rSlash - r/TIFU I Ate a Family of Spiders

Episode Date: April 19, 2025

0:00 Intro 0:07 Didgeridoo 1:57 Comment 2:01 Crow whisperer 3:04 Comment 4:18 Bad joke 8:27 Comment 8:55 Gaming 12:20 Air fried rat 14:38 Gas station pill Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Okay, Martin, let's try one. Remember, big. You got it. The Ford It's a Big Deal event is on. How's that? Uh, a little bigger. The Ford It's a Big Deal event. Nice. Now the offer? Lease a 2025 Escape Active all-wheel drive from 198 bi-weekly at 1.99% APR for 36 months with $27.55 down. Wow, that's like $99 a week.

Yeah, it's a big deal. The Ford It's a Big Deal event. Visit your Toronto area Ford store or Ford.55 down. Wow, that's like $99 a week. Yeah, it's a big deal. The Ford It's a Big Deal event. Visit your Toronto area Ford store or Ford.ca today. I've just been to Specsavers and upgraded my lenses to extra thin and light with 50% off. Now, what else can I upgrade? My cat? Meow.

Rrrrr. Wow. My scooter? Rrrrr. Rrrrr. Rrrrr. Oh yeah. Welcome to rslash Today I F'd Up, where OP accidentally eats a bunch of baby spiders. Today I F'd Up by trying to play my dad's didgeridoo. So my dad has had this didgeridoo in the house since he visited his sister in Australia 10

years ago. My parents wanted to go out for a walk, but I decided that I'd eaten too much cheese and I couldn't be bothered. While they were out, the internet went down, so I was sort of wandering around looking for something to do when I spotted the didgeridoo. I thought to myself, in all these years, I've never actually tried to play it. It's more of a decoration and I barely take it in when I see it. And maybe it's time. I pick it up and put it to my lips. I felt like I knew what I was doing and that it was similar to playing a trumpet and wanted to play a long, loud note. I take a sharp inhale and

immediately feel something hit the back of my throat. I sputter really hard and a small white globular thing comes flying out and hits the floor. At first I thought that it was saliva and I ignored it, as I had a weird sensation in my throat and mouth. It felt like tingling to start with, but grew into more of a tickle on the inside of my cheeks and a bit on my gums. I glanced down at the white stuff on the floor and see several baby spiders crawling out of it and in all directions. The second I clock what's happened, I feel something tickling my top lip and I slap my mouth with my hands. I have a squished spider on my lip and instantly go into panic mode.

I run to the bathroom and spit repeatedly into the sink to see crushed spider bodies and some severed legs, some of which are still attached to parts of the body and are trying to drag themselves away from the plughole. I gargle several times and then frantically swill my mouth out with water. I don't think my mouth will ever feel normal again. I like this comment from Rugburn Dogstick. Sounds more like a didgeridoo-t. Today I effed up by accidentally becoming the neighborhood crow whisperer. This is my life now. It all started innocently enough. I saw a lone crow in my yard and tossed it a

cracker. Harmless, right? Wrong. That single act of kindness seems to have spread through the crow grapevine and now I have a full blown murder of crows as my constant companions. Every morning I step outside and they're there, perched in nearby trees, calling like they're clocking into their day jobs. They follow me on my walks, and yesterday one even dropped a shiny gum wrapper at my feet. I think they're trying to pay me in crow currency, which is both endearing and slightly unnerving. At this point, I've accepted my new role as their unofficial snack provider and accidental overlord.

I'm genuinely curious to see where this goes. Maybe I'll end up with a Crow army or a collection of shiny gifts. Either way, it's a wild ride and I'm here for it. Down in the comments, we have this post from Disruption Coin. I had the for it. Down in the comments we have this post from DisruptionCoin. I had the opposite experience. I gave some food and water to an injured and sick crow that was dying in a field by my house. When I approached it, the crows all around it up in the trees started flipping out.

Even years later, even after moving away for a year, they recognized me and followed me through the neighborhood squawking at me aggressively and picking off little branches and dropping them on me. Apparently, crows and other birds tend to investigate a death and they attempt to learn from the experience and assign blame. So just by trying to help the little guy, I got blamed for his death because I was at the scene of the crime before he died. Here's a cool fact about wolves and both ravens and crows. This is true for both birds, apparently. Wolves and ravens slash crows are buddies in the wild. The birds will find prey and lead the wolves to the prey animal.

So the wolves will kill the prey animals. And then after the wolves have their share of the food, the crows slash ravens will come in afterwards and peck at the leftovers. So kind of makes you think. We look at dogs and we're like, oh, look at the cute puppy. Makes you wonder if ravens look at wolves and are like, oh, look at the cute puppies. Today I effed up by making a joke and losing the right to see my daughter. I got home from working out of town Thursday night and my wife warned me that there was

a problem with my 7 year old daughter. Beth comes in and I can see that she has a few bug bites on her face and one of her eyelids is a little droopy. She feels fine though. I am off work the next day and my wife is going to the office. I wake Beth up for breakfast and her eye is now much worse. It's more than half closed and a little red. She still feels fine. As soon as the doctor opens, I call them and they tell us to come in. We get there and I go to check in. The receptionist,

whom I've never seen before, looks at my daughter and says, Oh my goodness, what happened? So I responded as a joke, eh, she got out of line. I know, it's a horrible joke, I'm sorry. I have a weird sense of humor and I'm a bit socially awkward. Anyway, we all smile and giggle before we head to the waiting area. Soon we're called in. The checkup goes as expected. It's a reaction to the bug bites and the doctor tells me to use some over the counter Zyrtrek or Benadryl. Then there's a reaction to the bug bites, and the doctor tells me to use some over-the-counter Zyrtrek or Benadryl. Then there's a knock on the door and the doctor steps out. He comes back in a few minutes later and says, the police would like to talk to me.

The doctor is angry! We all head to the doctor's office to talk. There's a policeman and a policewoman. The policewoman starts making small talk with my daughter and asks if she wants to go in the other room and read a book. My daughter has an irrational fear of the police from when her older brother would threaten to call them whenever she went into his room. So she says no and buries her face in my side. The police then tell me that it's better if she's in the other room. I saw one of Beth's

cheer coaches bring her son in soon after we got there and mentioned that she may still be there to watch her. The doctor, still visibly angry, goes to check and the cheer coach is willing to watch my daughter, so Beth goes to sit with her in the waiting room. The police explain that they have a report of possible child abuse. The doctor explains that this was a simple misunderstanding. He just examined my daughter and there's no abuse. I now realize that it's the receptionist that he's angry with. The receptionist makes an excuse and leaves the room.

The doctor says he thinks that he has to let her go. He says this is the second incident in two weeks. He says that her bad judgment got his practice and the entire executive park closed for four hours last week and his neighbors now hate him. The police are apologetic, but they say they need to do a full investigation and ask if I can come to the station. A friend comes to pick up my daughter who's freaking out at this point. We get to the station, the cops allow me to drive myself, and my uncle, who's a lawyer,

meets me there. The police are apologetic and say they already know what happened, but a full investigation and report needs to be done. They say that it's a minimum of 3-5 days, maybe longer. I call my wife, who goes ballistic! The county attorney says that they normally seek restraining orders in these cases, but if I sign an agreement to stay away from my daughter until the investigation is closed, they wouldn't seek one. My uncle recommended this because a restraining order would be public record. I stay at my brother's for the weekend and schedule an out of town trip that I really

don't need to make for this week. I can't wait to get home to see my family and sleep in my own bed, but I'm pretty sure my wife will have me on the couch for a little while. Also people asked OP what the other problem was and OP writes this. This is according to my doctor. A few weeks ago, the lights in the parking lot of the executive park blew and the landlord had trouble getting them fixed, so he rented temporary light stanchions for the businesses that are open past sundown until they could figure out the problem.

These lights apparently ran on gas or diesel. The receptionist came back from lunch one day and smelled something, so she called the state's Department of Environmental Protection to say that she believed there was a fuel leak. The department closed the parking lot for the rest of the day for clean up, and it turned out to be nothing. Also down in the comments we had this story from T-Min Lee. This is weirdly similar to something that my own dad did.

Once my sister got a mosquito bite on her face that swelled her eye up and when the doctor asked what happened, my dad, who couldn't even speak the language, decided that doing a punching motion to her 8 year old face while laughing was a good option. The LOOK on the women's faces! Turns out laughing isn't so universal after all, LMAO. Luckily there were no repercussions though. Today I effed up by getting good at a game to impress a guy that I had a crush on.

I used to play an MMO with a bunch of people that I knew in real life. Out of all of them, I was the most interested in PvP, but I sucked at it. One day a new guy shows up. He used to play, but he stopped for a few years. Everyone starts talking about how he's basically a legend, a god at 1v1s, was one of the former top players in the game, was so inhumanly good that he got mistaken for a bot etc. I immediately developed an awkward crush on him. He heard that I was into PvP and challenged me to a 1v1 where he promptly kicked my butt. Then he spent a lot of time condescendingly giving me

tips on how to improve and said that he would show me the ropes. Being a dork with a crush, I was so grateful for any attention that he gave me. His idea of teaching me was basically beating me over and over again. After a few days of this, he got bored and stopped paying attention to me. I was embarrassed that I was so bad and kept losing, so I thought that if I could impress him, he would spend time and game with me again. I spent a stupid amount of time practicing on the side and researching. I'm talking like 6 hours on weekdays and 10 on weekends. I literally lost weight because I stopped snacking on the side and ate the minimum amount

at mealtimes. So, after like 10 months of non-stop playing, I improved a stupid crazy amount. I managed to jokingly convince him to duel me, and I beat him. He thought that it was a fluke and demanded a rematch. So we played again, and I beat him again. He got so mad that he changed his build to exactly counter mine and he beat me. I was so happy because I thought that he was into it, so I changed my build to counter his and beat him. Then it turned into this stupid back and forth.

I was having the time of my life. I thought that I was showing off my improvement to a guy that I liked. I learned theory crafting, I learned how to play properly, etc. Meanwhile, he was effing raging his head off on the side of the screen. After a lot of back and forth killing each other in turns, he finally says that he's done and logs off. I had no idea what happened and figured real life things were going on. Anyways, he didn't log back in for a while and I heard from our mutual friend that he

quit the game. He claimed that he only came back temporarily from a break and he needed to focus on real life job stuff or something. I didn't connect that with beating him. I just thought the timing was bad and I was sad that I wouldn't be able to see him around anymore. He never logged back on again. A few months later, we had another in real life hangout and he basically ignored me. Then he made a few pointed comments about how he didn't like girls who were as into gaming as he was, and that girls who liked games too much were basically guys and he wasn't into

guys. And that's when I realized he was mad that I beat him. And he literally never returned to play again. And after a few more years, I quit gaming. And funnily enough, I heard from our mutual friend again that that's when he decided to start playing again. OP, it sounds like he didn't really miss out here because this guy sounds arrogant, sexist, entitled, and just kinda douchey. Today I effed up by air frying a rat. My husband and I were both sick. Like sick sick. Not eating a proper meal for days sick.

Eventually, we both hit that point of recovery where we were actually hungry again. So I decided to do some easy cooking in the air fryer. I put in a ready-made chicken curry on the bottom shelf for lunch and left it for 20 minutes as directed. When I returned, there was an awful smell in the kitchen. I'm trying to work out how to describe that smell. Something like burnt rubber or plastic perhaps? Like there was something very off. But when I checked my curry on the bottom shelf, it seemed fine. So I ate that curry. That's something I can never undo.

At dinner time, we decided to do a full easy roast with sausages, Yorkshire puddings, potatoes, all that. Anyway, I had everything in the oven when I realized I'd forgotten the stuffing balls that I'd bought a few days before. They wouldn't be done in time if I used the oven, but the air fryer would expedite the process. All would be well. Except that smell appeared again, worse than before. So we decided to turn off the air fryer and investigate it and see if there were any issues with it. That's when my husband saw something on the top shelf of the air fryer. I thought perhaps that it was a piece of plastic packaging which was emitting those awful burning fumes. But when I

pulled out the tray, there was no plastic there. What my husband had seen was the tale of an incredibly well done rat. It was a harrowing experience, not gonna lie. If you want to picture it, which I wouldn't recommend, just imagine a sort of carbonized chunk of potato stuck to the bottom of the oven. Except it's a whole rat! So yeah, moral of the story is always look inside an air fryer before using it. And whatever you do, don't leave the door open for days at a time. OP, you think you had a bad day. Imagine how the rat must feel. Also, a subtle detail about this story is that OP put her curry on the bottom shelf and she didn't look at the top shelf. And presumably the shelves are separated by one of those metal grates, which means all

those rat particles drifted down like snow onto her curry. Today I effed up by taking a gas station boner pill drink. So about last week, I went to a Walgreens urgent care combo since my partner needed to get a urine test boner pill drink. So about last week I went to a Walgreens Urgent Care combo since my partner needed to get a urine test for a UTI. While waiting around for the appointment to be finished, I ended up looking in the sexual wellness section because I needed some lube, and sometimes I like to laugh at the strange male sex health products. Since all I hear about gas station boner pills is that they're snake oil and don't do anything, I had the bright idea of trying one out. I spotted one on the shelf that seemed the most interesting. The Extends Original Formula Male Enhancement Drink. Cherry

flavor to top it off. The package was covered in a strange sticky substance, which I should have taken as a sign, But I said screw it, grabbed it, and checked out. That drink sat in a cabinet for a week, but we both agreed to try it out when the UTI passed, and we were both in the mood. That day finally came, and I grabbed the bottle, ripped the top off, and took a massive swig like I was in the desert and dying of dehydration. The first 30 minutes I felt nothing. After that, I entered hell. That stuff made me feel like the Incredible Hulk. That stuff made me feel like the Terminator. That stuff made me feel like the Predator. That stuff made me feel like Max Payne. That stuff is what Hunter S Thompson was on when he was writing the Rum Diary.

I could feel my heart beating out of my chest, and I don't know if it was even beating in time. I thought I needed to go get an EKG, but I took a muscle relaxer instead to kill the feeling. Probably one of the worst feelings I've ever had, and I do not recommend it. Down in the comments, I was checking to see if anyone knew what exactly is in those drinks, and apparently it's something called Yo-Hembe extract, which is used to wake up dogs after they've been sedated. That was r slash today i effed up, and if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.