rSlash - r/TIFU by Accidentally Being Batman at Work

Episode Date: June 3, 2023

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of it all. For context, I work in a pretty average office setting, but my colleagues and I like to spice things up with themed dress updates every now and then. This week, we all agreed to come and dress as our favorite superheroes. Naturally, I was super excited to participate. I've always been a huge fan of superheroes, and I have this awesome Batman costume I've been itching to wear ever since I got it for Halloween last year. So I woke up early, got dressed in my full Bat Rigalia, and even when as far as doing the full Batman

voice to complete the persona, I was ready to show up to work and save the day. But as soon as I walked into the office, I could tell that something was off. People were staring at me with a mixture of confusion, amusement, and just a hint of terror. I figured they were just in awe of my Batman transformation and didn't think much of it. My manager approached me with a stifled laugh and asked, Hey, uh, Batman, did you happen to check your email this morning? I replied still in character. Email? Batman has no need for such trivial matters.

My manager then explained that there had been a last minute email sent out last night, postponing the dress update to next week due to an important client meeting scheduled for today. My face went bat red. I mean, beat red, as I realized I was standing in the middle of the office dressed as Batman with zero context to justify it. To make matters worse, the important client arrived just in time to witness my embarrassment. They were surprisingly cool about it, even ju- Even joking that they felt safer with Batman around. Still. Still, I spent the

rest of the day hiding in my cubicle, answering calls in my best Bruce Wayne voice, and praying for this sweet release of the end of the work day. Now, I'm sitting at home in my full Batman attire, contemplating how I'm going to show my face at the office on Monday. Opie, I think the only way to escape the embarrassment is to just lean into it. If someone tries to give you a flat for it, you should be like, you really think Batman checks his emails at night? That's when I'm busy fighting crime!

Today I f'd up my life after trying to fix up a new home and ending up homeless. This morning, I spent five hours waiting for the cobs as my contractor cleared his tools from my torn apart house. My wife and I separated last year, and I found a fixer upper for purchase close by. A friend helped me find a contractor to fix a few things in the house while I was sub leasing a place for a couple of months. The contractor apparently had health issues and took another week before showing up after he was hired. He quickly started finding more and more issues in the house and said fixing them wouldn't take too long. I trusted him since he was a friend of a friend and let him do the work.

Over time, the project got bigger and bigger, and he kept talking me into fixing more things that were a fire hazard or not up to code. We extended the deadline by a few weeks, but he never met that deadline. He would skip days and then not tell me, or tell me that he would work on the weekend and then just not show up. I told him I'm going through a divorce,

and that I need to move in ASAP before my least expires, and he guaranteed the house would be ready by then. That day came and the house wasn't ready. He said that he only needed one more week but he kept saying that for almost three months. Today I fired the contractor after another friend came to take a look and told me the house is at least one month away from being ready and that I've been lied to this whole time. My contractor flipped out and started threatening me.

He wouldn't give me my keys back and said that I was holding his stuff hostage, and he's allowed to enter my house whenever to pick up his stuff. I called the cops. They came and stayed with me until he cleared his stuff out of my ripped apart house and gave me the keys back. He also stole some stuff on the way out. He also asked that I paid him for the work that he's done. On top of the $10,000 he already got from me a month ago. The only available contractors I could find so far are booked for the next two months, which means that I need to find a new place to stay for three more months.

They need to fix the plumbing, electrical, install floors, walls, and put the kitchen back together before the house is even livable again. The electrical is not done. The plumbing is halfway done. There are no floors. All the walls are open and he even took the shower apart. The kitchen cabinets are stacked on the floors because of a leak he discovered and the countertop broke during the disassembly. I can't even camp inside the house because there's no floors or running water. My lease expires in three days. I was supposed to move in two weeks ago.

My future X-Y tells me not to bother her with my problems, and that I can't go back to sleep in my office in the house that I'm still paying mortgage for. I work from home, so I have no office to go to during the day. Also, it's my birthday this weekend, and I have the kids for the next 5 days, and I have nowhere to go. I really effed up my life. Today I effed up by saving a child on Michigan Avenue. To understand this story, you have to know a little about me.

I grew up on a farm on the border of Kentucky and Illinois. My father was a farmer and a preacher who instilled in me a powerful belief that I should never shy away from helping someone, even at the risk of my own life for injury. I'm also 6'3", 300 pounds, and moved quite well for a man of my size. I had just taken a job working on Michigan Avenue in Chicago, and it was one of my first times walking up the mag mile from the metro station. I hadn't been in the city for long, and I was still a bit odd by the number of people and the wonder of the skyline. As I approached a busy intersection, I took my eyes off the tops of the buildings and started

scanning the street to see if I could cross. As I waited, I saw a child who looked about the size of a second grader with a backpack standing precariously close to the street about 20 feet north of the crossing. Something in the back of my head was screaming, this child is going to step out into the street. As I watched in horror, the nagging voice proved to be right as the kid jumped off the curb and started running across the six lanes of traffic. Instinct kicked in and I took off and pursued, closing the distance between us in a matter of steps and swaddling the child up in my arms before sprinting back to the curb. I spoke softly to the child,

tucked under my arm like a sack of feed as I returned us to safety. Hold on buddy, I got you. To which a man of man's voice replied, what the ever you doing, A-hole? Shocked, I dropped him down on the sidewalk and turned him around, only to be greeted by a man with a bushy salt and pepper goatee. So I carried a person with dwarfism back to the sidewalk as they tried to chatewalk across Michigan Avenue. Oh man, that's pretty bad, Opie. I think your only option is to move out of Chicago at this point. So you think you know sports. Point's vet is the sportsbook for you because we've got the features for true competitors like live same game par leagues. Use your sportsmarts to make picks live on the

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everyone's a winner. Download the Swiss Shale app to place an order for delivery today. Visit SwissShaleys.ca for contest details, while supplies last. Today I f'd up by telling my husband that I liked a pair of earrings. My husband and I were out at an art walk with friends and passed by a jewelry store. I noticed some pretty golden Opal earrings in the window that were, in my opinion, clearly out of our price range. But in a classic, let's indulge in the fantasy that we could have whatever we went for a moment style, I walked in to have the person give me

a closer look. My husband and our friends followed me in. So the guy unlocks the case, and I try on the fancy earrings and ask the guy how much and he says $2,800. Now, I am not a jewelry person. I rarely wear any. I'm a homebody, so it's not like I have many occasions for whipping out earrings in any case. My husband, I believed, knows this. So after the guy tells us the absurd price, I jokingly make eye contact with my husband and

say, birthday? That's it, just birthday. Then laugh and we leave and go on our way. We get a little further and my husband passes pockets and says, oh shoot, I forgot my wallet in the car. So I give him the car keys and he runs several blocks back up to the car and our friends and I keep going looking at galleries until he catches up with us. At which point, he hands me a jewelry box.

My friends are impressed, my husband is proud and happy, but I am mortified. I feel so bad. Don't get me wrong, we can't afford it, but it's just such a ginormous waste of money, but I couldn't bring myself to tell him that I would rather not have them in front of our friends. To be honest, I don't think I'm ever going to have the heart to tell him. Today I f'd up when I got naked in front of someone who didn't want me naked and then getting us lost. My friends and I returned from our camping trip this morning. We're a small group of guys and girls in our early 20s, all friends.

On our first camping night, one of the girls in the group wanted someone to go with her into the woods when she had to go pee. She asked me, I said cool, the second night she asked me again. No problem. The third night, me again. She never asked anyone else. The rest of the group noticed. Some of them were convinced that her intention was to hook up with me.

She's in to you. Stop playing dumb. Make a move next time. That was the feedback from the group. On night four, all of us used magic mushrooms. My friend was really high when nature called. I was equally high when she asked me to go with her. By the time she was done peeing, I was completely naked.

I asked my friend if she wanted to get naked too. She said that she wanted me to get dressed. I got the message and managed to get dressed, but not fully. My shirt was gone. I was unable to figure out where I tossed it. My friend and I searched for my missing shirt for like 15 minutes before we gave up. At that moment, we realized that we were kind of lost. It took us almost an hour to find our way back to camp.

When we explained to the group what happened, none of the work convinced that we were gone for that long without hooking up. When they asked about my bare chest, I said that we were just looking for my shirt. One of the guys said that my shirt was on a foldable chair and explained that I left it there because I said the letters on my shirt were melting. On night five, my friend asked someone else to go with her. Okay, I can't believe I have to say this,

but just in case anyone knows. When someone says, make a move, the move that you should make is not taking off all your clothes. An appropriate move would be like, you look really pretty under the moonlight. You know, something normal. Today I effed up by peeing off the side of a mountain. So I'm a 32 year old man.

Me and my girlfriend, who's 33, were out enjoying our annual anniversary vacation. This year, we decided to do some hiking through Appalachia, and ended up in Red River, Gorge, Kentucky. The scenery is amazing, and the weather was great. I figured that I wasn't going to get a better opportunity to pop the question. Well, any gentleman knows better than to get down on one knee in the middle of the trail. You wait until you're at the highest peak. Unfortunately, nature called long before we got to that point. Now, every guy knows that the higher the ledge you pee off of, the

more authority you have. So, I found a pleasant little overlook, did my business, and carried on with my proposal in mind. Along the way, we passed a few other hikers, set our greeting, and kept moving towards the top. Once we reached the summit of that particular rock, she sat down, and I tried to mentally prepare myself to get things just right. So once I'd gotten myself psyched up, I put my hand into my pocket and palm the ring, knelt down in front of her, and she said, I see your weiner. Turns out I'd forgotten to zip myself back up and the little flippy flaps of my

boxer shorts fail to do their job. So there I am on one knee, trying to make this a memorable moment and failing successfully. After I flop through the proposal, I realize that I may have flashed a few innocent hikers as well. Today I f'd up by trying to impress a guy by skating for the first time. So I'm a 24 year old woman. I met a guy through hinge, and for lack of a better word, I really liked our first two dates, and I told him that I wanted to do something fun for our next date, so he took

that as an opportunity to invite me to go ice skating with him. While this wasn't what I had in mind, I wanted to do it anyways. This guy was a former ice hockey player, so I knew that he could skate, and for some reason, I thought that I could impress him. So the day comes, I lace my skates and get ready. He tells me to hold on to the side of the rink to start, but I would prove that I can do better than that. I push myself off to the side, immediately catching my skate sideways and flying forwards,

dramatically landing on both my hands and flying forwards, dramatically landing on both my hands and my face, causing a scene. I just kinda laid there in pain until the paramedics eventually recalled and took me to a local hospital. Long story short, I have a scaffold and thumb fracture in my left wrist, a fourth and fifth metacarpal fracture in my right hand, and a broken nose and black eye, along with a chipped front tooth. All because I wanted to show off my skating skills.

Whoops. Oh, he... gosh. You totally, totally did not understand what was going on here. This wasn't your turn to impress him. This was his turn to impress you. He likes you, and he wanted to impress you with his skating skills. Literally, all you had to do was show up and be like, wow, you're such a good skater. I like you so much.

And then they would have been a resounding success. That was our slash today I F-Dub. And if you liked this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day. episodes every single day.