rSlash - r/Tifu A Kid Stole My Lunch, so I Fed Him Carolina Peppers

Episode Date: October 21, 2023

0:00 Intro 0:09 Teeth out 1:59 Cancelled Gilmore girls 6:45 Woke 7:53 Punishment spice 10:44 Booty pic 11:58 Liked toks Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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while supplies last. Welcome to R-slash Today I F-Dub, where OP knocks out the teeth of a third grader. Today I F-Dub by knocking a third grader's teeth out. I work as a camp counselor for the YMCA, and every group leader has a walkie-talkie so that we can talk to other group leaders and know where everyone is. Of course, the radio I was given has a broken antenna, but I had no clue. It would easily just break off, but since I hadn't touched it at this point, I didn't know that. Well, around lunchtime, this third grader named Hunter was standing about six feet away

from me, minding his own business when he looked at me and pretended to throw a baseball. I saw him do it, and I turned into a batterstance and swung my radio by the antenna as hard as I could as if I was swinging a bat. Well, the radio flew off the antenna straight towards Hunter and knocked his tune front teeth out. Not only did his teeth come out, but since I hit him square, they shot down his throat. One of them got coughed up, but the other one went down all the way. I had to file an accident report and explained to my boss and Hunter's parents what happens. His mom was so angry and upset

with me that she almost wanted to press charges. His dad told me that he wasn't too upset, and that's one last tooth that he has to buy back as the tooth fairy. All in all, it wasn't too bad, but I absolutely destroyed this kid's teeth and I pissed off my boss and the kid's mom. Oh man, I was cracking up with the mental image. Was anyone else just a man? I'm actually... This scene where this guy just winds up and full power, WAMMO, Cablawi, right to the face.

Today I f'd up by canceling my roommates' favorite TV show. This didn't happen today, but many, many years ago when I was in college. My roommate was obsessed with one particular TV show, which I was also a fan of, but he was really into it. He joined different forms and groups about it. He participated in chat rooms about it. He was obsessed. At the time, it was up in the air as to whether or not the show would be canceled. So, being an immature 19-year year old, I decided to have a little fun.

I recently found out about this service that would distribute anyone's articles for free. Knowing that my roommates had alerts set up for everything to do with the show, I was fairly certain that if anyone was going to see what I was going to do, it'd be him. I wrote up an article announcing the cancellation of the show. I started it off making it sound very official and professional, and then deliberately through some bizarre statements into the article, things that would never appear in any official announcement. I looked it over, sent it in, and promptly forgot about it.

The next morning I got up, jumped in the shower, and started getting ready for class. I heard my roommate shout, oh my god! I walked back into the room and asked, what's going on? My roommate looked devastated. They canceled it. They actually canceled it. They're idiots. I asked him why they'd done that. He proceeded to read the rest of the article out loud. As he reached the bizarre statements, he got a confused look on his face, held his hand towards a screen and said, what the hell is this? I burst out laughing and my roommate realized he'd been had.

He shook his head. You're a butthole. Seriously, dude? How'd you even get that out there? We had a good laugh about it. He vowed to get me back and I went off to class. Later that day I walked into our dorm and my roommate had a huge grin on his face. Congratulations, dude.

You're famous, he said happily. What'd you do, I asked? Oh, I didn't do anything, he replied. This is all you're doing. He sent me a link and told me to open it up. The link opened up to a post on one of the fan forms of the show. The subject was the show's cancellation and the post was a direct copy of my fake article. Below, people were reacting with devastation and pure outrage at the network's decision

to cancel the show. They'd overlooked the bizarre statements and had taken the fake article as an official cancellation of the show. I couldn't believe it had spread so far. I read page after page of devastated fans mourning the demise of their favorite show, and then the mood shifted. The creator of the show posted on the forum after he was contacted by several fans. The post was along the lines of, well I hope we're not canceled because I'm at the office

and working. Now I'm fielding phone calls from my writers asking if they still have jobs. Oh shoot, I said. My roommate burst out laughing. Oh shoot is right, dude. Keep reading. As I continue to read, the tide of the comments turned from angry at the network

to angry at whatever douchebag decided to pull this stunt. These people were out for my blood. They talked about tracking me down and beating me up. That's when I learned that my roommate was far from the most devoted fan. At least he found it funny. These rabid fans wrote to both the network and the show creator, encouraging them to serve paperwork on the service I used to release the article in order to find out my IP, which would have traced back to my college and likely resulted in disciplinary, if not legal action against me. I spent the next two months thinking I was going to get expelled or arrested.

Meanwhile, my roommate just laughed at me every time I got anxious and told me that it served me right. The following months, my fake article was referenced by TV Guide and is still mentioned on both the IMDB and the Wikipedia pages for the show. So after people asked OP clarified that the show in question is Veronica Mars. And if you go to the IMDB page, then sure enough there's an article about it. On March 29, 2016, a fake press release titled Veronica Mars Can was released, informing fans that the show had been cancelled. After a few hours, creator Rob Thomas informed the fan base that he had been getting calls

from the writers asking if they still had jobs, and the show had, in fact, not been canceled. You know, it's kind of funny reading this story in 2023 because I can understand why when did this happen in 2006? Yeah, I can understand why in 2006, OP is like, you mean my fake article spread like wildfire on the internet? I can't believe this. Whereas nowadays in 2023, half the internet is just fake articles that spreads like wildfire. So OP's all shocked, but me reading this,

I'm like, well duh, of course it's gonna spread crazily. Why would it not? Today I f'd up by telling my wife that I'm woke. I'm a 48 year old male, and I think that I may have f'd up. My wife, who's 58, blamed something on the woke crowd, and I told her that I think that I'm woke myself

because I accept the LGBTQI plus demographic and that I accept anyone regardless of race, creed, religion, or sexuality. Needless to say, we had an argument. The first in like six years or so. I love her with every part of me, but I feel that she's becoming more... how do I put this? Racist, homophobic, and unacceptable in the last few years. I think it all started with the Johnny Depp and Amber Herd trial. It was cool in all when she watched Ghost videos, but now she can't even really accept that one of her BFFs from years ago is gay.

I'm scared that since I'm woke, I messed up our relationship, and it hurts. I don't know, this woman doesn't make any sense OP. Good luck, and I would say this is less of a today you aft up, and it's more like today you realize your wife has gone down the conspiracy rabbit hole and she's a completely different person than the woman you married. Today I aft up by punishing a sandwich thief with super spicy Carolina Reaper sauce. In a shared hanger with several workshops, my friend and I rented a small space for our knife making enterprise.

For a year, our shared kitchen and fridge functioned harmoniously with everyone respecting one another's food. However, an anonymous individual began stealing my sandwiches, consuming half of each one and leaving bite marks as if to taught me. Initially, I assumed that it was a one-off incident, but when it occurred again, I was determined to act. I prepared sandwiches with an extra spicy Carolina Reaper sauce, a teaspoon in each sandwich, leaving a note warning about the consequences of stealing someone else's food, and then I went out for lunch. When I returned, there was chaos!

The atmosphere was one of panic, and a woman's scream cut through the commotion accompanied by a child's cry. The culprit turned out to be our cleaner's 9-year-old son, who she had been bringing to work during his school's disinfection week. He had made a habit of pilfering from the fridge, bypassing the healthy lunches his mother had prepared in favor of my sandwiches. The child was in distress, suffering from the intense spiciness of the sauce? In my defense, I explained that the sandwiches were mine and I'd spiked them with hot sauce. The cleaner, initially relieved by my explanation, suddenly became furious, accusing me of trying to harm her child.

This resulted in an escalated situation, with the cleaner reporting the incidents of our landlord and threatening police intervention. What? This incident strained relations within within the other workshops who sided with the cleaner due to her status as a mother? Consequently, our landlord has given us a month to relocate, adding to our financial struggles. Yo, what the- what the f am I reading? My friends are also upset with me. I maintain my innocence, arguing that I had no idea the child was a food thief, and I would

never intentionally harm a child. Nevertheless, it seems that I'm held responsible, accusing of creating a huge problem from a seemingly trivial situation. The child is okay by the way, he didn't suffer any harm. It's an edible sauce, just very, very spicy. Yo, hold on, what? OP! You're defending your sandwich, which is your God-given right, and you're the bad guy

people are punishing you for this? What if you just like spicy sandwiches? What if you had made a sandwich that's spicy because you like spicy food and then someone stole your sandwich and then you're the bad guy because you like spicy sandwiches? OP, a grave injustice was done to you here. First, that your sandwiches got stolen, and secondly, that you became the bad guy for doing something that was, in my opinion, pretty reasonable.

Even if you did know the kid was a food thief, I think you're completely justified. Maybe it'll teach that kid a lesson not to steal sandwiches because obviously his mom isn't doing it. Today, I f'd up by sending a new hire, a picture of my booty. I used to be a general manager at a chain restaurant.

One afternoon I was home from work, stoned, and feeling frisky, and I sent my husband a booty picture while I was getting in the shower. I never realized that he didn't reply because I was stoned. Three days later I'm doing orientation with a new hire. He arrives in high heels and long fake nails. He gives me a hug and tells me, I'm really sorry for not replying, but I thought that since I'm a new hire, it'd be better to talk in person. I'm not trying to reject you, it's just, I'm gay and I'm not interested in women.

At first, I was so confused because I had obviously gathered there was some flair to his sexuality and also I was married. I said that this was an inclusive workplace and he should feel right at home. He then proceeds to say that he was confused because I sent him that picture. And cue my absolute horror as it began to come together that my husband never replied because I sent the picture to this poor, sweet gay kid that I had hired that same day. This was four years ago and I'm lying awake at 10.30 pm reliving that embarrassment right now. Today I f'd up by looking through my girlfriend's

like TikToks. So me and my girlfriend were in class together on break and she tells me to watch one of her TikToks. I put my phone down and watch a Harry Potter edit on her phone. Then I take it and start scrolling down. For some context, we had gotten into a huge fight around two days ago which ended in her hitting me, screaming at me, calling me names, and then slamming the door. I didn't talk to her for a day or so, then we made up that morning. As I was scrolling through her tiktoks, I came across a video of just two people having a text conversation, and the issue they were having was something I directly struggle with in their

relationship. Let's just say communicating my feelings. I sat there scrolling through the slideshow and eventually swiped to the next video. Same thing. Another text conversation slideshow. Another issue that I was causing in the relationship. I ended up scrolling through 15 of those conversations in a row and finally landed on a video that hit me like a truck.

It was captioned, me explaining to people that girls often break up or end their relationship with their partner way before they actually end their relationship. Now this hit me hard because for the past three or four months or so we've been arguing constantly. I won't really get into details. Most of those arguments she said something like, so do you just want to break up with me then? Which has led me to believe this relationship has been over for the past three to four months and she just hasn't had the courage to break up with me yet. She still says that she loves me even though she's already over it.

We're on better terms now and things are going great. But I have this feeling in the back of my mind now that this relationship ever since 3-4 months ago has just been fake a lie. That basically she ended it and she just hasn't told me yet. And I feel betrayed. Opie, I'm guessing you're pretty young. You said that you and your girlfriend were in class together. You could be college, but the quality of this writing, no offense, is suggesting to me that you might be a little bit younger, so maybe in high school, possibly even middle school. So I'm saying this to you with love in my heart. I don't mean to be critical, because you're very young and naive to the ways of the world. But, dude, you are

deluding yourself. You are completely detached from reality. Your relationship has been systematically breaking down for the past three to four months, and then you wrote near the end of the post, we're on better terms now, and things are going great. Dude, going great, what are you talking about? Your girlfriend is fantasizing about breaking up with you, actively sabotaging their relationship, and worst of all, she hits you. In my opinion, the second one person in a relationship lays hands on the other person, then the relationship should immediately end.

Honestly OP, your girlfriend breaking up with you would be doing you a huge favor. So this is less today I F'd up and more like today I finally took off my blinders and realized how bad this situation is. That was our slash today I effed up, and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.