rSlash - r/TIFU Oops... I Set Myself on Fire

Episode Date: September 10, 2025

0:00 Intro 0:05 Fire 1:23 Missed the signs 6:47 Cause 9:05 Relax 11:12 Cyanide Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Life's the trip. Make the most of it at Best Western. Book direct and save at bestwestern.com. Welcome to R slash Today I FFed Up, where OP literally sets himself on fire. Today I effed up by setting myself on fire accidentally, and I had to be care flighted to the hospital for emergency surgery. I was doing yard work and had a huge burn pile afterwards. I usually used diesel as an accelerant for my brush piles, but I was out of diesel and figured if I was careful, it would be fine to just use regular gasoline. I poured about one quarter gallon on there and grabbed a little dab torch. Here's where things went awry. I got a small bit set on fire

and turned around to move away. That's when the boom happened. I was basically engulfed in flames. My legs got the worst of it, but my entire right side is burned all the way to my head. I stopped, dropped, and rolled. Skin was falling off my calf muscles as I stood up. The ambulance took me to the helipad and took me to Medical City Plano burn unit. I have these special things stapled into my legs now, and we're about to do six skin grafts. Guys, gasoline is really, really dangerous because the flammable part of gasoline is the vapor, and it evaporates very quickly. So when you pour out gasoline, you're effectively creating a plume, a cloud of combustible air around the gasoline.

So that's why it blows up. Today I effed up by not picking up her signs in Vegas. I'm in Vegas for a work conference for three days. I met a girl from South Korea in the elevator ride to my room after checking in. I helped her with her bags after I saw her struggle getting them in the elevator to our room. We exchanged WhatsApp contact info and message each other throughout the week. She told me she's visiting all the major U.S. cities before she went to South Korea. On the last night, she sends me a sexy picture on WhatsApp telling me I was cute,

and she was sad that I didn't find her attractive. I didn't get the vibe she wanted more than friendship from our conversation, but I was wrong. I told her we could meet up downstairs, have a drink, and take it from there. She messaged back saying she changed her mind. This isn't the first time I had a girl tell me that I missed the signs. Down in the comments, we have similar stories of people completely being clueless. Yoshnip says, I remember in high school, a girl drove me home from school. We were sitting in my driveway talking, and she just casually mentioned.

that she shaved her legs and asked if I would like to see how smooth they were. I touched them and said, yeah, pretty smooth. Thanks for the ride, and I got out. Pretty sure I missed something there. Then W3R3 says, this was a few years after high school, but I was at a house party with some friends and I was playing beer pong with this fairly cute girl. After our second win, she asked if I wanted to go to the bathroom with her. I said something along the lines of, Uh, no? Why would I want to do that? My friends gave me a lot of flack for that for a long time, and she avoided me like the plague for the rest of the night. And this story from Jeeves, I was oblivious in high school. I didn't know that I was the catch. Makes me laugh, thinking back. We were at a party, and everyone got a candy necklace. Think rings of smarty-type hard candy on a stretchy cord.

Well, apparently, you're supposed to approach the person you wanted to make out or hook up with, and, and eat their candy. A girl put it on me and came back 15 minutes later to flirt and eat my candy to make out. My candy was gone. I ate it because I'm daft as hell. I didn't see any of the signs. I just wanted to have a good time. Then this story from I see farts. When I was 17, I dropped a girl off at her house and she invited me in. While in her kitchen, she said that she had to take her meds and went on this long rant about how she didn't have a gag reflex, and how she had to place the pill in the back of her throat to swallow it. All I did was stand there and hope she didn't choke, then left.

It hit me later what she was alluding to. I love these stories. Degree conscious. Back in high school, I had a girl drive me home, park, turn off the car, take the keys out, and look at me with F-me eyes. But I literally shook her hand. said, thanks, and got out because I had to take a monster poo. The poo felt great, but man, I missed out on getting laid. Fidelius adds, I remember when I was 18.

I got a call from a friend inviting me over because her and another girlfriend were alone and bored in her room. I said, sorry, I'm out with friends and can't come over tonight. I still remember where I was standing when I received the call. Pretty sure I missed two somethings there. This one from Sir Swankington. Oh, that's nothing. One time, I had a girl on a date on Tinder.

Once I had her at her house, she told me she wanted me to ravage her insides. I told her, no, because it's rude to destroy people's homes, even if they ask. What if you break something sentimental? Anyways, I completely missed the point. This one from Jabba the What? I had a friend playing games with me on a love sack, which is just a giant beanbag chair, and she said, I've always wanted to have some. sex on this thing. And I said, oh yeah, it's a great time. You should definitely try it.

Then I mashed her with the blue shell and won the game and proceeded to make fun of her for being a loser. Loll. This one from Nysax. A neighbor asked if I knew how to get rid of ants. She asked me to come take a look. She had vacuumed them already. She described where they were coming from by bending over in front of me and pointing at a small hole and pointing at a small hole. What did the whole look like OP. I proceeded to add ant powder and then asked if she needed anything else. She asked if I wanted a drink or anything for the help. I declined as I had coffee on my desk next door and left. My brain processed as soon as I got through my front door. One, she was wearing a very short miniskirt. Two, she did not have to bend over right in front of me to show me where

the ants were coming from. Three, she had already fully dealt with the ant problem before I got there. as hell. And to this day, she's still the one that got away in my mind. This one from Snoo Kiwis. In college, I went to a party at a girl's house and she grabbed me and kissed me. Then she said, did you bring a toothbrush? I thought she meant my breath stunk, so I pieced out and avoided her after that. Years later, it hit me that she was asking me to spend the night. Today I effed up by accidentally causing five children to be bullied for the rest of their lives. Me and my best friend were ruthlessly uncool when we were 15. Not in the, okay, they're a bit quirky kind of way, but in the, oh, they're autistic, only watch anime and listen to K-pop.

Let's dump their clothes in the PE locker room toilet kind of way. Because of this, we thrived on academic validation and spent most of our time hiding in the school library, avoiding all human interaction. One day, during one of these library hangouts, we found Sweden's largest baby name website. It lets you see the meaning of a name, plus stats on how many people had it. On the front page was a list of recently searched names

and a separate one for the most searched names this month. For fun, we decided to search for a completely ridiculous name that no one could possibly have. Think something along the lines of gorp or poopy. To our surprise, two people, in Sweden did have that name. Naturally, we decided to make this our new hobby, spamming that name search over and over during all of our breaks so that it would always be on both the recently searched and the most popular names this month list on the front page. We kept this up

for two months straight. No sleep, no social interaction, only spamming. Then we moved on to a new hyperfixation. I think this was around the time of our IQ phase and completely forgot about it. For those who don't know, Haiku is an anime about volleyball. Fast forward five years. We're older, less depressed, and actually have friends. We suddenly remembered our Gorp bit and decided to revisit the website. That's when we saw it. There were now seven people in Sweden with that name.

Unless there was a sudden influx of Danish people with ugly names, the only explanation is that our bit actually worked. So, yeah, if you're Swedish, born around 20, and your name is Gorp. I'm sorry. This danger zone makes a really good point. If their parents were naming their kids off what was popular on a website like that, you probably saved them from being named Calisi or Vesaris or something.

Today I effed up by helping a girl relax. My girlfriend and I were on the plane yesterday when we experienced turbulence. My girlfriend was asleep, but I was wide awake. The passenger sitting next to me looked like she was on the verge of a panic attack. I have to point out that the passenger was young and attractive because her looks contributed to my downfall. I was minding my own business at first, but then the passenger ended up grabbing the armrest when the turbulence got worse.

My hand was on the armrest first, meaning her hand was now on top of my hand. When I looked at her, she was practically hyperventilating, so to help her relax, I automatically placed my other hand over her hand, sandwiching her hands between both of my hands before telling her a random story about my religious mother, who insisted that I go to church with her this past Sunday so I could become friends with a Gen Z pastor, who literally said, slay at the end of his prayer instead of

Amen. The passenger laughed, which made me laugh with her, until I sensed danger and noticed my girlfriend staring at me. My hands retracted faster than an unbuckled seatbelt. The turbulence was suddenly gone, and the passenger seemed calmer. I explained to my girlfriend what happened, prompting her to respond in her native language, which was not English. She said she closed her eyes for two minutes, and the first thing she saw when she woke up was me holding hands with a girl who looked like she probably has an only fan's. She also doubted the fact that there was turbulence, so I stopped one of the flight attendants walking down the aisle and asked them to confirm that the turbulence happened. The flight attendant confirmed and apologized for

any inconvenience. My girlfriend switched to English and told the flight attendant that I was the one who needed to apologize because the source of the turbulence was between my legs. The flight attendant awkwardly walked away without saying anything while my girlfriend put on her headphones and closed her eyes. Sigh. This is like a decently funny story, but couples who bring strangers into their fights to prove a point are awful. I hate it when people do that. Today I effed up by repeatedly poisoning myself with cyanide. When I was younger, maybe 8 to 12, black cherries were my absolute favorite fruit. My mom would bring home a bag or two, and I'd happily eat all of them in one sitting. But every time, not long after, I'd get wrecked, horrible stomach pain, nausea,

pounding headaches. When I gained the slightest bit of intelligence, I put two and two together and realized I must be allergic, so I eventually stopped eating my favorite fruit. Fast forward to recently. I found out cherry pits contained cyanide. And when I was a kid, I didn't just eat the cherries. I chewed and swallowed every single pit. Whole bags of them. For years. My mom swear she warned me not to eat the pits, but I don't remember it at all and obviously didn't listen. So yeah, turns out I wasn't allergic. I was just repeatedly giving myself cyanide poisoning. I was not. a smart child. Out of curiosity, I looked up how cyanide kills and it prevents cells from getting oxygen causing mass cellular death across your entire body. So don't eat cherry pits, kids. That was our slash today I effed up. And if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast episodes every single day.