rSlash - r/TIFU by Having Food Stuck in My Throat for 35 Years

Episode Date: February 8, 2026

0:00 Intro 0:05 Romance scam 2:09 Bone 6:47 Pain 9:19 Poo 11:32 KFC 13:58 Butt smack Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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please go to conicsontario.ca. Welcome to R-slash Today I FFed Up, where O.P. gets scammed out of $20,000. Today I effed up by falling for an online romance scam and losing $20,000. I absolutely ruined myself financially and emotionally. I met a guy online who claimed he was a U.S. Marine stationed overseas. He was charming, attentive, and said all the right things. He talked about commitment, a future together, and how much he couldn't wait to finally see me. I believed every word. At first, the requests were small. Then they grew. He told me he needed money

for leave forms so that he could come see me. Then it was for flight tickets. Then the tickets had issue so he needed to rebook. This happened three times. Every time there was a new excuse, a new emergency, a new reason it had to be fixed immediately. I paid for everything, leave forms, flights, fees, military processing costs. If he asked, I sent it. I didn't question it because I trusted him and genuinely believed I was helping the person I loved. Long story short, there was no Marine. There was no flight. There was no future. He vanished the moment I started asking real questions. Blocked everywhere. Gone, along with $20,000 of my money. The worst part isn't just the financial loss. It's realizing how completely I ignored red flags

because I wanted to believe someone cared about me. I feel stupid, embarrassed, and honestly devastated. So yeah, today I effed up by trusting a stranger on the internet, believing a fake military romance, and paying for imaginary leave forms and flights until my bank account and my dignity were empty. If you're reading this and you're talking to someone online who claims to be military, can't video call,

and needs money to come see you, please learn from my mistake. Real service members don't need to be. civilians to fund their leave or flights. Be smarter than I was. You know, the sad thing is, there may not have even been another human being on the other side of that computer. It might have just been an AI sweet talking O.P. Today I effed up by chasing diagnoses for 35 years, and the answer was in my dinner. When I was around 7, I started getting painful swelling in my neck and throat on a road trip with my cousins. Everyone assumed I was just getting sick and that some sun and time

would clear it up. I remember it vividly because I was so uncomfortable I could barely eat. I dealt with it for about a week before I got back home and told my parents. They took me to a pediatrician who poked around and told my mom that I had mumps despite being vaccinated. Awesome. It eventually went away until around 10 when it happened again. It was a new doctor fresh out of school who said there's no way this is mumps and sent me for imaging and testing. Everything came back inconclusive. The new conclusion was that it was psychosomatic, and I got funneled into years of therapy and appointments about why I couldn't just let it go, why I was attention seeking, maybe it was ADHD, etc. The sensation never truly left, it just fluctuated in severity. Fast forward to 19. I'm in the military and home on leave

visiting friends and family. This issue has been bothering me for 12 years at this point. I rode with a buddy to the Sprint store. We grabbed hot coffee before hitting back out. I took one sip, and felt something in my throat move, like move inches. I started coughing like crazy and hacked out a tonsil stone about the size of a popcorn kernel. I had no idea what it was at the time, so I wrapped it in a tissue and brought it home. My parents immediately recognized it. I was relieved and figured that had been the end of it. It wasn't. Fast forward again until the age of 32. I've got kids, a wife, a career. Managing tonsil stones mostly worked, but I still had that persistent lump in throat feeling almost all the time. I finally saw an ear, nose, and throat doctor in the city that we

just moved to. He basically said, forget the tonsill stone routines. Let's just take your tonsils out. I was a thousand percent on board. No more weird mouthwashes, brushing like a crazy person, avoiding certain foods, I was ready to be done. Surgery happened. Recovery was insane, but hey, tonsils were gone, except the lump feeling was still there. I assumed that it was was phantom pain from surgery and tried to live with it. We moved again to a bigger city, and I went for what felt like my 100th opinion. More tests, more appointments. The conclusion this time, allergies. So I did three years of allergy shots. I still felt it. At that point, I was completely defeated. Everyone either thought that I was nuts or seeking drugs. Even family

still treated it like mental health. I gave up. Then yesterday, my youngest made Taco rice for dinner. I'm sitting there eating like a pig, and suddenly I bite down on something very hard, about the size of a small marble. I spit it into a napkin, and it's a bone, like an actual chunk of bone. At first my thought was, how the hell does a bone like that end up in ground beef? Then it hit me. The lump feeling was gone. For the first time in 35 years, no swelling, no pain, no persistent lump sensations, no mumps, nothing. Just, normal. So you had a bone stuck in your throat for 35 years? Gross. Some people in the comments are speculating that it might have been one of O.P.'s baby teeth that

fell out and got stuck in his throat. Down in the comments, we have this story from Brooklyn Dryad. I had a popcorn kernel lodged up under my gum for years. I was a kid, so I never thought to tell my dentist. I don't know how they never saw it, but I felt it for years. Then one day it just suddenly unlodged. instant relief. I was in my early 20s and had dealt with this for over a decade. I never complained about it to my dentist because it didn't hurt. I was a kid and I figured if there was a problem, they'd find it. It just became normal to me, so asking about it after so many years wasn't even on my radar. But oh my God, the relief I felt when it came out was astounding. Like I said, I don't recall

there being pain with it there, but that doesn't mean I hadn't gotten used to low-level inflammation and just accepted it as normal. And another story from Kiwi Emerald. My partner once flopped on the bed and landed in just the perfect position to pop his back to correct an injury that he'd had for over half his life at that point. He gained at least an inch of height and the curve of his lower back was visibly improved. He's still in the process of correcting his back and core muscles for his new posture. Today I effed up by using a period simulator with new friends. So I moved to a new city and I'm trying to make new friends. I'm a high-functioning autism spectrum disorder,

so it's naturally a struggle. But I decided to really push myself and I went to a nerdy hangout spot and met a few guys and girls in a group. And I somehow managed to get myself invited to their next card group party. So last night we were all at their house and we were having fun talking and exchanging stories

and the topic slowly became about gender identity. For context, one of the group members was a trans woman and they were simulating their period via a period cramp simulator, which, as far as transition goes, is the most dedication I have ever seen in a person for almost anything, sexuality, or otherwise. But the guys being guys in the group and the girls laughing obviously decided that we could all try it ourselves because we could handle it. The girls, of course, went first,

and they went all the way to the max level with almost no physical signs of discomfort. except for one girl who mentioned that hers never usually get worse than level six. One by one, everyone in the group tries it, and then I decided to go last because I definitely did not want to find out how painful it could be. So I get strapped in, and one of the ladies turns it up to start to level five. I need to preface this by saying, I have a bit of a pain fetish, that I'm very ashamed of, so that can give you context for where this is going. So as soon as I felt the first sensation, the first thing I said was, Oh, F me, followed by a very deep moan.

I've never heard silence that loud in my life, as everyone turned to look at me. Unfortunately, I also chose to wear joggers, so I couldn't really hide anything as to the effect that it was having. Now, this is where I think I might have been friends with the sadist, because she decides to immediately turn it up to 10. and it was one of the most satisfying sensations I've ever felt in my life. At the same time, I had to rip it off before I finished in front of a group of people because it took me a second to remember where I was. The whole thing couldn't have taken longer than two minutes, but I feel like I've done irreparable damage to my relationships with these new people.

I shortly thereafter just left the party and went home. I've received several messages from the group chat since, but I haven't looked at any of them out of fear and shame. I'm shocked this story doesn't end with, and then I immediately went out and purchased a period simulator of my own. Today I effed up by pooping my pants at Universal Studios violently and emotionally. I'm a 19-year-old woman, and I went on a family vacation a couple of months to go to Universal Studios. It was amazing, great food and rides. Now, one of the best options for food for a large family-like ours was to go to the three broomsticks and have a feast from Harry Potter.

The food was great, potatoes, chicken, ribs, and more. I gobbled that stuff down like it was no one's business. I mean, I was going in. Now, it's a couple of hours later, and the park is about to close. My family and I are walking through the Dr. Seussland, and my stomach rumbles. I'm like, it's fine, just to fart. All will be well. Spoiler, all was not well.

I duck into a corner so I don't subject an innocent bystander to the foul smell coming from my body. I let it out. At first, I thought that it was just a wet fart. I mean, it's Orlando. It's about a million degrees, and I was already going through swamp butt. I go to walk away, and my butt cheeks are wet. I stop and think, no way. There is no way I just pooed myself. I go to my mom, and she runs from me. I mean, she literally runs away. I start borderline yelling in the middle of the road, waddling my way to her. At this point, I'm nearly crying. Turns out, she was running because she had to fart too, but that's a story for another time. I asked her to check my shorts, and she says she doesn't see anything, and it must just be sweat, sweat. I don't believe her. I waddled to the bathroom, pull down my shorts, and there it is. It smelled like death, and I nearly threw up. So I did the only rational thing.

Cry. So now I'm sweating, crying, and sitting on the toilet leaking liquid death from my butt. An innocent family walks in, smells my mess, and immediately walks out. Long story short, my grandma, being the hero she is, brought me some new shorts, and I cried myself to sleep that night. The top post from U City Metal. Too much Harry Potter food will make you expelliarmus in your shorts, apparently. Corrected to expellianus. Today I effed up by suggesting KFC would be cheaper than Turkish takeaway,

and ending up in a national news story. It was Sunday night, and my partner's parents had just left after being here for Christmas. We'd been doing a lot of cooking, as is obligatory at this time of year, so we decided we get takeaway for dinner. My partner wanted to try a Turkish place, so we added up the basket, and it was over 70 pounds.

I'd fancied KFC, so suggested that it would be like a third of the price, and my partner agreed. Oh, how wrong I was! I drove out to collect it and pick up, I've picked it up. I munched a bit of barbecue chicken in the car park before driving home. About five minutes from the KFC, an oncoming car pulls into my lane to overtake someone. I remember thinking, they won't just drive into me. They, oh no! And then a nice crunching sound,

some spinning, and some shock. I tried to get out of the car, but my door wouldn't open. The passenger door did, though, so I climbed out of that, patted myself down, and surveyed the damage. Thankfully, I wasn't severely injured, but looking at my car, you'd be surprised I walked away. It was completely totaled. The front hanging off, windows smashed, wheel hanging off, the lot. I checked if the driver of the other car was okay, and he replied yes while reaching over to the passenger seat, so I walked away. After a few minutes, people started shouting, he's got a gun! We're in the UK, so that's pretty rare. I only half to believe it until this guy I'd spoken to earlier said the driver was leaving. The guy tried to stop the driver, but the driver threatened him with the gun. The driver of

the car he'd overtaken pulled over to tell me to get in, but I saw blue lights on the horizon, so I figured I'd waited out. I ended up having to wait around for about four hours, giving various statements while the police found and shot the other guy in the end. So far, I've spent 400 pounds hiring a car for 10 days, 150 pounds on a new car seat. Thankfully, my kids were in bed with, and I'm in bed, this happened, and 10 pounds on a new watch strap. Oh, and we never did get to eat the KFC. That 70-pound Turkish food sounds pretty cheap right now. O.P., your major screw-up here wasn't choosing to get KFC, it was just assuming that the other driver wasn't going to crash into you. You should always assume that that terrible driver is in fact going to crash into you. Today I effed up by slapping a bearded

man's butt because he was dressed like my wife. My wife was wearing a woman. an obnoxious neon orange north face puffer jacket. It's the kind of jacket you can see from a different zip code. We were at Target. She went to the candle aisle while I headed to electronics. I finished up, walked towards the candles, and spotted the back of that orange jacket leaning over a bottom shelf. Being the funny husband, I decided to sneak up, give a solid, playful, good game slap on the butt, and whisper, found you, nerd. The person stood up. It was not my wife. It was a muster. It was a must- man with a full beard wearing the exact same neon jacket. I froze. My hand was literally still hovering in mid-air. He just looked at me, deadpan, and said, I mean, it's a nice jacket, but maybe check

for the beard next time. I didn't even apologize. My brain just short-circuited. I did a 180 and walk straight out of the store. I didn't even wait for my wife or the stuff that we were supposed to buy. Ten minutes later, I got a text from her. I saw the whole thing from the next aisle. I'm not coming out until I stopped crying, laughing. Have fun with your new boyfriends. Down in the comments, we have this story from the devil's advocate. 39 years ago, I was at the Royal Easter show with my girlfriend in Australia.

My girlfriend is tall, thin, with long blonde hair, and was wearing blue jeans with a white midriff top. We were wandering around looking at stuff. She was standing to my left, and I said, Come on, babe, let's go, and slapped her lightly on the butt. She turned around to look at me, and it was not my girlfriend. Standing next to her was an angry-looking guy. My jaw dropped, and I stared at her, then I heard laughter.

I turned around, and there was my actual girlfriend, dressed identically. Her and the other girl looked like clones, and they were identical from behind, and frankly, pretty similar from the front, too. I apologize, but it was obvious what had happened. My girlfriend's laughter had defused things. They accepted my apology and we all moved off. That was our slash today I fved up. And if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.