rSlash - r/Tifu By Buying a DNA Kit For My Boyfriend's Family

Episode Date: November 8, 2020

r/Tifu In today's episode, OP thought it would be fun to buy a DNA test for her boyfriend. Well, it turns out that her boyfriend isn't related to his dad... which means that his mom cheated! This leads to the boyfriend looking for his real biological father and finding a lot more than he bargained for. If you enjoyed this episode, follow for more daily Reddit content! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Welcome to R-slash. A podcast where I read the best post from across Reddit. Today's subreddit is R-slash today I F-Dub where OP pranks his entire office building. Today I F-Dub by using the nuclear option in a game of monopoly. It was a four-player family game of Monopoly. My brother, our parents and I were playing, and I wasn't doing well. I wasn't bankrupt or heavily mortgage yet, but I could tell that if something drastic didn't change in the next three turns or so, I was toast. I didn't have any Monopolys, but I did have a couple of 2 out of 3 properties.

New York and St. James being the standouts. And a couple of other scattered properties here or there. My brother was the clear favorite at this point, with my dad in clear second. My mom was losing right along with me. It was my turn, and I was trying to arrange a favorable trade. I'm negotiating with my dad. I have a property that will give him another Monopoly, and he is a card that will give me a Monopoly. We both have enough enough money inside properties to even things up afterwards.

With a good trade here, we'd both have a higher chance of winning, significantly cutting into my brother's lead. Seems like it should have been a slam dunk, right? But no, my dad is pushing for the most ridiculous trades possible. And outright refusing to trade away those properties that are most valuable to me. If I don't get a monopoly out of this, I might as well not even bother with a trade. I'm getting frustrated as the negotiating stalls, but I got an idea, a terrible, terrible idea. I say to my dad, Dad, I'm clearly in the weaker position here, but right now that just means I have less to lose.

So, here's the deal. If I don't get a trade for me that gives me a monopoly, I'm going to sell all of my properties to my brother for one dollar. My dad didn't like that at all and there was no trade. He also probably didn't expect me to carry through, but immediately after, I sold all my deeds to my brother for a dollar, and my dad lost any chance whatsoever of winning the game. My dad isn't speaking to me right now. Was that a supremely dickish move to play? Yup. I'm feeling a little vindicated, though,

for not letting myself be pushed around when I was the little guy. But will anyone ever want to play Monopoly with me again? I kind of doubt it. I mean, that sounds about right. People don't play Monopoly because they want to have fun. People play Monopoly because they want to suffer and destroy their relationships. Today I effed up by giving my boyfriend a DNA test for his birthday. So this happened back in August, but he finally got the results back a few weeks ago. But brace yourselves, this is some soap opera drama. Turns out, he has a half-sister and an aunt that he never knew about. Both the aunt and sister on his dad's side of the family, so he spoke to his dad.

His dad didn't know the aunt, although she shared the same last names as family and his dad never knew he had a daughter, but the timeline of a bench checked out. Next, my boyfriend went to Facebook and searched everywhere for his half-sister. She looks exactly like his dad. Needless to say, his dad was shocked. They were trying to figure out how to tell the rest of the family. My boyfriend didn't want to message her first because she may not know that she was adopted or she might not know who her real dad was. This week, his half-sister finally messaged my boyfriend. She asked if he was adopted.

He proceeded to tell her that he thought she was adopted because she looks exactly like his dad. Then she said that he looks exactly like her dad. Needless to say, everyone was confused. They sent pictures of their fathers, and my boyfriend did, indeed, look like her dad. But there's still this question of, who's the aunt? And do the half-sister and aunt know each other? Yes, yes they do.

The half-sister said the aunt is her aunt. Yet my boyfriend and aunt share the same last name. So now my boyfriend is asking his mom if there's any way that he has a different dad. She's adamant that he doesn't. Until my boyfriend shows his mom the picture of his half-sister's dad and the mom absolutely recognizes the man. Turns out, my boyfriend's dad and mom were on a break and his mom hooked up with this guy. His mom and dad got back together almost immediately after my boyfriend was conceived. So they assumed that my boyfriend was a product of their

relationship and not a fling. They were wrong. Turns out, my boyfriend is the product of his mom's fling and he is a dad that he never knew about. He also has four new half siblings, one aunt, one uncle, five cousins, grandparents, and two nephews. All who he never knew about! And get this, one of his new siblings was born the same year as him and has the same name! As for the aunt who shares the same last name as my boyfriend, we're not sure if it's a coincidence or if she somehow related to his adopted dad's side of the family. It's only been a few days, but everyone's taking the news surprisingly well. My boyfriend's adopted dad is such a sane and is encouraging

my boyfriend to get to know his bio dad and family. My boyfriend has since been communicating with his bio dad to have siblings and it's going great. They seem like such a kind, loving and welcoming family. Although this was such a shock for everyone, it's turning out to be the best case scenario for such a strange situation. So yeah, I essentially gave my boyfriend a whole new family for his birthday. You're welcome, Boo. Alright, this story is a little bit complicated, so I had to dive down in the comments to get a better sense of what's going on here. From what I gather, the reason why OP's boyfriend adopted father looks so much like his actual biological father is probably because his mom has a very specific taste in

men. So whatever the adopted dad looks like, let's say a really tall and red-headed for sake of argument. That must be the mom's type, so she found another really tall red-headed guy and slept with him. Also, the aunt with the same last name is just a weird red hair and coincidence and has nothing to do with a family lineage. Basically, all you need to know is that OP's boyfriend's mom slept with another guy who looked almost exactly like her husband, which resulted in OP's boyfriend being born. Business notifications out of hand, Thrive Command Center keeps your customer emails, texts, and social messages all in one place, This is the Sportsbook for you, because we've got the features for true competitors. Like live, same game parliades.

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Point Spets Sportsbook and Casino. Today I aft up by pranking my office like Jim from the office. I thought it would be funny to put a Bluetooth speaker in the ceiling and play sounds of cats over it. I found an 8 hour video of cats meowing on YouTube that was perfect. I paired an old phone to the speaker, tossed the phone in a drawer of an empty desk and took the speaker under a ceiling tile. It was perfect.

You could only hear the cats if you listened real close. It sounded like there was a cat in the ceiling, but you really couldn't tell exactly where it was coming from. I went to my office, got busy with work, and forgot about it until I went to break. I walked into the break room, and several people were talking about the cat that must be in the ventilation system. I chuckled to myself while I grabbed my coffee and made a loop through the accounting department to see if there were any more people talking about the cat and the ceiling. To my horror, half the ceiling tiles were removed, and there were two maintenance men on

ladders looking for the cat. They were real close to the speaker, but hadn't found it yet. I just reversed out of there and went back to work. They eventually found the speaker, and shortly after, everyone got an email from the big boss, reprimanding the guilty party and asking for any information on the culprit. My bad! And then O.P. posted an update. A conspiracy theory emerged by the end of the day. Several of my co-workers don't believe that it was a prank at all. They think the maintenance people lied about it being a prank. That maintenance made it up to get people back to work, and that maintenance is planning to set out traps and poison to kill the cats. One person claimed that they absolutely

heard the cat yesterday, and I kid you not. A couple of them claimed that they still hear it. Down in the comments, I love this reply from Walker. The accounting department got shut down because Angela wouldn't let anyone do any work until the cat was saved. Today I f'd up by hooking my girlfriend up with a job with a company I work for. My girlfriend and I had been dating for just shy of six years. We were high school sweethearts in still and school. She had always struggled with jobs and keeping them, and since we lived together, I usually had to pick up the slack. I was working as an assistant manager at a video game retail store at the time. Probably not hard to figure out which one. It was honestly an easy job as long as you gave a

little effort. Pre-order here, a couple of warranty sales there. Since my girlfriend loved video games more than I did, I had the brilliant idea to get her a job here. She was an attractive girl, while 80% of our customers were neckbeards who hardly get to interact with women. She'd be easy for her to make sales. There's no way she can screw this up, I said, confidently to myself. As with most companies, there's a policy that people in relationships can't work at the same location. No problem. We have 12 stores in our district that are within a 5 mile radius. They seriously put these stores on every other block.

I do a little digging and hook her up in a neighboring store that had a vacant position. She would also be working with the head store manager of the district, who indirectly was one of my bosses. A few weeks in, and it's going great! It took me about a year to get promoted, but she got promoted in weeks. I'm not a self-conscious person, so I didn't care. Plus, she could help pick up half the bills. Here's where I started to realize I effed up.

My girlfriend comes driving in with a brand new car. Considering we were living paycheck to paycheck, I was pretty upset. I asked her where she got the car from and she told me, I've been saving up. BS, but okay. I loved her, so as long as she's happy, I'm happy. Next comes the write-ups. I started getting write-ups and customer complaints left and right. I'm a very good employee and I very rarely make anyone upset. I couldn't even find where these customers were coming from. Even though my performance was the best at most of the employees, I was starting to fear

for my job. As to be predicted, I ended up getting fired. I tried to fight it, but I live in Texas, and the rules are that companies can fire anyone at any time for any reason. I'm absolutely crushed. I turned to my girlfriend for emotional support to find her extremely distant. She dumped me days later, double whammy. I loved her for 6 years.

She told me that she felt this way for a while that things aren't the same. I'm absolutely heartbroken. I'm angry, depressed, jobless. It felt like my life got flipped upside down. One week later, her Facebook status put her in a relationship with her boss. MY BOSS! Not sure when it happened, but he bought her a car and then got me fired. It turns out that all the customer complaints about me originating from that store somehow. Total BS. I set her up to absolutely screw me over and bone my boss. I'm still a little sad about it, but it is what it is. Man, I'm sorry, but guys like that manager make no sense to me. I mean, not that he bought her a

car, that's how you want to spend your money than go for it. But it's like, dude, you know that she's a cheater, because she cheated on her boyfriend with you. So why on earth would you want to be in a relationship with a proven cheater? I just don't get it. Today I upped up by ordering not one, but three adult items, getting next day delivery without realizing, and then silently watching as my dad place them next to me. I am never living this down. This story is really standard compared to a lot of other adult-related posts here, but it's really destroyed me on an emotional and spiritual level.

The first thing that you should know about me is that I'm not a very adventurous person. I barely ever have urges, I rarely think about anything like that, and my libido is comparable to that of Fins post, etc. However, I started noticing that I was becoming increasingly bitter towards things like that, so I decided, you know what, I'm going to try to explore that side of me, maybe bring it out a little bit more, and so I did. I bought two toys, nothing extravagant, just basic cheap little items, and a bottle of lube because I work smart, not hard. Things should be fine, I think to myself.

I'll order them in they'll come in a week or so, no one's expecting any packages then, so there'll be no issues and they'll hand it off right to me and none the wiser. And then that didn't happen, can you believe it? No, what actually happened was worse. Hahaha, and prove to me that my dad is a monstrous, monstrous man who lives to cause me pain. Unbeknownst to me, I was so under my trial of Amazon Prime. I had forgotten to cancel it after buying my Volpex plush, Suomi, and the package shipped and arrived the next day. Even this should have been fine because no one in my family opens packages that aren't

theirs, except for one little thing. My package came in with my mom's packages. I didn't realize they were coming in that day, so I was still curled up and bid watching TV. When I heard the delivery truck pull up, I thought, oh cool, and went back to my show. It just so happened that my mom ordered a lot of different parts for her car. And then she assumed the box was one of hers as well without checking the label, since I hadn't mentioned ordering anything to her, obviously. According to my mom, she opened it, thought, oh, my husband must have bought something. And

then she checked the label and saw my name. Did she do the respectable thing and tape it back up with clear tape like nothing happened? Did she just hand it to me and walk away silently? No, she went to my dad. Because of course she did. According to my mom, she walked in and said, Our daughter ordered adult toys and I don't know how to handle it. And my dad shot up in bed with horror.

A moment later he giggled and jumped out of bed, taking the box from her and saying, I want to give it to her. He walks into my room. I say hey to him and sit up and look at him. He tilts the box towards me to show its contents, and then we stare at each other in silence for several seconds before he sets it down next to me with the biggest grin on his face. And then calmly walks off. I can't look at my parents in the face anymore. I might actually have to move out, COVID would be damned because my dad won't stop making jokes about it. Down in the comments, Reigning Softly says, you should wash him in the dishwasher to get back at them. And OP replies, my mom said, quote, listen, if you wash them in the dishwasher, at least

make sure you take them out before your little sister does the dishes. And down in the comments, we have a similar story from Festive Atom. One time my friend made me go to an adult store with her because she was embarrassed. We were both 19 at the time. She spent over an hour talking to the shop lady about which vibrator was the quietest since she shared a wall with her mother. I saw my friend later and she told me she couldn't figure out how to get the vibrator to turn on, so who did she go to? Her mom.

That was our slash today I effed up, and if you like this content, then check out my Patreon where I publish episodes that were too spicy for YouTube. Also, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day. my Patreon where I publish episodes that were too spicy for YouTube. Also, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.