rSlash - r/Storiesaboutkevin Kevin Tries To Pet a Hungry Lion!

Episode Date: July 14, 2020

r/Storiesaboutkevin In today's episode, OP lives in South Africa and goes on a Jeep safari with a female Kevin (a Kevina). This woman is beyond stupid! She's so stupid that when their Jeep comes across a wild lion... she tries to pet it! And it's not like this lion was asleep or something -- it was actively hunting prey. Luckily, the safari leader wouldn't let the Kevina exit the vehicle and approach the feral, hunting lion to give it some cuddles. If you like this podcast and want to see more, follow my podcast for more daily Reddit content! 🔔 Subscribe: https://bit.ly/2E3A8i6 💬 Discord: https://discord.gg/VD6eYD3 🎧 Podcast: https://link.chtbl.com/rslash ⚓ Send me a voice message: https://anchor.fm/rslash 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rslashyt/ ♪ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@rslash0 🛒 Merch: http://bit.ly/rSlashMerch 🎁 Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/rslash Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Holt Renfrew is sharing joy for the holidays with gifts for everyone on your list, and maybe even a special treat for yourself, too. Discover the new collection for Burberry by Daniel Lee. Add some ambiance with Louis V. Home. Give Gorpkora try and Solomon Sneakers, and so much more. Whatever presence you pick, we know they're going to love them. Visit a store today or shop at HoltRenfrew.com. Welcome to R-Slash, a podcast where I read the best posts from across Reddit.

Today's subreddit is R-Slash stories about Kevin. Our next Reddit post is from Data Laughing. When we were all younger and dumber, one of my closest friends married the craziest Kevin I've ever met. My friend had just come off of a very bad relationship that she'd been certain was going to end in marriage when in reality, the guy was cheating on her. While using her to support his wannabe pro golfer existence, then dumped her when someone with more money came along.

So she was in a bad place. A few months later, Kevin appears. The first time I met Kevin was when the two of them showed up at my apartment to announce their engagement. Since I'd met the previous guy that she was seriously dating the month before, I knew they couldn't have been seeing each other very long. Turns out, Kevin proposed five weeks after their first date. Maybe she was a bit of a Kevin too for saying yes at that point, but like I said, bad place. It's hard for me to accurately describe Kevin without dipping into being mean, because I never liked him from that first meeting. It was like he really wanted to be

one of those hyper-masculine manly men, but didn't quite know how. He liked to take any opportunity to bring up in a conversation that he was a black belt. I remember the first time he said it because I asked, oh yeah, and what? And he looked at me like I was an idiot. In martial arts? Oh, right, of course. He would also talk at length about how much he worked out,

turns out he didn't actually work out at all. He liked to think of himself as a car guy because he had a sports car he couldn't afford and treated it like his baby. He didn't know anything about cars, but he had one so car guy. But the thing that really got up my nose about the guy was that he prided himself on how very smart he was. He'd make the most outrageous claims with the most pig-headed certainty. He just knew these things were true, and if you disagree, even if he showed actual physical proof that he was wrong, he'd just condescendingly tell you that you just didn't understand these things like he did and go on with his idiocy. Just as an example, he wants to clear that you can't break the law at night.

What exactly does that mean? We still don't know. He wouldn't elaborate. As a second example, he had trouble getting a fire napalm from a recipe he found on the internet. It was a huge disaster, said the kitchen on fire. Luckily, my friend arrived home in time to grab the fire extinguisher. Yet he insisted doggyly that he knew what he was doing, and really this was the best way to get the fireplace going. And obviously she just didn't understand because she didn't know as much about this stuff as he did. Sorry, I know that's a lot upsetting the stage. There's one last important thing to know about Kevin before we get around

to the divorce, as promised. Kevin was a religious nut. I don't mean he was crazy because he was religious. I have known many wonderful and intelligent religious people in my lifetime. Kevin was a crazy person who uses religion as his MO. He would randomly proclaim, the Bible says, to support whatever other crazy thing he'd said. Most people let him get away with it because hell, the Bible is really long and says a lot of crazy stuff. Who could say that somewhere in there, it didn't actually say whatever insane thing he was claiming. And besides, who wants to confront crazy? Even when the claim was something insane like, the Bible says that birds are the devil. Yes, this is the thing he said one

day when he was angry at birds for some reason. I was raised going to church twice a week once upon a time, so I knew a bit about that particular book, and I had a pathological need when I was younger to call people on their BS, so we often butted heads. Unsurprisingly, when confronted, Kevin could never actually tell you where in the bible it said that you shouldn't take the first slice of pizza. Yep, he said that too. But it didn't decrease his certainty that it was there. So, as anyone but the two of them could have predicted, the marriage didn't last. He became increasingly erratic for bidding her from speaking to friends, including me, because the Bible says so. Hitting her, because the Bible says she has to do whatever he says, and that he's allowed to beat her if she doesn't, stuff like that.

So she left and here's where the wackiest kevining begins. She gets a lawyer to initiate divorce proceedings and the first thing that comes up is the house. They bought the house from his parents. More precisely, she bought the house from his parents. He had terrible credit. As a result, his name wasn't on anything related to the house from his parents. He had terrible credit. As a result, his name wasn't on anything related to the house. He also had no job. Meanwhile, he never made a single payment on the house. As far as she saw it, the house was hers. His mother, who came into town to support

her son through this misfortune, didn't see it that way. They declared that the house still belonged to the mother and through all of my friend's stuff out on the lawn. My friend's lawyer gets a preliminary hearing date set up to determine the initial dispersion of important stuff like the house, at least until the divorce proceedings get all sorted. So my friend's lawyer says to Kevin, have your lawyer contact me to set up a meeting before the hearing. A meeting is set up, and who arrived at the lawyer's office, but Kevin? Dressed in jeans and a windbreaker claiming to be Mr. Steel, the lawyer. I kid you not. He decided he'd be his own lawyer and call himself Mr. Steel, which isn't his name. I don't know how the

initial meeting went, but when the time for the hearing came, Kevin was once again acting as his own attorney. This time, I can only assume he wasn't working under a pseudonym. Keep in mind, the rest of this is totally going off of her story to me immediately after the hearing. Kevin and his mother arrived 20 minutes late, not at all dressed for court, just casual jeans and shirts. The first thing he says when he walks in is, can I approach the bench? Why, the judge asks. Because I have some receipts. So my friend gets called to the stand. Her lawyer asks a bunch of questions illustrating just how crazy Kevin is and how bad things had gotten in about the house and stuff. Then Kevin, since he's the lawyer, gets to cross examine.

His first question, is it not true that you were beaten as a child? Her lawyer said, objection sustained. The question had nothing to do with anything. Other questions included, is it not true that you were seeing a psychiatrist and on medication for depression? No, it's not true. She'd never seen a mental health professional. I'm not sure if he thought he might trick her into lying on that one, or if he was so crazy that he actually thought it was true. He asked a bunch of other ridiculous questions, which her lawyer let him ask because they were completely out of nowhere, and just helped prove to the judge how nuts he was. Then he takes a stand.

Her lawyer gets him to admit to pretty much everything they said he did because it was all true, but he refuses to give specific answers to some of the more serious questions. He doesn't say no, he just doesn't want to give specifics. Then he gets to make a statement. His statement is how he doesn't want to divorce

and also she was abusive to him, such as pinching him once when they were on the highway. Also, the Bible says that she's his wife. So she has to do whatever he wants and the divorce is bad. How can the judge make him get a divorce when the Bible says not to? Apparently, he went on in this vein for a while. She just gave me a couple of highlights. Needless to say, the initial hearing did not go his way. She ended up getting the house in the short term and a protective order against him after he admitted in court to his violence against her. The Bible says it's okay though. After this, he dragged his feet at every point in the process. For more than six months, he wouldn't show up to things or would refuse to sign things

until the last possible moment. He moved to a different city and apparently joined the army reserve. When my friend found out about this, her lawyer contacted someone there to point out that he wasn't allowed to be around weapons or something like that because of the protective order. The lawyer even contacted him and offered to drop the protective order so he could stay in if he just agreed to finish the divorce proceedings in a timely manner. Kevin refused. In the end, he got pretty much nothing and quietly disappeared. I know this subreddit is stories about people who are like Kevin

from the office, but this guy showing up to the lawyer meeting to defend himself and calling himself Mr. Steel is the most Michael Scott thing I've ever heard in real life. WholeTrendFrew is sharing joy for the holidays with gifts for everyone on your list, and maybe even a special treat for yourself, too. Discover the new collection for Burberry by Daniel Lee. Add some ambiance with Louis V. Home. Give Gorpkora try in Solomon Sneakers and so much more. Whatever presidency pick, we know they're going to love them. Visit a store today or shop at HoltRenfrew.com.

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Our next Reddit post is from Timmy94. So, today while at work, our local Kevin approached us looking very down in the dumps. Now, most people know Kevin. Most people try to avoid him, but today, I decided to ask him about his depressed look on his face. Hi, Kevin, what's wrong? I... well, I decided to ask him about his depressed look on his face. Hi, Kevin. What's wrong? I... well, I'm getting a divorce. Oh, why? What happened? I took my two children to do DNA tests. Turns out they aren't mine. I tried to hold in my laughter. I tried to calmly explain to him that his children most definitely

are not his. You see, these two children are his step children. Kevin did not understand this. The children see their father on a regular basis, and he thought that somehow his DNA would be present in them because he had to have since they were very young. Oh, Kevin, you poor, sweet soul. Our next reddit post is from Red Silletto. This happened in South Africa. I'm from the United States, but traveled

for an internship in South Africa. One of my fellow interns was a cabina, though she was only 17, so maybe there's hope she'll grow up. We worked on a boat in the Mosul Bay, which is home to hundreds of great white sharks. At first, I thought she was just being a lazy teen who didn't think that she'd be made to work on an internship. She refused to do the more disgusting tasks such as Chum the Water and Secure a Tuna Head and usually took the role of photographer. Every time she opened her mouth, I rolled my eyes.

She couldn't think fast, which was pretty important when they're sharks around, and you're trying to attach a GoPro to their dorsal fin, but the real moment I knew she was a cabina was the weekend. We got to go in a safari. One of the single most amazing days of my life. We saw every African animal one might imagine on such an adventure, including the African Steer. Yes, a cow. They came right up to our truck and poked their head against those sitting on the sides. Our guide informed us that we could touch them if we wanted to. The petting of the cows lasted far longer than I would have liked. Don't get me wrong, I love animals, but I have cows at home. I don't

have elephants, lions, zebras, etc. at home. It's important to note that Kavina was sitting behind me in the very back row of a three row extended truck. She was sitting high up in like a stadium seat where each row is higher than the one before it so everyone can see. I was in the first row close to the ground in front of her with one person in between us. We went off to see other animals and do other things, even passing the cows again where she whined that she wanted to stop and touch them. She began trying to touch every animal we saw after that, which was fine and stupid. Yeah, sure, you just try to reach for the water

bud that's only 100 meters away, you might graze it's fur. Then we came upon the lions. Lions are very lazy, so it was relatively the same idea of, yeah, honey, keep dreaming, but our guide did warn us though. As long as we're in the vehicle, we're not prey, but anything outside the vehicle would be considered food. He yelled at her a few times to keep her arm in, but she did it when he wasn't watching. She kept chanting, Here kitty kitty! And going on about how soft they would be, the lioness lazily got up and some poor deer-like animal caught her eye and she started to stalk it. I was so excited thinking I'd get to witness a lion hunting.

The guy drove off a couple hundred feet and placed us between the lioness and her prey. Okay, less excited now as this lioness was stalking her prey and is coming right for me since I was on the edge. The guide tells us that she's using us as cover and will come right along the side of the truck. She does, and it's amazing! Coming up by me and then going around the front of the cab. Then, I see the two male lions get up to

slowly follow. Again, I was nervous but more excited this time. They do the same using the truck as cover but they go around the back. I follow them with my camera and see Kavina reaching out towards the hunting lion trying to pet it. I snap a picture as I quietly tell her to get her arm back in. The harshness of my voice and the other sudden protests make her pull her arm in and sulk. Back at the camp, she got mad at me saying she wasn't reaching and I made her look like an idiot. Which is when I passed around the picture of her reaching for the lion and she shut up. I could go on, but this is already longer than I wanted, so I'll just say I was very glad when Kavina went home. I love

this comment from already taken. She wasn't so much trying to pet the lion as she was trying to feed it. Our next reddit post is from Ike the Ghost. I attended a birthday party for my step sister's boyfriend, Kevin, at their place. The first few hours of the party go well over there, and all is fine until the boyfriend pulls out two black powder rifles to show to another party goer. This happens while there are children in the room. Mine included. I don't say anything initially, and listen to Kevin explain the functionality of the gun. Well, it escalates a bit further when, after giving a brief discussion, Kevin decides

to point the gun towards the other into the room, with the end of the barrel just less than a foot away from the head of the other child in the room, a little older than two years old. With his Fanger on the trigger, meanwhile, the father of the child in the room with us is watching and says nothing while this is happening, and the first person to speak is another friend of my sisters who says, please don't point the gun like that with your finger on the trigger right next to a child. Kevin responds with, don't lecture me on how to handle my firearms in my own home.

He lives in an apartment. My friend then decides to go to the room where my sister is and tells her what happened. I'm just staring at this guy in the most confused state I've ever been in, still trying to process what just happened and what I watched him do. For the record, this guy is also prior military and claims to have extensive experience with guns more than most. He was in the Coast Guard. My sister comes into the living room and tells him that he shouldn't do what he just did. He says the same thing as before, trying

to impose authority over everyone in his house. That's when I decided to chime in. I say, being a military man myself. I can't believe you would act so immature as to point a weapon in the vicinity of a child. A toddler no less. Being prior military, you should know well enough what the hell Trigger discipline is, and you have shown zero responsibility while holding a deadly weapon. It's not just some toy to show off. It has the potential to kill anyone of something where to happen beyond your control. If you were to point any weapon towards or near my daughter, I don't give an F if it's your house or not. I will lay you out on your butt and treat you like a threat. That's a promise. After I spoke, he paused for a moment, turned his head

to the side and said, all right, party's over, time for everyone to leave. So we left, and I stood a bit trying to calm myself down when I got home. No apology, no attempt to reconcile, nothing. He just shut down acting like he did nothing wrong and retreated to his bedroom while my sister cried in the bathroom. I'm incredibly frustrated with this guy because he's showing a ton of red flags that make me concerned for my sister's safety. Here's a life hack for all my listeners out there. Don't point guns at children, because

that's how you end up beaten up in jail or sometimes the subject of a Reddit post. That was our slash stories about Kevin, and if you like this content, then check out my Patreon where I publish extra exclusive videos. Also, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcasts every single day. Also, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcasts every single day.