rSlash - r/TIFU By Doing Surgery on My On Teeth

Episode Date: April 11, 2025

0:00 Intro 0:10 Front teeth 4:41 Pancake 8:14 Spit 9:20 Bumble 13:42 Tic-Tac 16:00 Cat Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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one thing that really creeps me out. Today I effed up by filing down my own front teeth. I am an 18 year old guy and I was flossing my teeth yesterday night and realized something. My front teeth are quite long based on the ratio compared to the ones next to them and my lips. And they make my bottom teeth basically invisible when I smile. Low key like a horse. My bite is good and my teeth are straight, so I figured all that needed to happen was to shorten them. A Google search revealed that it costs around 50 to 300 dollars each tooth to get them filed down a little. I figured I could probably just do that myself. I have pretty bad insomnia and got maybe 8 hours of sleep this entire week so far.

So maybe I'm not in the best state of mind. But I needed to magically become vaguely more good looking. So I went on a search for a nail filer. Oh god this is grossing me out. Oh man, I don't even know I want to read this. The thought of the file. Guys, when my wife files her nails, I have to leave the room. It really, I don't know why it really grosses me. It's not gross. It just makes me uncomfortable. Kind of like nails on chalkboard, that type of sound.

Okay. Okay, Dabney. Okay, we can get through this. I found one of those metal ones in the bathroom, tested it on a fingernail and it works. Oh Jesus. So I aligned it with my front teeth, both at once because I didn't want to be uneven and oh and I just started going back and forth, I guess. I successfully shaved off a bit. It was going really well and already looking better but I still wanted them a tiny bit shorter. I might have gotten a bit carried away. I filed off a tad more and then my right tooth felt like it got struck by

lightning. This is really grossing me out. I am experiencing hot flashes you guys and I'm sweating. I don't like nail files. Oh Jesus. I got a super intense weird zapping pain. I was super freaked out and went to take a close look. No blood or anything. I noticed my teeth are a perfect length and a nice square shape now. But then I went and rinsed my mouth with lukewarm water and I had the exact same sensation. Did I mess up a nerve or something? I try to ignore it but even just licking my teeth with my tongue causes a shooting, throbbing feeling in one of them. So effing disgusting.

It's even worse when I touch it with my finger or whatever. I've never had a cavity or any dental work done, so I'm not 100% sure whether this is normal and will just go away on its own. I can't tell anything is unusual on the outside, so it probably will. Not sure what I did wrong, cause dentists probably do the same thing. I'm gonna try to brush them now. I didn't brush this morning. To see if that improves, I guess. Edit No, I literally can't. This is so bad, I'm not even exaggerating. Like actual electric shocks or something. Just existing with my mouth closed already aches.

I'm learning a lot about teeth today. I'll see a dentist as soon as I can. Then OP posted an update. I had my dentist appointment on Monday. For the people that were concerned or curious, I got everything fixed. Everything's alright-ish now. The dentist initially recommended crowns, but I can't afford those and the multiple appointments those require, so he just filled my teeth back up. He had to scrape off a bunch of

gunk first, which felt like a medieval torture method, but after that he rebuilt them and breathing was no longer excruciating. W, except they're now literally the same length I started off with again. Plus, there's a high risk of straight up breaking off the fillings. It has something to do with the way that my teeth were shaped when I came in. And they're still kind of sensitive, which my dentist warned me about when I chose filling instead of crowning. And I'm down close to a grand, which might become more in a few years. Who knows. But yeah, this was by far the dumbest decision of my life. It seemed like a good plan after a few

sleepless nights. Oh well, that's it for the anti-climactic update, I suppose. I can't believe I have to say this, guys, but just pro-life advice, don't perform surgery on yourself. Even minor surgeries. Uh, people in the comments are talking about how this was a trend a few years ago where people would file down their teeth and they're linking YouTube videos. I am not physically capable of watching those. I've got goosebumps. I'm starting to sweat just thinking about it. Today I effed up by eating a pancake that went bad in my car and discovering I had cancer. I live in Texas and it was a hot summer day and like the absolute genius I am, I left two pancakes in my car. The pancakes must have been in there from about 10am to about 6pm as I was doing quite

a bit of errands and shopping. Long enough that the pancakes basically slow cooked themselves in the sweltering heat. Now instead of throwing it away like a normal person, my stupid self thought, hey, this is fine, right? I ate one of the pancakes when I got home and put the other in the fridge. Next morning, I felt a little off, but hey, it is what it is. I pulled the leftover pancake from the fridge, took a bite, and realized it tasted a little funny. I chalked it up to bad fridge taste. I went out with family to a buffet and felt kinda off, a little confused and not very hungry. I drank a lot of Sprite and ate some shrimp, but felt like I got hit by a truck.

A few hours later, right before bed, my body was like, We're gonna make you regret every decision you've ever made. I got hit with the worst fever, chills, and pain imaginable. You know when you feel so bloated, you know you need to throw up to feel better? I struggled to get comfortable in bed, and it hit me. I need to throw up, feel better. I struggled to get comfortable in bed and it hit me. I need to throw up like right now. I made it to the bathroom just in time to throw up pink sludge. Perfect. I thought I could just go back to bed at this point, but nope. I must have thrown up at least eight times. My throat was absolutely raw at this point and it was 2 in the morning. I had work in a few hours, but I had this feeling where I just felt like I was dreaming

and I was pretty confused. I let my family know, hey, I think I need to go to urgent care. Turns out I had severe sepsis. Sepsis is a life-threatening medical emergency caused by the body's extreme response to infection, potentially leading to organ damage and death if not treated properly. I ended up being moved to the hospital where they kept me for a week hooked up to IV antibiotics, feeling like death itself.

While they were running a bunch of tests and scans, the doctors were like, hey, you've got cysts on both ovaries. Might want to check that out. But wait! There's more! During the scans, they also found a weird lytic bone lesion on my hip and femur. More tests, more scans, and surprise! I had multiple myeloma.

Myeloma is cancer that develops from plasma cells in the bone marrow. And those ovarian cysts? Long story short, surgery happened this past week and I lost both my ovaries. Turns out those cysts weren't just cysts, they were teratomas, aka creepy tumor babies that had hair. The sizes of lemons. Both of them. So to recap, my incredibly dumb decision to eat a sun-baked pancake

somehow led to finding out that I had two ovarian monsters and cancer. If I hadn't gotten sepsis and ended up in the hospital, I wouldn't have known until way later and things could have been much worse. So in the most messed up way possible, that stupid pancake might have actually saved my life. I love how Opie's response to feeling really sick is drinking Sprite and eating buffet seafood. Today I effed up by spitting in my girlfriend's face. So I'm a 26 year old guy and me and my 30 year old girlfriend were engaging in a fun time. I was on top and talking dirty to her. While talking dirty she shouted, you spit in my face. Apparently I was spraying it, not saying it. I have gapped teeth, it happens. However, this is not what I heard. What I heard

was spit in my face, as in a command, not a, please don't spit when you talk. So I obliged her, instantly, just hawk to it right on her face. At first she was laughing hysterically, but then she got angry and refuses to see how exactly this might have been an accident on both of our parts. Anyway, she's mad now, and I'm sleeping on the couch tonight. I think this is funny and to be honest, it's worth the anger. Hopefully, she'll understand later. Haha, Yopi, you should have said,

well, if you don't like the spit in your face, you're going to be really mad in about 30 seconds. Today, I effed up by meeting up with a girl from Bumble in the Philippines. A few weeks ago, I went to the Philippines with my family and decided, screw it, let me download Bumble. So, I matched with this girl there and meet up with her. Originally, she wanted to ask me to go partying Sa Pabla, which is a party club area that's kind of like Tijuana.

I don't know, that's the closest resemblance I can think of. I'm not much of a clubber and my cousins told me it's better to go to Pabla if I'm with the local or if I'm around people I know. So I tell her like, nah, it's okay, maybe we can hang out another time. So it's the next day then, right? She messages me that she's too tired and lazy to drink and asks me if I'm down for dinner and to hang out and I'm like, sure. She's from my hometown and it's kind of far from the big city area that I'm staying in,

especially if there's traffic. So she brings up the idea of eating at Korean barbecue and I'm like, sure, why not? And then I say that we can just find a spot here in the city. She asks me if I can get her an Uber back to the city and back home and I'm like, nah sure, cause why not? I'm being nice and compared to the US, Uber is cheap. So when she finally gets here, we go to the place and see that there's a long line and we decide to see if there's other places open, but they're not. And then she goes, do you want to just go to Pobla? We don't have to drink. There's food places there and we can just hang out after. I'm kinda iffy on that idea. Oh god, I'm still feeling grossed out from the tooth filing story.

But I say sure, why not. So we Uber there and the whole ride she's just on her phone texting and I'm just sitting there. Anyways, we arrive to Pobla and decide to eat at the filling station, which is an all out American diner. But yeah, we get food and as I'm paying for our meal she goes, actually my friends are in Pobler right now. Do you want to hang out with them? And that like really threw me off. And I was like, honestly, not really. I just wanted to hang out with you and I'm not in the mood to drink or party. Then she goes, no, we don't have

to. We can just go around. Just come on." And before I could answer, she gets up and tells me to come on and we're going down the stairs and her friend calls her and it's some random guy and she introduces us and we exit the diner. After, as we're walking around, they ask me what I want to do and I'm like, I'm not really in the mood to drink or anything and they're like, come on, just party with us, it'll be fun. And I said, really? I'm not in the mood. Then as we keep walking, the girl asks me, what do you want to do then? And I kept saying that I just wanted to hang out with her and I didn't want to party. She asked me this about five times, but she wasn't listening. And then she goes, well, do you just want to go home then? Because I'm going to go with my friends.

And my stomach just sunk because I felt like I wasted my time. Then I'm just like, yeah, I'm just going to go home and get an Uber. Then she goes, okay, I'll wait with you. As I'm booking my Uber, she goes, wait, didn't you say you were going to pay for my ride back? And I looked at her and said, yeah, but that's when you said that we were going to hang out. So nah. Then when my Uber gets here, she goes, come on, just give me 500 pesos then.

And her and her friend like stepped towards me about to corner me. And in my mind, I wanted to crash out and like actually start stuff. But also I don't know these people and the area I'm in and I don't want to be into some deep trouble over 500 pesos. So to me, 500 pesos isn't a lot so I'm like, you know what, I'll just give it to her so she can leave me alone and I can just go back home. That Uber back home was the most defeated feeling I've ever felt. I've never felt so defeated in my entire life. As soon as I enter my Uber, she texts me, are you sure you don't want to come?

We have more friends coming. I just replied with, No, I already said multiple times I don't want to drink. I hope you enjoyed your free food and free ride. Turns out a mutual friend knows her and she apparently has two boyfriends and does this to tons of guys, especially foreigners, and she tries to get them to pay for her and her friends at the clubs. So I met a girl and instead of getting laid, she robbed me of roughly seven

dollars. OP, I was expecting you to lose a kidney or other important body parts, so the fact that you lost seven bucks is in my opinion a win. Today I effed up by not telling my doctor how many tic tacs I eat per day. So I am absolutely effing obsessed with the fruit adventure flavor of tic tacs. The flavor, combined with the soft smush they make between your teeth when you chew them, makes my brain very happy. I've been buying them in bulk, where each container has 200 candies each, and they come in bulk packs of 12 containers. I tend to eat them by the handful while I'm working or gaming, so in a day I can easily slam through 1-2 containers. Now, keep in mind that on the nutrition label it says the serving size is 1 candy, and is listed as

having 0 calories, which I thought was awesome because I could have as many as I want. Over the past year, I found that I gained about 40 pounds and nothing about my eating habits had changed as far as I was aware. I told my doctor about it and she was a bit worried, so she had me do a bunch of blood work to see if there was a reason why I gained so much weight in such a short period of time. Everything came back normal. She referred me to see a weight loss doctor who would also have me see a dietitian. I've been working with the dietitian for a few months now and we have me keep a food log. I had a virtual visit with her today and during it I was fiddling around with an empty container to keep my hands busy. She saw it and asked where I got such a large container from,

so I told her about it and how I eat 1-2 of these containers per day. She asked why those weren't on my food tracker and I said it's because they're zero calories so they wouldn't count. Apparently, I was very, very wrong about this. She explained to me that food companies can label something as being zero calories if the food serving size contains five or less calories. In reality, each individual tic tac has about two calories. So essentially, since each container has 200 pieces and I typically have one to two of those, I've been eating 400 to 800 calories per day of tic tacs. In addition to all the other foods I've been eating, which 800 calories per day of tic tacs. In addition to all the other foods I've been eating, which is very likely why I've gained so much weight.

Gosh, the guy practically ate 50 pounds of pure sugar and is like, why am I getting so fat? I don't understand. Today I effed up by turning my cat into an iPad kid. Recently my TV broke, so I decided it would be cool to replace it with a projector. A few days ago, the projector arrived, and I spent a few hours setting it up and playing around with it. Then, I had the bright idea to put on one of those videos made for cats, the one with insects, lasers, and mice, to see how my cat would react.

She effing loved it! Naturally, I let her watch for about an hour before turning it off for the night. She protested a little, but nothing too serious. At least, not compared to what was coming. Over the next few days, I foolishly let her watch the projector a few more times, thinking it was hilarious how excited she was about her new toy. However, as time went on, she started to get a bit more vocal, growling and meowing at me to get my attention. I soon realized it was because of the ads. She was throwing tantrums because she couldn't stop waiting.

Now she complains whenever I turn it off or if she gets interrupted. And bonus points, my YouTube now thinks that I'm a cat.