rSlash - r/Talesfromtechsupport "Install Google Bing NOW!"

Episode Date: July 1, 2019

r/Talesfromtechsupport "Install Google Bing NOW!" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRR4UtpFQMI r/Talesfromtechsupport "HELLO? FIX MY PHONE!" "Ma'am... You're On the Phone..." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yp7wKcSqowU Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Welcome to our slash tales from Texas report where a lady claims to be an expert in computing. Our first reddit posted from devil O-tex. I work as an executive support technician for a large company. I have a team of eight people under me and we support high-ranking executives in their administrative assistance. Because of the nature of our work, we have the ability to quote, get things done. That the standard help desk cannot. We can force upgrades that would otherwise be denied, get things expedited, skip the normal procedures, and talk directly with the people who fix the issues.

While we are executive support, there are still levels. When the CEO is in town, one of us is camped outside of wherever he might be, in case there is any sort of issue. For lower people, we make sure things get done as quickly as possible, but it's not a drop-everything situation. As we prep for the releases of the new iPhones, we brace for the flood of, I need this that inevitably happens. We slot in orders immediately for the top of the pyramid guys and then work our way down, replacing or sometimes having

to tell them that they have to wait because the device they have is too new to warrant replacing. So on Monday, the executive assistant of a lower-end executive put in a request to get both herself and the executive a new 250-gay iPhone X. The executive was put on the approval list with a wait, but the executive assistant was denied. She had just been issued an iPhone 7 a few months ago, and she began to raise heck about I have to support him, so I need to have the exact same phone, etc, etc. Still denied. On Tuesday, I get a ticket from the executive assistant. Phone will not turn on, require replacement with a attached ticket for iPhone X request. I send one of my drones out to investigate,

and I immediately get a text saying I have to get out there. I get out there and the phone is wet. Not just wet, but dripping wet. Like, just pulled out of a glass of water wet with a screen that could only be called heavily cracked. The executive assistant states, I was just using it and it fell into my water bottle. So we take the phone back to our area and I've called my manager over and we explain it. It's obvious what has happened. We've touted it off and when we turn it over water drizzles out of the cracked screen. Well as luck would have it, we have spares. So I pluck a nice 64 gigabyte rose gold iPhone 6

that was returned when the previous owner to part of the company. I call and have the same reprovisioned. I reassign the phone and air watch and I have the phone returned to the executive assistant. 10 minutes later, the executive assistant is at our door, ranting and screaming, saying that she can't work like this.

She needs a new phone and if we don't give her one executive, we'll make us give her one. I step in and tell her a permanent replacement is just beginning the process. We have had to issue you this phone as a loner so you can continue working until a permanent replacement is sourced. Q Wednesday, the approval process has come back denied for her replacement. The loner phone is now her permanent phone. This info is related to the executive assistant who is fuming. Lots of executive will hear about this, and statements of, I can't believe this is happening to me. How will I work?

Wednesday afternoon, same executive assistant, new ticket. iPhone broken, needs replacement. I hit out myself to see the issue, and the new phone looks like it was dragged behind a semi-truck for 100 miles. The screen is shattered. A big chunk is missing out the top near the camera and there are big dents in the back. I calmly ask, what happened? This phone was perfect this morning. The reply, well since you guys gave me an old phone, my case didn't fit it and it slipped

out of my hands and fell down the stairs. Well, okay, could you tell me when and what stairwell this happened? She does, and I take the mangled phone, I grab my manager, and we head off to the security office, and we pull the tapes. On the video, we see the executive assistant walking up the stairwell. Concrete stairs, metal handrail, your typical big building non-public stairwell. She reaches the top and proceeds to fling the phone like one would skip a stone down from the 6th floor to the mid floor landing where it lands.

She steps on it and then kicks it down to the 5th floor. It bangs off the metal fire door and she picks it up, examines it, and then tosses it down the stairs towards the fourth floor, bouncing off a few steps before landing on the mid landing between five and four. She picks the device up and pries a large section of something off the phone. We suspect this was the chunk missing by the camera, and then heads back up the stairs, running the phone against the center block wall as she climbs. So we grab a copy of the video. We hit straight to HR. We sit with the personnel director.

We show her the video. We show her the two damaged iPhones. We show her the tickets. I relay the abuse thrown to myself and my text about how she demands an iPhone X and has taken to destroying company property to get it. Termination follows, however, the user has gone home for the day. Her accounts are disabled, her security badge flagged. 7.30am today. The executive assistant attempts to get into the building and her badge doesn't work. She has to walk to the security office. The security officer takes the badge and walks

her to HR. 8 AM, the security officer and two members of HR are escorting the executive assistant out of the building. She's alternating between yelling and crying, demanding that executive be called and as she's being framed. As she's brought through the main foyer, I'm on the second floor balcony that overlooks the entrance. She looks up at me, curses me, and is gone. Both phones, her laptop and other equipment have been placed with the legal team as a precaution.

Company policy when there's a messy separation. Maybe I'll buy my team pizza for lunch today. Seems like the right thing to do. I can only hope and pray that this executive assistant got sent a bill for, I don't know, 1500 bucks, 2000 bucks, whatever the price would have been at the time of this story for an iPhone 7 and an iPhone 6. Oh, that would have been sweet, sweet justice.

Our next Reddit post is from Deleted. Another tale from the Out of Hours IT Desk. I say, hello, Service Desk. Google Bing isn't working, is the system down, it's very important. It's very important. I use the Bing. Yes, the caller actually said the Bing. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Can you confirm which system you're referring to as I'm unfamiliar with that. Google, P-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h- up between two different search engines. What exactly is happening? I need Google Bing to do my job. This is unacceptable. I can't find Google Bing anywhere on my PC. How dare you remove this. I need you to fix Google Bing immediately.

May I remote in to take a look? I spend five minutes setting up remote connection. Turns out that collar had a shortcut on her desktop called Google Bing. This opened the Bing search homepage in Google Chrome. She shivers. She'd accidentally changed the name of the shortcut from Google Bing to something else and hence couldn't find it. Okay, that's been Rename now, so you're good to go. Next time, don't mess around with my computer. I know you guys changed this. I'm not stupid. I have a certificate

of proficiency in computing. Okay, thanks for calling. Click. Yes, the caller really said, computering. I died a little inside after taking this call. And then down in the comments, the year Zadomec, this is so dumb. The user Zadak Mahir created this certificate of proficiency in computering, which recognizes outstanding computering on behalf of OP.

Our next reddit poses from Tactical Bastard, little background. I work IT at my college. Usually, I work in back so I don't have to deal with people. But once a week I get to grace the help desk. My school gives it students a lot of privacy and they can decide what the school can release to other people when they come for orientation. It ranges from where an open book to, we can't verify the student's existence.

This student selected, we cannot verify his existence, which applies to everyone that is not an immediate family member. So I'm me, bored out of my school, watching the minutes tick by of the last five minutes of my shift, ready to get dinner. I get a call from someone who shall be known as Apache, a very aggressive helicopter parent, hence a tech helicopter. Thank you for calling my school's ITS help desk, how can I help you? Hello, my name is Apache and my son goes to the school, but is having trouble logging into our online panel for students. Can you give me his password?

I'm sorry to hear you're having trouble. However, we don't keep students' passwords on record. However, if he's having issues with it, he can reset it online. Call us or come down to the building we're in to get it fixed. Okay, can I get it reset then? He really needs to get in.

I'm sorry, but it has to be him who has to get it reset. I can't do it for anyone else. But I'm his mother. I can get it reset for him. I'm sorry, but it has to be him who comes and gets it reset. It can't be anyone else, even his immediate family. But I'm his mother. I've done everything for him. I understand that, but college policy states that only the student can request a password reset. I'm his god dang mother, you incompetent piece of garbage. Give me his god dang password! At this point, I know it's about to get fun.

I look back at my manager who is totally awesome and loves stuff like this, and signal her to get on the line and listen. I understand your frustration, however, I can't go against college policy. I would recommend that you call your son and tell him to call us to get his password reset. No, you listen to me, you little turd. If you don't reset my son's password right now, I'm going to get you fired.

Her son was one of the guys who lived on my floor and I knew but wasn't really friends with. Okay, let me talk to my manager and see what I can do. I go back to my manager who is already smiling about this lady. And I tell her I know this guy and if it's alright to text him and let him know that his mom is on the phone asking to change his password. Since it's about his account, she says go for it. I messaged my friend, yo buddy, your mom is on the phone cursing me out because I won't

change your password. Did you need to reset? What? No. I know my password. Why is she calling you? She's saying you forgot your password and is now going off the walls. I put her on hold and I'm sure she's steaming at this point. Wait, what's her name? Apache. Well, that's not even my mom. It's my stepmom. If you remember from the very beginning, this student had selected the, I don't exist to the outside world privacy package.

So now we could have even more fun with the attack helicopter parent. I get back on the phone. Hello Apache? Yes, what took you so long? Sorry, I was just looking over some information and I don't see you on our files anywhere being related to any of our students. So what? I just want my son's password. I'm sorry, but we have parents of our students on record and you're not on any of them. Student is my stepson. That's a son. I'm sorry, we can't release any information at all to anyone that's not an immediate

family member. He goes to the school and I'm his mother. Give me his password. I'm sorry, I cannot verify that student's enrollment at our school. What the heck does that mean you little turd? I'm going to have you fired. At this point, the manager is giving me the cut the call sign, so I just tell her, I'm sorry I couldn't be more help, thank you for calling the school, have a nice rest

of your day. Don't hang up on me, you little shh! Click. It was now 504, four minutes past the end of my shift, so I get up and leave. Apparently, she called back five minutes later and went ballistic on one of the other nerds who works at the desk. Our next reddit post is from Gigabyte 898. The repair company I work at is a small business in his two locations, one of which is in an

interesting area. As such, we get a lot of interesting people. This guy came in yesterday. Hi, can you show me how to access someone's text messages? I found some tutorials on YouTube, but they didn't work. I assume he wants to back up the messages, so I start walking him through how to sync up his phone. No, no, no.

I want someone else's messages. Wait, this isn't a device you own? No. Do you have consent from the owner to read their messages? No, that's why I need you to show me how to see them. Sir, if you don't have permission from the other persons to read their messages, it's illegal to access them. I can't show you how to do that here.

Well, do you know anywhere else that can? No sir, I'm not aware of any other repair shop that can help you do that. It's a federal crime. I can pull up the relevant laws regarding unauthorized access to someone's personal devices if you'd like. Q the standard rant of, you guys are supposed to be the experts, as I stare blankly into the distance losing more faith in humanity. I think the only appropriate response would have been, sure, one thing, sir, just let me call in my manager.

Huh, ring ring, police, I think you need to send someone down here. That was our slash tales from Texas Ford, and if you're watching this, I've installed a virus on your device. The only way to get rid of it is to subscribe to my channel. So if you don't subscribe in the next 10 seconds, your device will literally explode. We'll be back with more our Slash content right after this short break. Welcome to our Slash Tales from TechSupport.

Where a lady makes a phone call to TechSupport complaining that she can't make phone calls. What? So you think you know sports? Points vet is the sportsbook for you, because we've got the features for true competitors. Like live, same game parlias. Use your sportsmarts to make picks live on the players and teams you're watching. And qualified bets can use our early cashout feature.

So you could take your winnings to play live blackjack on the same points bet app. The platform that gives you everything you need. You know what to do. Bet on it. Point spets sportsbook and casino. These side marios all you can eat is all you can munch a soup, salad, it. Point sped sportsbook in casino. Our first Reddit post is from Ritaro. I work health desk for a retail store chain in

the UK. I had a call from a store about a till drawer that wasn't opening after a transaction. I say, could you check that the till is plugged into the back of the PC? The user says, sure, one second. I hear him rummaging under the desk. Yeah, it's plugged in. This piece of garbage software occasionally forgets which comport to operate for the till drawer. I'm just going to try to open the drawer manually. Can you stand back from the drawer so it doesn't hit you? Huh, sure. I open up command and try to open the drawer. I tried the first command.

Nothing. I tried the second command. Ugh, thud. Hello? I heard something. Did the drawer open? Hello? After around 20 seconds, a woman picks up the phone laughing. He had to go

to the bathroom to clean his nose, the till drawer hit him in the face and bust his nose. We'll call you back later. Whenever I want to reach through the screen and smack a user, I'll always think back to this story and remember it's possible. Opie, if you just discovered a way to punch people through the internet, then if you turn that into a business, you could become the world's first trillionaire. Our next reddit post is from MacaVelly54. So I had a customer call me up in mobile tech support with the problem that his data wasn't working for 20 minutes.

Pretty quickly I found out why. He had accidentally turned off his data on the phone menu. Which happens a lot, but usually the customer goes, oops, silly me. So this customer starts demanding that he wants compensation for his time without service and being very rude about it. After a couple minutes, he's not accepting that this is his mistake, not ours. So I get an idea. I tell him I'm going to speak to my manager. I went up to my manager, explain what's happening. He says the customer's being ridiculous and I said, listen, I have

an idea for him. Are you okay with this? Then I explain my idea. My manager says, are you kidding? Let me get on call listening before you go back. I want to hear this. He gave me the thumbs up that he was ready to listen and I proceed. Right sir, I just had a word with my manager and I've managed to swing something for you. So let's break this down. You pay us 40 bucks a month for 3 services, calls, text, and data. So let's divide your bill by 3.

That gives us $13.33. So let's divide further by 30 days to get $0.44 for your daily data. Now you had your data turned off for 20 minutes. But for the purpose of this, I'll round it up to an hour, so we just need to divide that 44 cents by 24 hours. So that means you're looking at compensation of 1.2 cents. So let's just say two cents. I looked over at my manager during this and he was covering his mouth laughing. The customer goes, Are you having an effing laugh? No sir, the math is there. Go on then, I'll take it.

Ha ha ha. Most people would have gotten angry here or hung up or something, but this choosing beggar is like, Hey, two sins, I consider this an absolute win. Our next Reddit post is from Deleted. Here's another tale from the Out of Hours Heck Desk. This gym happened a few days ago. Hello, Service Desk.

The server is down, you need to fix this now. Which server are you referring to? The server. Okay, what is it that you're trying to do? Trying to access the God dang server. Yes, she was shouting the entire time. Please, can you stop shouting at me and tell me which server you're talking about or what is it that you're trying to do? The business we support has many different servers for different things. I need to know exactly what isn't working. Holy cow, the server isn't working. The server isn't working. You're wasting my

time. In the background, I've already loaded up our server monitoring tools. No alerts. I've checked our monitoring. I'm not seeing any servers as being down. Which department are you calling from? Irrelevant! Fix the GodDang server now! Can I get your staff ID please? Irrelevant! Click. 10 minutes later. Hello, Service Desk. Holy cow! The God dang server is still down! What are you doing about this? Nothing? Excuse me! Nothing!

You still haven't told me which server is down, or what is not actually working. You people! It's obvious my phone isn't working. I can't make calls. The server has gone down. You need to call your people and fix this. Ma'am, I can see you're calling me from your desk phone. At extension, is that correct? Yes. And this is the phone you can't make calls from. Correct? Yes. Do you see why I'm having trouble understanding the problem?

The server is down. I can't call. And then she gives an obviously invalid number. Ma'am, that number is three digits short of a valid number. That's why the call isn't connecting. Listen, the server is obviously down. I'll have my people call your people about this. Click.

So, just to be clear, this woman thinks that phones aren't working, so she calls the guy on the phone to complain that phones aren't working, and when he doesn't do anything, she says, I'm going to get my guys to call your guy to address the fact that nobody can call each other on the phones. Our next Reddit post is from the Dark Avenger X. IT saw a ticket had come in and it was from Confused Woman. It said, You deleted all my files. I need them to do my job.

IT called Confused Woman to see what was going on because we don't delete personal files off of people's computers unless there's a good reason for it. And we have the user's permission. So while he was on the phone, he remotes into her computer and noticed everything but the recycling bin was missing on our desktop. He noticed that there were files in the recycling bin, so he opened it and all her files are there. Here are all your files. Did you move them into here? Yes, I did. I moved them in here to recycle them so they will be cleaned from here to work on them.

Excuse me? Yes, I moved them to the recycling bin to make them new again so I could reuse the files. This is the trash bin. You would move files here to delete them off of your computer. It is not a trash can, it is a recycling bin. It says so right under the icon. So for the next half hour, my buddy had to teach you how to use the recycling bin. Because as we all know, the real way to use a recycling bin is to clean viruses off of

your file so that you can recycle them and they're good as new. Our next Reddit post is from Bombadilus. First post in quite some time. I work at a local authority on the help desk. Social workers are the BANG of my existence. But you learn to cope with their general incompetence as part of the job. But sometimes they can still surprise you.

This happened today. So we use a generic username for most of our computers so that people can log onto the machine. Then from there, they log into Citrix to work. Everyone knows the username and password for this. It's literally written on the walls in most areas, because the only thing it can access is another login page, so it isn't a security issue. Most of these accounts stay logged on at all times to save confusing

the geniuses that work there. A guy ring up, said hello, and asked for the generic login details. I've changed the exact username and password in this story, but other than that, it's more or less word for word. So what's the username? It's computer. So is that the asset number of the PC? number of the PC? No, no, it's just the word computer. And then backslash my name. No, it's the word computer. C-O-M-P-U-T-E-R. Computer, nothing else. And what's the password? It's password as in the word password with a capital P, but you replace the A with a four. So it's password four? No, it is not. It is P for SSWRD with a capital P at the beginning.

Everything else is lowercase. Okay, so the else is lowercase. Okay, so the username is computer password. What's the password? No, the username is computer. The password is password. That's everything. Just two words, two boxes, two words. Type, type, type.

It didn't work. I typed in password, but it says accent or something. Like I said, capital P, number four, lowercase s, lowercase s, lowercase w, lowercase o, lowercase r, lowercase d, password, type type type, nope, and it says the account is locked. I used a capital P this time, definitely. Did you use a four instead of the a, use four watts? I removed it to the machine and typed it in for him. What's? I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I on the bottom of a shoe. Our next reddit post is from Rex2. Every office has their special users, the ones who can't figure out anything technical, everything is an emergency, and

everything has to function exactly the same or they can't work. At my job, it's the HR lady. Since she's just HR, all her problems boil down to printer error, Excel, Word, reboot, and it works type of issues. And since I am the system admin, they are all my responsibility. However, every issue she has, she comes back to IT, walks right by my desk, goes to the programmer, manager, network admin, and explain to the issue. Every time they either tell her to go to me, even though she gets complaining, or relay the info to me to fix. A few weeks back, she had a problem with the calculations on an Excel spreadsheet.

Everyone was at lunch, so she's forced to ask me. Immediately I say it's probably rounding up or down because it's only off by a penny. This doesn't suffice, so she ignores me and waits until lunch is done to return. She goes to program her guy, and like usual, he passes it to me. I email her with a breakdown showing how it's rounding. She still wants programmer guy to look at it, so my manager responds with a message saying he will get to it when he can. Well, programmer guy is swamped. The new website launch is getting pushed out. Her excel, problem gets shelved with her emails coming ever more frequent. My manager even resents my explanation, but she wants Programmer Guy to look at it. This is unacceptable, so she goes to the VP,

saying, we aren't helping her. My boss sets up a meeting with three of us for me to explain the issue. It was the shortest meeting ever because I started explaining it and our VP completely understands right away. The VP cuts me off, looks at HR lady and says, you pulled me into a meeting for this garbage? The user Gambit down in the comments offers some very unique perspective. It's a classic case of wasting dollars to save sins. Your time is $X dollars an hour. Her time is $Y dollars an hour.

The program is time and the VP's time, etc. By the time you spend one minute investigating, the synth saved by fixing it to her satisfaction had already been wasted. This only got worse as more people got involved. Nice to see the VP lay at the Smackdown though. Our next Reddit post is from Brinkleyshire. Last year, a help desk got a call from a user complaining that the laptop we issued him wouldn't read DVDs. He was one of those, I am a very busy and a very important man. And I don't have time to follow your troubleshooting steps over the phone. Just fix it, dang

it, kinda guys. So he said he would get someone to drop off the laptop at our office and pick up a loner. We received the laptop a couple days later. There was a note attached saying that now it wasn't even booting into windows anymore. Sure enough, he was right. It didn't even attempt to load windows, and instead we were greeted by the non-system disc or disc error message. It sounded and looked like the PC was trying to boot from the DVD drive instead of the hard

drive. We opened the disc tray and saw the culprit. There was a DVD in there, alright, but it was placed upside down. We flipped the disc over. He was trying to watch dumb and dumb. In this guy's case, DVD stands for dumb. Very dumb. That was our slash tales from TechSupport, and I've received reports from some users reporting an error where they're not subscribed to my channel. Luckily, the fix to that is really simple.

All you have to do is click that big red subscribe button, and that should solve all your problems. you have to do is click that big red subscribe button and that should solve all your problems.