rSlash - r/Topposts My Cat Got Jury Duty

Episode Date: July 26, 2026

0:00 Intro 0:07 Cat jury 3:28 Naked 6:11 Escort 10:38 Eye ball 13:43 Language barrier Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Entertainment meets fast delivery. It's on Prime. Welcome to R-slash top posts where a cat gets summoned to jury duty. Our next post is from R-slash-cats. A jury-duty letter came addressed to my cat. This is not a mistake. Felix Martinez, that's my cat's full name, according to his vet records. My last name, his first name.

Somehow, he's a registered voter now. I called the county clerk. I say, my cat got summoned for jury duty. Is the name correct on the summons? Yes, but he's a cat. Is Felix Martinez a legal resident of this country? He's a legal cat. Sir, if the name matches our records, he needs to appear or file an exemption.

He can't file anything. He has paws. You can file on his behalf. Under what exemption there's no box for is a cat. Then check unable to serve due to medical reasons. What's the medical reason? He's a cat. That's not a medical condition. It is if it prevents him from serving. I sent in the form and got rejected two weeks later. Insufficient documentation. Please provide medical professional statement. I took the letter to my vets. I need you to write that my cat can't do jury duty. Why is your cat summoned for jury duty? Excellent question. No good answer. This is the weirdest request I've gotten. Can you just write that he's medically unfit to serve? On what grounds? He's a cat. Patient is unable to serve due to species-related limitations,

including inability to speak, read, or comprehend legal proceedings. Perfect. I sent it in and got another rejection. Summons is mandatory. Failure to appear will result in contempt of court. My roommate thought this was hilarious. My roommate says, Felix is going to jail. I say, this is serious. My roommate says, bring him to court. See what happens. I decided that was actually the only option left. The day of jury duty, I put Felix in his carrier. I brought the entire paper trail of rejection letters. I checked in at the courthouse. Name? Felix Martinez. The clerk looked at the cat carrier. Is that Felix? Yes. He's a cat. He's a cat. I've been saying that for six weeks.

Why didn't you file an exemption? I filed three, all rejected. I showed her the letters. She read through them, expression shifting from confusion to disbelief. Someone rejected the veterinary documentation twice. She called her supervisor. You need to see this. The supervisor read everything, looked at Felix, looked at me.

How did a cat get registered to vote? You tell me. This is a data error. Took you six weeks to figure that out. They dismissed Felix immediately. Apologized for the inconvenience. We'll remove him from the voter registry. Appreciate it.

Out of curiosity, how would he have voted? Probably whatever party supports universal treats. I got a formal apology letter a week later and a voter registration card for me this time. Apparently, I wasn't registered, but my cat was. My roommate said, Felix committed voter fraud. Felix committed nothing. He's innocent.

That's what they all say. Felix is sleeping on the jury summons now. A fitting in to his legal career. People in the comments are calling it purry duty. Our next Reddit posts is from equal negotiation. I'm a 23-year-old woman and my roommate is a 24-year-old woman. We've been living together for the past couple of years. We slowly became friends and I started to trust her.

When I'm gone, I have her go in my room to feed and water my cat. Lately, I've been coming back home to certain things being out of place. Things like the pillows on my bed shuffled out of place like someone had laid there. My bathroom door closed, I never close it, and jewelry or perfume not in the correct spot. I never thought much of it. I knew she needed to go in my room to feed my cat, and people are curious. This most recent time, I came home to something very odd. It was late, and the only thing I wanted to do was go to bed. Well, I walked into my bedroom and there was my roommate and her sister, a 22-year-old woman whom I've only met a couple of times, laid up in my bed. They were chilling with the TV on, snacks, all comfy in my bed.

My roommate immediately started to freak out. Oh my God, you were supposed to be home in a few days, telling her sister to get up and leave. I honestly didn't even know what to say. My roommate kept apologizing, saying she didn't know that I was coming home. Her sister got up, still wrapped up in my blanket. I asked her if she could give me the blanket back. She said she couldn't because I have to put clothes on. I looked at her and quickly realized that she was butt naked wrapped up in my bid.

I was appalled. I gave a gross look and just sighed. When I went into my bathroom, I saw that a lot was out of place and it was clear my shower had been used. Another concerning thing is how often she talks about how her sister is a liar and thief. Her sister steals from family members and shoplifts. So why would she not steal my stuff? My roommate herself has made comments about how certain things in my room are valuable and has joked that if I wasn't so cool, her sister would definitely pawn my stuff. I think this is all mostly my fault because I'm really chill and I do put up with a lot. She's never blown up on me,

but I've overheard and seen her blow up over small things on other people. I fear if I bring this up, she may freak. But now I'm at the point where I know I have to say something. What should I do? And how do I handle this without her blowing up? O.P., I don't know if you do handle this. I think you just install a lock on your door and try to move out of the apartment as soon as possible. I don't really see any scenario where she's like, oh yes, I understand the errors of my ways and I'll become a better person now. These are two selfish sisters with no boundaries who do weird things in other people's rooms. Our next Reddit post is from Lama Poodle.

A week ago, my husband and I had a day that involved several small arguments. Not about anything important, just a day we annoyed each other a bit, and I didn't think too much of it. We eventually had dinner and drinks with friends, and everything was normal. Around 9 p.m., we had plans to visit a bar, but had another small argument on the car ride there, which led to me deciding to go home instead, since he started to take it further than it needed to be. My husband stayed at the bar where he continued to drink.

At 10 p.m., he begins to send me apologies, thoughtful messages, and overall, we agreed that we were just having a bad day. I felt relief and began to get ready for bed. 11.30 p.m. My husband tells me that he'll walk home from the bar, a 45-minute walk. And I leave a key outside the house for him to get inside since I'm ready for bed. Even though I suggest an Uber multiple times, a walk isn't uncommon for us. 1135, my final message saying that I'll start to fall asleep, but I'll listen for when he gets home. 2.30 a.m. I wake up and my husband is not home. I have no missed calls or texts, and I begin to worry something happened on his way home. He doesn't answer any calls. I log in to our shared Mac to see

if I can find his iPhone or any Uber receipts because maybe he just stayed out and kept drinking, which was fine with me, but I needed to know that he was safe somewhere. The only thing I find is a picture he took at 12.10 a.m. of a hotel key and a room number written down. Very strange, but now I know that he's at a hotel near our house. 2.45 a.m. He returns my phone calls and tells me he was locked out of the house and got a hotel room. He claims he forgot about the key outside the house because he was drunk. I tell him to come home immediately. 305 a.m. He returns home, is visibly still drunk, but functional. His story did not. make sense to me, and I had a weird feeling, so I look into his phone for more answers and discover the

following. 1. The hotel room was booked at 1150, 15 minutes after I was still texting him. 2. An Uber ride from the bar to the hotel at 11.55 p.m. He never attempted to walk home or at our house as a first stop. 3. Our phone records showed incoming and outgoing calls to an unknown number starting at 12.12 a.m. and lasting until 12.5 a.m. I looked up the phone number and it shows multiple links to an escort service and one girl in particular. Four, Zell showed a payment post midnight to a random LLC for $4,000. The name involves the word touch without getting too specific. At this point, I reach out to the escort number to see if it's real. I pretend to be my husband, and the girl writes back that she had a nice time and would meet again, saying there was

lots and lots of naked fun. She also asked if he was still locked out of his house. Eventually, I stop replying. I speak to my husband in the morning about everything, starting with the money payments, and he stated he talked to a girl in the lobby, and she must have took his phone when he wasn't looking to send herself money, so he's the victim of a scam. He has no memory of what fully happened, and doesn't remember any phone calls being made. Just that he had a drunk night, but denies cheating or lying about anything. He eventually gets angry and defensive

and claimed that I was making the puzzle pieces fit the way that I want them to. I immediately saw my therapist, and I've just been trying to process this whole event. We're basically at a standoff, with me not believing him, and him standing ten toes down on his story. I'm not sure what I'm looking for.

Advice, ideas, help. I'm pretty numb and frozen at this point. You know, a lot of the people who post on Reddit know there's a problem, but they haven't, I guess, accepted what the real problem is, even though they know deep down what it is. And they're just kind of venting or looking for validation, and this is clearly one of those posts. This is as much rock-solid evidence as you could possibly want

to prove that someone is cheating and hired an escort. But unfortunately, it seems like OP has not quite realized just how blatant this evidence really is yet. Also, people in the comments pointed out that if the guy really got scammed, then he'd be trying to get his money back or filing a police report. But apparently, none of that happened. Our next Reddit post is from R-slash traumatized them back. I was waiting to pick up a prescription today when I heard some shuffling beside me.

For context, I'm blind on my left side. I lost vision in my left eye from glaucoma and eventually had the eye removed. So unless something is directly in my line of sight, I genuinely might not see it. When I finally turned around, I saw an older lady struggling to pick something up, so I offered to help her. She snapped at me and said not to bother because if I actually wanted to help, I would have been more proactive. I told her I was sorry, but I'm legally blind and would have helped sooner if I'd seen her. She then hit me with, People nowadays want to self-diagnosed everything to avoid responsibility.

So I had it. I took out my prosthetic eye, held it up, and told her, You can diagnose it yourself if you're so uncertain. Not a word from her after that. And down in the comments, we have this story from Chinchillas. A kid I went to school with had ocular cancer as a toddler and had a prosthetic eye. One recess, when we were nine or ten, someone managed to kick a ball into the back of the kid's head just wrong. He clapped his hand over his eye and went to go to the bathroom. But we had this really nasty substitute teacher who wouldn't let him inside and said that he had to wait 15 minutes for recess to end. The kid said, But my eye fell out and held out his hand with the eye looking up at her. She screamed and another

teacher had to calm her down. It was absolute anarchy for the rest of the day. She had completely lost control of the rest of us by A, not letting him go to the bathroom. and B, showing weakness. I don't think she ever came back. Then this story from Try to Make Me Be. A guy I went to school with did something similar when someone was nasty about him using disabled parking. There was a cart nearby, so he grabbed it, took off his prosthetic leg, tossed it in the cart, and hopped into the store on his good leg. I still think about this from time to time. His wife, another former classmate, said the person immediately shut up, Loll. And then another story which actually comes from a linked news article, which I'll read now.

Clifton Hassam told East Ridge High School officials that his insulin pump began beeping in class on Friday. But before he could turn it off, Hassam said that substitute teacher Richard Maylene ripped it from his leg. Hassam is diabetic. The insulin pump regulates his blood sugar level. Lake County School District officials said that Maline pulled the pump because he thought the beeping came from a cell phone. They said that Malene realized his mistake after he grabbed the pump. In the written statement, Hassam gave to school officials Tuesday, he said the pump fell to the floor and the tube came out of his leg. The high school junior said that his blood sugar levels did not return to normal until early this week. School district officials said that Maline has been

removed from the pool of substitute teachers. Our next Reddit post is from R slash confessions. I've been married for about three years, and I always felt like the odd man out during family gatherings. My wife's family speaks a dialect that I never bothered to learn because they all speak decent English anyway, or so I thought. About six months ago, I decided to start learning their dialect in secret because I wanted to surprise her for our anniversary trip. I got pretty good at it, but I decided to keep it a secret for the last few weeks just to see if I could catch what they were really saying when they thought that I wasn't listening. I expected some mild gossip, or maybe some jokes at my expense, but what I actually heard was a total character assassination.

They had dinner at our place twice last week, and it was brutal. My wife was sitting right there laughing while her brother made fun of my career and called me a spineless wallet. Her mom kept talking about how I'm not a real man because I like to cook, and how she wishes my wife had married someone from their own culture who has actual ambition. The worst part was seeing my my wife agree with them. She told her sister that she only stays with me because the house is nice and I'm easy to manage. She literally called me a placeholder until she finds someone better. There was no cheating mentioned, but the level of pure disrespect was almost worse. They were treating me like a piece of furniture that pays the bills. I sat there serving them drinks and smiling like a

total moron while they tore my entire life apart in front of my face. My wife would look me in the eye and tell me how much she appreciates me in English and then turn around and joke in her language about how I'm too stupid to even notice they're insulting me. It's a level of cold-blooded manipulation that I didn't think she was capable of. I realize that our entire marriage is built on a foundation of contempt. I don't even recognize the woman that I married anymore. She isn't a partner. She's just a tenant who hates the landlord. I'm filing for divorce on Monday. I'm filing for divorce on Monday. I I've already moved half my savings into a separate account, and I'm looking at apartments this weekend. I'm not even going to give her a chance to explain or apologize because you can't fix that kind of deep-rooted hatred.

I'm going to leave the papers on her desk with a very specific note written in her language. I want her to know exactly when the idiot husband stop being an idiot. It's funny how a few weeks of understanding the right words can make you realize you've been living alive for years. I'm done being the punchline of their family jokes. I have a gym bag packed in the trunk, and I'm just waiting for the right moment to walk out. That was our slash top post from Reddit. And if you like this content,

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