rSlash - r/Tifu By Accidentally Complimenting A Guy's 🍆

Episode Date: September 17, 2020

r/Tifu In today's episode, OP is a nurse who's performing a basic medical procedures on a guy. She accidentally makes an embarrassing slip of the tongue with the patient! She was trying to be polite and friendly, but instead it sounded like she was coming on to the patient. If you like this podcast, be sure to follow for more daily Reddit content! 🔔 Subscribe: https://bit.ly/2E3A8i6 💬 Discord: https://discord.gg/VD6eYD3 🎧 Podcast: https://link.chtbl.com/rslash ⚓ Send me a voice message: https://anchor.fm/rslash 📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rslashyt/ ♪ TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@rslash0 🛒 Merch: http://bit.ly/rSlashMerch 🎁 Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/rslash Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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I'm a grad student teaching for the first time. Public speaking anxiety up the wazoo, so I decided to memorize my 17 students' names and faces before the first day of class. By Wednesday of the second week, I had everyone's face down pat, but everything else in the classroom was in a adrenaline filled blur. On that day, students were picking out an advertisement to analyze. Flashback to freshman college English class, everybody. When I opened up the discussion, I was surprised when one of the quieter students, let's call him David, told me he'd already chosen his ad. That's great, David, which one did you choose? The wounded warrior ad.

Me, cheerfully oblivious, and why did you choose that one, David? The classroom suddenly goes silent. No one's rustling papers or texting under the... Oh no. No one's rustling papers are texting under their desk anymore. I realize every single wide eye in the classroom is staring at me or glancing uncomfortably at David. David looks at me and shifts his legs. His legs, with my numbing horror, I register the glint of metal between his sneakers and the hem of his jeans. David doesn't have any legs.

In my state of stagefied, I'd somehow miss that one of my students is a double amputee. The silence in the classroom defends. Finally, David said quietly, I lost my legs in the army, ma'am. You know, OP, it's pretty embarrassing, but the Moll 68 down the comments makes a pretty good point. Honestly, I'm sure he's probably happy that you knew his name, but didn't really notice anything else about him. Everyone else was super sensitive to the fact that he's other.

You just treated him like any other student. Today I effed up by accidentally coming on to a male patient while placing a urinary catheter. A little backstory, I'm a 27 year old female nurse in a small emergency room. Over the years, you sort of gather a repertoire of things you say to patients, like saying anything else you need right now before leaving a room, or saying, little prick as you draw blood, or place an IV, etc. So one day, a 50-year-old male patient comes in stating,

I've been peeing a lot of blood. We get a urine sample, and it looks more like blood than pee, so the thing to do in the situation was place a two-way urinary catheter to wash out the bladder. The guy also needed ivy fluids and most likely antibiotics, so he also needed to get an ivy. Now, when I walk into a room with a tray full of scary-looking things, I have a little sentence I say. I'm sorry there's some unpleasant things we need to do, but your cooperation will help things move along much easier and swifter, and then explain all the things I need to do and why. So this is not what I said to this man.

I walked into the room with my tray of horrors, and he strikes up an immediate conversation so I couldn't say my line. We talked for a good five minutes while I prep a sterile field, arrange on my materials, and explain to him what's going to happen, etc. I start to prep him for the catheter, and suddenly remember I didn't say my line. So there I stand, a 26 year old female nurse, with this guy's junk in my hand and my brain comes up with, I wish there was more pleasant things I could do, as I shove a rubber tube up his junk. He had a good laugh and I turned the reddest I've ever been and profusely apologized. He had a good laugh and I turned the reddest I've ever been

and profusely apologized. He told all the nurses and doctors about it and now I'm jokingly known as a catheter fetishist and can never quite live that down. Anti-Luman down in the comments says it best. At least you didn't mix up your lines and warn him about a little prick. Today I eff'd up by making my dad punch a stripper in Grand Theft Auto and tearfully ask God for forgiveness in front of my entire family. When I was young, my brothers and I snuck a copy of San Andreas into the house.

We spent days holding up in our basement, taking turns playing, and down there, my parents didn't bother us too much. In order to get tons of money for weapons, we had yet to figure out my parent's style of passwords, so cheats weren't a thing for us yet. We would go to the strip club and stand on the stage, absorbing the money that dudes threw at the women, and just let the game sit for 10 to 20 minutes. We had to be careful though, because sometimes if dancers would do a move and bump into CJ,

and the bouncers would shoot the place up. One day while I was playing, my mom yelled down to the basement and us to get ready, we're going to Pizza Hut. In a stroke of genius, I drove to the GTA club, got on the stage, and then turned the TV off and we left. It was to be the heist of this century. My dad, however, was at church at this time, practicing for a gospel concert he was singing in.

He always filmed the practices so we could take notes at home upon playback, and this time was no different. While my mom and brothers and I were still at the HUD, he arrived at home and plugged his camcorder into the VCR. We had just one VCR, and it was connected to the basement TV. Back at the HUD, my mom gets a phone call. She puts her napkin down and slowly looks around the table at us and says, okay, a few times into the phone,

and this really calculating specific way that she always did when she knew us kids were in trouble before we did. Naturally, it was at this point that we kids knew that we were in trouble. For what though, we didn't know. After a very quiet minivan ride, we get home and my mom says, boys, why don't we go down to the basement? Your dad wants to show you his gospel practice downstairs. It was at this point we knew why we were in trouble. So we drag our feet down the stairs and lo and behold, my dad is sitting on the couch. TV on, Astriper's polygons- Astriper's polygons-

Titties swung stiffly back and forth on screen to invokes my love in. With CJ standing mere inches away, collecting money. My dad starts in. Boys, I don't even know where to begin. This PlayStation was a blessing to you for Christmas, and this is how you repay us? By breaking our trust, he's holding the controller up now, gesticulating with it. Here I am practicing to bring glory to God, and, but he was cut off as he inadvertently squeezed the controller, causing CJ to punch the dancer. My entire family stands in silence, watching together as the bouncers in the club shoot the place up for what seems like an eternity. After the carnage stops and CG appears in front of the hospital, I look back

and see my mom silently weeping into her hands. I look at my dad as a single tear rolls down his cheek and he prays under his breath. After another eternity of silence without a word, my dad bends down, disconnects the PlayStation, walks back to the family computer, disconnects it, goes to his car and drives away. For the next four months, he kept the PlayStation 2 and PC locked in his office at work. It's one of my favorite memories of growing up. I miss my brothers. I love this comment from Sandy T. Bringing glory to God, punches stripper. The look on the mom's face, priceless. And OP replies to that comment,

I couldn't believe it when it happened. My dad's lectures were so long-winded and he made you stand the whole time. He could talk for 90 minutes straight and you couldn't sit. I remember thinking, I would give anything to not have to listen to this. Then I witnessed the true cost of my secret wish.

Metrolinx and cross links are reminding everyone to be careful, as Eglinton Crosstown LRT train testing is in progress. Please be alert, this strains can pass at any time on the tracks. Remember to follow all traffic signals, be careful along our tracks, and only make left turns where it's safe to do so. Be alert, be aware, and stay safe. side marios all you can eat is all you can munch a soup salad and garlic homo on me today I have to buy owning a golden retriever while being black work was rough today and all I wanted to do afterwards was sit on the couch and watch

TV while eating food not cooked by my own hands the answer to that delivery with the. With the food ordered, I let the dog into the yard to burn some energy and sat camped outside with him while waiting for the delivery. Door dash, grub hub, uber, and everyone other than Jehovah's Witnesses has trouble locating my address, strictly relying on GPS. So it's nothing for me to post up and wait outside for when they're closed, flag them down, and then go back inside for a contactless drop off. Here are some pertinent details.

My neighbor and I share a fence with the doggy door as our pubs are super close, and you can bet each time that if my dog is outside, hers will follow for cross yard play time. This was the case today, and probably bad judgment on my part to think that I would be able to break up the fun quickly. Both dogs were in the neighbor's yard at the time the notification came through that the driver was pulling up and I had to call out a few times to get my dogs attention. The neighbor thankfully whistled for her dog and I had to put on the voice for mine to acknowledge I existed and then took off running for my door while waving to the driver who

by this point was getting out of the car. My pup and I have a game called Runaway where I'll take off yelling Runaway and literally he'll chase me like some human sized fetch stick. I used this to my advantage until he realized I was putting him inside but managed to get him through the storm door and close the screen before he could run out. Then I realized that I left the gate locked like an idiot with a driver standing right outside by this point. Then I realized that I left the gate locked like an idiot with a driver standing right outside by this point.

I didn't have a mask on at this point and neither did the driver, so I yelled from the ports that she could leave the food by the mailbox, and this is where the fun started. Is that your dog? My BS meter didn't go off. I thought she was asking a question with an obvious answer because she was a dog person, so I engage with dog on her gushiness. Yeah, blah, blah, blah, his name is such and such.

Wanna say hi? I'll be nice because you brought my food. But she just stood there awkwardly for a moment, put the food down and quickly jump back into her car. In my mind I was like, okay, weird, but whatever. I snatched the food and went back inside. I went to wash my hands and from the kitchen window, I can see the full street where she still parked outside.

I was thinking, okay, weird again. But I didn't dwell on it too much because I was figuring that she was just looking at the route for her next location. I went about my business of preparing to destroy my meal. A few minutes later, my dog begins barking manically at the door. I take a glance at the cameras and realize that she's still out front, parked directly in front of my mailbox. Uh, okay.

What's going on here? I go outside and try to get her attention, but she's on the phone and doesn't notice me. I walk up like I'm going to check the mail and she does pull off, but towards the back of the neighborhood that only has one way in and one way out. Lots of people make that mistake, and you'll quickly see cars turning back around, but she never came back. By this time, I think I'm losing my mind, so I go back and still watching the street

for the car to pass, but it never does. I don't know, people are weird, so I just left it to that and went back to eat. About 10 minutes later, the dog starts going ham at the door, so I check the camera to see two police cars sitting outside my house. I continue to watch the cameras realizing that, yeah, the cops are getting out of the car and walking back and forth in front of mine in the neighbors' yards. I go out to see if anything is wrong, and they introduce themselves before saying they were called because a stolen golden retriever was reported at my address, and if there was a dog in the home.

It clicked that the driver had called the police, and then I explained my version of what happened. They were really respectful and apologetic, but asked if I could get my dog. I went ahead and opened the door for my dog who took off, ready to greet the new faces outside. His collar has tags matching the address with my name and phone number on it in case he was ever lost in stolen which was proof enough for them as it was obvious they just wanted to get this over with as fast as possible.

No hard feelings on either side. We were all walking away when the driver's car slowly comes creeping out from the back of the neighborhood. I yelled out to them that the lady was right there, and they positioned themselves in front of her car in a way that she would have to stop and speak with them. I don't know if this lady was drunk or off her meds, but she rolled down the window and was literally sobbing hysterically that she saw me take the dog from the neighbor's yard. That animals get no justice and the icing on the cake, that my kind only owns pit bulls and rot-wilers.

There was just no way he was mine and the dog needed to be protected. I honestly didn't want to deal with that mess, so I'm sorry guys, this isn't a tale of revenge. I went back inside and saved the F on my couch. My day was already terrible. Everyone left a few minutes after that, so I assumed she got a warning. However, I did report the incident to the delivery service and was offered credits towards my next meal. I splurged that on a bakery and I'm now currently destroying a slice of carrot cake, grateful it didn't end worse. Down in the comments, Brock explains that two states have made racially-based swatting like this illegal, and four or five more

are considering it. California is calling theirs, and honestly you can't make this up. The CARREN Act. That was our slash today I effed up, and if you like this podcast, then check out my Patreon why I publish extra content. Also, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit content every single day. day.