rSlash - r/TIFU I Accidentally Married My Step-Brother

Episode Date: October 29, 2021

r/TIFU In today's story, OP is a young woman who happily married the man of her dreams. During their wedding, OP introduced her single dad to her new husband's single mom. The parents immediately hit it off and started dating. Eventually, they got married too! This means that OP accidentally got married to her own step-brother. Oops! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to R-Slash, a podcast where I read the best posts from across Reddit. Today's subreddit is R-Slash Today I F'd up, where OP accidentally marries her step-brother. Today I F'd up by overestimating a guy's capacity to take a hint. I had a major crush on this guy from college who joined the same gym as me. I even researched cricket and watched a few cricket matches so I could strike up a conversation with him. Now, after six months of flirting, I still wasn't sure if he was interested in me or not. I would say things like, you'd make a great boyfriend, and he would say things like, too bad nobody wants to date me. I mean, low self-esteem sucks, but this is just next level oblivious.

When a woman is so obviously interested in you to the point where she enjoys hearing you ramble about stuff that flies over her head, you have to be really dumb to not get it. So I decided enough was enough. There was a cricket league he really likes, but it happens at an odd hour, and my parents happen to be going out for the night, so I called him up and invited him over to watch the match. The following conversation ensued. Be sure to bring protection.

What protection? Like a helmet? If my team wins, I'll passionately hug you, and if your team wins, you can passionately hug me. Whoa, okay, we'll see. Five hours of cuddling pizza and cricket later. Okay, I guess you win. I'm all years.

We start making out for 15 minutes. Okay, where's the condom? You brought one, right? Uh, no. But I asked you to bring one. I thought you were kidding, you need to be clear about your intentions. Oh my god. Anyway, that's the story of my attempted first time

with my now husband. Of course, I learned later that this was due to low self-esteem after being overweight and not having a girlfriend through high school, and he assumed that any woman he met wasn't interested in him. I still like to watch and listen to him ramble on about stuff that I barely understand, because it's just so cute.

Down in the comments, we have this story from Lidido. I still feel sorry for the girl who singled me out at school camp, found a spot for us to lie looking up at the stars, and asked me quietly and sweetly if there were any girls that I liked at school. Yeah, your best friend may not have been the answer that she was hoping for. Today I effed up by introducing my widow or dad to my husband's single mom. My husband and I have been married for 5 and a half years now. My husband was raised by a single mom, and my mom passed away when I was 16, so each of us only had one parent at the wedding.

Our parents met during the wedding planning, and they quickly discovered how much they had in common, and how well they got along. After a few too many glasses of wine, they danced together at the wedding reception. We noticed a little bit of flirtation between them, but we didn't think much of it until they started seeing each other regularly after the wedding, going out together for drinks, going on walks together, going fishing together, etc. Even though it was a little weird for us that our parents were ambiguously and later officially dating each other, we truly didn't care because they just seemed so happy.

Yesterday, my husband walked his mom down the aisle to meet my dad at the altar. My husband's mom and my dad said their vows and became husband and wife. And my husband and I became step siblings. Opie, your family tree looks like a wreath. And whenever your husband does anything, you can always just be like, what are you doing, step brother? Step brother, step brother, I got caught in the washing machine. Can you come help me step brother? Also down in the comments someone pointed out that if you and your husband have kids like multiple kids then your kids will be cousins to each other. Today I have to buy ping on my brand new kitten. Today we adopted this adorable love bug of a six-month-old kitten. She's very chill

uncomfortable with humans. She was raised by a single woman who bottled feta because the kittens were abandoned. We got the kitten set up in the bathroom first to ease her into her new surroundings. I had to pee, but I held it on for a couple of hours longer. Like you do as a guy. Finally, once we moved her into the main house and she was exploring, I took my opportunity, raised the seed, and let loose with relief. Suddenly, a little gray head popped up in my periphery, and she leapt up, and the kitten's head drove straight into the toilet bowl, golden stream and all. I scooped her up with one hand and managed to finish up quickly with the other, a bit embarrassed over the whole situation.

Fortunately, only a bit of the back of her head caught the stream. Meanwhile, the cat was totally unfazed. Even after I used water from the tap to clean her up, I went into the living room and announced, well, achievement unlocked. I peed on the cat. Hours later, the kitten is totally fine. She's been falling asleep on her back while I give her tummy and head rubs. Today I effed up by telling my new wife that I didn't care if she cheated on me. I told my wife that I didn't mind if she cheated on me and she was understandably shocked and confused. She asked me multiple times about this to try to understand what I meant. I interpreted this as her being interested in opening up our relationship. I had no

interest in other women, but I wanted her to be happy and have fun. So, I sent her a list of boundaries. No babies, no STDs, either of us could go back to being monogamous in any time, etc. I further messed up by saying that she didn't have to tell me what she did. She told me a guy at work had given her his number, and she asked if it was okay to talk to him and I said yes. Over the past few months, she got closer and closer to him. I was struggling at work and I wasn't able to provide her the attention she needed. She came to me multiple times asking me if I was okay with this. I know that she was just trying to see if I still cared about her.

Eventually, they did it. She came to me later and said that she felt so guilty. I was upset, but I was unwilling to admit that to her, so I told her not to worry, and it wasn't my fault if she felt guilty for it. We've been slowly growing apart, and I was pushing her away and self-sabotaging our relationship. I realized that I was letting the most wonderful person in my life slip away. So, I started to say what we still had. I cooked her favorite meals, kept the house clean, did errands for her, and did her chores. She works a lot more than I do. I know that expectations for men and relationships are low, and I thought that I was a good man

because I never forgot her birthday and her birthday or holiday. I would always make those days special. I would try to be home and ready with food whenever she got back from work. But I never sat down with her and talked about my feelings. She told me that she wanted to meet with a college friend of hers out of state. I knew that her friend was a nice person and it would be good for her to have a girls' weekend away from all this mess. She told this to her mom too after she asked to visit, so I assume that she really needed that.

One week before her trip, she went to lunch with her boyfriend, and I was so jealous and hurt. I told her that I didn't care if she came home that night, and that moment proved to be the final nail in the coffin. The next day, I finally talked to her about my feelings. I begged her to close the coffin. The next day, I finally talked to her about my feelings. I begged her to close the relationship. She told me that for a long time, she felt no emotional connection to me and that her attraction to me had gone away. That when I told her not to come home, something had broken inside

of her. But still, she said that she was willing to try. I finally listened to her about our issues and took steps to be more communicative, talked to her, cuddle more, and let her know about my feelings. She then told me that her boyfriend had asked her to leave me, and he would wait a year until the divorce or separation happened. After I said that at least she would have a nice weekend away with her college friend, she told me that she lied and revealed the trip was actually with her boyfriend, not her college friend.

I begged her not to go and I offered to pay any cancellation penalties. But she said that she made a promise and she was going to keep it. She went on the trip and she came back, but she wasn't the same. I asked her to stop seeing and talking to her boyfriend and she said that she would try. However, someday she comes home a little late, and she isn't hungry enough to eat the dinner that I made for her, and I know that she was with him. On our anniversary, I went all out. I got her flowers that matched our wedding colors. I made a photo album of our wedding in honeymoon. I even wrote her a list of vows on how I would

continue to be a better husband for her. I used some of the decorations from our wedding to decorate a room just like our wedding reception for her, and I played our first dance song and I danced with her. I cried my eyes out, but she just doesn't have any more tears left for me. I know that every nice and romantic thing I do just hurts her more, and adds to the guilt that she feels. We have our first counseling session this week. I'm not sure if this is going to help us or if it's just going to help me cope with divorce, but I feel like such a failure. Too long didn't read.

I told my wife that I didn't care if she cheated and she fell in love with another man. We're gonna try counseling to see if we can fix the mess that I created. I don't want to dump on you because you're already dumping on yourself a lot, and you're kind of... Oh jeez. Buddy, I think the ship has sailed. I hate to say it to you, but like, you sunk the ship. It's gone.

I cannot even imagine your relationship recovering from this. You pushed her away into the arms of another guy who's actively pulling her away from you. So, oh jeez, OP, some mistakes are unrecoverable, and this mistake I think is unrecoverable. Today I effed up by forgetting my dead man switch. This starts about six months ago. I caught a pretty bad cold that had me in bed for a few days. At the time, I kind of got inside my own head and I convinced myself that I was probably one day away from dying of COVID. I had heard all these terrible stories about people being unable to talk on ventilators having final Zoom calls with their families.

I didn't want to go out like that, so I set up a Deadman switch. For anyone unfamiliar with the term, a Deadman switch is basically anything that activates when it stops getting input from the user. Common uses are engine cutoffs and machinery, or that little chip thing on treadmills that pulls loose if you fall off. A less common use is threatening hostages with a bomb that will automatically go off if you get killed by police snipers. If you've ever seen a movie where someone is blackmailing someone else and says the information

will go public if anything happens to them, you get the idea. So I'm lying sick and bit, and I write a series of emails to various friends and family telling them how much they meant to me, thanking them for their support, etc. The email to my wife has lists of all my passwords and other infos she might need to deal with my passing. My wife is also pregnant, so I left behind a message and advice for my unborn child. I subscribe to a system where I get a link email to me once a month, and if I don't confirm that I'm still alive by clicking it, then after a set amount of time, the emails

go out. A few days later, I'm feeling fine, and the whole thing now seems a lot more silly, but I figure I'll keep it active. There's always a chance that I'll get hit by a bus or something, and I like the idea of leaving a final goodbye. Over the next few months, I click the link every time it comes in, and on several occasions, I had more emails since I had more time. You can probably guess where this is hitting.

Work it's busy, we're back in the office. I'm not spending all day on my own computer, and I miss the email. I completely forgot about the whole thing. The emails eventually go out. The timing could not have been worse. It's been a busy week, so it's been a little while since I've talked to most of my family. My wife is out for the evening, so I decide to get baked and spend the night playing video games. My phone is somewhere else. My phone is somewhere else in the house, and I'm unaware that it's being flooded with messages and calls from people who just received an email from me that starts, if you're reading this, then I'm dead. who just received an email from me that starts, if you're reading this, then I'm dead.

My wife comes home early, and I'm so high that I'm not really in a great state to explain what's going on. Eventually, I explain what I've done, and she helps me message and call everyone to explain that it was a false alarm. That was two days ago, and most of my family is still pretty pissed.

There's a pretty even split between people who think the idea was sweet and people who think that it's the dumbest-epping thing they've ever heard of. The one... The one silver lining is that I had, at one point, strongly considered leaving messages telling certain colleagues and family members exactly what I thought of them. But I decided that insulting people from beyond the grave was just a little too petty. My wife is fine with it since she never really thought that I was dead, and she was touched by the message that I left for her.

I have now left a series of paper letters in a folder that can be delivered with a proper setup instead of a randomly timed email. OP, I wonder if your letters, like your paper letters, are going to start with, if you're reading this, then I'm dead. But for real this time, no takesy-backsees. Today I effed up by giving a homeless girl my room at a hotel. Over the weekend, I was staying at a popular UK chain hotel, and I thought I was going to be there until Sunday night. Well, one p.m. rolls around, and I get back to the hotel early from having lunch, and it turns out they have a strict checkout time of 2 p.m. to get your money back. And I don't really want to stay there all day by myself miles away from my home just for the sake of it.

Over in the corner of the hotel lobby was a little lounge area with the sofa and some arm chairs. There was a girl who must not have been much older than 18 or so asleep on the sofa. And you could tell from her appearance that she was sleeping rough and had come inside out of the rain. The hotel reception staff walked over to her and were asking her to leave, which I understand, but I felt horrible for her. I followed her out to the parking lot and offered her my room key if she promised not to

trash the room and as long as she checked out on time. She agreed and so I went on my way, not really thinking much about it other than how she wouldn't have to sleep outside in the rain. I spoke to my brother later and he informed me that if something bad happened to her in the room, then that would be on me. So I panicked all last night. I tried calling the hotel to tell them of the situation, but I couldn't get through. Well, the hotel called me this morning and it turns out that she didn't only trash the room. She also urinated in the hallway, tried to smash the vending machine, and was in general a disturbance to other guests.

The hotel informed me that I would have to pay for any damage, and the reception lady gave me a very stern lecture about why they don't just give rooms to people when they show up like that. Lesson learned, but at least an 18-year year old girl didn't have to sleep outside in the rain and be open to any number of dangerous situations for a night, I suppose. Down in the comments, we have this story from Patience to Spare. I hope you learned your lesson. This happened once in a hotel that I worked at.

A guy paid for three nights, but he stayed one night and partied with two women. He left, and he let them stay for the other two nights. When housekeeping went in, everything was destroyed. TV, lamps, furniture, bid, everything. He was only charged $1,500 for damages, and he tried to dispute the charge, saying that he wasn't the one who did it. We asked if he knew the woman who did the damage, and he couldn't even give a name. His wife called a few days later, wanting an itemized bill of damages and photos to use in her divorce case. Whoops! That was our slash today I f'd up, and if you

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