rSlash - r/TIFU By Giving my Child a 3,000,000 Scoville Sandwich 🔥🌶️🔥

Episode Date: April 6, 2022

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Welcome to R-slash Today I F'd up, where OP gives his young daughter a 3 million Scoville sandwich. Today I F'd up by sending my daughter to school with a 3 million Scoville sandwich. I'll start off by saying that my wife has very weak taste buds. She can hardly taste anything unless they have extreme flavor like stupid salty, stupid spicy, etc. Well, it's my job to get the kids ready for school, make lunches, get them dressed and out to the bus. Then I go off to work. Well this particular day my wife was working in early shifts, so I decided to make her

lunch as well. I made ham sandwiches for all three lunches. Two normal sandwiches for my daughter and 1 sandwich with extreme hot sauce spread across thickly on both sides of the sandwich. I put them all into baggies and packed up. If you don't know what the hot sauce the last dab is, it's a hot sauce made by a popular YouTube channel that sits at 3 million Scoville. It is not for the week.

It's powerful, it sets your whole body on fire, and there isn't much to do, but try milk and just wait for the spice to pass. Today, around 11.30, I got a call from my oldest daughter's teacher, saying that she was in agony, that she vomited all over the floor and is in the nurse's office being assessed. I immediately knew what I did. I left work and rushed to the school. I stopped at a gas station to get some whole milk and some thick chocolate milk to try to savor.

I've heard chocolate milk works, but I've never had the misfortune to try it. When I got there, the nurse had figured out what happened, and I got an earful from her about the dangers of spicy food for young kids, and I could have done some damage. I agreed, and I just let done some damage. I agreed, and I just let her go off on me while I was comforting my daughter, because frankly, I deserved it. I explained what happened to the principal who wanted to fill out an incident report. He was understanding that mistakes happened, but also said this mistake could have been worse. Again, I agreed. I'm so embarrassed. When I told

my wife what happened when she got home, she went to comfort our daughter, and jokingly called me a huge moron. I agreed. And we all had a bit of a laugh with my two daughters over it. My daughter has since recovered, and I've learned a valuable lesson. Don't make radioactive sandwiches around food for your kids. Today I f'd up by getting too drunk to remember anything about the girl that I was going home with. This was a couple of years ago. After a particularly heavy night at a university, I went home with a girl who I'd met at the club. We were obviously both extremely drunk, and I don't really remember how I started talking to her or anything that was said between us, or anything bad at all, not even her name.

But soon enough, we were in a taxi going to her place. She still lived on campus, and she was more comfortable going to her place, so we did. We lived in typical university accommodation that was basically just a long hallway of identical rooms. Fast forward to a few hours later, it's probably around 4 a.m. and we both then passed out for a little while. I woke up and desperately needed to use the toilet. She didn't have an on-sweets, so I headed out into the hallway and found the bathroom

a few doors down. I probably should have gotten dressed into more than just my bright orange boxers before going out into the building full of strangers, but I'm not very smart, so I didn't. I sat on the toilet for a while, and the room was spinning a lot, because I was still smashed. I'm not sure how long I was there, because I think I semi-passed out again, but eventually I got up and left the bathroom. This is basically where I realized that I'd messed up and started to panic. I looked up and down the hallway at about 20 identical bedroom doors and had

absolutely no idea whatsoever which one was hers. I suddenly became painfully aware of the fact that I was almost naked. For about 30 seconds, I was kind of in denial and kept telling myself that if I think hard enough, then there must be a way out of the situation. Obviously, I quickly realized that there wasn't one, so I took a guess at one door that I thought was vaguely in the area that I'd come from. A girl in a dressing gown answered the door, looking extremely confused, and a little scared at finding a stranger in his underwear knocking on her door at 4 a.m. So I quickly apologized profusely and basically begged for some help finding the room that I'd

come out of. Luckily, she saw the funny side of it and was super friendly. So she was happy to help and she asked me the name of the girl that I'd come home with. But I didn't even know what her name was, so I had to apologize profusely again for being such a scummy idiot that I didn't even know the name of the girl that I'd gone to bed with. Again, she luckily saw the funny side of it and that it happens to the best of us, so all I had to do was tell her the girl's hair color and she should be able to narrow it

down from there. But I couldn her the girl's hair color and she should be able to narrow it down from there. But I couldn't even remember her hair color. I had a vague feeling that it was a dark color, so I said that, and she said, oh, okay, I knew who that will have been. And she knocked on a door a few doors down from her own. Another confused, worried girl answered the door and asked her friend, why the hell are you knocking on my door at 4 a.m.? And who was this almost naked boy? We basically repeated the process again.

And the new girl said that she knew who had been out tonight, and she was almost certain which one of them was the type to come home with someone as stupid as you. So she knocked on another door. Another random girl opened the door. I wish I could say that this one on even longer for comedic effect, but this last girl did actually know which girl I'd come home with, and because they were friends, she finally knocked on the correct door. The girl I'd come home with answered the door, and was very confused as to why I was out in the hallway with three of her friends. But they all quickly

saw the funny side and had a good laugh about it, while I just snuck back into her bed and buried my head in the pillow for a while. I still cringe when I think about it now. Thankfully, I was so drunk at the time because if I hadn't been, I probably would have just died of embarrassment. So what's funny about this to me OP.P. is if things don't work out with a girl that you like came home with, then you've got a list of two other girls that apparently other girls in the hall are like, oh you must mean Rebecca. She's a total slut. She brings back a guy every night and she barely remembers their name either, so it's probably her. Today's episode is sponsored by Honey. I don't know about you, but I do literally 100% of my shopping online.

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Mike and I were married in October 2014. It wasn't a fortune But it wasn't enough to make a difference after taxes it came out to right around $480,000 Most people would be over the moon, but I panicked. I didn't want our life to turn upside down because we had extra money now. I was still legally single at the time,

so I was able to accept it anonymously without the need to tell anyone else. So I didn't tell anyone else, not a single soul, not my husband, my parents, siblings, best friend, etc. Only the state and federal governments. My husband has a tendency to spend money on things that we don't need and that aren't going to benefit us in the long run. So I didn't want our money to get blown quickly on stupid stuff like cars and clothes. I opened a new bank account with a national credit union and put the check in. I got started with a financial advisor, Keith, who guided me into investing in local business

in real estate, and that was that. It's been sitting there ever since, just growing. Flash forward to today. I'm doing dishes getting ready to start making dinner and my phone rings. I can't get to my phone in time, but I figure I'll call them back. Then I get a text, no big deal. I'll get to it in a minute. But my husband came into the kitchen and glanced at my phone to let me know who texted and called me, which he always does if my hands are full. It's Keith. He called and texted me to let me know that my account

just hit one million dollars after one of the energy companies I invested in soared recently. My husband is stunned. He has no clue what to even say, and he just stares at me until he says, we have a million dollars? I was so flushed, but I finally just sat him down and explained the situation. He's clearly mad at me for never telling him. I ask if my family knows, and I tell him that no one knows except the IRS and Keith. It took him a few hours to finally be able to really talk to me. At the end of the silence, he told me that he's proud of me for investing into our future,

but he needs a few days to clear his head because he feels like I hit a huge part of myself from him. We might just need to take a vacation now. Then OP posted an update. My husband and I just spoke on the phone for about an hour. He told me that he's staying with his best friend slash coworker tonight, but that he's not angry. He agreed that he would have spent the money on dumb things if he'd won it, and he's happy that I put it away.

He's a little less happy that I didn't tell him about it for so long, but he said that he doesn't care, and he doesn't want this getting in the way of our marriage. I like how OP in this story is like, eh, the money wasn't a big deal, just a mere $480,000, practically half a million bucks. And I mean, I did what anyone would do with that much money, I just put it in the bank and forgot about it. Today I effed up by being a hoe. I'm a 32 year old woman and I'm not particularly rigid when it comes to dating age ranges.

I cast a wide net and if a guy is a few years younger or older, then I don't really mind. And by a few, I mean like give or take 10 years. So over the past couple months, I've gone on a few dates with different guys. And I'll just say it, I hook up with different guys, I'm not ashamed to say it. Anyway, I hooked up with this younger guy who's like 24, and another guy who's like 45. The 45-year-old was kind of a one-night stand who I kinda string along, but the 24-year-old is more like a regular thing already. Neither one is really embarrassingly out of my own age range for casual dating.

The 24-year-old is like a boy toy, not gonna lie. He doesn't really say much that's interesting, but we hooked up a handful of times already, and he's into doing it in public, which I'm into as well. So the 24-year-old invited me to an open house for a really fancy brand new apartment that he said he was going to be working at. He's a real estate agent, and we sexed about what we were going to do. I get to the open house wearing some sexy lingerie under my jacket that was supposed to get ripped off. But as I walk in, my 24-year-old boy toy is standing there with the 45 year old who I also hooked up with.

I'm like, oh no, and the 45 year old says, oh you have got to be kidding me. I'm like, oh, um, hey, what's up? Are you an agent? The boy toy is like, hey, you two know each other? Not the right voice for this. Whatever, I'm gonna go with it. The 45-year-old is like, we've met. Yeah. Oh, uh, we met at the gym, I tell the boy toy. Then the older guy is like, now I know why you haven't been able to meet up. Crinch. Apparently, my boy toy was talking about me to his co-worker, and he told him that we were gonna hook up in the master bedroom. Because apparently, their work buddies, despite being 20 years apart, I did not wind up hooking up in the master bedroom. The mood got killed and I did a walk of shame out of there. My boy Toy texted me afterward to ask what was up. I had to come

clean and tell him that I hooked up with his co-worker and I just needed him to know. He was like, okay, well, we're just casual anyway. And he went back to sexting and asked about what Jim, lol, but there was no Jim. Too long didn't read. Two guys that I hooked up with work together and I came across as a hoe to both of them. Hey, look on the bright side, OP, at least they're not father and son. Today I have to buy violently pooping in my toddler's potty. This evening after dinner, I was cleaning up, and I started feeling a rumbly in my tummy. I called my husband, who I thought was downstairs

to come up and watch our toddler because I had to poop. I couldn't wait for him, so I ran up the stairs trusting that he would arrive shortly. I was clenching for dear life as I rounded the corner into our bedroom. I threw open the bathroom door, and to my absolute horror, I saw my husband sitting on our toilet. I screamed something unintelligible, and in a blind panic, all I could think to do was aim

for the mini-potty that my two-year-old daughter uses in our bathroom. Shortly after everything in my bowels was ejected, my daughter came into our bathroom looking for us because, obviously, her dad never showed up to watch her. I watched her tiny face, more from confusion, to abject horror as she realized what happens. It got even worse once I realized that there was no way to ever clean that potty enough for her to use it again, so I backed it up for the trash. My daughter started freaking out and having an all-out toddler meltdown saying that I ruined her potty, which she loves more than anything in the world.

Thanks to Amazon Prime, a new one is arriving between 70 and 11 am tomorrow. So I know that companies make fake Reddit accounts to try to advertise or promote products. I gotta say, this is the weirdest advertisement for Amazon Prime I think I've ever read. Today I have dubbed by saying that my neighbors' daughters are hot. I'm a 33 year old guy living in Quebec, Canada. Here, the official language is French, but almost everyone speaks English too. The other day I was shoveling snow on my driveway, and my neighbor, a 35-year-old woman was there too, removing snow from her car. We share a driveway and we're very friendly. We always help

each other in exchange gifts. I really love having them as neighbors. Their family configuration is a mother and father, one son, and two daughters. However, the mom and dad are divorced, so on this day I finally got to meet the father. So the guy approached me talking in French, and I can kind of speak French, so I tried to maintain the conversation in French to be respectful. He said, «Méphère de mon décret, tu est un trait bon vos ans » Which roughly translates to, my daughter said that you're a very good neighbor. I replied, «Merci, elle est son trait bonheur aussi » Which I thought meant thank you, they're very good too.

Again, my French is very limited. But what it actually means is, yes, they're very hot too, or yes, they're very good to f***. He started speaking in English, and we had a pleasant conversation. Weeks later, I watched a video about the worst mistakes that you can make in French, and this was number one. So now I know that I said to a Muslim father that their daughters and ex-wife are hot. I'm imagining the father being like, okay, so clearly this guy doesn't know French, I switch over to English and he's like,

so how do you like living next to my kids? And OP is like, oh, I love it. Your kids are fantastic in the sack. That was our slash of my The Butthole. And if you like this content, check out my second YouTube channel Your kids are fantastic in the sack. That was our slash of my The Butthole.

And if you like this content, check out my second YouTube channel by clicking the link in the description.