rSlash - r/TIFU By Trying the One Chip Challenge... Twice

Episode Date: October 12, 2021

r/TIFU There's a trend going around to eat the world's spiciest potato chip. It only takes 1 chip to set your mouth on fire. For some reason, OP decides that it's a good idea to eat not one chip, but TWO! As you might expect, he immediately regrets that decision because it feels like a campfire is burning inside of his mouth. He tries to drink water, which just spreads the spicy oils down his throat and across his lips. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to R-Slash, a podcast where I read the best post from across Reddit. Today's subreddit is R-Slash today I f'd up where OP accidentally shows off his privates to over 2,000 people, including his parents. Today I f'd up by getting him really excited on stage in front of 2,000 people. I'm a 17 year old guy. I'm a student at Dance Academy, and today we had our annual Dance Festival. Last year it obviously couldn't take place because of Corona, so this year our school decided to make something special for the guests. They decided to make a cooperation with the ballet academy.

They wanted to make a hip-hop slash ballet mix sort of thing where you combine the two elements. I was doing the hip-hop part, and a girl from another academy was doing the ballet part, and we had a solo together. We would often need to practice together apart from the group. Honestly, during practice, I would sometimes get a boner, and I'm pretty sure she noticed. She's really shy, and she doesn't talk much. I probably made her uncomfortable, I don't know. Side note, no, I wasn't aroused in any way. I was nervous, and I don't know. Side note, no, I wasn't aroused in any way. I was nervous, and I don't know, it sometimes happens when I'm nervous. Today was the event, and a lot of people came. The time came for my solo, and I went on stage with a girl.

We... Oh no. Oh no. I had to wear a satin trouser that was extremely thin. We were dancing, and I noticed that it was starting to happen. I could hear a few people giggling. I thought of running off the stage, but this would have honestly made it even worse. After our solo had finished, I quickly left the locker room because I wanted to leave as fast as possible. My coach came to me, and he was a bit mad because they actually wanted to upload this event to YouTube, but since I ruined it, they couldn't. It was really embarrassing, and as I was walking out, there were a few girls at the door,

and I could see how hard they tried not to laugh. Plus, what makes it even worse is that my parents and my grandma were there. It's gonna be awkward since I'm gonna see the whole Dancing Crew on Monday. Yeah, anyways, the only positive thing is that the girl I was dancing with texted me saying, I think if I was a guy, I would probably also get a boner from dancing with you. I don't even know what that means. I guess she didn't want to make me feel that bad, lol. Then OP post an update.

OMG you guys, I've been chatting with this girl for a little over an hour and she's telling me about her most embarrassing screw ups to make me feel better and it's actually pretty cute. It warms my cold heart. And then OP post another update. A lot of you guys have said the girl likes me and I don't want to miss my chance. I asked her if she would rather go out and get some boba drinks or come over to my place and hang out a bit. And she said she wants to come over to my place. She says she wants to bake cupcakes together.

Ladies and gentlemen, he's in. Opie, clearly she likes what she saw. Also, Also OP, I wouldn't feel too bad about it. Literally every single guy on Planet Earth has experiences exact same thing, just on a much larger scale. When you're a teenager, these things just pop up completely randomly and you have no control over it. And look on the bright side OP, some guys are known for having trouble performing under pressure, but you have the exact opposite problem. The more pressure you're under, the better you perform. Plus, if you guys actually become like a long-term couple, then for the rest of your life, whenever someone's like,

so how'd you tune me? You can just say, well, she got one look at my giant hunk of man-mead and she knew that she just had to have it. Today I have to, by turning up to a wedding without my cameras, when I'm the wedding photographer. I really screwed up today, but I managed to pull it back without anyone knowing. I've been a professional wedding photographer for 8 plus years, and this is my worst screw up yet. Yesterday, I had a 5 hour chest tattoo book to which overran slightly. I had to rush to get home so I could pack my car to get to a hotel at

a decent time because the wedding was 300 miles away from where I live with roughly 5 hours of traffic in the UK. I rushed back from getting my tattoo, in pain and feeling slightly flu-like. If anyone's had a long and painful tattoo session, it's quite common to feel very drained afterwards. I quickly packed my car and headed off. It was a long and boring drive. To top it off, here in the UK there's a petrol shortage, so queues to refill cars are like 30 minutes long, and prices have been creeping up. I arrive at my hotel at 10pm feeling really tired and rather gross due to not having any time to wash my tattoo yet. On top of all this, my throat is beginning to hurt, which always means a start of a head cold. No worries,

I can just sleep it off. Nope. While unpacking my car, I realized that I forgot my most important bag, my camera bag. I had no option but to drive 5 hours, over 300 miles back home to get that bag. My satellite navigation told me that it would be 3am by the time I got home, which I then realized meant that I would be back at my hotel at 8am. For a wedding that I had to be at at 9 a.m. So, with absolutely no sleep, a sore chest, a throat which now feels like I'm swallowing razor blades and a high temperature causing me to shiver. I stood there at the wedding with my cameras incredibly delirious, wondering why the pain medication I took wasn't doing anything. I was also working with less

money due to having to pay for the hotel room and 900 miles of fuel for my car, and I was fairly certain that I caused a few speed cameras to go off. Opie, I definitely feel for you here, but why on earth would you book a giant tattoo session the day before you're supposed to spend an entire day shooting a wedding? I don't want a victim blame here, but maybe that wasn't the best choice OP. Today I effed up by leaving a 3 star review for our engagement photographer. OP, let me guess. Did your photographer show up late to the wedding because he forgot his camera 300 miles away? So this still doesn't feel real. I had a full panic attack over it and I'm still freaking out.

We hired a photographer for our engagement in wedding photos and after we got our engagement photos we realized that he wasn't a good fit. We didn't like the photos, he was cagey and made us feel uncomfortable and he frequently missed meetings. He said that he wouldn't give us a refund for the wedding portion of the deposit which was close to $3,000. Despite the wedding being over a year away and us offering to help transfer our date to a new couple, he was honestly pretty aggressive with me specifically, despite both me and my fiance talking to him. We agreed that we could move forward with him and look at possible solutions. A month later he emailed saying that we'd found another

couple for our date and he wanted to know if we wanted to cancel. We asked if he would refund our deposit and he said no, despite having a new client. Finally, he agreed to give back a few hundred bucks. We left a review about our mixed experience and gave him three out of five stars. We were exceedingly kind about the parts that he did well, which was nice lighting. But we were honest about the lack of communication and him asking to hire a new client without refunding us. A few minutes later, I got harassing emails and texts demanding that I take down the reviews, claiming that I was ruining his family. We told him the reviews were honest, and if he felt like we'd been unfair, then we would

edit the reviews, but we got no response. 30 minutes later, we were in a random town getting lunch. This town is three states away from where that photographer lives. I hear the photographer call out my name. Somehow this photographer has tracked down me and my fiance in this random town. He starts threatening us, saying that we had no right to leave the contract. He threatens to sue us and starts yelling in the middle of a crowded plaza. I'm honestly really afraid at this point, and I'm just trying to escape to walk away. He gets in his car and follows us, saying that we'll hear from his lawyers, and I feel like I'm living in a fever dream.

He has no legal grounds to sue us, but this was still wild. I always felt that he had bad vibes. If you get bad vibes from a wedding vendor, just run away. OP, this guy drove our flu, I guess, over three states to where you are so he could yell at you in public about his three out of five star review? Well, clearly OP, there's only one solution. Change your three star review to a one star review. And speaking of reviews. So obviously I work really hard in this channel. I put out daily videos every

single day. I actually number my episodes when I'm making them so I know what episode I'm on. And this episode is number, what is it? 1222. I made it. I made over 1000 episodes of R-slash videos. So since I put so much work into this channel, I would really, really appreciate it. For all the people who have an iPhone or an Apple account, could you please look up R-slash on Apple Podcasts and give me a 5 star review because it really, really helps my podcast grow. If you could also subscribe and hit the like button, I would really appreciate it.

Today I f'd up by trying the one chip challenge. I ate the chip last night. As a spicy connoisseur, I didn't think that it would be as bad as it was, so I didn't prepare any kind of relief. I'm the kind of person who loves the pain of spicy food. I eat happen arrows like their potato chips. I order extra spicy Thai restaurants. I make chili that can't be eaten by anyone I know. I've binged jalapeno, hot and spicy and ghost pepper chips. It's not an actual skill or anything that I'm proud of. I just love spicy food. So, after missing last year's challenge, I noticed Pocky has a new chip this year, with a Carolina Reaper and Scorpion Pepper, and I couldn't pass it up. These sound like cheesy metal bands to me, so I buy one of these chips with

no fear. I read, this chip will destroy you on the packaging, and it actually makes me laugh. How bad could this possibly be? Well, it was bad. After unwrapping the chip, I noticed there was an extra chip in the package, so I was excited. This single chip was like $5 from the store that I got it from, so it felt like a discount. My first mistake. I stared at the chip for a while and I took a bite. The chip was stale and flavorless, no tang, no

salt, completely uninspired flavor profile. The heat didn't hit me at all, so after waiting a few seconds, I scarfed down both chips in a few bites. About 30 seconds passed before I felt anything. Suddenly, my mouth felt like I'd been chewing on the glowing embers of a campfire. I calmly walked to the kitchen and poured glass of water. Once I drank this, my throat starts to flare up like it had third degree burns. I can't even swallow, and I'm worried that if this continues, I won't be able to breathe. I drink more water, which only functions to spread the spice stuck in my teeth down my throat.

At this point, my body is reacting like I'm swallowing actual fire. It thinks that my throat is inhaling flames, and all there is is the flight or flight response. I want to run into a pool and drown myself. The pain is so unbearable. Suddenly, I remember the fruit popsicles in the fridge. I get one out, and I deep-throwed it onto my tonsils to cool off the pain and it works. As long as the popsicle is on my tonsils, the pain feels manageable.

Unfortunately, the popsicle is gone in less than 30 seconds and I end up eating all of them in about two minutes. All the popsicles are gone and I'm still feeling the burn. So I do something I've never done my entire adult life. I pour a glass of milk. I'm lactose intolerance, so this is the worst case scenario situation, but I couldn't take it anymore. To be clear, other people in my house drank milk, so that's why I have it in the fridge. So I drink a glass of milk and it doesn't help.

Then I drink a second glass and still no relief, so I just start gargling the milk like it's listerine. I grab a loaf of bread, start stuffing my face, and spitting out everything in a failed attempt to remove the spice. I don't really drink alcohol either, but I know that it helps loosen up the oil and counteract the spice. So I check the fridge and find a single bottle of hard cider. I immediately open it and start gargling.

This whole time, my throat and mouth feel like they're blistering from actual fire. This cider was my saving grace, the only thing that seemed to slow down the burn. Eventually, after spitting out the entire bottle, I finally feel like I'm in a manageable state to think rationally. I take some thumbs in anticipation of the gut pain, but it doesn't seem to help. I spend the night sitting up in bed, clutching my stomach and weeping. I finally fell asleep at 3 a.m.

Grateful that at some point I washed my hands. The next morning, I wake up feeling miserable. I go to the bathroom and it feels like fire is coming out of my urethra. Apparently, capsaicin, the stuff that makes food spicy, can come out in your pee. Then my lactose intolerance kicks in and I start regretting all the milk that I drank last night. All of my exits, so to speak, are on fire. I shower to manage all the pain and it helps a little. And that's where I am now,

in complete fear of needing to use the bathroom. Okay, so I've got to ask, is it like wrong or evil of me that I feel completely no sympathy for people who eat two spicy foods and then regret it? This food is designed to be painful and you guys are like, yeah, pain, I love pain. And then you get this food that's like super extra strength, extremely painful and you're like, oh, that hurts. Why didn't anyone warn me? It's like, what did you expect? It's so weird.

And then you've got the added joy of suffering on the way in and suffering on the way out. So why would you want to do that to yourself? I genuinely don't understand. My tolerance level for spicy food is like full blown white guy level. Like salt and pepper is pushing it for me. Today I have to buy scaring my younger brother for six months by playing adult video sounds through his wireless earphones unknowingly. Right, so for the past six months, I've noticed that when I'm watching a video, or maybe a late night video, the audio stops playing for a few minutes.

Not often, but every now and then. I never thought too much of it, to be honest, and I always sort of brushed it off, assuming that I accidentally connected to my own AirPods. Today, my little brother came to talk to me about something that scares him at night. He says that every few weeks, he'll be listening to sleep music while trying to fall asleep, and then all of a sudden, loud moaning starts playing out of his earphones, scaring the life out of him. He told me that he thinks someone is hacking him. It instantly clicked that I'm an idiot, and that he had once paired

his earbuds to my phone. So basically, every time he has on his wireless earphones in the same house as me and I go to play something on my phone, my phone must give priority to his headphones. I'm assuming he knows what type of video it is, but he's too embarrassed to say because he thinks some evil hacker or troll is trying to play a sick joke on them. Now should I tell him that it's coming from my phone and that I've been watching these videos and blindly connecting to his wireless earphones? Or is this the complete other way around and he's trying to save me the embarrassment? Because I'm pretty sure on Android devices it'll say something like wireless earphones

paired to iPhone successfully, blah blah blah, where it would probably state my iPhone's name. That was our slash today I f'd up, and if you like this content, you can sponsor my podcast to unlock extra episodes. Also, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.