rSlash - r/TIFU By Becoming Harry Potter in Bed

Episode Date: August 17, 2023

Visit BetterHelp.com/RSLASH today to get 10% off your first month. 0:00 Intro 0:08 Student orientation 1:28 Not that kind of note 4:14 Oh Julio 6:34 Serial killer joke 8:55 Comment story 10:19 Harry Potter role play Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Okay, Max, we have a new spot for Sunwing vacations. Okay, Sunwing Cyber Monday deals up to 40% off. Hang on, I think we got the wrong script. Yeah, it's 40% off, what's the issue? 40% off Cyber Monday vacation deals? Yes, why do you keep repeating me? 40% off? Huh, just think about what you could do with all those savings. I know, in fact it's in the script. When you save more, you can do more.

For daily door crashing deals, visit your local travel agent or... Welcome to R-slash Today I F-Duff, where OP dresses up as Harry Potter and shows his girlfriend his magic wand. Today I F-Duff by walking past an exchange student orientation. Before I begin, I'm a 20-year-old college student with Asian roots. This is important to. Before I begin, I'm a 20 year old college student with Asian roots. This is important to the story. So there's a high school I have to walk past to get to my bus stop,

and an orientation for new exchange students was going on outside. I casually walk by as usual, but I hear a voice yelling, hey you, where do you think you're going? I pause for a split second, then continue to long thinking it was someone else. Then again, hey, you have to listen to your teachers.

Get back here. I now turn around to look, and the lady leading the orientation was furiously waving at me to go over there and then yelled again, come on, you're holding up the group. I then responded, I don't go to this school and proceeded to head to the bus stop. As I see my bus approaching from a distance, I try to sprint for it. But then I feel this lady grab my arm from behind. She was fast, and then berate me that I don't get to just ditch school here. I guess she didn't hear me the first time, so I grabbed my student ID to show her and

told her that I'm not a student there. As that happened, the bus passed by us because no one was at the stop. She made me miss my damn bus. She kind of just chuckled a bit and half-heartedly apologized before turning back to rejoin her group. At that point, I had to pay 30 bucks for an Uber to get me to school.

Today I f'd up by writing a 1984 essay that was mistaken as a, un the Living Myself note. So, at the time of this screw up, I was in an advanced 10th grade literature class that began by reading 1984 by George Orwell. While in my veterinary class, I started writing a short summary of the chapter in which Orwell was describing how nobody

could actually love or trust each other. However, the only paper I had on me was a sheet that my teacher handed back to us every day, but she never actually read it. I used the back of this paper to quickly jot down my thoughts and a rough draft of my summary, thinking that my teacher wouldn't mind. Well, I was wrong. In the summary, I wrote about how messed up society was, that love and security were an illusion and how Winston, the protagonist, felt responsible for the way that his mother had died. It was messy and rough, really just a way to put my thoughts on paper.

I had genuinely thought nothing about it until the next day when I arrived to the tech school. Halfway through class, I was pulled out into the hallway and eventually escorted to the counselor's office. I'll be honest, I was terrified. I had never gotten in trouble before, ever. When we arrived at his office, the counselor confronted me with a paper that my first draft was on. The same piece of paper that my teacher had collected. He questioned me about my life and demanded an explanation of my supposed cry for help. Both my teacher and counselor apparently didn't understand my

references to the book and believe that what I wrote was my actual opinion on actual society. They took it as the ramblings of a desperate student writing about how nobody loved them. They didn't know if it was an unaliving myself note, a confession, some kind of manifesto, or something else entirely. Finally, I was significantly less afraid and more so confused. When I was able to wrap my mind over what was going on, I kind of started laughing. I think this actually scared the counselor even more because he was still under the assumptions I was depressed or at least disturbed. I explained to him that it was just an essay draft and he didn't believe me. I guess he never read the book himself? It was just strange. He even had me pull up the completed

final draft of the summary on my laptop. After looking over it, a couple of other chapter summaries and some more things generally related to the book report, I think he finally believed me. He handed me back my computer and basically went. Whoopsies before walking away. Like, what? I still struggled to grasp what actually happened there. Basically, everything went back to normal right afterwards. Neither my teacher nor my counselor ever mentioned it again. It was just bizarre how my teacher never mentioned anything to me.

I'm just glad that I was able to back it up that it was only supposed to be a 1984 essay. Today I f'd up by calling out another man's name while I slept. I'm just glad that I was able to back it up, that it was only supposed to be a 1984 essay. Today I f'd up by calling out another man's name while I slept. So my partner and I have been together for almost 4 years, and of course I love her. She's the woman I'm gonna marry and the only person I want to be with. Also, not that you'll believe me, but I'm straight. While I consider myself an ally, I'm not gay. I'm not opposed to the idea of bisexuality, but I'm just not into I consider myself an ally, I'm not gay. I'm not opposed to the idea

of bisexuality, but I'm just not into dudes like that, so I don't think that I am. I just had a really great dream last night. Last night, I had an epic romantic dream. It was some forbidden love where I was in love with a man. The dream was seriously like a movie. I mean, it was awesome. Nothing inappropriate happened either. Well, unless you count passionate kissing is not safe for work, but it wasn't a dirty dream after all. It was just romantic and epic, and I should be allowed to enjoy it when my brain serves me movies at night.

But where I messed up is that, apparently, I said the man's name out loud. I'll be honest, I didn't even remember the guy's name myself, but my fiance sure did. She asked me about Hulio and why I kept calling for him last night. I thought it'd be funny if I said, the man of my dreams, because I mean technically that's true, but she did not seem amused, so I downplayed it a bit and didn't mention how much I enjoyed the dream. She didn't even like the joke, so how would I tell her that I hadn't a fair with a man in my dream?

She then accused me of being closeted and said that I need to sort myself out, because dreams are what the subconscious wants or thinks, and she insisted that it did not sound like an innocent dream. But again, nothing sexual happened other than passionate kissing and also it was only a dream. But like, I've told her I've had dreams where I'm an actual elephant, but I don't want to be an elephant. I don't know what her deal is, man.

I hope she gets over it soon because Julio WILL sweep me off my feet, LMAO. Also OP Posts an update which is a bit long so I'll summarize. It turns out that OP's girlfriend previously dated a guy who was actually in the closet and left her for another man. He had actually been cheating on her with another man during their relationship. So honestly, her reaction is understandable. OP reassured her and their relationship is looking better now. Today I effed up by joking that I could be a serial killer. I've been seeing this girl for the past two weeks.

I'm 25, she's 32. We met through mutual friends and it was clear straight away how well we clicked. We have similar world views and are both slightly introverted. While I think that we're both quite mature, we have a great energy and have lots of fun in each other's company. It's clear that we're both quite selective about who we let into our lives. Since we met, I've taken her for three nice meals, enjoyed getting to know her, and done my best to be compassionate and take all

the right boxes to ensure that she's happy with me. Cut to last night. We had been for a nice stroll through a park and ended up back at her place. We watched the new black mirror series on our sofa, specifically Lock Henry, the serial killer episode. We both really enjoyed it. Shortly after the episode finished, the food I'd ordered arrived. I collected the plates and brought her a drink over, insisting she stay comfy to let me take care of everything.

I like doding on potential partners. I handed her the food, and she gives me quite the appreciative stare slash smile. The look that says, where have you been all my life or something like that? She tells me that I'm lovely and she's so grateful to have met me. I should have taken the compliment and continued eating, but I didn't. Thinking it would be a funny joke, I took the conversation down the route of, what if I'm a serial killer, somewhat charismatic, somewhat of an isolated loner as you may have noticed? What if all of this has been a ruse to get you alone?

I have no idea what I was thinking. I think I briefly forgot how new we were to each other. My older friends would have known that this is just my sense of humor or a predictable thought experiment. She went coldly quiet, but that didn't stop me. I began talking about Ted Bundy as I tucked into my food, joking about how we have similar personality traits, but I never even thought to look up at her reaction as I waffled on.

When I finally looked up, it was clear that I had killed the entire mood of the day. She looked genuinely unsettled. Let's just say there was no further intimacy for the rest of the evening. I went home alone and her text replies have been short and blunt since. Me and my big mouth. Okay Max, we have a new spot for Sunwing vacations. Okay, Sunwing Cyber Monday deals up to 40% off. Hang on, I think we got the wrong script.

Yeah, it's 40% off. What's the issue? 40% off Cyber Monday vacation deals? Yes, why do you keep repeating me? 40% off? Huh, just think about what you could do with all those savings. I know. In fact, it's in the script. When you save more, you can do more. For daily door crashing deals, visit your local travel agent or... Your business has grown fast. From opening your first location

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Down in the comments, we have this reply from Little Blaze. One of the early jokes my wife and I had in our relationship was similar. Early on she asked, how can I be sure that you're not a serial killer? I just replied, how can I be sure that you aren't? I haven't found anybody yet and neither has she. Today I f'd up by cracking a joke at my wife's doctor appointment. My wife was having a consultation to have a procedure done on her uterus,

and obviously she wanted me to come with to help remember things and maybe come up with questions that she didn't think of herself. Her OB goes through all the specifics of the procedure and finishes up her presentation was saying that we won't be able to passionately hug for two weeks. My wife, being an eternal smartass,

turns to me and says, did you hear that, honey? No passionate hugging for two weeks. My wife, being an eternal smartass, turns to me and says, Did you hear that, honey? No passionate hugging for two weeks. Me, without skipping a beat, says, Okay, but what does your dentists say? My wife was not amused, but her OB doctor did think that it was funny as hell. Full disclosure, my wife found it hilarious later.

I think she was more embarrassed at the time. Down in the comments, we have this story from Static Chiller. Reminds me of when my wife first got pregnant and she went to the OBGYN for our confirmation appointment. The doctor asked her if she was allergic to anything and my wife replied, yeah, latex. I said, yeah, Doc, how'd you think we end up in the situation in the first place?

Sadly, neither found it amusing at the time, but years later, my wife loves to tell this story. Today I effed up by dressing up as Harry Potter to please my girlfriend during intercourse. My girlfriend is a hardcore Harry Potter fan, or at least she used to be. I remember during the honeymoon phase of our relationship, she mentioned one of her fantasies was a Harry Potter roleplay situation where she was a professor at Hogwarts who ends up being seduced by one of her students. I didn't know what to do with that information at the time, but I thought that it was funny and I never forgot about it. Less than two years later, I decided to bring out my inner wizard and figure out how to fulfill

the fantasy my girlfriend always wanted. After completing my Harry Potter research, aka rewatching the movies, I called my girlfriend a few days ago and encouraged her to play along and avoid asking questions when she came over that evening. That was it, no spoilers. When my girlfriend showed up at my flat, I was standing in the lounge wearing a Harry Potter costume and pointing a wand at her. She laughed. I referred to my girlfriend as Professor and asked her if she remembered that spell she taught me during Dark Arts class that

Paralyzed people. My girlfriend was still laughing, but she eventually nodded in response to my question. I waved my wand and shouted, Petrificus totalus! My girlfriend struggled to stop laughing, but she managed to get into character and freeze instantly, as per my spell. I literally picked up my motionless girlfriend and put her down on the couch. I proceeded to undress my girlfriend while telling her how much I've always wanted to sleep with a mud blood and p- ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You waved your wand Opie, which wand? I waved my wand between her legs and said, Unimpregnate! I let her know that I didn't have any protection, and this was so that I wouldn't knock her

up and turn her into a mud blood milk. I unzip my pants and did the deed. She forgot that she was under my paralysis spell and broke character a few times, but at that point, we were both past the point of controlling ourselves and just did whatever felt good. I could tell that my girlfriend really enjoyed it, but afterwards I had mixed feelings. My girlfriend said that the fantasy was hot when it happened and she appreciated my effort, but replaying it in her head made her feel like we were acting too much and I was kind of giving her the ick.

She never said it in so many words, but I sense that she was low-key trying to tell me that she outgrew her Harry Potter fantasy and I was probably too late. Instead of letting it go and moving on, I revisited the topic last night, almost a week since the fantasy. I decided to ask my girlfriend what I could do differently in case I wanted to surprise her with a sequel. My girlfriend sighed and said that I could just copy and paste what her ex-boyfriend did. She paused mid-sinnons and looked at me like she suddenly realized she said something bad. Against my better judgement, I encouraged my girlfriend to finish her sentence. She said that she didn't really care about Harry Potter prior to meeting her ex, who

was the OG Harry Potter fan, apparently. She said that his nerdy obsession with Harry Potter was endearing. I asked, how endearing? My girlfriend dodged my question and said that I should focus on the fact that she enjoyed the version of her fantasy that I created. I asked, what was her ex's version? My girlfriend said, if you really want to know, before telling me that her X enjoyed playing the role of a Quidditch captain who ends up missing the game and losing

the tournament because he was balls deep inside his wizard girlfriend. She said that it was unexpectedly hot because her X pretended to be reluctant and submissive where she had to be distracting and dominant, which was new for her. She said that she didn't know that she could do a thing that some girls can do until she dominated her ex. I said, I didn't know that you could do that either until now. My girlfriend awkwardly laughed it off and said that I should be grateful that I never made her do that because she always hated the clean-up. I asked my girlfriend why she would plant the seed of a Harry Potter roleplay fantasy at the beginning of our relationship if her ex already did a better job. She rolled her eyes at me saying, better job, and said that she was still somewhat high on her ex during our first few dates and wanted to recapture the same magic from her previous relationship.

But she eventually fell in love with me and forgot about her ex and his Harry Potter BS. Until recently, when she saw me in my Harry Potter costume, which automatically made her think of her ex, I should have stopped asking questions, but for some reason I couldn't. I asked my girlfriend if she was turned on during the fantasy roleplay because she saw me in the Harry Potter costume of her ex. She said nothing. I asked her at the Ick that she was feeling afterwards, wasn't really the Ick, but instead the guilt of knowing she was thinking of someone else fulfilling her fantasy instead of me. My girlfriend said that she was gonna leave, and she did. I didn't stop her, and she's now not responding to my messages or my calls. Well, OP, you tried your best, but I think this is probably the end of the relationship. I would, it doesn't look like you're gonna be able

to expect a Felatio. That was our slash today, I effed up, and if you liked this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day. single day.