someone finally decided to make off with the thing. We looked

all over for it. It was nowhere to be seen. We asked our neighbors in their tiny apartments. Nope, not a. I had to call into my job to explain why I was going to be late. I told my manager, you see, I think my car has been stolen. I doubt you believed a word I said. And if you've ever worked for Walmart, even on the .com side, you know that you're basically living on borrowed time when it comes to calling in for anything. So Kevin calls the cops and reports the car as missing. While we were waiting for the cops to arrive and I'm standing in the empty parking spot and disbelief,

a strange look comes over Kevin's face. Wait, he tells me. I think I know what happened to the car. You wait here. Kevin takes off down the street in a hurried walk. Five minutes later, a browned accurate legend with a busted out window comes flying down the street with a sheepish looking Kevin in the driver's seat. Kevin had forgotten he drove the car to Walgreens and left it there and had walked back to our house. Our next reddit post is from Miss Nikki.

I'm a full-time carer from my disabled mother. We have other caregivers that come in to help with things like showering and also to give me a break at times, and one of those caregivers is an absolute Kavina. There have been multiple instances of her flying her Kavina flag loud and proud, and we stuck signs with basic instructions up all over the house to try to combat this, but what she did today still has me baffled. So part of my mom's disability means that she has trouble swallowing. Because of this, all of her fluids need to be thickened. We have thickener that we can add to any fluids, but we also keep some pre-thickened drinks in the fridge for convenience.

Right before Kavina was due to leave, my mom asked if she could make her a drink before she left. Kavina has screwed up making drinks in the past, not thickening them and up, etc. So my mom said, just put two of the already thickened juices into a cup and stir them together, that way you don't have to add anything. So off-cabine goes and returns a minute later, saying, here ya go, I mix pineapple and strawberry juice. She leaves, and me and my mom look at each other and I say, we don't have any strawberry juice. But my mom brushed it off, suggesting that maybe she meant the

mixed berry juice or maybe she used one of the strawberry purée from the cupboard because that's something she would do. So, thinking it's harmless, my mom takes a big sip. And proceeds to start choking and dry heaving, nearly vomiting all over herself. This is very dangerous for her. She's been in the hospital for aspiration pneumonia more than once. After a few minutes of patting her back until she can actually breathe again and then cleaning

her up, I take the cup and open it to find that it's full of pineapple juice mixed with curdled strawberry milk. Yes, Kavina mixed pineapple juice with strawberry milk. Somehow I'm able to tell the difference between strawberry milk and strawberry juice, and not realizing the effect that the various acidic pineapple juice would have on the milk even if she was storing them together. My mom suggested that maybe she needs more training as a carrier and I suggested that maybe she needs more training as a freaking human being. That was our slash stories about Kevin and if you like this content check out my Patreon

where I publish extra episodes. Also be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day. should have followed my podcast because I put on new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.