rSlash - r/TIFU by Eating CUMcake

Episode Date: September 17, 2023

0:00 Intro 0:06 Pepper spray 4:58 Cheater 9:25 Poker addict 12:27 Turning 14:28 Cake topper Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Today I F-Dup by giving my girlfriend Pepper spray that I no longer needed. The actual gift giving happened about a month ago. I used to work for Uber part time, and I would carry Pepper spray on me to deal with the crazy's when and if a time would ever arise that I needed to. After I quit, I felt like I no longer needed it, so I gifted it to my girlfriend. She got extremely excited by this gift. I'm not sure why she was so ecstatic, but she felt this extreme empowerment by having

it, like she was invincible or something. As soon as she got it, she was outside testing it by spraying it on the ground, which I told her to test it, to make sure that it works. She used it twice and danced with Glee, then we went back inside and that was that. Over the course of the next month, she kept that thing on her like it was her only lifeline to the world. I was honestly kind of flattered that she loved my little $20 gift so much. It comes with a breakaway attachment to a keychain that she had fixed onto her keys. We went out downtown and some guy approached her when I was in the bathroom and when I came out, she was pointing it in his face like she's ready to end his retina's existence.

It was extremely comical, until it wasn't. Alright, so last weekend, we're in the car and have some friends with us. My girlfriends in the passenger seat, my friends directly behind her, his girlfriend is next to him in the center, and some guy that was introduced to us by my friend, let's call him Steve, is directly behind me. We were on our way to an event downtown, and this dude Steve has a pretty big personality. You know, the type of guy who likes to put other people down to make himself feel better, or laugh at other people's expenses, whatever.

Well, my girlfriend has a bit of an explosive personality, and while she wasn't the target of his banter, she sure as hell wouldn't put up with it. I was the target. And while she wasn't the target of his banter, she sure as hell wouldn't put up with it. I was the target. And while I won't go into too much detail on what was said, it was enough to set my girlfriend off and pull out that handy dandy pepper spray that I gifted her and set it off right in his face. We're driving in a car, on the freeway with the windows rolled up, and pepper spray going off adjacently behind me.

I appreciate my girlfriend's attempt to white night for me, but when I tell you that everyone in the car was a victim, including herself, to the sheer magnitude of stinging pain to my eyes. My eyes immediately closed and I swerved off the side into the divider. Luckily, I only grazed the divider wall, but we were all immediately out of the car, screaming, gasping, and wiping our eyes. When I finally looked over at Steve, he was vomiting, his face was beat red, and it literally looked like he'd- and it literally looked like she dumped the can into his face. She is never getting a weapon again.

OP, you are so lucky you didn't die. You're lucky you didn't take other people down with you. The fact that you were driving on a freeway and you were able to pull off, blind, and park is a miracle. If you had been in the left lane or the middle lane, gosh, you would have had to blindly merge to the right several lanes, hope that you gauged the distance correctly and hope that there were no other cars there to crash into.

Alternatively, just stop in the middle of a freeway and hope that some 18 wheeler doesn't crush you from behind. So, okay, beyond the fact that you got incredibly lucky here, your girlfriend has issues OP. Pepper's spraying a dude because he was making crude jokes and this was some random stranger either. This was a friend that theoretically someone else cares about or likes hanging out with and she pepper sprays him over a joke. It's a good thing that you didn't give your

girlfriend a gun instead of pepper spray or it would have been like that scene in Pulp Fiction where the guy just blows the brains out of the guy in the backseat. I hate to laugh because this is a really funny story. Also this is a really serious problem. Your girlfriend has restraint problems, self-control problems. She went way too far and she literally almost murdered all five of you. I don't know if this is today I f'd up by giving my girlfriend pepper spray or today I f'd up by dating an unstable psychopath moron. Guys for real, help me figure out which

is the bigger red flag here. That she's so unstable that she would pepper spray an acquaintance over a joke or that she's such an unthinking idiot that she would pepper spray in a car on a freeway with the windows up, driving it like 60 miles per hour. Okay, when I put it that way, I think I know the answer. It's definitely the stupidity. I mean, I mean, assault is a problem. You assault someone, you go to jail,

you pay your fine, whatever. You can learn from your mistake, but that level of stupidity, that's a lifelong problem. Today I effed up by cheating with my coworker and planning to run away together. I work in international live events that take weeks to pull off. I typically coordinate them and work with the team to install and operate them. I'm close with my coworkers, but we live across the world and fly into every event. I've met most of my coworkers in person, but for this event, we had someone

new working the sound system. Clint. I had seen him in Zoom calls before, but we had an interface directly. This event was a big one for the company. A big headliner with big partners with a lot of money being tossed around. I arrived at the install, got caught up to speed, met Clint, and got to work. One by one, my co-workers were sent off to other events. Clint and I were left to finish everything up, but bad weather and huge letdowns by one of our vendors had us in hot water. We started working 15 to 20 hour days to get everything done on time. After our long haul days, Clint and I would hang out and blaze up, legally. We had a lot in common, and we were vibing like neither of us felt before.

We were both married unhappily. Clint's wife had a bunch of medical problems, and was really good at spending money and never leaving school. My husband had turned into an angry person, had built up a pile of debt, and was not putting anything into the relationship. It started out platonic, but things got extremely stressful and our sexual tensions started building up. The lack of sleep, stress, and my lower tolerance for cannabis left me questioning everything

about my life. We both felt like the other person was an extension of ourselves that we were kindred spirits. Slowly, Clint started making moves and suddenly, dinners were turning into dates and we were hanging out in each other's hotel rooms. We crossed many lines together, but right as we crossed the final line, my brain kicked back in and we decided to take care of our lives before going further. Over the last few days of the event, Clint and I continue to be close. We made plans to leave our spouses, sell our houses, and travel together.

We made a bucket list of places to go, things to do, and see together. We even talked about eventually building a little cabin. Clint said that he planned on getting a tattoo dedicated to me when he returned home. At the end of the event, we went our separate ways and kept in touch virtually. There was lots of sexting and unprofessionalism all around. We'd agreed that we wouldn't tell our partners about the affair as they each have mental health issues, but we planned to divorce and move on with our lives. After a few days at home, I talked with my husband and asked for a divorce. I told him I talked with my husband and asked for a divorce. I told him I wanted to move away and start my life over. Clint talked to his wife,

but things were messier. She was volatile, and her family made it difficult for Clint to outright leave her. Eventually, I noticed Clint was becoming distant. Still sexual, but not as emotionally available. He sent me pictures of his new tattoos, which were nothing like what he had described to me. Alarm bells were going off in my head, but I kept plotting along, planning mine and our escape. Clint went off to a series of anniversary related dates with his wife and kept leaving me on red.

I asked him what was going on a number of times. Finally, after weeks of mixed signals, Clint told me that he was having doubts. We video-chatted during work, and he told me that he owed it to his wife to try to make things work. Now, I'm left to pick up the pieces of my life. Most of my friends are my co-workers, so I have no one to talk to about my heartbreak. I don't have the money to fix my problems at home, or to leave, and live alone in another country.

There's no going back with my husband, as I know that it would be wrong. And I'm no longer interested in caring on the relationship. I'll see Clint again in a few weeks at another event, where we'll likely be left alone for hours at a time. But he plans to stay faithful to his wife, and we never even got to have the mind-blowing intercourse that we talked about. Man, it's really crazy to me that throughout this entire post, there's not even a hint of remorse.

No talk about the husband except that he's angry, and yeah, okay, if your husband's angry and you want to divorce him, then divorce him. Don't cheat on him. I just have a lot of trouble dredging up sympathy for cheaters. Sucks you ruined your life, I guess. The best adventures are the ones we share. So explore together with the 2023 Defender 130

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East Side Mario's all you can eat. Is all you can mudge a soup? Sell it. and garlic home Today I F'd up by losing Sorry by losing a hundred and forty six thousand dollars in poker I've been living alone in a new city for a little more than a year I literally don't know anyone here except for my co my coworkers who I don't interact with except for work. With not much to do during my downtime, I got into online poker. I have a decent job where I make around $100,000

a year, and where I stay, this puts me in the top 10% of earners. But, over the last seven months, I've managed to lose $146,000 playing poker. I primarily played plow 6. I started with buy-ins of 100 bucks, but soon moved to 500 bucks and then 5000. I was losing often, but only after I would run up insane scores. Every other day, I would put $5,000 into my poker account, run it up to $30,000, lose it all, and then buy back six more times. I mostly kept my winnings in the account, and I had a couple of big cash outs, getting

it from the table with like $70,000 profit at one point. But still, I was a consistent loser, losing on average $20,000 to $30,000 per month. Oh, Pete, that's like $1,000 to $30,000 per month. Oh, Pete, that's like $1,000 a day. My entire salary would go into this other than rent and food. The last week or so of every month, I'd be counting my dollars to make sure I had enough

to make it through, and then it happened. I completely lost all the money I had in my account. I had one month where I lost $50,000. I blew through my savings, took an advance from work, then blew through that too. As of today, I'm down $146,000, with $12,000 in debt, and about $200 to my name to last out the month. I don't have enough money for rent this month, and I don't really know how I'm going to figure it out.

I'm respected at work, and I'm seen as someone who's highly logical, analytical, practical, and intelligent. What they don't know is that I'm also a degenerate gambler. I'm sure I'll get through this. I have to, and I have to rebuild, but I needed to put this down and share it with someone, even if it's just words and an empty sub. Take care guys, loneliness is a hell of a thing. You know, the sad thing OP is that if you're super, super lonely,

you could have just taken that $146,000 and spent it to buy friends. I don't mean buy friends like transactionally. I just mean, you know, go to a local bar, buy some people's some drinks, pick up a hobby, spend money on the hobby, throw some money around on a hot girl on a day, you know, like you can spend money to meet people and make friends, and if you had done that, then you'd probably wouldn't have cost you $146,000, and you'd have some friends. But gosh, I can't be too harsh on you OP because clearly you have an addiction. Clearly, a thousand dollars a day is NOT OP. So, good luck OP. I hope you're able to dig yourself out of this hole. Today I f'd up by telling a girl she turned me gay. To clarify, I'm a bisexual guy.

There's a Barnes & Noble store that I go to frequently. There's also a cute girl who works there. Megan, who I had a crush on years ago. We liked the same books and had a few polite conversations here and there. One day, I worked up the courage to ask her out and she gave me her number. But a few days later, she let me down easily and I didn't go back to that same barn's a noble for a while. After the awkwardness were off, I would go back and we'd be polite, but there was a bit of tension there, at least I thought so anyway. Fast forward a few years, and I married to my wonderful husband, and Megan still works at the Barnes & Noble. I go with my husband to the Barnes & Noble, and Megan is there. She was busy, so I don't try to have a conversation

with her. My husband was looking around on the other side of the store, and I was in the manga section. Don't judge. I round a corner and almost bump into Megan. I apologize and we both laugh and have small talk and talk about one of the new books that Sarah Jay Mass is coming out with in January. At some point she notices my ring and says congratulations and I say thank you. She says, I hope she makes you happy. I hear marriage is tough. I say he does make me happy. We've only been married a few weeks, dating for a year, and things have been smooth. She looks at me confused. He? And here's my screw up. I decided to be funny and say, yeah, when you rejected me, I thought

that I'd have more luck on the guy's side, and I was right, so thank you for turning me. I laughed, hoping that she would get the sarcasm in my voice, but she didn't. She turned red in the face and tears welled up in her eyes. Then she apologized and pretty much ran away into his side room before I could tell her that I was joking. I wanted to wait for her to come out so I could apologize for the joke, but after 15 minutes, I didn't think that she was coming out. I found my husband

and made a hasty retreat to the car and told him what happened. He laughed and called me a monster, jokingly. I may need to find a new bookstore. Today I effed up by not realizing that our initials made our cake topper inappropriate. I'll be getting married in October of 2023 to my fiancé of 9 years. During this 9 years, I've never really put together how our initials look. Mine being C and his being M. I ordered a pretty cake topper a few weeks ago with our initials. It came in and I looked at it with excitement and I haven't shown anyone but my fiance. Today my father stopped in for a visit and I began to show him the stuff that I bought for my wedding.

I showed him the cake topper and he gave me a puzzled look and asked, what does that say? I was confused as to how it wasn't obvious. Then it dawned on me to look at it differently. The cake topper says, see heart in, Except the heart is the same size as the letters. The heart is also not a traditional shape. Making it look like it says, see you M. I showed this to my father in full confidence. I ordered a cake topper that just says, come.

Not even my fiance caught it. F my life. Well, instead of serving cupcakes, you'll be serving cupcakes! That was our slash today I F'd up, and if you liked this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.