rSlash - r/TIFU by Tackling a Karen at Work

Episode Date: February 25, 2022

r/TIFU In today's episode, OP works as a waiter at a restaurant. One of the customers gets an attitude and starts smoking in the restaurant, despite frequent requests from management to cut it out. Eventually, OP gets pushed past his limit and he drags the belligerent customer out of the restaurant and throws him out onto the street, injuring him. OP quickly realizes that he massively overreacted and caused a bunch of drama in front of his boss. Oops! Get Honey for FREE at joinhoney.com/rslash Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to our slash today I F'd up, where OP tries to be sexy and fails miserably. Today I F'd up by lying to my wife for 13 years. My wife hates oranges and lime flavored candies. I love them. Well, I love the orange. I like the lime. So she gives me her orange starbursts, her orange and green skittles, and her orange and green gummy bears. This has been happening for 13 years. What she doesn't know is that the green Herobo Gummy Bears are actually strawberry. Shortly after we married, for some reason or another, I looked at the back of the Herobo

Gummy Bears package and discovered this. So I haven't said anything for 13 years. Every time we get gummy bears, she gives me the orange in the green, which is strawberry, and I've never said a word. I've enjoyed eating my little lies. Until last night, we had some gummy bears and she opened them and she started to hand me the orange in the green ones. But after a few minutes, I saw her looking at the back of the bag.

Then I saw her eyes get real big. She turned to me to ask me if I've always known that the green bears were strawberry flavored. She always thought they were lime. I was honest, and I nodded my head, yes. The look of betrayal was unreal. She asked how long I've known, and I was honest. I told her as long as we've been married. She quit giving me gummy bears that she doesn't like. She's now

even eating the orange ones out of spite. I don't think that I'll get any more gummy bear discards after this. Time to buy my own. OP, in my honest opinion, you had every single right to eat those gummy bears. She can't just treat you like some kind of human garbage disposal who takes care of unwanted candies for her. If you want to let me a secret gummy bear tax for your services, then you have every right to. Also down in the comments, we have this post from CL who.

Every year, for her birthday, my step-grandmother received a gift of chocolate cover cherries from her husband. When he died and she married my grandfather, he thought that it would be so thoughtful to continue the tradition. She took one look at the box of chocolate cover cherries, stood up, dumped it in the garbage, and declared, I'm not spending another 30 years pretending to like those disgusting things. I can actually, I can actually really empathize with this because pretty much every single year of my life on Christmas, my mom got me chocolate cover cherries. And I don't know why because they're like, they're okay.

I like them. Like I love chocolate. I love chocolate a lot. But given the choice between, you know, milk chocolate, dark chocolate, pretty much any type of chocolate versus chocolate cover cherries chocolate, pretty much any type of chocolate versus chocolate covered cherries, I prefer the other type of chocolates. Because in my opinion, as a chocolate connoisseur, chocolate covered cherries have too much cherry to chocolate in the ratio, it needs way way more chocolate, like twice as much

chocolate, at least to be considered a decent candy. But every year, I would get chocolate covered cherries, and just recently, like two two, three years ago I was like, Mom, why'd you always get me chocolate cover cherries? I don't even like them that much. And she was like, what? You don't? You said when you were four that they were good. Now I was like, of course I said they were good when I was four. It's sweet and sugary. What four year old doesn't like candy? Today I f'd up by trying on something sexy for the wife. The day before Christmas I was taking a shower, and my wife said that she got me something cute and she left it on the bed for me to look at.

Once I got out of the shower, she went to take her own shower. I went to the bedroom to check it out and realized that she got something for me. I said, okay, I'm down. Let's try this thing on. It was what I thought anyway. Something like a Victoria secret underwear for me, but crocheted. It was a weird flex, but okay, I'm down. I tried putting it on in the way that I thought that it should go, but I realized it wasn't sorry, I read a hit. I know what this story is about. Oh man, I tried putting it on in the way that I thought it should, but I realized it wasn't

big enough to go around my waist. Okay, so maybe it's like a sock like red hot chili peppers? Okay, so I start putting it on in a way that it could go on, and I discover these two holes that I thought that maybe my ball should go through. Okay, kinky, I like it. Unfortunately, my balls are not fitting through the holes. Okay, so I do the best I can and use a string to tie it up, and then lay down on the bed to present myself to the wife. She finishes her shower and comes into the bedroom. I'm like, yeah, this is gonna be awesome and I bust a sexy pose for her while smiling seductively at her when she walks in. She starts laughing, hard, like crying laughing.

I do not feel good about this, and my self-esteem is now destroyed. I shamefully take it off, feeling really bad about this. She laughs harder. I'm thinking, damn, what a weird setup. About 10 minutes later, after she's finally finished laughing, she comes to the living room where I'm soaking and explains herself. It was a Christmas hat for the cat. Those holes were for his ears. Now I'm like, well, my balls have been in his hats, so should we still give it to

them? More laughter. We watched the hat, put it on the cat, and he hates it. Today I f'd up by being very proud that I wasn't addicted to smoking. I grew up in Eastern Europe where smoking is very cool. So, as teenagers, we would buy a pack of smokes and go for it. All my friends eventually turned into pretty regular smokers, except me. I could take it or leave it. This was back when I was 16 years old. Fast forward a few years and I'm 23, and I smoke socially in my heavy smoker friend group. One of my friends starts talking about how she wants to quit, but she finds it very difficult. I said that I'm literally not addicted to smoking, even though I've been smoking since I was 16. I can go days without smoking, without so much as a withdrawal

symptom. I brag about it for a solid 10 minutes. How I just have a non-addictive personality and that probably addiction is very psychological for her. I said, maybe you should try nicotine patches or working with a therapist to overcome this issue. I finish my snobby speech, dramatically light a cigarette, and take a drag. My friend just stares at me for a minute and says, you do know that you need to inhale when you take a drag, right? Everyone lasts for a solid 5 minutes, and I don't understand why. And then it suddenly hits me. I was smoking without actually inhaling the smoke,

so no kidding I wasn't addicted because I was just putting the smoke in my mouth and puffing it out. I've wasted hundreds of dollars on cigarettes. I hid from my parents, I snuck around, for nothing, I never even smoked. So I guess it's a half win for not being a smoker, but a half loose or being a smart ass. My friends still make fun of me to this day. Today I effed up by playing Among Us with my used to be girlfriend. So me and my girlfriend were on discord together, bored out of our minds. That's when she came up with the idea to play Among Us.

I agreed and we joined a public lobby playing together. So in one round I get the engineer role. For those who haven't played Among us for a while, it's a role where you can vent as a crewmate, and I vent in front of her. She freaks out, impresses the button, and snitches on me, telling people that I was the imposter. They didn't believe her, and they skipped. I then told her on voice chat that if I was the imposter, I wouldn't even kill her because that's messed up. She, on the other hand, said, I would murder you first if I was the imposter. So next round I'm the imposter. I killed her first, and I started laughing because she was so surprised by it. After that I finished the roundoff by winning. After I won,

I continued to laugh about how she was so unaware of me killing her. Then she got angry at me and told me that I promised that I wouldn't kill her as an imposter, so I broke the trust that I had with her. I thought she was joking at first, because it's among us a game where you have to lie. She then said things like, what kind of boyfriend does that? You're just like my ex. You shouldn't be laughing that prove that you don't care about me. So I argued back with her telling her that this is just a game about people who look like beans

and she's getting so worked up over it. We kinda yelled at each other on voice chat, which led to her breaking up with me because she couldn't trust me anymore. What the f? I really just lost my girlfriend over among us. Here's a little bit of our conversation after we got off voice chat. Babe, it's among us.

You think I'm mad about that? I'm mad about you effing laughing at my god dang feelings. You're effing a mature and a pure butthole. Girl, I wasn't even laughing about your feelings. I was laughing at the fact that I killed you and it took you a while to realize that I was the imposter. That is f'ing BS, but whatever, F you. Honestly, OP, this feels like a win for you, because dumping your partner because they

beat you in a video game sounds like something a 12-year-old would do. So either she's as mature as a 12-year-old, in which case you're better off without her or she actually is 12 and you probably shouldn't be dating her. Today's episode is sponsored by Honey. I don't know about you, but I do literally 100% of my shopping online. Because of COVID, I pretty much have to shop online because yeah, I don't want to catch COVID and die. But on top of that, I read stories for a living, so I can't afford to sound like this for three weeks straight. Don't you hate it when you get to check out and you don't have a code to put in that little promo code box? With honey, you never have to

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Get Honey for free at joinhoney.com slash rslash. That's joinhoney.com slash rslash. Today I f'd up by assuming my boyfriend was cheating on me. This happened when we first started dating. His mobile used to ping and light up when someone texted him, and I once saw that someone had texted him with the name Babe Heart. I didn't think anything of it, and I thought that I just misread the text, but the next coming weeks I saw it happen many times.

He would get really happy when the person texted, and he would give this big smile. I started thinking that I was being cheated on. The last draw for me was when this person texted, I love you too. I confronted him about it, and he stared at me for some time before he started laughing. I cried because what the hell? So he calmed me down and explained to me that Babe is his grandmother. Her name is Babe Ruth and everyone in the family calls her Babe. She had recently gotten her first smartphone and he had taught her how to text. So whenever she texted him, he was excited to see her using emojis and stuff.

I've never felt so embarrassed in my life. A few months later, he took me to meet her, and I kid you not, for an 85-year-old woman, Babe is a sport. She and I are best friends now. Today, I have to, uh, by falling in love with our Christmas dinner. So about 18 months ago we moved out to the country on a few acres outside of town and then bought some ducks and chickens. We hatched our first lot of birds and I grew them out and harvested the roosters and drinks from my freezer. Over the last 18 months I've been working on my numbers to see how to keep a fairly close flock and meet our personal consumption of meat and eggs. Spring of this year, I had a single survivor turkey from a friend's hatch come my way to

see if he could survive with some extra TLC. Well, big Willie is now my yard mascot. We quickly decided that this now, not so little underdog, was here to stay. He's a pet now. So we decided to get him some ladies to keep him happy. I ordered five chicks from a local supplier with doorstop delivery because of COVID, and I opened the box to find 10 turkeys. A few months later, and they've been free-range all summer, and we have 5 male and 5 females

from the batch. The plan is, one male and two of the girls will go to a local breeder. Willie will have the other 3 girls join him, and the boys will go to my freezer. One of these male turkeys in particular grew much faster than the others and we nicknamed him chunk. Mistake number one. Chunk was put on a calorie control diet so I could grow him out for Christmas without making him uncomfortable while he was growing. This meant that I had to put him in a separate pin from the rest so he got a little more

time each morning and he was always the first to the door for food and pets. Which I was always happy to give. Mistake number 2. Today, I spent $130 on a 64-quart commercial pot and an hour scrubbing and setting up my harvest tables ready to harvest this bird. Evening time rolls around, I bring chunk out of his pen and turn him over. This acts as natural sedation because the blood runs to his head. But instead of going to sleep, the turkey lifts his head, snuggles my leg, and just chills.

I can't bring myself to do it. I just placed a very confused bird back into his own pan, who has to wonder why the hell he was carried into the yard at night, cuddled upside down for a few minutes, then snuggled half to death and placed back to bed. I'm cooking Christmas dinner this year, and he was supposed to be Christmas dinner. But now I'm looking up recipes for nut loaf. And I need to think about rehoming for turkeys, because I'm pretty certain I can never eat turkey again. So I just made my Christmas dinner an apology meal for his Christmas dinner.

Today I f'd up by gaslighting my husband for Christmas. So for context, my husband and I are pretty much opposites when it comes to socializing. I'm super extroverted, I love family gatherings and I love my in-laws. If it were up to me, we'd all live on one giant commune growing our own food and singing kumbaya every night. My husband is very introverted, and usually dislikes the holidays and family gatherings in general. He'll go for me and his parents, but he's usually super quiet and is pretty bad at faking it.

He almost always says that he's not feeling well to excuse his quietness and try to leave early. At his parents' Christmas gathering, he was super quiet again. It's worth noting that we all had negative COVID tests. He complained all day that he wasn't feeling well, and he actually went to nap in his childhood bedroom for a few hours. His energy was at 0% when we took family photos, he could barely even muster a smile. He genuinely looked miserable. It was only us to, his parents, his brother plus his wife and kids, so his absence was noticed. His parents seemed a little hurt, but they understood. It's fine, I'm used to it. I hung out with my in-laws watching

hallmark movies and eating tons of great food. I had a blast! When we got home, he asked me if I had a good time. I did, but I pointed out that he has a tendency to be really avoidant during gatherings. I mentioned that he always conveniently feels under the weather and disappears to his room and leaves me to socialize alone. It's becoming a trend, and he should examine why he suddenly feels so unwell every time we visit his parents. He was pretty upset and said that he was trying, but he really did feel exhausted. Well, this morning I woke up and made some coffee, but I could not wake up.

I felt so tired, and I just wanted to go back to bed. I went to go make a second cup, and I realized that I had bought decaf coffee by mistake. I didn't notice because I tend to get Starbucks when we go out, and my husband usually only drinks coffee from home. Now I have to apologize to my husband. Today I have to, by tackling a rude customer in front of my boss, his wife, and a full bar. I work at one of the most famous bars in my hometown. It was a very busy shift, and I was working really hard, with only my boss helping out

a little bit. For about 6 hours, there was a group of rude drunk customers who were causing problems left and right to the point where I had to apologize to the other customers. I told my boss what was going on, but after the recent lockdown, he was desperate to make any money that he could, so they stayed. They repeatedly made stupid requests specifically to waste my time and then made fun of me for having to do what they say. They were insulting me for hours and I had to try really hard to keep my cool. I had to argue with them over every drink that I served them because they often refused

to pay. I then had to call my boss over just for them to tell him that they were willing to pay but I refused to take their money. They were getting some kind of sick fun out of it, and they really enjoyed themselves while getting on everyone else's nerves. Suddenly, the whole bar smelled like cigarettes. The group had started to smoke inside. My boss's wife told the guys they had to smoke outside.

They called her a stupid B word, but went outside. My boss still allowed them on our premises. Business finally calms down a bit after seven hours without a break, and I sit down at the table where my boss's wife and their daughter were sitting to have a few seconds to chat with them before returning to work. That's when my boss's wife saw one of the guys smoking inside again. She said, he's smoking again. What's his problem? And I immediately knew who she was talking about. I turned my head to look at the bar, and I saw this guy standing about three meters from the entrance, a lit cigarette in his hand. I jump up from the bench and walk over with heavy steps. I was angry. I grab him around his chest and start

dragging him out. I'm really skinny and he was at least twice as heavy and a little bit taller than me. But still, I apparently miss Judge's ability to resist and was dragging him too fast. Suddenly he trips over his own feet as we were through the door and he fell between the outdoor tables, dragging me down with him, making a huge mess in the process. I'm in complete shock, because I didn't plan to hurt him, and I was screaming at him without realizing it. I only snapped back to reality when my boss and his wife dragged me away from the guy and

his angry friends. I apologize a thousand times. After half an hour, my boss and his wife calmed down, and they told me that it was extremely stupid to act in a blind rage, but not the end of the world, because nobody got hurt. I feel so terrible, and I don't want to go back to work, because I know that I'll be judged for my mistake for weeks or months to come. It's a miracle that I didn't get fired on the spot, but I now have to work all the unpleasant shifts like Christmas and New Years Eve. I'm okay with that.

What really messes me up is the extreme guilt and shame that I feel. That was the first time in seven years of working in the spa that I lost control of my anger when dealing with rude customers. Hopefully it's also the last time that I make such a stupid mistake. That was our slash today I effed up, and if you like this content be sure to follow my stupid mistake. That was our slash today I F'd up and if you like this content be sure to follow my podcast because I put on new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.