rSlash - r/TIFU by Trying to "Netflix and Chill" my Students

Episode Date: March 15, 2026

0:00 Intro 0:07 Netflix and chill 3:51 Coffee pods 5:55 Mysterious 8:29 Mute button 10:16 Wedding 12:17 Smooth operator Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to R slash Today I FFed Up, where OPE accidentally tries to Netflix and Chill with her students. Today I effed up by learning what Netflix and Chill is code for. I'm a 34-year-old woman, and I just found out today that Netflix and Chill is a euphemism for hooking up, and I'm absolutely mortified. I'm a professor at a university, and whenever I do icebreakers with my classes and ask about favorite hobbies or activities, I talk about mine and include that I love to Netflix and Chill. And when students talk about how stress they are, I tell them that while it's important to study,

it's also important to take time to relax and recharge. So I hope they're able to do something for themselves soon, like Netflix and Chill. I thought Netflix and Chill literally meant to watch Netflix and relax, which as a mother to two, is such a treat when you have little ones constantly requiring your attention. Have I been under a freaking rock? I mean, I'm not that old, but in my little,

defense, I have been saying that I love to Netflix and Chill for years, and no one has ever said a word to me. Not my husband, not my colleagues, not my students. But my husband and I clearly don't get out much, so I think he's as oblivious as I am. I'm the youngest faculty member in my department, so if I wasn't aware, then my colleagues probably aren't aware either. And if I were my student, I wouldn't clarify to my professor that when they say one of their favorite activities is to Netflix and Chill, they're suggesting. that they love to bang. Now I'm terrified I'm going to be reported for sexual harassment, because I guess I've been inadvertently telling my students that I love to hook up,

and I've been encouraging them to hook up too? Today I effed up by allowing my co-worker to set me up. I allowed one of my co-workers to set me up with her friend. The pictures she showed me of her friend made me think the following. Attractive. Check. Love's dogs. Check. Gameer. Check. Employed. Check. Check. Work out. Check. The friend ticked enough boxes for me. However, after meeting her in person, I became aware of the following. She's had several cosmetic surgeries from top to bottom, and she was talking about saving money for at least several follow-up surgeries to fix this and that, including breast enlargement. She said that she was low-key hoping I was a gentleman who's willing to pay for our date because she recently spent, I don't know how much, on bleaching her butthole. I did my best not to judge,

but man, I never expected to hear the word butthole during the first 30 minutes of meeting someone. She believed her dog was the reincarnation of her dead cat, because her dog apparently meows in his sleep the same way her cat used to meow. She lost all interest in gaming when she caught her boyfriend touching himself while playing Tomb Raider, which apparently happened more than enough times for her to get the ick and eventually dump him. She bragged about breaking up with him after peeing all over his PlayStation. She still lives with her gooner gamer ex-boyfriend, who's also her business partner. She experiences panic attacks when gyms have too many attractive people. So she gyms at home whenever her gooner gamer

ex-boyfriend isn't around because he's an effing gooner. All right, now I got to know. How much Does it cost to bleach your butthole? How much does that set her back? At-home products range from six to $150 while professional treatments can be $80 to $500 per session. I guess that begs the question. How many sessions? Typically two to four treatments.

So at the max range, we're looking at $2,000 on butthole bleaching. Now you guys know. O.P., I sincerely hope that you go on another date with this girl because she makes great stories. I am very much looking forward to the update. Today I effed up by stealing my co-workers $400 worth of coffee pods. I work in a small office like eight people, and we have a shared kitchen area with an espresso machine. When I started, I saw there were always pods sitting in the basket next to the machine, and I just assumed they were communal office supplies, like the tea bags and stuff. I was pumped because free, fancy coffee at work is always a win. Fast forward to today. I make

my usual afternoon cappuccino and this girl from accounting walks in. She looks at me weird and goes, hey, random question, but have you been using the espresso a lot lately? I said, yeah, obviously, it's there for everyone, right? Her face just dropped. Turns out she brought it from home because the office coffee sucks and she's been buying her own pods this whole time. She said she noticed they were going way faster than usual, but figured maybe she was just drinking more coffee than she thought. Then she saw a few other people using it recently and it all made sense. I literally wanted to die right there. I immediately offered to Venmo her and told her I have some money saved up that I can send her right now for all the pods. She tried calculating it all in her

head and was like, honestly, it's probably a couple hundred dollars worth at this point. Those little boxes are like $8 for 10 pods. And I've been going through maybe two to three a day since I started. She was trying to be polite about it and said that we can figure it out later, which somehow made it worse. Now I can't even look at her, and the next few days are going to be so awkward. Like three other people in the office apparently also thought that it was communal and have been using it too. But I was definitely the main culprit since I was there every single day. O.P., honestly, I'm on your side. If you go into an office kitchen and there's a coffee machine and pods right next to it,

my assumption would also be that it's communal coffee. If she wanted no one else to drink it, she should have just kept the pods at her desk and taken the pod to the kitchen whenever she wanted coffee. So, yeah, you were clueless, but she was even more clueless, in my opinion. Today I effed up by trying to be mysterious on a first date and ending up in a police report. My friends physically cringe when I tell this story in person, so I'm putting it on the internet instead. I met Elena through mutual friends. She's an interior designer who travels, reads books, and has opinions about wine. I eat pasta three times a week and consider that a personality.

My friend gave me advice. Be a little mysterious. Don't reveal everything at once. Women love mystery. I, a man with zero mysteries and whose most interesting hobby is watching documentaries about bridge construction, decided this was excellent advice. Elena and I agreed to meet outside a cafe at 7. I arrived at 650, normal.

But then I thought, Mysterious people don't stand by the entrance like a bouncer. Mysterious people appear. So I decided to wait around the corner and emerge when she texted. Elena texted at 701. I'm here. Where are you? I started walking out from around the corner.

And at that exact moment, a woman runs out of the building opposite and screams across the entire street, He's there, around the corner. I saw him. Turns out, while I was standing around the corner looking mysterious, the neighbor decided I was casing the building and called the police twice. I walked out from around the corner directly into two police officers and Elena standing there with her mouth open. I explained the situation for approximately 15 minutes. One officer was taking notes. The other was trying not to laugh and visibly losing.

The neighbor stood nearby, watching me with absolute righteous fury. Elena said nothing. Then when officer asked, So you were just waiting for a date? Yes. Around the corner. Yes. To be mysterious?

Yes. The second officer laughed. Out loud, in uniform, on duty. We were let go. The neighbor goes home unsatisfied. Elena and I are standing on the sidewalk. She looks at me and says, Well, you're definitely mysterious.

We went to the cafe. I told her about bridge construction documentaries. She listened for 40 minutes and actually asked questions. We had a third date on Thursday. The neighbor still eyes me suspiciously every time I walk past. I nodded her. She does not nod back. I hope the officer who laughed is doing well.

Well, O.P., now that you have the perfect cover story, you can actually rob the place and no one will suspect you. Today I effed up by leaving my mic unmuted and using my aggressive baby voice on my pet during a serious work meeting. I work remotely, and my company uses Microsoft Teams. We have a weekly all-hands meeting that's essentially just 45 minutes of managers reading statistics off a PowerPoint. It's incredibly dry, so I usually just turn my camera off, leave my headset on, and make lunch or fold laundry. Today, the VP of sales was in the middle of a very serious, monotone speech about

quarter one revenue targets. While he was talking, my cat jumped up onto my desk. I have a a terrible habit of aggressively baby talking to my cat when no one is around. Without thinking, I leaned into the microphone and said in the most absurd, high-pitched, cartoonish voice imaginable. Who's a stinky little garbage goblin? Is it you? Yes, it is. You're a stinky little goblin man. I heard the VP stop mid-sentence. There was about five seconds of dead, agonizing silence on the call. Then the VP cleared his throat and said, Uh, could whoever's talking to the Goblin please mute their microphone? My soul left my body.

I scrambled to click the mute button, but I was shaking so bad, I minimize the window first. By the time I muted it, half the company had typed skull emoji or Goblin Man in the meeting chat. I haven't spoken a word since. I'm currently updating my resume because I cannot look these people in the eye ever again. O.P., there is a way to salvage this. It's to send out an email of you holding your cat and say, Meet the Stinky Little Goblin Man. Then all that awkwardness will immediately become cute and confident. The best thing to do when you embarrass yourself is to just own it. Today I effed up by going to my ex's wedding. My ex-girlfriend invited me to her wedding.

It was unexpected, but I accepted. The invitation said that married and engaged couples were allowed to bring a plus one. I wasn't engaged or married, so I went alone. I managed to couple up with another single guy at the wedding and stayed with him throughout the ceremony to avoid looking like I didn't belong. The two of us got separated at the reception because we were allocated to different tables. My table only had single people. As we got to know one another, we realized we had one specific thing in common. We were all exes of the bride.

It was a little weird, but we made a joke of it because we assumed that was the point of us being. there. Fast forward to the speeches. When it was the bride's turn to speak, she asked all of her exes to stand up, which we did. She informed the audience that we were the people she dated and disappointed over the years before she discovered the love of her life, aka her husband. She wanted us to know how grateful she was to have been with all of us, but then she locked eyes with me and said, maybe not all of you. She said my name and asked me to wave at everyone. I waved like an idiot. She warned all the women at the wedding to watch out for me because I literally peed on her. The husband stood up at that moment and covered the microphone with his hand while he whispered something to his wife that made her look confused.

The bride sat down without saying anything else. The husband made an awkward joke about his wife having too much champagne and instructed us to please take our seats. The DJ intervened and asked if any of the groom's exes were also in the house, which actually made the audience laugh. The music played, and everyone pretended none of that just happened. Except for me, I got the F out of there as soon as the lights dimmed for the disco ball. O.P., what you should have done is at least stick around for about 10 minutes, because if any girls came up to talk to you, bingo, you found the girl who likes to get peed on. Then the two of you could get married.

Today I effed up by faking, being smooth at work, and I accidentally lost my own job. So I worked at this small car dealership in Reno, Nevada. Nothing fancy, just me, three other sales guys, and our manager Rick, who thinks he's the wolf of Wall Street but drives a busted Tacoma. We got this new receptionist last month. She's 22, quiet, always reading during lunch. I decided I was going to be that mysterious, confident dude, not the usual clown version of myself.

I watched a bunch of cringe alpha male garbage and thought, yeah, less talking, more eye contact, act like I have options. Here's where I cooked myself. I started ignoring her on purpose, like full on hot and cold. One day, super friendly. Next day, barely looking at her. I thought it would make me seem busy and high value or whatever. Instead, she went to Rick and said that I was making her uncomfortable.

I didn't even know that part yet. Yesterday, Rick calls me into his office. He has this weird, disappointed dad face. He tells me there's been feedback about my behavior. says I've been acting hostile and creating tension. I panic. My brain goes into survival mode. Instead of saying sorry and explaining that I was just being awkward and stupid,

I double down. I tell him she's the one acting weird and maybe she's projecting because she likes me. Yes, I actually said that. Rick just stared at me like I'd grown a second head. He tells me this is not high school and that he cannot have drama in the front office. This morning I get called in again. They're letting me go. The official reason is that I'm not a good culture fit.

All because I tried to play some dumb psychological game instead of just being normal. The top comments, the only smooth thing in this scenario is your brain. Yeah, O.P, your first mistake was listening to Bro Alpha Podcasts. That was our slash Today I F'd Up. And if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.