rSlash - r/Tifu By Setting The House On Fire Watching *Spicy* Videos

Episode Date: November 29, 2022

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Welcome to R-slash Today I F'd Up, where OP sets his house on fire while jerking it. Today I F'd Up by enjoying myself for too long in the shower. So I'm a 19 year old guy, and I live in an apartment off college campus with three other guys. Everyone else was at class, and I decided to pop into microwave lunch before hopping in the shower. Now, living with three other guys and sharing a room with one, there's not a lot of privacy. I wasn't planning on anything, but I got in the shower, my morning adder all kicked in, I realized I was naked and it had been a bit, so I thought, eh, might as well. I popped in my water-resistant earphones for a more immersive experience, and in case the roommates came back unexpectedly.

I might have gotten a bit too into it. It was… uh, an intense video. So, what was supposed to be a quick shower turned into a 40-minute, aggressive, hand-fisted session of earth-shattering self-pleasure? You can imagine my surprise to get out of the shower and find it surprisingly steamy, but an awful smoky smell that I hadn't noticed before. I walked out of the bathroom to the kitchen to find my kitchen literally engulfed in these giant f-ing flames and the smoke alarm going nuts! It turns out, instead of hitting the microwave for four minutes, I added a zero and set it for 40. I set my entire apartment on fire. I immediately ran out and called 911, but they were already on their way.

A neighbor had called after smelling smoke. The firemen showed up. My whole apartment complex had to be evacuated. We lost most of our kitchen and our living room, and everything inside had severe smoke damage. I wound up in the hospital for a few days due to smoke. My roommates are pissed at me. I could have died, but not gonna lie.

Now I get why people like being oxygen deprived during the act. Down in the comments, we have this story from Roro, Roro your goat. My mother used to tell me about the time that she accidentally started a grease fire by overheating french fry oil because she got distracted by a movie she was watching. She waited until I was an adult to tell me that that movie was an adult video. She set the house on fire watching VHS adult videos in the 80s. Wow. Sounds like it must have been a pretty hot video.

Today I effed up by being tricked by a straight guy and to dating him. So to start things off, I'm gay. I live in a small town in the middle of nowhere USA. I'm an 18 year old male. I wasn't ever really bullied for being gay. Unless it was online, everyone was cool with it, except for the super conservative families in town. Of course, I've heard my fair share of names and threats, but I shrug them off. It's normal to me. There's this group of boys who are like the super bro-dude,

straight guy group of the school. They act more gay than I do, but they still call me names. In this group, there's this one guy I'll call Skylar. Skylar's my age, looks like a puppy dog, and was always very sweet to me. But he always presented us straight, which is why I was shocked when he asked me out this summer. I mean, I'm not ugly or anything, I just didn't expect this super dude-bro jock to ask me out. Our first date was amazing. I mean, it was on the 4th of July at our state fair. We got corn dogs, played games, and he kissed me on the Ferris wheel. After a few dates, we had gotten a lot closer. We never passionately hugged. He wanted to wait, and I respected

that. Skyler's birthday was on October 20th. He had this huge party and invited everyone, and of course, I wasn't shocked when he invited me. This is where I was stupid. I was head over heels for this guy. I was like stupid and love with him. I mean, I'd get giddy every single time that I saw him, and I'd get butterflies in my chest whenever he touched me even after three months. I was in love with him.

I think part of me still is, which is why I'm heartbroken writing this. I bought my boyfriend's Skylar, this beautiful pendant and chain. It was 18 karat gold with a diamond. It was very expensive. It cost me two years of working part time at McDonald's. I was very excited to give this to him. At his birthday party, he brushed me off the entire time. I gave him his gift and a letter that I wrote from the bottom of my heart.

I thought we were forever. Turns out it was all a lie. He started getting giggly with his friends reading the letter and when he finished he was crying laughing. That's when he started explaining that it was all a dare and that he only went out with a town F-slaur to win a bet. He thanked me for the necklace and then went on with this party. I've stayed home for several days now.

I'm heartbroken and just devastated. I thought this boy was the absolute love of my life. Turns out all of his friends were in on everything, including the text messages and the letters that we would write each other. We were on the download because he said that he wasn't ready to tell his family that he was bisexual. This was already a red flag that I ignored because his mom is bisexual and she would have been completely fine with it.

But this entire time he tricked me, he broke my heart into pieces and I can't help but scream into my pillow. I want to hurt him the way that I hurt. I want to hear him scream the gut-rinching screams that I scream late at night when the earth is quiet into my pillow so my family can't hear me. I can't go back to school. I'm already the laughing stock on social media. I'm thinking of switching schools and going to live with my aunt. I was blinded by love and hurt. Um, okay. I kind of have to wonder if this guy's really as straight as he seems to claim that he is, because he needed you for three months, and you guys were making

out, but he's completely 100% straight. Um, uh, I don't know about 100% straight. I think what actually happened here, OP, is that this guy is either by or gay or by curious and he genuinely wanted to try and see like what he felt about the situation, but he used the cover of the dare to explore his feelings and try to figure out exactly where he is on the straight versus gay spectrum. And like I'm not excusing what he did, what he did was really, really awful. I'm just saying, I think he probably did have some degree of feelings for you because

three months is a long time for a dare. Also OP, I would definitely tell this story to your mother. More than likely she'll force Skyler to return the necklace, and she might also punish him for you. Today I effed up by listening to my wife's phone call recordings. My wife has no filters, and is a habitual oversharer who refuses to accept that she ever speaks without filters. And now I think that she's just a petty human with a juvenile sensibility.

I run a restaurant with a partner, and we aren't exactly friends. Three days ago, my partner told me that my wife called him to ask him if the restaurant was doing fine, that she needed to cross-check that I was being truthful about the money that we were making. As hurtful as it is that she doesn't trust me, she embarrassed me further by talking to my partner about my parent's debts that he had no idea about. My wife doesn't appreciate me helping out my parents with their debts because I already

helped them out with their daily expenses. Her apprehensions make sense to me, but I've always been up front with the money that I send them and it's something that I can't not do when I'm in a very comfortable position in my life. Me and my wife both work, we're in our early 30s, we don't have kids, and we don't plan to have any for the next five years. Also, money hasn't been a problem for the last five years that we've been married. From the conversation that I had with my business partner, I felt that he left out something else that my wife said to him. My wife and I had a huge fight over this.

The next night when my wife was asleep, I checked her call recordings. Recording calls comes in handy in her line of work because she frequently works with local vendors who don't read and write. This is not something that I'm proud of, and I came to regret later. While going on this rant about how bad my family is, she told my friend about my sister's affair before her husband died of cancer. My business partner was a close friend of my late brother-in-law, and her affair was something that she only shared with us after he died.

My sister is literally getting treated for depression because of the guilt, and my wife also told my business partner that my sister is suicidal. She also told him that my father uses adult diapers. I know that I invited this on myself by choosing to listen to the things that she didn't choose to say to me, but I practically hate her now. Before, we only infrequently thought about the money that I sent to my parents, and it never seemed like she had any problems with my sister. My sister has nothing to do with our daily lives, and my wife doesn't talk to her either. I hate

my wife for not having any filters. Things have been snowballing because of her open mouth, and it's getting to the point that it's been mentally draining having to worry about her blurting out something that she shouldn't and embarrassed me or someone that I care about. Our relationship just doesn't make sense to me right now, and I brought this on myself by poking my nose in her phone. Um, yeah, I wouldn't say you brought this on yourself by looking at her phone. I'd say you brought this on yourself by marrying this woman. Like she's always been this toxic, the only difference now is that you're aware of it.

O.P., your wife sounds like a train train wreck and clearly she doesn't respect you. My advice to you is get out of this relationship now before you two have kids. Today I effed up by trying to contact an old friend. I'm not even sure of an exact date, but I'll say between 1999 and 2004. We were close enough, talked on the phone, et cetera. I eventually moved to a different city about an hour away. The last time I saw this particular person,

they had come to visit me in my new place. No arguments, bad blood, or otherwise were exchanged. Over the next year or so, I moved east, two states over for work. I lost touch with this friend, but I tried to reach out several times on Facebook. They never got back to me or said anything back. They disappeared from Facebook altogether, which I assumed was because they cut off social

media for whatever reason. Years go by, and now it's 2010. I've got a wife and a kid on the way. I'm catching up with old friends, and one of them just happens to ask if I've heard anything from that one particular friend. I reply, no, not a word. I explain that they don't even have social media. My friends suggest googling their name.

I do. Several articles come up with this person's recent accomplishments, including that they're now a lawyer in a city about a half hour away from me, with an email address. I send out an email, just a short, hi, haven't heard from you. No reply. I quickly get lost in life, my family, work, etc. Q2015 when I sign up for Instagram. I find out that this person has friends with several of my friends. Again, I reach out with, hey, how are you? Long time no talk. No reply, nothing. 2021 rolls around. My kid is obsessed with animals and she

wants to be a vet. She's at our local shelter and brings a book to my attention. A book who just so happens to be authored by this friend. Profits from this book go toward shelters. I purchase a book and I send an email to their friends saying, thanks for the book, my kid really likes it. It's really cool of you to do this kind of thing, but I got no reply. Now we're currently at 2022, and I have been getting phone calls from the Alaskan police. I pass this office spam because it seems that I get more spam calls than real calls these days. Two weeks go by, and then on a Monday morning, I have two police officers at my door. I open and ask

what's going on. Both officers are standing there with their arms crossed angrily staring at me. Do you know such and such person? They ask naming my friend. I say yeah I do from decades ago. The officer standing closest to me puts his best threatening voice on and says, stop trying to contact them or legal issues are going to be filed. That was it, they left. I'm absolutely dumbfounded trying to understand what's going on. I figure that it must have something to do with the Alaskan police calling me, so I skim through my call history, find the number, and call. The officer on the other end tells me that my friend has documented every single time

that I've ever tried to contact them over the past two decades. He says that me trying to contact him isn't illegal, but this person would like me to stop. He also acknowledged that my friend should have just told me from the get-go to not contact them. I'm still reeling! What kind of person, an effing lawyer at that, abuses police resources and waste police time to do this when a simple, please don't talk to me, would have worked 20 years ago. Opie, as weird as your friend's behavior is, what I find even more bizarre is that cops

would actually come to your door and try to threaten you. Cause like, what was the case that this guy made? Hello, police. I'd like to report someone for harassment and stalking. Okay, sir, what was the last incident? Uh, like five years ago, they said, hi, what's up on Facebook? And then like two years before that,

he contacted me on Instagram and said, hello. I know that stalkers are really awful to deal with because they typically don't actually commit crimes and they're hard to find. So like, you know, I realize it's like a real problem, but this is not stalking. This is just someone reaching out on Facebook saying, yo, what's up?

And they sent out cops for that? Why? Today I f'd up by accidentally showing my boyfriend's mom my news. My boyfriend's family was having a barbecue. And my boyfriend's mom my news. My boyfriend's family was having a barbecue, and my boyfriend's mom asked me to take photos at the family event. I brought my nice camera with me, not my phone, and I completely understand that this whole situation could have been absolutely avoided. I really should have checked the photos that were already on my camera before the family

gathering, but I forgot to since I hadn't used it in a while. In the midst of the barbecue, I was showing my boyfriend's mom some of the photos on my camera. Then I clicked the forward button without realizing that I was at the end of the camera roll. The first photo in the camera roll was a very explicit nude photo that my boyfriend took of me. Luckily, my boyfriend took of me.

Luckily, my boyfriend wasn't in the photo. To be straightforward, it was a close-up photo of me in the doggie-style position, and you could see everything. To say that I was horrified is an understatement. I screamed, hugged the camera to my body, and ran sheepishly away to my boyfriend in the next room. Yeah, I know I could have played it off better, but I was literally going to explode from embarrassment.

I know this is something that she'll never forget, and neither can I. While I also know that this is a funny embarrassing story, I can't help but cringe still. Oh man, OP, look on the bright side. At least it wasn't your boyfriend's dad. Down in the comments, we have a similar story from Slamogram. Ah yes, I did the same thing once, though not quite as bad. I was showing my boyfriend's mom pictures that I took at the beach, and I scrolled to a picture that I took for her son of my tits.

So here I was explaining the beach pictures, and then flipped to a close-up of my tits and was just like, oh, that one was for your son. And then I flipped back through the beach photos and continued talking about them. That was our slash today I have up and if you liked this content be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day. Thank you.