rSlash - r/TIFU By Pulling my Boyfriend's Weeny

Episode Date: July 6, 2025

0:00 Intro 0:06 Glory 1:48 Comment 1:57 Stealing 3:26 Cats 5:06 Coffee 7:01 Family plan 8:37 Breakfast 10:33 Weeny 12:49 Adoption Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

No Frills delivers. Get groceries delivered to your door from No Frills with PC Express. Shop online and get $15 in PC Optimum Points on your first five orders. Shop now at NoFriels.ca. Welcome to rslash Today I F'd Up, where OP makes her husband a glory hole. Today I F'd Up by making my husband a glory hole. We're remodeling our bathroom and have an insane amount of cardboard from the bathtub. My husband told me years ago before we were married that he had a glory hole fantasy. Well, I never ever forgot that and I've been trying to find ways to bring this to life since then. Anyways, I decided to take one of the very large cardboard boxes that would entirely

block off the doorway to a room and cut a hole through it and wrote on it, Your dick here. Use me. Slut inside. Then, when he came home, I hid behind it and, you know, did what one does. It was a huge hit, and he absolutely loved it. He couldn't believe I remembered this. So how did I screw up,

one might ask? Well, I didn't wait to make sure the remodel was complete and that we were 100% going to keep this tub. And turns out it didn't work for our space. We then had to take this item back to the store. So my father-in-law was like, Yeah, where's the cardboard? We gotta package this back up so they'll take it back. And I'm like, Oh no! Knowing full well that if he sees this cardboard, he will 100% know what I did. And so would all the Lowe's employees. I'm humiliated.

We did successfully return the item without the intact box. Half the box was perfectly fine and in the garage still, while the other half I cut away any evidence and covered my writing with Sharpie. And an abundance of brown packing tape. Just took a little creativity and ingenuity, LMAO. Down in the comments is a reply from GloomyCurlopis. I thought you were going to say that your husband had to work late and the contractor walked back in because he forgot something. I'm glad it wasn't that bad.

Today I effed up by getting a large group of people to steal from Disney. My family and I went to Disney World and did the 3 day 3 park thing. We've never been there and this was our first large trip for a park. We started off at Animal Kingdom and like always, Florida was hitting 90 degrees with brutal humidity. It was still 50 degrees back at home, so we were instantly melting out there. About 20 minutes into walking the park, we saw a cart sitting in the middle of the walkway with a big tub of ice water and no worker in sight. I asked my dad how we can get one, and he either joking or seriously said,

they're free with admission, just grab one. I took that at face value, ran up, and grabbed a bottle for each of us. While I was doing that, another family came up and asked how much they were. I obviously didn't know, so I just repeated what my dad said, they're free! They started grabbing bottles too. Then, a third family saw all of free! They started grabbing bottles too. Then, a third family saw all of us helping ourselves and grabbed bottles too. One by one, people trickled in and

grabbed a bottle for themselves. 30 bottles later and more people walk up. The card attendant finally shows up and starts asking for money for the new family that joined the hydration heist. We were still standing nearby enjoying our ice-cold stolen water and quickly walked off pretending it never happened. Hi, WoryOP. I'm pretty sure Disney can handle this loss. Especially since the meals at Disney are like 50 bucks for a burger or something equally stupid. Today I effed up by suplexing my cat and accidentally activating my other introverted cat's final form.

So I have a cat, Charlie. He's playful, energetic, chaotic, and honestly acts like a cracked out tiger with commitment issues. He flops on my bed every night, belly up, paws in the air, looking all cuddly like he wants affection. I fall forward and rub his belly. Then he bites me like I just insulted his ancestors. Every time.

So I started jokingly suplexing him onto the bed or the couch during our play sessions. And I mean gently. I fully support his back, land him on soft surfaces, and only do it when he's clearly in play mode. Like chasing lasers, attacking pillows, or initiating cat jujitsu on me. It became kind of our thing. Weird bonding, but it works.

Now here's where I messed up. We have a second cat named Momo. He's the total opposite of Charlie. Introverted, stoic, basically a loaf with legs. We could pick him up, flip him upside down, and he would just blink like a sad philosopher He never reacts to anything one day Charlie and Momo were napping together on the couch Everything was calm. I being the fool I am decided it'd be funny to suplex Charlie mid snuggle He lands like a champ as usual, but then Momo freaking snaps this quiet little background character

But then Momo freaking snaps! This quiet little background character suddenly growls menacingly for the first time in his life, jumps up and starts beating the hell out of Charlie after he just watched his blood brother get folded. He chased Charlie down to the basement while I stood there wheezing and wondering what dark spirit I'd awakened. Today I effed up by chugging street coffee like an idiot. So I'm Vietnamese, but I've been in the US since I was 6. I just got back to Vietnam, feeling all nostalgic and stuff. I decided to grab a milk coffee from a street vendor. Looked innocent enough.

Big plastic cup. Tasted pretty good. BIG F'ing mistake. I drank the whole thing. Every last drop. Now, I've smoked weed. I've even hit Thoac Lao, which is a Vietnamese pipe tobacco. I thought that I was tough. But this coffee, this stuff was on another level. My heart started doing a freaking drum solo. My hands wouldn't stop shaking. I swear I was seeing sounds and hearing colors. It felt like I'd mainlined pure anxiety. I ended up in the hospital, looking like a total moron. Pretty sure the doctors just laughed at the Americanized kid who couldn't handle his coffee. They hooked me up to an IV and told me to chill out.

Seriously, Vietnamese coffee ain't coffee. It's a frickin' recreational drug. Never again. My heart's still trying to escape my chest. Vietnamese coffee is nuts. I'm in China right now and one of my favorite things to do in China is to go to tea houses. And I drink tons and tons of tea every single day, but one of the teas I don't like is Pu-erh. But this time when I went to the tea house, the person who was making the tea served this kind of Pu-erh that was delicious, one of the tastiest teas I've ever had.

So I was chugging that stuff and I'm not used to drinking Pu-erh and so I'm not really used to the amount of caffeine in it. And if you're a tea drinker, you probably know that it is the most caffeinated of all the teas. By the end of it, I was sweating. My heart was beating fast and I was so dizzy. I had to sit down and just not move for a few hours.

Like, you've probably seen jokes of like a cartoon character drinking a lot of coffee and they get all jittery and crazy. A caffeine overdose really is like that. Today I effed up by forgetting I was on an Amazon Family Plan. For years. So, I just got an email notification stating that I was removed from my Amazon family plan. I completely forgot that, years ago, my sister and brother-in-law added me to their account as a teen so I could mooch free prime from them.

Upon seeing this, I started getting a panic attack because I've made many spicy purchases on there. Things I know they don't want to know about their little sister. I quickly Google to see if there's any chance they've been privy to these purchases and there plain as day it reads, yes, if you're a teen on an Amazon household account, your parents will be notified about your purchases because they need to approve them. My brethren in Christ, my sister has been approving every single purchase I've made for years. The mundane ones, the questionable ones, the impulse ones, the downright horny ones. Everything. And she's never said one word about it this whole time.

My last purchase was made two days before being notified by the email and yes, it was a horny purchase. I'm afraid that she finally got fed up with knowing this many intimate details about my life and finally decided to end it. But maybe, just maybe, it's a coincidence? I'm too afraid to ask. Honestly, I'm not sure if I wanna know. F my life. Well, look on the bright side, OP. At least your sister is a real bro. Or I guess a sis in this case. Today I F'd up by trying to bring my girlfriend breakfast in bed and destroying my body instead. My girlfriend and I just moved in together, and I had the brilliant idea to wake up early last weekend and make

her breakfast in bed. Real wholesome stuff. I made pancakes, scrambled eggs, and coffee. I even warmed the plates like I saw in some Gordon Ramsay video. I was proud! I got everything onto a tray and started walking up the stairs. What I didn't realize is that our cat had left one of her little rubber mouse toys right on the third step One of those tiny bastards that looks like lint until it's under your foot I step on it and instantly lose my footing the tray launches the food is airborne I go down like a sack of wet laundry Pancakes fly coffee explodes on the wall

I hit the bottom of the stairs in a twisted pile of regret and syrup. My girlfriend runs out of the bedroom like she just heard a home invasion. She finds me groaning on the floor, holding my wrist, with a pancake stuck to my back like some kind of domestic shuriken. I tell her that I think I broke something. We go to the emergency room. The x-ray confirms. Fractured wrist. The nurse doesn't react when I explain what happened. Just writes it down and moves on like she's heard this exact story before, which honestly makes it worse. Now my wrist is in a brace, my girlfriend has banned surprises of any kind, and the cat is still loose, presumably planning her next attack. 10 out of 10 would not recommend. Well, OP, look on the bright side,

if your wrist is broken, that means your girlfriend can serve YOU breakfast in bed. Also, for clarity on this next post, OP is a legal adult, but the words she uses to describe certain male body parts makes her sound young. Today I effed up by pulling my boyfriend's weenie. This is not satire. I wish it was. Let me start with that. My partner is staying at my house for the week while my parents are away.

We're doing the typical boyfriend-girlfriend stuff. Also, my boyfriend takes significantly longer showers than I do. He spends between 20 minutes and an hour. I typically spend 10 to 20 minutes in there. We had a shower a few days ago, and I left to get dried, giving him some alone time. He likes to spend some time by himself to meditate. Little did I know, his meditation today

was merely time for him to plot. Once I heard the water go off, I went to give him a towel. I took it by accident. And I admired his naked body inside of the hot water mist. Naturally, I got curious. While he was air drying, waiting for me to hand him a towel, I went up to him and played with his ding dong. I was just hitting it off my hand while he was drying his hair

It was limp so it was hitting off my hand quite easily and it felt good against my palm You know those door stoppers that people play with that was the way that I was hitting it boing boing back and forth up and down not Sexually just curious about the male body since I'm a person who was assigned female at birth. At one point, he said to me, squeeze and pull it. Thinking this was the beginning of some after-shower lovemaking, I did. This was a mistake. After my gentle grip had wrapped around his peepee and I tugged it a little, I heard him rip the fattest, juiciest, earth-breaking fart I've ever heard in my whole life. His little trick was the equivalent of the pull my finger trick, but with a bit more

spice. He was laughing his head off while I retracted myself in disgust. I left the bathroom, raging at his stupid prank while the smell of the fart lingered behind me. Well, OP, you said you were curious about what guys are like. I'd say you got a pretty good example because I certainly saw it coming and I'm pretty sure every other guy who's listening to the story right now also saw that coming from a mile away. Today I effed up by being brutally honest with the couple asking me about adoption. My husband and I adopted two kids from foster care

several years ago. We got married in our 30s, waited a few years, and tried to have a baby unsuccessfully. Then we decided that our IVF money would be better spent on a child who actually existed instead of the imaginary baby that we may or may not have been able to have. Our kids are full siblings. One is medically complex and the other is emotionally complex. Our adoption story is beautiful, but it's the Disney version of adoption through foster care.

We were almost supernaturally lucky in how easy and fast everything went. I've been asked about our experience several times in the last few years, and I tell every single person that our story is not typical. It's the TV movie version of real life and definitely should not be the only research that a couple does before taking the plunge. My mom met a woman who was dealing with infertility issues and shared with her that I'm knowledgeable about adoption and sent her my way. So I gave her our story, the Disney spiel, and brought up some of the uglier sides of

adoption to make sure that I made my point. I guess that was enough to scare her husband off of adoption. Like period. Totally took husband off of adoption. Like period. Totally took it off the table. The woman, who I didn't know before this, is mad at me and thinks that I ruined her chances to be a mom. And my mom says that maybe I shouldn't have been quite so candid. I feel like absolute garbage.

The thing is, what I told them was pretty mild. Reality is harsh, but I wasn't trying to traumatize anyone. I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't misleading them. So now, I'm our tiny town's biggest butthole. Ah, OP, I wouldn't beat yourself up. If they were willing to get scared off by one story from a woman who seems like a sweet lady to be honest, then I would say that couple isn't really cut out for adoption. That was r slash today I effed up and if you like this content be sure to follow my podcast

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