rSlash - r/TIFU by Kidnapping Someone's Grandma

Episode Date: January 6, 2026

0:00 Intro 0:05 Kidnapping 3:41 Italian 5:12 Dresscode 9:41 Cough drops 11:08 Workplace crush 14:16 Water slide Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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grandma. Today I effed up by accidentally kidnapping someone's grandma. So this morning I'm coming back from my walk after grinding for this seasonal Pokemon and Pokemon Go. When I meet this extremely well-dressed older woman walking down the street with a walker, and I mean super well-dressed. She has her makeup all done, fully done nails, hair all pretty, and a lot of noticeable golden diamond rings and a mother-of-pearl necklace on. I live in an extremely ghetto neighborhood, so she's out of place. I know a few blocks down from where I live is a nicer neighborhood,

but she stands out like a sore thumb when a few more hundred feet down I could see hobos and drug addicts doing their thing. She asks me where's Walmart and I tell her it's a mile and a half from here, but she'd have to trek through a really bad road and a bunch of construction and she might not make it. She says she really has to go to Walmart. It's been eight months and her caretakers don't take her out shopping anymore. She reminds me of my grandma, so I say I can take her if she gives me a few minutes to hop into my car and pick her up. She agrees and decides to slowly follow me. I get my car, help her into the passenger side, and throw her walk her in the back. Off to Walmart we go. So this woman, Patty, tells me a lot about

her life, and her children that supposedly neglect her. I feel really bad for her at this point, and contemplate calling the cops, but I don't want to freak her out. So I just take her to Walmart. She needs an electric chair, so after we park, I run out ahead of her and take the last one for her. Patty is thankful and I tell her I just want to help. She says she's grateful that in her 88 years alive, there are still helpful people. Patty and I walk around Walmart. I help her look at prices and pick out some stuff. She tells me more about her family and how much weight she's lost and how getting all these sewing supplies would help. Since this Walmart is scarce with sewing supplies, I offer to take her to another Walmart several more miles off. She says no, but she needs her phone fixed, so we go to the electronics department to fix her phone. there, the electronics Walmart man is there and being helpful. We talk about the phone, and I offer

to look to see if I can clear some of the viruses on it, since I used to work at a bank, and I have some knowled on which apps are the ones filled with scams. When he hands me the phone, an unknown number pops up. I think it's a scam, but I pick it up just in case. Nope, it was the police. The police ask me who I am. I tell them, and I tell them patties with me, and we're at Walmart's electronics. Popo says he's sending a bunch of officers my way and to wait. I tell Patty what's up, and she says it might be her son because he's in jail. So four officers show up while the Walmart guy is looking at the phone and fixing it, and the cops separate us.

That's when I learn that several of Patty's family members have been looking for her for the past three hours we've been at Walmart getting the phone fixed. I give them my info, they question her, and Patty says I haven't done anything but take her to Walmart. I have to explain that I found her by the side of the road by my apartment complex, and I wanted to be nice by taking her to Walmart. Her family arrives, they question me, and I say the same thing. Her family tells me that she's ex-CIA, and it's an extreme security risk to have her go missing, even though she has dementia. Oh, so I return Patty, her grandchildren hug me, and thank me for not taking advantage of their grandma, and the police leave.

Patty thanks me for the day out and I decide to dip. Ah, O.P. You missed the chance to ask her if there's really aliens in Area 51. Today I effed up by telling my Italian mother-in-law that I was getting more vagina this afternoon. My wife is Italian and my mother-in-law doesn't speak very much English. My Italian is pretty mediocre. I can get around Milan. My vocabulary is decent, but my pronunciation and grammar are both horrible and I'll get words confused. My wife was FaceTime. with her mom yesterday morning, and I popped over to say chow to her. She started asking me the basics, how are things going, how's work, etc. And then she asked me my plan for the weekend. I told her I was going to be running errands all morning, and then I tried to tell her in the afternoon that we were going

to be getting pio virgin, a little rain. Instead, I told that we were going to be getting pio vagina, more vagina. My wife immediately gave me a look of absolute horror and pulled the phone away. Her mom was silent and I couldn't see her face. What? She said incredulously in English. I looked at her confused and said it again. Pue vagina? My wife said, what are you trying to say? That it's going to be raining a bit later. Uh, you mean Pio Vigine? I could hear her mother erupt in laughter once she realized what I did. It took me another moment to figure out what I'd said, then I turned beat red. And that is the last time I'll be talking to her for a while. Down in the comments, Guli Rudiani says, practicing my horrible

Spanish, I told my co-workers she had nice holes rather than nice eyes. Today I effed up by fighting my school's dress code policy, and years later I found out why it was so strict. So 15 years ago today, I messed up bad, and today I found out why. I was in high school, and our school had a pretty normal dress code policy, until this new younger woman teacher started. Three months into her being there, she brings out this extremely strict dress code policy, but only for girls. It was the start of summer, the building had no AC, and the new dress code limited girls to basically a frumpy t-shirt and baggy jeans, while the boys could wear whatever we want. I, being a rebellious little turd, did not like this. My girlfriend at the time was sad. Everyone had to go by

new clothes and every day they didn't do it they got handed this ugly big brown t-shirt of shame that says I was out of dress code and these big brown sweats it was extremely uncomfortable so what did I do I started wearing every band girl's article of clothing I wore shorts that barely hid my butt because it was allowed I wore low-cut shirts I cut the sides off every tank top so it just showed my torso I even wore a short skirt and a crop top one day to prove a point. I got away with it maybe twice before I started getting dress code violated every day. I was in every detention for several months. I got suspended. I had to go to two weeks of summer school that era's punishment. I fought the system very hard, and others joined in. It got to be that almost every dude was getting dress code violations to stand up

for the girls. Anytime we got those brown clothes, we wore them with pride. It was hot. It was hot. in that building, so you would pour buckets of sweat. The girls should have been allowed to wear shorts. I made my list of demands. Girls should be allowed to wear tank tops and shorts. They should be able to wear four-finger, low-cut t-shirts. We all fought for it, and eventually they caved in and gave it to us. I was so happy. It was a formative experience for me, because I was willing to take any punishment, no matter how severe, to fight some perceived injustice. So I'm back in hometown. It's a small suburb on the outskirts of a city. And at one bar everyone goes to, I run into the teacher who forced that policy all those years ago. I go say hi and she instantly

remembered me. So I sat down with her and her friends and we talked about it since it was so long ago. And now I'm at the age that she was when she was enforcing it. Boy, did I get the situation wrong. So there were four particularly creepy male teachers at the time. There was one that everyone knew about, and three that were only known by faculty. They were preying on the girls, taking random pictures of them, being extremely creepy. All sorts of inappropriate things they shouldn't have done. So she went to the board, brought evidence, and reported them, but they decided not to investigate. She told the police, but when after a month nothing happened, she changed the dress code to protect the girls, but she couldn't explicitly state why she was doing it.

caught up with those teachers, and they're now fired. But as an adult, I see now that I ran a campaign to put the girls back into danger. Then in an update, OP adds some information about this creepy teacher. These pervy teachers didn't exactly hide. The one we all knew about was actually a beloved and favorite teacher of the school because he was very funny. His policy, and I'm not kidding, is that if you wore a low-cut shirt and bent over when turning in your exam, he would give you extra points on it. For fairness, he did this for guys too, so everyone in his class on test day effectively had their chest exposed. And we thought that it was hilarious and saw nothing wrong with it, because our older siblings all went through

the same thing. I had to ask my mom to take me to buy my first low-cut shirt freshman year of this class, and I explained why. It's genuinely crazy what you get away with if you're funny, well-liked, and don't act like anything is wrong. O.P., I wouldn't beat yourself up. You were trying to do the right thing, and in some ways you did. I mean, you helped girls from not sweating in the rough AC. The real problem here is the teachers and the scummy school board who didn't do anything about those teachers. Today I effed up by discovering the hidden features of cough drops. I woke up with that classic sandpaper throat feeling, like I had spent the night screaming into a pillow. I had work to do, and zero interest in

being that co-worker who sounds like a dying accordion, so I grabbed a bag of cough drops and went about my day. At first, everything was great. Every time my throat felt scratchy, I popped another cough drop. Meeting, cough drop. Phone call, cough drop. Existing quietly at my desk, definitely another cough drop. I didn't really think about how many I was having because, hey, they're just cough drops. Basically candy with a purpose, right? Fast forward to the afternoon. When my body decided to stage a hostile takeover, it started as a vague sense of unease, like my stomach was politely clearing its throat. Then it escalated into a full-blown emergency meeting with no agenda and no end time. I found myself sprinting to the bathroom with the kind of focus usually reserved for Olympic athletes.

While sitting on the toilet, questioning every life choice I've ever made, I did what any modern human does in a crisis. I googled. That's when I learned that many cough drops contain sweeteners that have a laxative effect when used in excess. In excess, which I'd absolutely done, repeatedly, with confidence. Well, turns out cough drops clear your throat and also clear your colon. Today I effed up by accidentally stripping in front of my workplace crush. never been so mortified in my life, and this is the only place I can talk about it. This literally happened two hours ago. I'm a 26-year-old woman, and I live pretty close to my workplace, and I don't have a car,

so I'm accustomed to walking to and from work. It's been a pretty cold December here so far, and I'm not from somewhere where it snows this much, so I'm still getting used to dressing for this weather. Couple that with the fact that I have a crush on one of my coworkers, and that means I go through at least three wardrobe changes every morning before leaving the house. I'm not even embarrassed about admitting that, because what comes next is so much worse. The weather today was kind of weird, so I started out with an abundance of layers and then decided to remove one or two before leaving the house. I got to my workplace without incident.

I step in, and with the heat blasting, I immediately start sweating. I go into my office and my crush comes in to fill me in on a meeting that happened yesterday. I try to take in everything he's saying while also shedding my layers. Heavy coat comes off, scarf comes off, heavy sweater comes off, light jumper comes off. Earlier this morning, I started out with a t-shirt under my light jumper. The t-shirt was one of the layers I later decided to remove. Now, all I have under my light jumper is my bra. I do not realize this as quickly as I should.

So I pull my light jumper almost off my shoulders before I go, huh, why is my tummy cold? And I realize my mistake. I immediately pull my light jumper down. My crush has gone silent, his eyes wide. He blinks at me, then he blinks at the ceiling. The silence is loud. From this man's perspective, I walked into my office and then took off all my clothes. Oh my God, I say. I'm so sorry. I thought that I was wearing a t-shirt underneath this. I start nervous laughing. He's too scared to make a sound. He tells me he will fill me in on the rest of the meeting later and then leaves the room. I sink into my chair, bury my face in my hands, and try not to cry. Then OP posted an update. Our team usually grabs lunch together on

Wednesdays, so I decided to talk to him again before he went to lunch. I went into his office and asked if he had a minute. He said yes. He's generally an expressionless guy, and today was no exception, so my nerves were built up. I said something like, it was a genuine mistake. I didn't mean anything by it. I thought that I was wearing a t-shirt underneath, but I wasn't. He said it's fine and he totally understood. I said I'm sorry if I made him feel awkward. He said he didn't feel awkward. He said he'll see me at lunch. I left. I think things are better now and he probably knows this will not be an HR concern unless he decides to report me, which I doubt. O.P., if I had to guess, his reaction, reaction was basically, oh my god, am I about to get fired over this? And he probably wasn't really

stressed about what you were or weren't wearing. Today I effed up by losing my virginity to a water slide. So you guys know those water slides that you stand in and then they suddenly drop you straight down onto the water slide? Ah yes, the sweet memories of my first time on one of those. I feel that my mental and emotional scars have healed enough to tell this gym. At the time, my girlfriend, now fiance, worked as a photographer for one of those resorts with the indoor and outdoor water parks. One of her perks was that her and a family member and friend could get into a water park for free. So one hot summer day, she had off and we both decided it'd be fun to go there and cool down for the day. While we were there, I discovered one of their most thrilling looking

water slides. Basically, you stand in this tube, and then the slide operator presses a button, and the slide drops you straight down a good 90 feet before you actually start going down the water slide. Me, being a thrill seeker, of course had to try it. So I made the great climb up to the top of the slide, stood in line, and finally it was my turn. Once I got in the tube, the operator told me to keep my legs crossed. Now, I'm a pretty big, heavy guy, so I was like, that's uncomfortable. I'm not doing that. So there I was, standing in the tube, having a panic attack from anticipation, with my legs not crossed. The operator finally presses the button.

The bottom opens, and I fall straight down the water slide. Very quickly, I realized why they have you cross your legs. Water shot so far up my butt, so fast, I swear I tasted it in my mouth. My body raced down that slide, as I questioned every life choice that I'd ever made. Once I made it to the bottom, I sat there for a moment, absolutely violated. I felt like someone in an episode of Law and Order's Special Victims Unit. I built up the courage to finally stand up, and all I could feel was the nice, warm stream of water mixed with my own poo,

and maybe a little bit of blood shoot out of my butthole faster than the steamboat geyser at Yellowstone National Park. I quickly got off the slide and ran to the bathroom with a trail of poopy water tailing me as the slide operator stared in awe. They had to shut down the slide for the rest of the day. But man, was my butthole clean after that? Moral of the story, keep your legs crossed on water slides. And you guys know how on a lot of slides you're supposed to cross your hands over your chest?

That's because if you let your fingernails drag across the slide, your fingernail could get caught in one of the cracks and get ripped off. So yeah, listen to the operators, you guys. That was our slash today I effed up. and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.