rSlash - r/Topposts My Masseuse Puked All Over Me

Episode Date: July 1, 2025

0:00 Intro 0:08 Puke massage 2:39 V card 4:49 Divorce worthy 7:29 Planted Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

No Frills delivers. Get groceries delivered to your door from No Frills with PC Express. Shop online and get $15 in PC Optimum Points on your first five orders. Shop now at nofrills.ca. Welcome to r slash top posts where OP gets a vomit massage. Our next Reddit post is from Morning's Head. Am I the butthole for refusing to pay for my massage? I'm a 40 year old woman who suffers from chronic pain and massage therapy is one of the few things that brings me any relief. Today I went for a scheduled 90 minute massage hoping for some rest and recovery. About 20 minutes into the session, I was in a deeply relaxed meditative state when the massage therapist unexpectedly projectile

vomited all over my back, neck, and head. It was shocking, disgusting, and completely broke the sense of calm. Yeah, no kidding. She apologized and rushed out to get towels, leaving me sitting there, stunned and covered in vomit. I did my best to clean myself up, but I was overwhelmed, dry heaving, and just wanted to get home to scrub off and to feel normal again. As I tried to leave, the staff stopped me and insisted I needed to pay for the full 90-minute massage, arguing that I was cancelling and then, oh Jesus, and they could clean me off and continue the session. I was appalled.

I told them I needed to go home and shower immediately, and we got into a brief argument before I left without paying. Since then, I've received multiple voicemails from the business threatening to call the police and press charges for theft if I don't return and pay by the close of business tomorrow. Am I the butthole for refusing to pay after being vomited on mid-massage? OP, you should call the cops on them for them vomiting on you. I'm pretty sure spitting on someone is classified as assault. So, by that logic, vomiting onitting on someone is classified as assault.

So by that logic, vomiting on someone has to be classified as like attempted murder, manslaughter at minimum. This reminds me of a video I saw on I think Liveleak, one of those websites I learned long ago that I should stop going to because all the videos there are just awful. But it was a guy getting a lap dance from a stripper. And so the guy is sitting in his chair and the girl kind of like goes upside down. She's got her hands on the floor and is pointing her butt at him. And she suddenly spews projectile diarrhea all over this guy's face like a rainbow of

poo. Keep in mind she's upside down. So how she managed to get that much like upward velocity is honestly impressive. Our next reddit post is from r slash true off my chest. He thinks he took my virginity all these years. I didn't have the heart to tell him. So I'm a 33 year old woman and I was so in love with my high school partner and I wanted him to be my first. He apparently had already lost his virginity sometime prior to me.

He was two years older than me. I was super nervous thinking that he was really experienced. Well, the day comes and we're getting hot and heavy. He puts on the condom. I'm ready. And he slides it in between my butt cheeks and the bed. And he thinks that he's in and he proceeds to make the motions. And I'm laying here thinking, he can't think this is the real thing, right? There's no way. Do I stop him and tell him that he's not in?

Man, it's already been going on too long. If I stop him now, it could be very embarrassing for him. I'll just let him do his thing, I guess, and never speak a word of this to anyone." He finished and seemed very proud of himself, and he asked if I was good, and I smiled and nodded, yes, lol. He then told everyone in school that day that he took my virginity and was super proud of it. We ended up breaking up shortly afterwards. He got suspended from school and joined the military right after I think.

Then I lost my virginity to the guy after him. Him and I are still really good friends actually, and he occasionally brings up the fact that he took my virginity, and I still don't have the heart to tell him that he did it with my butt cheeks and the bed. Lol. Well, OP, even though YOU didn't lose your virginity that day, it sounded like he and your mattress did lose their virginities that day. The really shameful thing here isn't that he's that level of clueless because come on, who really knows what they're doing the first time. It's that he's still gloating about this at the age of 35? Dude, move on. You screwed a mattress. We're all very,

very proud of you. Our next Reddit post is from SmallComparison. I'm convinced this is divorce worthy, but some families say that I'm making this a big deal. I'll start with background. I was raised by a man who hated people for their color. I have seven total siblings, three older brothers, one older sister, one younger sister, and two younger brothers. We all have the same dad, but the other siblings have a different mom. We're all fully Caucasian. My younger siblings haven't had children yet. I have two kids who are white. All my older siblings have children. In total, they have eight kids who are all mixed.

I love my nephews and nieces. Despite being raised around a hateful man, I've never internalized his thoughts as my own. I went to school with primarily black kids, and still today, those are some of my closest friends. I've told my husband about my past. I've told him how sick it was to be a child having to listen to my dad talk about people so hatefully. How confusing it was because I went to school with so many and was close friends with many. My husband has two nephews and one niece. The boys are white.

His sister just had his first niece, who's mixed. A beautiful baby girl with a head full of hair, just absolutely precious. We went to go visit, and I brought his sister some soups for easy dinners. Her race never had come up in any conversations because I didn't think it mattered. I mean, she's a baby and she's family.

When we got home, my husband let out a big sigh and oh, jeez, and said how ugly the n-word baby was. He also added some other foul language regarding his niece, who's a baby. I don't really want to type out specifically what he said because it's disgusting. He said this in front of our four year old like it was no big deal. Now I'm worried that our son will go to school, which is primarily mixed race, saying this foul language. I'm convinced this is divorce worthy.

I'm sick about it because now I have two children with this man. If I leave, he'll have time with them. And what if he says the same foul language in front of them still on his time? In all the years, he's never said anything this foul. Before we met, he was dating a white woman who had a mixed daughter for a year. He also has multiple black friends that he grew up with. I would have never imagined these words coming from his mouth, let alone about family. I'm speaking with a lawyer next week. I just don't know what I'm gonna do to shield my kids from it. The race thing is already bad enough, but then on top of that, he's cussing out a newborn baby.

A newborn baby that he is personally blood related to. That'd be a deal breaker for me, man. Our next Reddit post is from ImaginaryCharge. Did my girlfriend's parents try to plant something in my bag? For context, my 24 year old girlfriend is getting her doctorate, and her parents financially support her while she's in school. The issue is, they use this support to control every aspect of her life. Where she can live, how much time she can spend with me, a 24 year old woman, and

even the places she's allowed to go. Over time, through a lot of reflection and conversations with me, she's realized this isn't normal and plans to fully distance herself once she secures a stable job that can help pay for her degree. We've been together for three years and as time has passed, her parents have started trying to control aspects of my life as well. I grew up poor and have always financially supported myself. I used to drive a beater car that finally gave out, and for Christmas, her parents gifted me one of their cars.

While I was incredibly grateful, I always felt like there were strings attached. For instance, the car isn't registered in my name, which creates issues when trying to renew the registration. It also has an app that allows remote access, starting the car, tracking its location, etc. I never asked for access because I knew they were using it to keep tabs on me. I even got a text from my girlfriend's dad once, letting me know that I'd left the car

door unlocked. That confirmed to me that they'd definitely monitor it. Recently, I applied for a job in the city where my girlfriend and her parents live. Since my girlfriend is currently abroad for her doctorate, she wasn't home when I stayed with her parents for the first round of interviews. While I was there, her parents kept pushing the idea of me living with them to save money to buy a house. I was polite and considered it during the conversation, but I knew that wasn't something I wanted. During my visit, my girlfriend's friends invited me to go out to a few bars one night,

but her mom had an issue with me being out so late, so I ended up not going. Now, here's where I need some perspective. I flew home that Sunday with just a carry-on bag. I didn't unpack right away, and when I finally did laundry on Tuesday, I found a rusty pocket knife in my load of clothes. I was completely confused because a pocket knife is not something I own or have ever seen before. I sent a picture to my girlfriend

to see if it might belong to her brother and had accidentally gotten mixed up in my stuff. She said she'd never seen it before and sent the picture to her family group chat to ask if it was theirs. Her parents' responses were from the mom. What? LMAO! I didn't give her any laundry and it's dirty on top of that. So I definitely wouldn't give her something dirty, LMAO. Think about it, love. That's kind of concerning because she didn't check luggage last time she was here. She carried on.

She would have been in trouble. Her dad said, nice, contraband, and she flew with it. Their first reaction wasn't confusion. It wasn't, I've never seen that before. It was immediately defensive and focused on how I could have gotten in trouble at the airport. I hadn't even thought about the fact that I flew with it. I was just trying to figure out where it came from.

But their reaction, combined with everything else, has me spiraling. I can't shake the feeling that they might have planted the knife in my bag to try to get me in trouble at the airport. I'm so conflicted because they're nice people and have truly helped me in so many ways. Am I overthinking this? Or is this as weird as it feels to me? I would truly appreciate an outside perspective." Then OP posted an update.

I got my own car fixed and no longer drive the one that was given to me, the same one involved in the initial situation. When I finally told my girlfriend everything, she believed me and wanted to get to the bottom of it. I felt relieved. When I told my girlfriend that I described this situation to a few of my friends, she flipped. When I told my girlfriend that I described this situation to a few of my friends, she flipped! She didn't speak to me for a full day and said that I betrayed her trust.

Then, she told her dad that I thought that her mom planted the knife, which I never said. If anything, I've always quietly believed that it was her dad. This was a much worse betrayal. She went to the source source and finding that out hurt me so bad and I don't think that I'll ever heal from that. We fought, eventually talked it out and kept moving forward, or tried to. Then a month ago, everything imploded. Her dad found out that her mom was cheating. The evidence? Seven back and forth messages between her and an old family friend catching up.

That was it, but it didn't matter, he spiraled. While my girlfriend was home, he started screaming at her mom, calling her a whore, a slut, just completely degrading her. It got so intense that my girlfriend had to kick a door open out of fear the next day He kicked her mom out cut off all phone service and her cards She's a stay-at-home mom with no personal finances

He left her with nothing my girlfriend came to stay with me after that trying to get space her dad started blowing up her phone with Unhinged messages just because she set a boundary. Meanwhile, her mom went back to their house when the dad was at work to grab some of her things and found her computer background changed to a picture of the man that she supposedly cheated with. When she walked into the bathroom, all of her perfume bottles were smashed and shards of glass were everywhere. On the bed, an assault rifle was laid out, intentionally placed, meant to intimidate.

A week later, my girlfriend's dad invited my girlfriend's mom out to dinner, but only communicated through their son, saying things like, Tell your mom to come to dinner. At dinner, he acted like everything was normal. He held her hand, made her think that things were mending. Then mid-meal, he slid her an envelope. Inside was a Mother's Day card from her own mom. But written over the sweet note in thick black Sharpie, it read,

Do not make a scene. We are getting a divorce. With his ring inside the envelope. It was calculated, disturbing, cruel. And it was all done with a smile on his face, in front of their children. Watching this unfold shattered something in me. I watched my girlfriend's entire world collapse. She'd always held her dad in the highest regard, saw him as someone who could do no wrong. But I thought, finally! Maybe now she'll see what I've been seeing all along. Because I never truly believed

that her mom planted the knife. I always felt that it was him. He's dangerously intelligent. And that's what makes him so terrifying. His attacks are calculated and psychological. But then, after two weeks of crying in my arm, telling me how scared she was, my girlfriend went back. And the same night she got back, she had a good talk with her dad and they were, quote, good now. Just like that. After everything. Now, her mom is fully moved back in, they're all acting like none of it ever happened, and my girlfriend is doing the same. She's giving herself no space to process. She's always been expected to be everyone's rock, to hold it all together, and now she's doing that again pretending everything is fine. I couldn't take it anymore! After being on the phone with her and hearing her

interact with her parents like nothing happened, I finally told her the truth. That she's being manipulated. That it's hard to watch. That I'll never see her parents the same way again. That I don't want a relationship with them moving forward. It hurt her, deeply. She wants me to be good with her family.

I get that they mean everything to her, but I'll never be good with them. I'm still so angry for her because all I see is how they use her, manipulate her, and take advantage of her loyalty, and she doesn't see it. We argued again. I'm exhausted. We're supposed to be moving abroad together in two months, and yet we're both trying to live in completely different realities. I love her, but this is breaking me. Yeah, OP, I would leave that situation with or without my girlfriend because the dad seems nutso and he seems like the type of person who's randomly gonna go ballistic one day and start killing people.

That was our Slash Top post from Reddit. And if you like this content, be sure to follow my podcast because I put out new Reddit podcast