rSlash - r/Tifu by Hanging Out with 3 Murderers

Episode Date: July 4, 2022

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Welcome to our slash today I FDuff, where OP unwittingly hangs out with a group of murderers. Today I FDuff by hanging out with three murderers. This happened back in 2015 when I was 15. I was sleeping over at a friend's house and we were home alone. We smoked some weed, and we were really, really baked. We realized that we really needed some munchies at about 1 a.m. so we walked about 2 miles to the 24-7 grocery store. My friend was really paranoid the whole time that we walked, thinking someone was going to jump out of the bushes or something. I don't know. We make it to the store and get a ton of snacks. My friend says she's too scared to walk back home so we sit in the little lobby in front of the grocery store trying to

find a taxi. While we were doing this, we see a group of 3 guys around our age come in. 5 minutes later, the 3 of them run out of the store, all holding some kind of liquor. The one employee just kind of half-assedly chased them to the door, but then just shrugged when they escaped, and sighed. At this point, we realized that we weren't going to find any taxis, so we decided to just suck it up and walk home. We're leaving the store and walk past this little sitting area maybe 75 feet from the grocery store entrance. There were the three guys just chilling and drinking their free booze. One of them shouts out to us asking if we would like to join them.

I immediately panicked whisper to my friend, no, no, no, but for some reason she says yes. I don't know why she was too scared to walk two miles in the dark, but not scared enough to say no to these guys. Well, I wasn't going to leave her alone, so I sit down too. They give us each a beer and they start talking about random high school stuff. They all seem to be pretty intoxicated already, and one guy seemed to be on something else too. He was incoherent and just kind of flopping around on the ground. Not in the, I'm dying way, but in a, I'm really messed up kind of way. We sit there for maybe 20 minutes before my friend realizes that maybe this wasn't

a good idea, so we look at each other like, let's get the F outta here, what are we doing? And we say we need to get home. They say that they don't mind walking us home and that maybe they can come to my friends house and smoke some weed. Obviously that was a terrible idea, so we told them that we were fine. They followed us anyway,

so me and my friend decided that we would go to a park near our house and then ditch them there. They threw the one really messed up guy into a shopping cart and offered to carry our shopping bags. We did buy a lot of munchies, so we agree. They threw our stuff on top of the guy in the shopping cart. They were nice guys, we just weren't down to have them in our house, and they were very

pushy about wanting to come over. We make it to the park and they disperse. The messed up guy tries to climb over the playground fence but gets stuck and just stays there, hanging over the fence. The other two guys start dicking around on the playground. My friend and I grab our stuff and make a break for the trees. They didn't even notice that we left. We get back to our house, laughing about how weird that whole situation was, and dive into our munchies at last. We passed out in front of the TV. The next morning, her mom came home while we were making some breakfast.

We were just chit-chatting when she asked if we heard about that hidden run over a drug deal gone wrong involving some students at our rival high school. We hadn't, so we asked for more info. She pulls up a news article showing four mug shots, three of which are the guys that we met the night before. It turns out they and a girl tried to get weed without paying for it and ended up like pushing the dealer out of a moving car or something like that, which killed her. My friend and I just looked at each other like we were shocked.

Well murder, this sounds a little bit more like manslaughter, which is accidentally killing My friend and I just looked at each other like we were shocked. Well, murder. This sounds a little bit more like manslaughter, which is accidentally killing someone, because the fact that they were so casual and friendly suggested me they probably didn't even know they killed the person they pushed out of their car. I'm not defending them. You know, I'm not saying, oh, well, you know,

boys will be boys. I'm not trying to say that or anything crazy like that. I'm just saying, I don't think you were really in danger necessarily, OP, because I don't think these were like ruthless cold blooded murderers. I think they were just a bunch of stupid kids who were like, oh, let's just push her out of the car and get free weed. So I think you were kind of safe OP. I don't think they're about to like slit your throat and steal your your chips and beef jerky. Today I f'd up by visiting my crazy family in Oklahoma. My wife was scheduled

for a business trip, so I decided that during her time away I would go visit my family. Since they live in the meth-hit capital, Oklahoma, I knew that it would be a chaotic visit, but I had no idea what exactly was in store for me this time around. After letting my mom know what dates I was coming for a visit, I started getting some weirder than normal texts. Now, usually text from my family goes something like this. I read online that snorting hydrogen peroxide is good for your health, or we're taking out alone to buy a shadow because the jacuzzi we just bought doesn't fit in the house. Mind you, both of my parents are broke, refuse to apply for jobs, and are largely living off of my siblings' incomes.

But this time, I got a flurry of text messages accusing my wife of secretly abusing me. The reason these messages were so odd is that my family has known my wife for over 10 years, and she's literally the sweetest person ever. And ironically enough, my parents are the ones with the past history of abusing all their kids, verbally, emotionally, physically, and financially. And still, my angel of a wife has consistently loved and supported me through the PTSD aftermath of growing up with that kind of abuse. So after reassuring my mom that my wife is still the same sweet, non-abusive person as

always, she starts going on about secret knowledge she had and she wouldn't tell me what it was. Finally, I just chalked it up to her being bored and trying to start conflict for entertainment. So fast forward to the actual family visits. I woke up exhausted and I decided to treat myself to some coffee at the local coffee shop. The one I was going to was about a 5 mile drive from where my parents live. However, I'd been so stressed out from the usual family arguments and gaslighting that highway hypnosis kicked in and I ended up half an hour away.

Realizing I'd have to drive half an hour back, I went ahead and called my mom to let her know that she shouldn't worry. Shortly thereafter, my sister calls me. She goes on about how highway hypnosis proves that I'm unhinged and delusional. She says that I must have something wrong with my brain and that I need immediate medical attention at an emergency room. But not the closest ER to me, the closest ER to her. She lives two hours away from my parents.

She says I need to go see Dr. So-and-So and have him sign paperwork to get me checked into a mental ward for my own safety. When I tell her that she's overreacting and that I'm perfectly okay, she tells me that she and my mom have been noticing a worsening pattern in my cognitive behavior for a while now. I ask her what behavior and she won't give me a clear answer. Anyway, I get back to my parents' house and go to their guest house to finish my coffee and send a few emails before fully starting my day. Except, I hear a noise in my mom's office, so naturally I decide to check it out. Spoiler, it was my mom's cat knocking down a folder full of papers from her desk. When I go to pick the papers up, something catches my eye.

My name. On paper after paper, there was my name. In voluntary civil commitment, power of attorney going to my mother upon my involuntary commitment, proxy divorce papers to be filed on my behalf against my wife, and written statements by my family that my wife had abused me and were therefore requesting annual alimony to be paid to my soon to be power of attorney for the remainder of my involuntary commitment. My blood ran cold. Of all the ways to extort my wife for money, they were trying to get me locked up for life

in a psychiatric ward to do it. I called my wife, packed my bags, and left without saying goodbye. Wow, OP, this legitimately feels like the plot to some horror movie. You know, like a psychological thriller where a family gets the main character locked away in a psych ward, and like the doctor is corrupt because maybe he's selling drugs to patients through prescriptions, or maybe he's addicted to drugs himself, or maybe he's just a psychopath who likes locking up people for fun because he's nuts. Anyways OP, this is super creepy. Down in the comments Grumpy Terrier asks,

is your family on drugs? What are they so in need of money for? Just stuff? OP replies, I don't know, but they have a multi-million dollar debt. None of my siblings know where it all goes, so it probably is drugs. After that whole debacle, I'm going full no contact. Today I f'd up by accidentally turning myself in for homicide. This happened a few years ago.

I was driving in a quiet residential neighborhood late at night to get to a friend's house. Everyone had their garbage and recycling bins out, and one was knocked over with everything spilled out. I tried to dodge it, but I felt my car go over a bump. As I looked in the rearview mirror, I see something that looks like an animal. I immediately stop, and as soon as I open the door, I'm hit by the smell of skunk. Once I confirm that it's dead, I get back in my car and start freaking out. I've never hit anything before, and the back in my car and start freaking out. I've never hit anything before, and the idea that I just killed something hit me hard.

I called my friend to tell him that I would be a little late, and as soon as he picks up, I start bawling my eyes out. I tried to tell him what happened as best as I can while crying. My friend asks me if I want him to call someone, and I say yes. I'm thinking that he means like the city city or whoever you call to report Roadkill. I tell him exactly where I am and he tells me to stay put and he'll call me right back. Less than 10 minutes go by and I hear sirens. Ambulance and fire arrive shortly after. At this point it's close to 1 a.m. and people are starting to come out of their houses

and the street is packed. Police officers are telling me to roll my windows down and start looking around my car. Paramedics and firefighters are doing the same thing. Bear in mind the horrendous smell that everyone is also dealing with. They get to my window and I'm still crying but extremely confused so I start to tell them what happened and they keep asking, where is he? I get out of my car, point to the skunk, and all hell breaks loose. They start yelling at me, asking if I'm pranking them and telling me that I committed a crime. In the midst

of them yelling at me, I realize that they were responding to a homicide. I realized that when I called my friend, he thought that I killed someone. In my distress state, all I could say was, oh my god, I hit him, he's dead, oh my god, and lots of crying and swearing. The mixup had to be explained to everyone, including all the neighbors who came outside. The police were pissed off and gave me a very long lecture, but ultimately decided not to charge me. And the kicker, one of the neighbors heard the story and gave me an odd look and said

the skunk had been there for a few hours. The bump was from this spilled recycling. The police got mad again and eventually yelled at me to leave. All in all, it was a valuable learning experience. Next time I'm crying, I'll text. Down in the comments, we have this story from Zesty Close. When I was about 10 years old, my pet Farrett died. Her name was Molly and she died of old age.

She had curled up in a corner, fallen asleep and died. It was a very peaceful way to go. I was absolutely gutted, so I called my dad at work, and I was crying so hard that he could barely understand me. I sobbed. Dad? Molly is dead. I found her on the floor. She's cold and hard as a rock. My dad says it will be right home and hangs up the phone without another word. I thought, wow, he's really upset too. Before I know it, police, fire, and ambulance are pulling into the yard, and I see my dad speeding down the street and onto the front lawn with a car, and police are chasing him because he ran some red lights.

My dad thought that I said, Dad, mommy is dead. I found her on the floor. She's cold and hard as a rock. When he found out that it was a misunderstanding, he collapsed to his knees and starts sobbing with relief. My mom was visiting a neighbor across the street and was watching all this go down from their front yard. A fireman gets on his radio and says, guys, we have a dead ferret here and all I hear is laughing from the other side. I still haven't lived this down, and I'm 40 years old now. Today I effed up by punching my racist brother-in-law into the hospital and refusing to pay the bill. I'm a 28 year old guy who's been dating my 28 year old girlfriend for a few years now,

and between just the two of us, everything's perfectly fine. We have no issues 95% of the time. The only problem that we do have is her immediate family. I'm white, originally Dutch, and she's originally Japanese. Between the two of us, we don't care, but her family sure does. Especially at first, her family was against her dating a white boy, but she ignored them and for the most part so did I. Over the past few years, her father has started to slowly warm up to me, but both her mother

and brother still dislike me an awful lot. The mom just gives me the silent treatment most of the time, but her brother is sometimes downright racist towards me, my family, who we never met, and my culture. A couple of days ago, me and my girlfriend read her family's place for dinner in an attempt to find some mutual respect. Her dad was fine with it and talked to me. Her mom was ignoring me half the time, and her brother gave me angry stairs. After a while, he started to go off in this racist tirade against me and all you white people and I'd had enough of it.

I stood up for myself and my girlfriend backed me up. Eventually my brother-in-law stood up and walked up to me and my girlfriend and in a reflex I stood up as well. After he insulted me in Japanese, my girlfriend told him to f off. He then slapped her in her face and spat in mine. He didn't slap her hard, but still hard enough to be audible. Now, I met Lisa Fullhead taller than him and almost twice as broad, so when I punched him in the face, he was immediately knocked out. I left with my girlfriend in tow. I was shaking and couldn't drive, so she drove us home while fully reassuring me that

she was on my side. Yesterday, I received a message from my in-laws and they demanded that I pay the hospital bill because apparently I fractured his cheekbone. I have no intention to pay it and would my girlfriend read it, she was also like, screw that. I'm not sure what to do and I feel like garbage now, especially since I was starting to actually get along well with her father. That progress seems to be undone now. And then OP Posts in an update.

My girlfriend and I talked about it, and we also contacted her family with the request to sit down and talk about this whole thing. We heard that both of her parents were shocked at how far this had apparently escalated and agreed that we should sit down and talk this out. Neither side wants to involve any kind of authority, so that's good to hear. I'm actually somewhat optimistic about this. This is the first time they've actively wanted to talk to me, especially her mom, so we'll see how it goes, I guess. Well, OP, I'd like to think that you punched some sense into the brother-in-law, but more than likely he's just gonna get more racist, but a lot better at hiding it.

Today I effed up because Alexa reminded me in the middle of a dinner party that it was time to bonk my wife. So this happened last night, and we're just getting over the laughter. My wife and I are in our early 60s and because of old age, menopause, etc. our love life has needed medical intervention and a new treatment was suggested to alleviate my wife's pain during intercourse. So 10 days ago, jokingly, after a few bottles of wine, we set an Alexa reminder to announce when the treatment had run its course and we would officially get to it. We set the reminder, David, it is time to bonk Fiona.

It seemed that bonk didn't trigger Alexa's censorship. So fast forward 10 days. We had totally forgotten about this and last night in the middle of a dinner party with several friends we got the reminder. David reminder, it's time to bonk Fiona. And after a pause in the dinner party conversations, questions were asked, and our friends joined in on the good humor because we're all similar ages. Pro tip, everyone gets old.

Things don't always work as well as they once did, but please try to keep your sense of humor. Well, here's what I want to know, OP. Did all your friends leave immediately, or did they stick around to watch? That was our Slash Today I FEDOP, and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.