rSlash - r/Tinder My Date Wants Me to F*** My Dog!

Episode Date: February 26, 2022

r/Tinder Feeling lonely? Looking for some love and affection? Well all you have to do is download Tinder and experience the joys and wonders of online dating! If you're wondering what Tinder is like, the users in today's episode will show you what's in store, like one guy who wants his date to passionately hug her dog, and woman will absolutely WILL NOT go on cheap dates. Also, you get a whole bunch of bonus dirty limericks from yours truly. Get Honey for FREE at joinhoney.com/rslash Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to R-slash Tinder, where a girl's Tinder date wants her to have intercourse with a dog. Roses are red, violets are fine. I'll be a six, because you're definitely a nine. Roses are red, violets are blue. If I'm a nine, then so are you. Roses are red, your poem is dope. Thanks for the compliment, but you didn't get the joke. Roses are red, and now I'm sad that my dirty mind hasn't gotten that. Roses are red, so you say you got those, then you can tell me your favorite pose. Roses are red, I like gin. Choking is my favorite kink.

Okay, so I know that it's really, really common for YouTubers to drop rap videos. The problem is, I can't sing, I have no musical talent whatsoever, and I don't listen to rap really, so I don't really know how to make a rap song sound good. So I can't do that, man, but one thing I do really like is dirty limericks. I write them sometimes for fun, just because I don't know. They're just funny to me, man. So I'm going to write you guys a dirty l limbic about Tinter that I just made up. Welcome to R-slash Limerix, where I rhyme about buttholes and dicks.

I know that they're crude, unfriendly and rude, but hey, I'll do anything for clicks. I'm glad that I matched with such a beauty. You truly are the cutest cutie. Let's skip lunch. I'm ready to munch on that big fat stinkin' booty. And another limbic for you people. I need a man who's rich and who's caring. Six foot 12, muscular and daring. Do you like short hair and a petulant glare?

Nice to meet you, my name is Karen. I have another tender limbic for you guys that I wrote, get ready? Guys, do you want a lady's affection, tired of the ghosts and rejection, then find a babe on Tinder and then just send her a picture of your throbbing erection? And to be clear, do not send dick pics as opening messages? It's not very polite, it's not very well received, but hey, it's a dirty limorick, okay? That's the whole point of a dirty limorick, it's to be funny, not to give life advice, please don't take, it's a dirty limbic. Okay, that's the whole point of a dirty limbic. It's to be funny, not to give life advice.

Please don't take life advice from a dirty limbic. And then I wrote a part two to that limbic. And if you think that's just to heinous, to send women picks of your penis, to get her in bed, try this instead, send her some picks of Uranus. Okay, we have another Tinder-DirtyLimric for you. Babe, if you're ugly, that's no biggie. I don't care if you're fat or twiggy, to harden my meat, show me your feet.

And babe, let me suck on those piggies. What you're describing is totally a third day type of thing. Any suggestions for the first one? That would lead to the second and proverbial third date. Hmm, a tough question. I've only lived in Irvine for 8 months, and all of it during the pandemic, so I don't have a lot of experience with exploring. Some things that I'd like to try.

One, walk around Old Town and just explore the old time feel of it. Two, a Ducks game, but that's probably not a first date either. Three, if Orange or LA County has anything like a Wahoo's eat the streets, that was an amazing time. 4. Huntington Botanical Garden You must be joking! My answer is no, regardless. Good luck out there or lower your standards. Either way, goodbye. Hmm, I'm kind of lost. Can you tell me what I did? I don't see what I did. You think I'm as dumb as I'd look?

And because I liked your profile, you can offer me nothing and I'll take it. You're wrong on both accounts. Aim lower, a desperate, basic girl might go for it. Look for someone with a high school diploma like you. Well, I'm still not sure what happened, but I understand that people have hard lines. I wish you the best of luck then. I thought that these were cute, non-clean, shade-date ideas with a few upsides. Public for safety, laid back for more open conversation, and pressure free.

And I don't know what I said to make you think that I think that you're dumb. The only people that I think look dumb are those that flaunt hate symbols of close-mindedness. Everyone can teach us something. Despite the abrupt hostility, I wish you the best of luck. Oh, alright, double down then. I definitely won't figure it out if you do that. Okay, may I ask, what was it that you were looking for for a first date suggestion, or was it something else? It's too late to help you with that answer, but every lady deserves a dinner date, period. Also, you're the host of one who began with an assault on my IQ, but share buddy, if it makes you feel better. Have a good night. If your expectation is to have a dinner date, then I would be more upfront with it. I shouldn't have to tell you how to treat women, that's your parents job.

Alright, I wrote a limbic about this lady. Oh, sweetie, you think that you're worthy of me, with your average looks and no college degree. You want a piece of my ass? You best be dropping some cash, because sweetie, I don't go on dates that are free. Oh, okay, so can I just say that OP's ideas of a first date actually sound really nice. Walk around Old Town? I mean, yeah, the Ducks game probably isn't a great first date, but walking around the

town to get a feel for it or botanical garden, those sound like great first dates. Also, I'm assuming that ETHA streets is some kind of like food truck crawl, which would count as a dinner date, right? I mean, it's not like a sit-down fancy restaurant, but you can have dinner from a food truck and food trucks serve great food sometimes. And any event, dude, you definitely dodged a bullet here. This lady went from friendly to hostile immediately just because, what, you don't want to put down $200 at some fancy

shmancy restaurant? And on top of that, she said that you insulted your IQ, but you're one of the most patient polite people I've ever seen on this app. You match with Jennifer. Since you shared your Batman story, I once had dreams of being a power puff girl. So were you made from sugar, spice, and everything nice? No, and if that line ever works for you, you should question why. That's from the intro to Powerpuff girls. It's not a pickup line, lol. I have actually managed to make a dirty limbic about the Powerpuff girls. The Powerpuff girls were not made by their mom. Sugar and spice is where they come from.

And chemical X, you get that from sex. The secret ingredient was a bucket of cum. And down in the comments, we have this reply from Taint Sniff. Sounds like she was made from salt, sand, and everything bland. So in your bio, you said that you're German. Do you currently live there, or are you still in the States?

I'm German-American, and at the moment I'm in Germany. My bad, and where do you reside when you're in the States? Why are you hyper-focusing on my location? I don't care where you live, I'm just curious if our cities are nearby. I mean, this is a dating app, and I'm not trying to get into something super long distance if it goes anywhere. I figured it was a pretty reasonable question. I traveled between the two and clearly choose my location for a reason.

I don't need to validate my location to you. I'm gonna trust my gut here. All right, lol. Kind of weird that this is the tipping point. I wasn't asking for specifics or anything, or to validate anything. Like I said, I don't really care where you live. I'm just asking for specifics or anything or to validate anything. Like I said, I don't really care where you live, I'm just looking for something specific and I like to be upfront about it. Sorry I asked, hope you find what you're looking for. Down in the comments going with no says, heaven forbid you had to choose a place to meet, and lazy pull replies. We will, we will meet somewhere in France.

I shall offer no more specific details. See you sometime on Tuesday. Then Roger O5 says, Tuesday, why are you hyper focused on that day? It could be at any point over the next decade. And if you're not there, the relationship is over. So where do you wanna meet? LMAO, you're not a true gentleman, but we're not meeting up anywhere. I'm not driving,

so it's all good. I can pick you up. Nah, it's fine. Oh, I thought you meant that you were free to hang out. I am, just not for you, Lull. You're not a true gentleman. So it's fine. Okay. I just didn't want to ask you for your address because I know that people aren't always comfortable giving out that information. I thought that if I let you pick the meetup spot, you'd feel safer. Sorry for the miscommunication. Good luck in the future. Well, I wouldn't have said let's hang out, but good luck to you.

Thanks. Well, I'm just gonna block you, so don't be offended. No worries. I'm just saying I was taught that if people don't offer then just do it yourself. So I mean, it's totally okay that I wouldn't have accepted it anyway. I just don't want to go out with people that don't want to sit there and pick me up because it makes everything a lot easier. I'm looking for a true gentleman. I mean, I was prepared to. I have expected you to just send me your address as the meet-up spot, and I was gonna pick you up there.

LMAO lies. A real man is supposed to go and pick the woman up, especially if they're hanging out. You should have offered to come and pick me up, and then we would have gone from there, but you didn't. What? I almost feel like I'm missing something here. So you didn't meet this woman's hyper-specific definition of what a true gentleman is,

and because you didn't offer to come pick her up, it's a deal breaker? That's what a deal breaker is. And isn't it like super duper common for women to not give out their address on the first date? Man, feeling like Nio and the Matrix here, because we're Dodge and Bullets left and right this episode. Today's episode is sponsored by Honey. I don't know about you, but I do literally 100% of my shopping online. Because of COVID, I pretty

much have to shop online because yeah, I don't want to catch COVID and die. But on top of that, I read stories for a living, so I can't afford to sound like this for three weeks straight. Don't you hate it when you get to checkout and you don't have a code to put in that little promo code box? With honey, you never have to leave that box empty. Honey is a free shopping tool that scours the internet for promo codes and automatically applies them to your cart.

For example, I buy a lot of audio equipment and I just saved 15 bucks on a microphone with honey at checkout. If you don't already have honey, you could be straight up missing out. It's literally free and installed in a few seconds. And by getting it, you'll be doing yourself a solid and supporting this podcast. I'd never recommend something that I don't use. Get honey for free at joinhoney.com slash r slash. That's joinhoney.com slash r slash. Oh geez, okay, here we go. So are you gonna let me

pound your meat curtain soon or what? I love getting deep in a greasy vanilla teasing my any chance I can. That would be a hard no and a solid go f*** yourself. Bye. Damn, too bad. I bet your f***ing stinks like microwave pancakes and lip-chap anyways. Night, mommy. Wow, what's up you snob? Snob? Lowl? Do you think you're special? Uh, this is an interesting opening. I would if I had a gazillion girls messaging me. I believe this is called negging, right?

Why bother with one guy? Yep. How's that going for you? That's the trouble with Tinder. There's so many nice people who can meet up, but it's impossible to make the connection because of all the F-boys. It's tough being a man close to 40 trying to meet someone. Maybe if I put my Porsche in the driveway

and took a photo of my house, I might stand a better chance. Maybe, but I don't want to attract the wrong girl. You seem extremely angry. Any reason for that? I'm not angry at all. You could say I'm frustrated at Tinder because it has a bunch of programming issues

they could sort out. Like, stop all these Indians making fake accounts to rip people off. Did you get ripped off? No, aren't you smart for that? Because I'm a technician, so I can understand what's happening. But I've been absolutely swampless cameras every five out of six people is a scammer. It's really, really tough. Please excuse my auto correct.

I'm too lazy to type. It's very interesting that you've chosen excuse my auto correct. I'm too lazy to type. It's very interesting that you've chosen to direct all this frustration at a stranger. Like I want to meet someone, but I've been trying for three years to meet a nice girl, and I can't do it. Wow, I'm not angry at you at all. Do you want advice? Absolutely.

One, positive communication. Absolutely none of our conversation so far has been positive. 2. Take an interest in the other person. 3. This is a tool. This app doesn't owe you a date. Nor does it owe you a woman. Yeah, negative isn't attractive. Understanding that is valued information. Thank you so much. Thank you. That was very kind of you. Sometimes I feel frustrated because I'm wasting my life on this program, and it's very difficult to meet people when you work in my field of employment. I deal with elderly people a lot and I consult for myself.

Tinder was my last-ditch effort and it wasn't good. I wanted to be dieting and to be loved instead of right back where I started. And I'm a good guy, I'm sure of it, and I'm sure lots of girls would be happy with me if not really content. And as a passing goodbye, I'd like to say that you're very attractive and most beautiful. Best of luck, and thank you for your time. It was an interesting TED talk. All the best. So I've been out of the dating game for a while, but I'm pretty confident that going on a long, angry rant about Indian

scammers in your very first conversation with a woman is not the best way to land a first date. On this next post, OP is a nurse and one of her pictures has her wearing a mask. She matches with someone and she gets this message. Wow, your diaper mouth looks really stupid. You're wearing a mask while pretty much sitting by yourself, LMAO. You're just a slave in an idiot and it's hilarious. By the way, hilarious spelled H-A-L-A-R-I-O-U-S.

Enjoy your diaper-face slave, LMAO. Effing stupid butthole of a human being for sure. 666. But at least you're going along with the program, right? Good for you, slave. Make sure you get that shot too, by the way, you stupid mother-eifer. Okay, bye. If I even hear back from you, I think I'll have to throw up on my own ball sack.

You piece of compliant dog-turd. That's piece spelled the wrong way, by the way, as in peace and love. Elimeo, ethin, sheep! Right, yeah, this post is really wild, but I can't get over about this guy throwing up on his balls. Why? Why would you do that? Of all the places to throw up, why throw up on your balls? If I've got any lady listeners out there, the basic hierarchy

of protecting your body parts is number one, your eyeballs. Number two, your nuts. So, I wouldn't have any compulsion to throw up on my balls any more than I would want to throw up into my eyeballs. Is that like this guy's go-to-excuse to explain the smell? Oh, yeah, I know they smell bad, but uh, that's just because I threw up on them the other day. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah, okay. Okay, buddy.

Okay. I wrote a, uh, wrote a lemur about this, dude. Okay. Whenever I see a masker, I goad him. Make him embarrassed. I showed him. My words were as vile as my stomach vile that I like to spray all over my scrotum. Ha, ha ha ha.

Then down in the comments from Cran305 we have, it's only because he was deepthroating his own cock. Nolan 26, 1 kilometer away. I have a girlfriend and she found my tender and edited my profile and I'm too much of a dumb moron to notice and I got dumped. Oh yeah, and the only good pick I have of me is when we went on a date and she dressed me because I'm a mediocre white boy with mommy issues. Man, speaking of mediocre white boys, I'm going to be sad for a second you

guys. I want to be real real sad, okay? Media-yoker white boys sad on the internet. So I spent a lot of time on TikTok and there's this trend going on right now where apparently there's a lot of like podcasts made by men about dating. And so they have this, you know, divisive talk about women should do this, men should do that blah, blah, blah. And so one of the really, really hot trends on TikTok right now is women making fun of guys who have podcasts, but I'm a guy with a podcast. And I don't make fun of women. I try to be nice to women on my podcast. I just hold funny stories. It makes me feel bad. I'm just trying to look at

like funny pictures of dogs and stuff, man. And then I swipe up and it's some woman making some funny skit, making fun of white guys with podcasts, saying that men should be banned from podcasting, and I feel bad. And it's like, what did I do? Hmm. Well, if you want to show support to my podcast and let the world know that some podcasts run by average white dudes can still be entertaining, then go to iTunes, drop me a five-star review, or check out my podcast just in general, because I'm trying to grow it. So if you could go to iTunes and look up our slash

and drop me five stars, I would really, really appreciate it. Because all those TikToks make me feel bad and I could use a pick me up. On this next post, OP has a side job as a dog sitter. She's currently watching a German Shepherd and the guy that she's been texting for a week sent her this. The German Shepherd is a very sweet dog so it sucks that I can't take him anywhere.

Oh no, why not? He's not new to LOL. And even though the owners gave me permission to take him out for like a trail walk, I'd feel weird about it. Plus, I'd rather not have to deal with him shoving his nose between people's legs. It's already enough that he does it to me every time I stand up. Oh, does he sniff you there? Uh, yeah, most dogs do. It doesn't make it any less awkward, though. I don't know, it sounds hot.

Are you actually serious? Yeah, why not? It probably feels good. Let him sniff, relax, and just let it happen. Maybe let him get a lick in too low. Out of all the ways to start today, I never thought that I would be told to let a dog lick my f***. I met this boy who's a bit of a nutter. My God, his mind came straight from the gutter. His idea of a date is to master bait with a dog and a jar of peanut butter. Okay, I have written another dirty limbic about this reddit post.

Babe, I'm enjoying our dialogue. Are you feeling like you're ready to snog? Give a quick smooch, not to me, the pooch. I want to see you make out with your dog. And so earlier I was talking about how lots of YouTubers make rap videos for their channels. And you know, I don't, I don't rap, so I can't make a rap video. But one of the most popular types of rap videos for YouTubers is the diss track. The problem is, I don't have any enemies, I don't really dislike anyone on YouTube,

so I don't have anyone to diss. So instead of writing a diss track rap song, I wrote a diss track Dirty Limbrick about myself. So I'm dissing myself in this one. Okay, have you heard about that YouTube predator? He's like a narrator and a video editor. His names are slash. His videos are trash. He's about as appealing as a sexual predator. And then to clap back, to clap back at my haters, I made a retaliation limbic against my diss track. So this is the counter-distract dirty limbic. Welcome to R-slash, R-slash, where I make videos in limbic for cash. I know that there's haters for content creators, so if you don't like me, then hey, eat my ass. So I just want to formally apologize to everyone

for all these Limericks because I know that they're awful, but like literally once I start writing them, I can't stop. I usually have to make like 10 before my brain will finally settle down and let me move on to something else, so I'm sorry you had to sit through these, but tough luck. Dearest members of my YouTube tribe, will you accept this Limerick bribe? Be a good sport, show your support, by clicking both like and subscribe.