rSlash - r/TIFU By Dipping My Nuts in Tabasco Sauce

Episode Date: March 3, 2023

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Welcome to R-slash Today I F-Dup, where O.P.'s father buys him an adult worker. I'm a 20-year-old man, and today I F-Dup by telling my dad that I've never passionately hugged. A few days ago, I decided to visit my dad at his house. It was his birthday. I showed up with wine. We got a little drunk. Maybe more than a little.

And my dad was going on and on about how much he missed my mom since she divorced him, he changed the subject and focused on my love life. He asked if I had a girlfriend and I said no. Then he asked if I'd ever had a girlfriend because he's never seen me with a girl. I said never. My dad poured the last drop of wine in my glass and asked if I was still a virgin. I was tempted to lie, but I paused too long, so I said yes. My dad said that I had no reason to feel ashamed of my virginity, but encouraged me to have as much passionate hugging as possible before I end up married to a person whose lady parts come with an impenetrable encryption. I ignored the obvious reference to my mom's

you-know-what and called it a night. I asked my dad if I could sleep in the spare bedroom because I didn't want to drive home drunk. My dad said that I was more than welcome. I must have been sleeping for less than an hour before I woke up to the sound of my dad knocking on the door. I don't remember what I mumbled as I opened my eyes, but the moment my dad heard my voice, he entered my room with another person. It was a girl. My dad introduced her by name, but did the air quotes thing with his fingers to imply that it was a fake name.

I could tell that my dad was still drunk. Exhibit A, he continued making the air quote gesture even when it was no longer necessary. Not gonna lie, I was still drunk too, but not drunk enough to disregard the weird stuff that was happening. Without giving me proper time to react, my dad quickly said the girl knew exactly what to do before closing the door on his way out. The girl did not know what to do. She did nothing other than awkwardly waiting for me to say something. I eventually asked her what was going on and she said that my dad hired her to sleep with me. I died of embarrassment, especially when the girl asked me if I had zero experience or if I was on some end of the virgin spectrum. Without thinking, I said I was gay. That was the first time that I actually

said it out loud. The girl sat down on the bed and asked if I was a top or a bottom. I shrugged and said that I didn't know yet. My face must have been so red at that moment. The girl said that if I was willing to go shower, then she would basically be willing to do something that I definitely can't say on YouTube. To be honest, I considered it. I'm human, I have needs. However, the situation was way too weird for me to be completely comfortable doing something that intimate was someone that I didn't know at all. I said thank you, but no thank you to the girl, and apologize for my dad putting both of us in this awkward position. She said she understood and for some reason thought that it was necessary to mention that my dad

was one of her regular customers. She made it clear for the record that she never passionately hugged my dad, but she explained that some of the older co-workers at the escort service really enjoyed spending time with him. She said that she can't wait to tell her co-workers that she'd met me because apparently my dad loves to talk about his son with the people that he pays to passionately hug. Oh my God! I was not psychologically prepared

for the unexpected discussion regarding my dad's love life. This girl had a severe case of motor mouth. When she... When she finally stopped talking, I learned that my dad sleeps with workers who kind of look like my mom and that women closing their eyes with too much food in their mouth and saying, hmm, turns them on. The girl apologized for abusing my good listening skills and asked if there was nothing she could do for me. I said she could keep my good listening skills and asked if there was nothing she could do for me. I said she could keep my sexuality between the two of us.

She said that her lips were sealed until the time comes to suck. My dad was passed out in the living room when we approached the front door. I went back to bed when the girl was gone and I eventually fell asleep. The following morning, I confronted my dad. I said I didn't appreciate what he did, and I made sure that he understood that he wasted his money because nothing happened. My dad was apologetic and promised to never cross that line again, no matter how much alcohol is involved. Despite his apology, the mood was still somewhat tense. I decided to break the tension by closing my eyes and saying,

mm, while eating breakfast. The look on my dad's face was priceless. I lost my appetite soon afterwards because I instantly regretted doing something that might arouse my father. And then four days later, OP posted an update. The inevitable happened. The lady my dad hired to terminate my virginity in the dead of night did not keep her mouth

shut. I know, I should have seen it coming. When I shared my original post, I was convinced that my dad didn't know that I was gay. I never said anything to anyone about my sexuality, other than the one worker who teamed up with my father to unexpectedly put me in a vulnerable position. My dad and I have been avoiding each other since that night. Not gonna lie, I was okay with that. We needed space.

The words divorced dad, virgin son, and adult worker should never be said in the same sentence. This morning, my dad showed up at my apartment. Unusual, but not surprising. He was courteous enough to call beforehand. He asked if I was available. He said that he wanted to talk. I assumed that he was feeling bad about ambushing me with the lady and wanted to make sure

that our relationship was intact. Little did I know that my dad's primary objective was to establish if his 20-year-old son was attracted to other people's 20-year-old sons. As soon as my dad made himself at home in my living room, he asked if we were alone. I said my roommate was at the gym. My dad's response was to drop the following line. Sharing an apartment with a guy who works out must be motivating. Slow clap, dad. Super subtle.

My father. He didn't even need a wink at the camera. My dad asked if my roommate had a girlfriend. I implied that he had girls come and go. My dad said that my roommate must be handsome to get so much attention. I shrugged and said, or he's paying for it, that was a joke, an uncomfortable joke based on my dad's disturbed expression. My dad said that he could explain his interesting hobby and answer all of my questions if I was prepared to listen. I said it was none of my business and he didn't owe me an explanation, but I did suggest that he at least considered therapy. My dad said

that he was proud of the person I'd become and promised to think about my suggestion. As wholesome as that moment was, the gay elephant was still in the room, so I awkwardly asked my dad if he recently communicated with the adult worker that he hired to sleep with me. My dad said no because he wanted to respect my privacy and avoid crossing that line again. Based on all the random references to my roommate's attractiveness, I was convinced my dad heard that I was gay from one of the other workers who heard it from the worker with the motor mouth.

We danced around the topic of my sexuality for a little longer because it was still a big moment despite all the weird stuff that happened the last time my dad and I were under the same roof. I eventually came out and said it, Dad, I'm gay. My dad stood up and showed me that he was wearing socks with rainbow stripes to celebrate the news. I didn't even notice his socks until he lifted the leg opening on his pants. He said that it was a gift from his lady friends. He had another pair of rainbow socks in his pocket, which he gave to me when we were done hugging. I suppose the outcome could have been worse.

I doubt there will be another update, so thank you for riding this wave with me. Okay, I don't know what exactly I was expecting for the update, but it definitely wasn't this. This whole story has, like, sitcom energy, you know what I mean? So I guess all's well that ends well, I suppose? Hopefully OP's dad doesn't turn around and get him a... gay adult worker. Today I effed up by finding out what my 8-year-old son was saving for. When I was 16 years old, I was stupid.

I didn't wear protection, and I got a girl pregnant. I was shocked. I never expected having a kid that early, and I don't know if I regret it or not. Almost all of my regrets washed away when my son was born. For privacy, we'll call him Rory. I'm 24 now, and my son is 7, almost 8. He's the smartest and most loving kid I could ever ask for. His mom left us when he was around 2.

When I tried to sue for child support, the judge sided with her, quoting that I was the father and that I needed to step up. Ever since then, it's been me and Rory against the world. I was a single dad to Rory from then on. I had a few girlfriends, but nothing serious. I left my parents place and got a small apartment. I dropped out of high school, which I still immensely regret, but hey, life happens. During this time, my neighbors, God bless them, helped me raise my son. They're an older couple who lived next door whose kids had moved out long before, so they were fine babysitting them after school, for late shift, etc.

I'm a manager at McDonald's, I make lousy money, but it's enough to get by. Then two years earlier, our douchey landlord raised the rent for everybody, and I had to work even harder for a place to live during a pandemic. My parents had left the state, and I wasn't ready to uproot my kids entire life because his dad couldn't provide for him. Every birthday since before he was three 3 I believe. I took Rory to Golden Corout usually on his birthday, but there were more occasions that we went. It was really good for him and he really enjoyed it. I haven't been able to take him for the past 2 years due to money being very tight. Sometimes I'll get a tip at McDonald's, a quarter here, a dime here, a dollar here and there. Whenever I get a tip, I give it to Rory to save.

Well two days ago, Rory brings me his money jug and dumps it all out in front of me. He was so excited and began counting it out. There was around $40 there and he jumped up excitedly. I asked him, what's up little buddy? When I tell you guys, my heart broke. My son asked me if this was enough to go to Golden Corral for his birthday. A piece of me shattered inside. I didn't think that he remembered the Golden Corral.

I told him that we couldn't go to the bank tomorrow and exchange it for cash. That night, I ugly cried in my bedroom. I felt like a failure because I couldn't give him everything he's ever wanted. I began researching furthering my education. Well, yesterday, as soon as the bank opened, I took my son and we exchanged the money for cash. I then drove us to Golden Corral, and we were there for two hours. My kid was so happy, and I was stupid because I just assumed that he forgot about this place. We always get the all you can eat buffet for 2 for 30 bucks.

Today I cried in my room. I've never been good at saving money, but his birthday is next month and I'm gonna do my best to take him every few months. That's a cool story, but I like how the judge was like, oh mommy you can just leave with no responsibility. But daddy, you have to step up and be a man. Man the double standard here. Today I effed up by asking my husband for a bowl of nuts with Tabasco on it.

I can't believe that I'm writing this right now. A couple of minutes ago I asked my husband for a simple favor to bring me some nuts with Tabasco on it. I'm a big fan of Tabasco sauce and we recently bought a good nut mix a couple of minutes later He walks in laughing with you guessed it his nuts in a bowl with Tabasco on it He initially thinks that he's being very funny But I've been on this subreddit for long enough to know exactly what happens when spicy sauce gets in touch with your no-no area, and I tell him to get in the shower to wash it all off.

All the while, I'm obviously laughing in complete astonishment. He claims that he's not feeling anything and everything's okay. A couple of seconds go by and he walks back into the room with a shocked face, telling me it's really bad. He got in the shower trying to wash it all off and also demanded a bowl of milk to dip them in. I doubt that this works, but I'm not going to fight with a man in pain. In the end, somehow, I'm to blame because you knew what you were doing when you asked

me for a bowl of nuts with the Basko on it. I promise that I'm married a smart man, but I don't know who this guy is. I got my actual nuts with the Basko on it, in a new, clean bowl, and I'm eating it as I'm typing this, so everything's well again, and my world at least. Down in the comments, we have this story from Snappy Snapsnapper. My ex had never used deep heat cream before, so I warned him to wash his hands thoroughly after using it so that he wouldn't burn his genitals the next time he had to pee. In response, he looked at me and then rubbed some directly into his member. I was horrified beyond words and

just stared at him in shock. The pain kicked in immediately and he spent ages in the shower crying over it. To this day, I have no idea what he was thinking. And beneath that, Fermi and Marty replies, he thought, challenge accepted. That was our slash today I have to up and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day. every single day.